Don't Come Looking For Love

by Natavia

  “This is our daughter!” Britain said crying even harder.

  “WHAT?” I asked.

  “She is the girl who left her baby at the hospital, O’Shea!” my mom said having a seat.

  “Shia is eight years old! How the hell that happened?” I asked. Britain had to get pregnant at thirteen.

  “After you took my virginity!” Britain said.

  I looked at Shia, really looking at her, and she did resemble me in a way. When she was a baby people thought she was my real sister because of how much she looked like me. When I got a little older I thought the story was a little off. For some reason, I thought my pops got another chick pregnant and somehow the baby ended up with my mother. But I would have never guessed that she was my daughter. She had Britain’s eyes, and the same mole on top of her lip. She had my complexion and facial features. This was some bullshit. Now, I see why Britain disappeared.

  “You couldn’t fucking tell me I had a daughter? That’s some fucked-up shit!” I yelled.

  I thought back to when Elay came to Britain’s house and before she popped up, Britain tried telling me something but never got the chance. Elay said something about Britain looking like she was pregnant.

  “It’s not my fault! Your father would’ve had us killed if I didn’t get rid of her! He knew all along because me and my mama told him right after we found out. He started threatening me! He told me he would kill me if I told you! He even had me jumped! They whipped my ass causing me to have her prematurely! So, I left her at the hospital with your mother! I didn’t know she was your mother! I hadn’t met her back then!” she cried.

  I had to sit down because my head was throbbing, “Are you okay, O’Shea?” my mother put her hand on my shoulder.

  “Don’t fucking touch me! Get the hell out! You knew this whole time, didn’t you?” I shouted.

  “Yes! When she told me some man was after her and how ruthless he could be, I did my research. I looked into her records to find out where she lived and it just so happened it was the same neighborhood you and your father couldn’t stay out of. So, I did a blood test to see if Shia was related to me. I knew she was your daughter before I brought her home. You were only fifteen at the time! How were you going to take care of her? I thought it was best if I raised her. I knew you didn’t know she was pregnant because she told me then that the dad didn’t know,” she said with tears in her eyes.

  “I saw you two on the cover of a magazine so I decided to come over here and tell you because it was going to come out. They will dig up Britain’s past and I wanted you know before it came out so you could be prepared,” she said then wiped her eyes.

  “I fell in love with Shia when I first laid eyes on her. She was a fighter! She stopped breathing several times but she always pulled through. What your father did was horrible and that’s why I really left him. I couldn’t bring her home knowing he was still there,” she said.

  “Shia already knows I’m not her mother and that I’m her grandmother. I told her because I might be leaving this earth soon,” she said wiping her eyes.

  “I have cancer, O’Shea. I had it a few years ago but I thought they got rid of it. This time it spread throughout my whole body,” she sobbed.

  She and I weren’t close but she was still my mother. I was finding out I had a daughter and now my mother told me she was dying.

  “Ma, this is so fucked up, though! How can you not tell me? I mean, you still could’ve told me! I missed so much of her life! I thought she was my fucking sister! This whole time she is my daughter! I thought maybe pops had a baby elsewhere and you covered it by saying someone left her!” I stood up. Shia just stood there with Britain holding onto her.

  “Britain, you should’ve told me the first fucking time we ran into each other! We are grown now and that nigga can’t do shit to us! That’s where the scar came from, isn’t it? You foul as fuck also! Y’all do this fucked up shit to me? A fucking eight-year-old daughter!” I shouted. I couldn’t believe this shit. I knew I been around Shia but as a brother. This shit was wrong as hell.

  “It was for the better O’Shea! How was Britain and her mama supposed to afford taking care of a baby? Her mama was a crack-head! You didn’t have a damn job! I thought you were going to be like your father, slinging drugs for a living! I thought what I did was right!” she said.

  “I don’t want hear this shit! I know how selfish you are! You wasn’t thinking about me when you did that! You always wanted a daughter! You don’t think I didn’t hear what the fuck you and that bitch-ass nigga used to argue about? You didn’t want a son! You thought I was going to turn out like him! But you still stayed with the nigga and hated him so much that you didn’t like me!” I vented.

  “That’s not true!” she shouted.

  “Ma, yes it is! You let another woman raise me! One that was messing with your man! After a while, you didn’t give a fuck what I did! You turned your back on me! How do you think I felt growing up in a house where my parents were always gone! You missed my birthdays and all that! You put work before me! But you made time to find out about all the bitches pops was messing with, though!” I told her and she just sat there because she knew I was telling the truth.

  “I need to get the fuck out of here!” I said and Britain grabbed my hand. I snatched away from her. “Don’t fucking touch me! You wrong as fuck, too! Now, I see why niggas don’t be trusting these bitches! Y’all some foul-ass motherfuckers! Y’all just as bad as my fucking pops!”

