Don't Come Looking For Love

by Natavia

  “I want you to meet someone!” I told her, pulling Shia towards me.

  “Damn it, Brownie! Are you smoking that stuff? You know I don’t like people’s kids! Who skinny-ass child is this anyway? It’s that nut Janae daughter isn’t it?” she asked. Shia laughed and I was embarrassed because I didn’t want her to meet her grandmother like this.

  “Ma, this is Shia!” I told her.

  “Like hell that is! I know damn well that isn’t! That damn girl too skinny to be your daughter! Brownie, have you lost your damn mind? Did you steal this little girl?” she whispered to me with her morning breath smacking me in the face.

  “Don’t be frowning your damn nose up at me! I was sleep, shit! You knocking on my door all early on my day off! I didn’t even get a chance to brush my goddamn teeth! I used to wipe your shitty little ass, Britain! You didn’t smell like a bushel of roses! Now, who damn child you got?” she snapped rudely. Perhaps, I should’ve called first because my mother was not a morning person at all. She even worked the night shift so she could sleep during the day. I guess she was still stuck in her ways from being a crack-head.

  I had tears falling from my eyes now. This was the only way my mama could see how serious this was for me.

  “Ma, this is Shia, my daughter! Look, at her face! She looks just like me and O’Shea!” I told her and Shia squeezed my hand. She did that yesterday when O’Shea went off.

  My mama grabbed Shia’s face, looking at her, turning her head side to side.

  “OHHHHHH LAWWWDDDDDDD!” she fell out onto the floor flopping around. I felt like just shaking her ass sometimes.

  “Jesus! Thank you, Jesus! I feel it in my bones! I feel it in my toes! I feel the holy ghost! Yes, Jesus!” she said getting up jumping around screaming and yelling.

  “Mama!” I said and Shia laughed.

  “Not now, Britain! I’m dancing for the lord! I’m thanking him for bringing Shia back to us! Wait a minute! Let me check under her chin!” she said, lifting her chin up.

  “Just making sure she doesn’t have a scar on her neck. You know, like in that movie ‘Beloved’ when her daughter came back to her and raised all hell!” she stated seriously.

  “MAMA! Nobody cut her throat!” I said fed up with her.

  She squeezed Shia, hugging her tightly with tears falling from her eyes.

  “My grandbaby! Oh, my beautiful grandbaby!” she cried. Now, my tears were really falling. Every time I looked at her, I cried. I couldn’t believe that my daughter came back into my life.

  After my mama finally stopped clowning, she let us in and I told her everything about O’Shea’s mom, her raising Shia, and not being able to do it anymore because she was sick. After we chatted, we made brownies and my life felt so complete.

  I took Shia to meet my nana after I left my mom’s house and she cursed me out in front of my daughter. She called me almost every name but a child of God. My nana didn’t believe in sex without marriage. Her husband had left her and hadn’t been back since and this was before I was born. My dad hugged Shia so tight he almost crushed her. He didn’t know his own strength. Shia was frightened of him and, sad to say, she would never come back over here!

  I could not believe the way my nana just acted towards me! When I got into my car, I burst into tears. This was so much for me to take in all at once. I just explained to her finally about all that happened and she told me that O’Shea’s mom should’ve kept her since she had a better career. I tried to tell her about Yager and she told me I shouldn’t have been dealing with his hoodlum son in the first place. I now see why mom couldn’t stand her.

  I felt complete three weeks ago even though my nana pissed me off but now I felt like shit. O’Shea hadn’t been saying much to me at all. We went to the BET awards show a few days ago. We seemed like the perfect family. But behind closed doors it was silence. He and Shia would clown around and I was just left out. I knew it was going to take a while for her to call me mommy, but I wasn’t worried about that. It was the bond that I was trying to build with her that I worried about.

  It took me an hour to get to my mother’s neighborhood. She lived in these cute little apartments. She came a long way and it still amazed me. By the way she cursed you would never know she went to church every Sunday.

  I knocked on the door and she opened it up with slow jams playing while Shia was sitting down at the table eating.

  “Where is my plate at, Ma?” I asked.

  “In the microwave. So, how did your first photo shoot go? Were you nervous? Did you get gas? I know every time you get nervous you get bubble guts!” she said and Shia cracked up at her.

  “How was your day today, Shia?” I asked her ignoring my mama.

  “Okay, daddy took me to see Ma at the hospital earlier. Afterwards, he dropped me off over here to go to the studio,” she called him daddy with no problem. She called me Britain, though. Am I wrong for feeling jealous?

  “Did you talk to him since then?” I asked her.

  “Yes, he said he will be home late because of a new song he working on,” she said stuffing her face with lasagna.

  “It’s crazy how O’Shea wanted me to stay with him but avoids talking to me!” I said frustrated.

  “Give it time, Brownie, you can’t expect for things to be all normal! I mean she is trying to get used to y’all as her parents! He is trying to get used to having his adopted sister being his daughter. He can’t be normal right now! He is mad at you and his mother and he is also angry with his father! Think about how he feels. He feels betrayed, hurt, sad, and all that other shit! Then his mother told him she is dying! The man is going through something,” she said.

  “You sticking up for him?” I asked.

  “No, smart ass! I’m still mad at the grown lil’ nigga for knocking you up in the first place!” she said.

  “Maybe I should stay home!” I told her.

  “Where is Tookie?” my mama asked.

  “At O’Shea’s house calling him a bitch nigga every chance she gets! She loves Shia, though,” I said laughing.

  “I’m giving her rat poison one day!” she told me. After Shia finished eating she grabbed her things so we could leave. I grabbed my plate to go. We had a long ride to get to O’Shea’s house. I didn’t call it home because I still had my place and I didn’t feel like I belonged there with them.

  Shia fell asleep on our way there and when I pulled up to his house and he was just pulling up in his Aston Martin. I grabbed our things rolling my eyes at his evil ass.

  He said nothing to me as he picked her up and took her into the house. I went straight to the guest room and slammed the door. There was no point in sleeping with him when all he did was have his back turned towards me.

  I took a shower then got into bed. Latavia called me and, of course, my dramatic ass answered the phone crying.

  “What’s the matter, Britain? Want me come over there and fuck that nigga up for you?” she asked.

  “Everything! I have my daughter back and I still feel empty!” I cried.

  “That’s because you expecting everything to fall in place so soon! It’s only been three weeks! It may take a while, Britain! Just focus on having her back and let everything fall into place!” she said.

  “I’m trying, Latavia! It’s just so hard! O’Shea barely says shit to me! At first he couldn’t keep his hands off of me! Now, he hates me! He and Shia both hate me!” I sobbed.

  “Stop it!” she said.

  “Okay, I will,” I sniffled.

  “Where is Shia at? She is something else and all she does is talk! I can’t wait to see her again! The couple of times I have seen her was not enough for me!” she said.

  “You will soon. Enough about me, what’s going on with you and Kenjay?” I asked.

  “That bitch Janae is what! She keeps popping up everywhere I’m at! I think the bitch is a stalker or something with her crazy ass. Kenjay had no business fucking that Looney bitch!” she vented.

  “You deal with him
and then you always complain about him!” I told her.

  “I can’t help it! I’m addicted to the ignorant bitch! He pampers me, fucks me sooo good, and he fine as hell! The nigga just ain’t no good but I’m going to fix his ass,” she said.

  “He been like that since forever! You can’t change him!” I told her.

  “I know I can’t change him! I just want him to see how good it is with me so he can change for himself!” she said.

  “We will see!” I laughed.

  “About time you laughed! How was the shoot?” she asked me.

  “It went pretty good! I thought I would be nervous but I sucked that shit right up! Posing topless wasn’t bad at all!” I told her.

  “WHAT? You posed topless?” she screamed.

  “Yes, I mean the male model was holding my breasts and I only had on jeans and heels!” I said.

  “O’Shea going to whip your asssssss! You know you wrong! But I would’ve posed topless too! If Malore’s rich ass wanted me to pose butterball naked I would! Dick in my mouth and all that! That ugly bitch is paid!” Latavia said.

  “Stop! She isn’t ugly!” I told her laughing. After I ran my mouth on the phone, I got up to get something to drink. I turned the light on in the kitchen and O’Shea was sitting at the kitchen island on a barstool drinking.

  I ignored him and went into the fridge. I could feel his eyes on my ass as I bent over in my boy shorts and he laughed.

  “What’s up, Shorty?” he asked.

  “Not you!” I said.

  “Come here for a sec,” he said standing up. This nigga got sexier and sexier every time! He was shirtless with only black jeans on and his Gucci briefs peeking out at the top. His pants was slightly sagging. I needed to get the hell out of here!

  “What do you want? All of sudden you want talk to me?” I asked as he stood there smirking with his diamond grills in his mouth and his low-cut Caesar.

  “So, you felt comfortable letting that nigga hold your breast right?” he asked.

  “What the hell, you spying on me?” I snapped.

  “No, I wasn’t! I popped up to show my support. I still feel some type of my way but I will always support you. When I got there I was heated! That nigga look too comfortable holding your breasts like that! I’m not feeling that shit!” he vented.

  “Goodnight, O’Shea!” I told him walking out of the kitchen. He grabbed me spinning me around, pinning me against the refrigerator. His six-foot-one-inch frame towered over my five-feet-five-inch height.

  “Britain, I’m telling you now, I don’t like that shit! I don’t give a fuck if me and you having problems! But I’m not feeling that shit!” he gritted, cupping my chin. I smacked his hand away because now all of a sudden he wanted to talk to me.

  “What are we doing, O’Shea? You want me to stay here but you ignoring me. I sleep in a different room! You never include me in shit with you and Shia! I’m the fucking outcast! I’m sick of it! I’m taking my ass back home where I belong! You purposely trying to hurt me! I don’t know what kind of relationship this is! Are we supposed to be dating other people? Let me know!” I told him.