  “So, Britain, when was your ass going to tell me? Were you going to wait until it popped up on the front page of a magazine? You wasn’t going to tell me shit! Don’t say shit to me! Don’t call me or none of that!” I told her and she cried really hard. Shia grabbed her hand and now I felt bad. Now, all three of them was looking at me like I was crazy.

  “I need some air! Ma, when I get back, we can talk about how I’m getting full custody of my daughter!” I told her.

  “What about me?” Britain asked.

  “I don’t give a damn about you! This shit makes you look unfit Britain! Who leaves their child at the hospital with a woman they don’t know! Shia could’ve been abused or anything! And guess what? I wouldn’t have known shit about it because I didn’t know I had a fucking daughter out here somewhere!” I told her.

  I grabbed my keys and walked out the house and Britain ran out after me, “Please just listen to me! I was so scared then!” she cried trying to hug on me. I shoved her ass and she fell on the ground.

  “Don’t fucking touch me! Don’t say shit to me!” I told her getting into my car. I pulled off and just drove.

  Two hours later…

  I ended up at Tammy’s house. I used my key to get in then went upstairs to my old bedroom. I flopped down on the bed and for the first time I cried. I hadn’t cried since I was six and my mama whipped my ass for breaking one of her fancy vases.

  “O’Shea! Don’t be coming up in here and not speaking!” Tammy said barging into my room.

  “Oh, my God! What’s the matter? Please, don’t tell me something happened to Kenjay!” she cried.

  “Hey, mama! Where y’all at?” Kenjay came in.

  Kenjay came upstairs and opened the door, “Oh, shit! I’ll let y’all talk!” he said.

  “What’s the matter, baby?” she rubbed my back.

  “I got a daughter!” I told her.

  “Who is the mother?” she asked.

  “Britain! She had her when she was thirteen and left her at the hospital! My mama ended up adopting her since she was abandoned and no one came for her. This whole time I thought Shia was a sister my pops had by someone else, but she is my daughter!” I told her.

  “So, the baby did make it?” she asked like she knew something.

  “What?” I asked.

  “When your daddy got that poor girl jumped, she was bleeding so badly. I mean blood was just pouring from between her legs. Kenjay and I broke it up. They could’ve killed her. I promised them I wouldn’t say noth
ing so I couldn’t. Geraldine told me the baby didn’t make it,” she cried. Now, everybody knew the shit but me.

  “I can’t trust nobody!” I said getting up.

  “That’s understandable! But what can you do now? There is nothing you can do but spend time with your family. Britain was just a baby when she made her decision. I honestly think it was the best thing for her. Her mama was a crack-head leaving Britain home all the time. I’m surprised CPS never came to visit. Your father is heartless! Him having her ass beat like that knowing she was pregnant just goes to show he would’ve done more if she would’ve brought the baby home! Shia was right under your nose. O’Shea, things happen for a reason, just always remember that. The pieces to y’all’s puzzle is coming together,” she said.

  “I don’t know what to do!” I said.

  “Be there for them! That’s your family! But you can’t be mad at Britain because she missed as much time as you did! I am a mother so I know she felt the pain worse. She had to endure the pain not just emotionally but physically! Britain has a good heart and I’m sure her intentions of it all was for the best, although you may see it differently,” she said hugging me.

  “O’Shea, go home and talk to the girl! I know your arrogant attitude-having ass done flipped the hell out and scared everybody!” she laughed, wiping her eyes.

  “Make sure you bring Shia by so I can see her! She needs to meet her grandmamma!” she said.

  I kissed her cheek then walked out the door. Kenjay was sitting on the steps, chilling, and eating cereal out of a big salad bowl with a wooden spoon.

  “Nigga, you look stupid as fuck right now!” I told him and he laughed.

  “You good, my nigga?” he asked giving me dap.

  “Yeah, I’m good!” I told him.

  “But check this out, though. Lay off my pops! I handle that for you!” I told him.

  “What the fuck you talking about?” he asked.

  “Nigga, I know you! You trying to find the nigga and merk his ass for robbing Tory,” I told him.

  “How in the fuck you know that?” he asked.

  “The streets be talking! What you think, because I be out and doing my own thing, I don’t hear shit?” I asked him.

  “Damn, I keep forgetting! But I wasn’t trying to tell you because that’s still your pops,” he said.

  “I don’t give a fuck about that nigga! But I can easily get to him before you can, so let me take care of that and fall back!” I told him.

  “If you say so! What that nigga do, though?” he asked and I told him everything. Britain called me and I just looked at the phone and ignored her call.

  Britain

  O’Shea’s mother had left and she left Shia here with us. She was such a sweet little girl with a beautiful heart just like how I imagined she would be. She had a little of me in her but she looked so much like her father. I knew O’Shea would’ve acted that way and that’s exactly why I was afraid to tell him.

  “Why you keep staring at me?” she asked giggling.

  “You are just so beautiful!” I touched her face. She and I were still in the living room. We were both sitting on the floor.

  “Are you going to cry again?” she asked.