  “You better not be fucking with another nigga!” he told me. After all I just said that was the only thing he heard. Typical-ass nigga! I pushed him away then went to the room I slept in, slamming the door. As soon as I hit the bed my tears started flowing.

  My door opened and he got under the covers with me, pulling me toward him as my back faced him. He hugged me tightly and I could feel his tears on my neck.

  “I feel less of a man, Britain! I hate that all that shit happened to y’all! The fact that Shia was premature and the real reason why you never told me is fucking with a nigga! I think about the shit all day! Every day! I ask myself every minute what could I have done differently and the only solution is that I should’ve killed my pops. I hate that the nigga is still breathing and if I would’ve known then what he did, I think I would’ve merked his ass! My own fucking pops wanted his own granddaughter dead! This shit hurts me too, shorty! Now, my mama is dying and I don’t know how to feel about that! I honestly barely know her!” he sniffled.

  My mama and Latavia were both right. O’Shea was going through something also and maybe I had overreacted. But how could I know what was going on if he didn’t say anything?

  I turned around facing him wiping his tears away, “We will get through this! We are a family now! We both have to work some things out in the long run but we need each other. But you cannot just be mad at me! I don’t like what I had to do but I was scared and didn’t have anyone. Your father was ruthless and had the power back then to wipe my whole family out. I was so scared, O’Shea!” I told him.

  “I know, shorty, but you don’t have to worry about that anymore!” he said.

  “Did the nigga that did the photo shoot with you try to holla at you?” he asked and I laughed wiping his eyes and mine.

  “You jealous?” I asked.

  “Hell yeah! That nigga get to feel on your titties and I haven’t seen them in weeks!” he stated seriously.

  “Goodnight!” I said snuggling closer to him.

  “Can I taste it?” he asked making me throb like always.

  “Nope! You ignored me for three weeks! You are not getting no pussy from me in a while!” I said.

  O'Shea

  “Let’s rap this shit up!” I told Quan, Rich, and Stacks. They were the niggas that were under the same label as me, which is called “Hood Boyz Inc.” We were all doing a song called “In my Hood” together. The shit was going to be hot!

  Jordan walked into the studio and my niggas looked at her and shook their heads. None of them could stand her. Quan even joked about getting all five of his baby mamas to whip her ass.

  “O’Shea, can I talk to you for a minute?” she asked.

  “About what?” I asked her.

  “It’s personal!” she said. I put my blunt out then excused myself. We walked out into the hallway and out of the recording room.

  “What’s up?” I asked her.

  “Someone leaked our sex tape!” she said.

  “What sex tape?” I asked.

  “The one we did the day after the BET awards show!” she whispered. Something told me to leave this bitch alone. Britain and I weren’t official yet, so I didn’t necessarily cheat on her. But once we talked about everything, we decided to become official. Now, this bullshit happens!

  “How the fuck did that happen? You recorded me?” I asked then she got this smirk on her face.

  “BITCH! You did this shit on purpose!” I yelled, jacking her up. I wanted to slap the fuck out of her dumb ass!

  “You fucking your image up all because I’m with my baby mama?” I asked her.

  “Sex sells, O’Shea! Look at Ray J and Kim Kardashian!” she spat. I lost it then slapped the hell out of her ass. She fell onto the floor holding her bloody lip.

  “Get the fuck out before I body your ass!” I told her.

  Quan walked out, “Get your hoe ass out here before security escorts you out!” he told her. She got up practically running to the elevator.

  “Yo, you need to take that bitch’s name off the visitors’ list so they won’t let her ass in here again!” he said.

  Stacks ran out into the hallway, “Yo, look at this shit!” he said showing me his phone.

  I had Jordan bent over fucking her doggy- style and pulling her hair. That shit was all over Facebook now! I didn’t think she would be the type to do that foul shit. But her album flopped so I guess she got desperate for money and scammed my ass.

  “Yo, you tearing that little bitch up!” Quan said getting hyped.

  “Yo, this nigga about to get hammered by the press. We supposed to be going on tour in a week too! Shit about to get crazy! Yo, you about to get paid for this shit, though!” he said.

  “Nigga, you sound stupid! His shorty looks like she don’t play! She just did that photo shoot too so she in the spotlight now! The press going to come down on
her too!” Stacks argued. I hadn’t even thought about them coming down on Britain wanting answers. This was not a good look for me. We were just getting our daughter back and now this happened. My home life was screwed.

  We went back to recording when police came barging in with their guns drawn, “Everybody down now!” they shouted.

  They started reading me my rights, handcuffing my ass. They started tearing through the place. I hoped they didn’t find none of our guns! I hid mine in the vent when I was recording. It didn’t matter how big I got, I still had that hood nigga mentality. I just hoped everyone else was smart enough to hide their shit also.

  After looking around, they found a few pounds of weed and two bags of e-pills. I knew that shit belonged to Rich. Jordan knew what went down in the studios and she was trying to fuck everyone else up because of me. I knew the main reason they were here, because I slapped her ass. This bitch wanted to get me locked up. They escorted us all out and, like always, the cameras were flashing.