  “I don’t know! I’m just so happy!” I said with tears falling out of her eyes.

  “You look young,” she said to me.

  “I am only twenty-one. I will be twenty-two in a few months,” I told her.

  “You look so pretty in the magazines. I take them to school showing my friends. I want to look just like you when I get older!” she said warming my heart.

  “What do you like to eat? What’s your favorite color?” I asked.

  “Brownies, but grandma doesn’t let me eat them like that! She said I’m going to get fat! My favorite color is pink,” she said.

  “What’s your favorite color?” she asked me.

  “Purple, and I love brownies, too! I think that’s where all of this came from!” I said squeezing my legs. Shia is on the slim side. When I was her age, I was chunky.

  “Can we eat some?” she asked getting excited.

  “I can make some but I just need to go to the store,” I said.

  “Am I going to be living here?” she asked and all of a sudden I wanted to cry because she wanted to live with her father. But maybe it was because she knew more about him more than what she knew about me.

  “If you want to! But can I come see you?” I asked.

  “Don’t you live here, too?” she asked.

  “Yes, she does!” O’Shea said walking into the house. He had been gone for over four hours and was just now getting back. He wasn’t answering his phone for me or his mother. She got fed up and left. I hoped she called me when she got home to let me know she made it safely. She was a wreck when she left here. My heart hurt for her because she was sick and alone. She left Shia here because she said that she was too weak to take care of her now.

  “Y’all hungry?” he asked. His eyes were red and puffy and I could tell he had been crying.

  “I am!” Shia jumped up.

  “Where you want to eat?” he asked her.

  “Anywhere that has some brownies I can eat for dessert!” she said and he shook his head, “Just like your mother, girl!” he said.

  “I don’t have any clothes!” I told him. I refused to wear what I wore yesterday. Being around O’Shea would have you all over the media and I didn’t need them saying I was dirty.

  “O’Shea, can I talk to you for a minute?” I asked him getting up. He somewhat grilled me. I could still tell that he was mad and was holding it in because Shia was in the room.

  We went out into the hall, “Do you think it would be a good idea to go out in public? Don’t you think that will raise questions?” I asked.

  “I don’t give a fuck about that! I pay people to handle shit like that for me! You and I had her when we were young before we split up. My mother helped out while you were in school and so I can follow my dream. We are together now and working on us as a family!” he told me. It looked like he already came up with a story to tell the press.

  “But they never saw you with her before!” I told him.

  “They never saw me with none of my family before. They know I keep family business private,” he said.

  “So, we are lying?” I asked.

  He got mad then punched the wall, “You fucking lied to me! So, what difference does it make now? I asked you if you had any kids and you told me no! I asked you about the scar and you lied about that, too! So, yes, we are lying to them!” he gritted. I had tears falling from my eyes because this was not the O’Shea I knew.

  But then again, I could understand his anger although I didn’t do it to hurt him purposely. I was practically forced to give Shia up. I did not want that sick son of a bitch to know she was alive.

  “How about we come up with some agreement? You know, co-parenting,” I suggested.

  “Are you fucking crazy or something? She doesn’t even know you yet, Britain. She barely knows me! I haven’t seen her since I was eighteen! That’s almost five years ago. Do you think it’s fair for her to be going back and forth already?” he asked.

  “I can’t live here!” I told him.

  “Listen to me, and listen good! You are in no fucking position to be calling the shots! We doing this as one whether you like it or not!” he said.

  “So, you telling me I’m moving in?” I asked not believing this shit. He was not playing fair! He knew I would do anything at this point to get to know her.

  “Yeah, I am!” he said then the doorbell rang.

  “That’s my assistant with y’all clothes. I will go and get it and y’all start getting ready,” he said walking out of my face. He was not the same man to me anymore.

  Kenjay

  I called Latavia and she didn’t answer. I text her and got a text back that read:

  “She busy, my nigga! I will tell her you called after I get finished putting her to sleep.”

 
; “So, you just going to fuck with your phone while I’m sucking your dick?” Melah said to me. I ran into her again a few days ago and ended up going back to her crib. Big mistake because, since then, she had been clingy as hell.

  My dick went limp after reading that message. It had been a week since that block party and I hadn’t heard a word from Latavia. She wasn’t answering my calls or nothing. I was mad as fuck right about now!

  “Yo, I’m out!” I said standing up putting my dick back into my jeans.

  “Why you leaving? It’s that ghetto bitch with that red fucking hair, isn’t it?” she asked.

  “Ay, yo watch your damn mouth!” I told her.

  “Is she your girlfriend or something? I mean you took the bitch on a shopping spree! You never took me any damn where!” she said getting mad. Melah was a badass chick. She reminded me of Kelly Rowland. She as sexy as hell and, honestly, if she wasn’t so clingy I might would fuck with her on a different level. She wanted me to get her pregnant and all that. The bitch crazy but like a no-good ass nigga I was fucking right back with her.