by Nikki Rose
Copyright © 2020 Nikki Rose.
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law.
Any references to historical events, real people, or real places are used fictitiously. Names, characters, and places are products of the author’s imagination.
Front cover image and book design by Nikki Rose.
First printing edition 2020.
All rights reserved.
ASIN: B084DRBHTL
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
First, I want to thank my husband, kids, and family for believing that I can do anything I set my mind to. Without their continued support, I wouldn’t be able to do what I do. They give me the courage to chase my dreams and the willpower to keep going even when things get tough. Thank you, I love you all.
I want to give a big thank you to the extraordinary group of authors who have helped me grow on my writing journey. There are too many of you to list here but you know who you are and I want to thank each and every one of you for your support and friendship.
I also want to thank my readers who encourage me to keep writing with every book read, every review, and every message sent.
Chapter 1
The moment Jaxon opened the door in his perfectly fitting jeans, no shirt, and bare feet, it was on. A guy like that set my body on fire.
“Jax.” I gave him a seductive smile as my eyes met his.
“Hi, beautiful.” His sexy little smile told me he knew exactly what he was doing to me. I was sure it was written all over my face.
“Hi,” I breathed out. I wanted him and by the way his gaze raked over my tight jeans and low-cut top, the feeling was mutual. Jaxon brushed back the auburn locks from my face and tucked the loose strand behind my ear before pressing his lips to mine.
One thing I loved about spending time with Jaxon was that we never wasted time with a bunch of small talk. He backed up, giving me room to close the door behind me.
He grabbed my ass with firm hands and lifted me as I wrapped my legs around his waist. I could already feel his erection pressing against me. My back slammed against the living room wall, and he ground his hips against me. He broke the kiss, pulled his chest from mine, and practically ripped my shirt over my head.
He kissed me hard and carried me to the back bedroom. Jaxon tossed me onto his bed. I landed on my back and sat up on my elbows to watch as he stripped off his jeans exposing his black boxers underneath.
My chest heaved with excited breaths as I watched him crawl onto the bed between my legs. His hands were quick to unfasten my jeans and I lifted my hips as he slid them down my legs. He carelessly tossed them on the floor without even breaking his stare.
He leaned over my body, pressing his chest against mine with only my tiny emerald green bra and panties between us.
“I've missed you.” His husky voice reverberated against my neck as he kissed his way around my collarbone.
My head dropped back and I moaned out a similar response.
Jax continued kissing down my body, pulling the cups of my bra down to expose my breasts. He let his lips and tongue explore my body, teasing each little bud until they tightened into peaks. He moved down my stomach, kissing and licking the whole way. My body shuddered as he kissed along my panty line. He pushed the thin lace and satin aside, teasing me with his tongue until I was nothing more than a writhing mess.
He lifted his mouth from me and I could feel his warm breath on my wet skin as he spoke. “We really should get together more often.”
“Yeah,” I breathed out, still trying to remember my own name.
“I have a family trip coming up next month. I’m going to visit the parents on the coast.”
“Oh. Okay?” I tried to fight back the confusion and frustration in my tone. I didn't want to talk about his plans to see his parents. Hell, I didn't want to talk at all unless it was me screaming out his name as he made me come again.
“I'm going to miss our time together while I'm gone.” He kissed my inner thigh.
“Yeah me too.”
Jaxon and I had been hooking up like this off and on pretty regularly for months. It was far from a relationship. It was mostly sex, sometimes sharing a meal between sessions while we both recuperated, but nothing more. I would miss our time. He was fantastic in bed — and on the floor, and in the shower, and on the kitchen counters.
“Maybe you should come with me?” He asked, interrupting my thoughts.
“Come with you?”
The lust-filled haze was completely gone. I sat up again on my elbows to look down at him.
“Yeah, why not?”
He sat up on the bed between my legs and I knew the moment was lost.
“Jaxon, you know I enjoy our time together but this between us...” I motioned my hand between us to reiterate. “This is all we can be.”
“You want to be free to sleep with other guys, I get that and I’m okay with that. Shit, it’d probably be a turn on to watch...”
“No.” I had to shut that down. “I’m not into that.”
“If having you as mine means having to let you spread your wings now and then, I’d be okay with that, as long as we had an honest relationship.” He gently stroked up my leg which usually turned me into a puddle of my former self but not today. Today, panic rose inside me as I felt the cage door about to slam shut.
I jerked my leg back, hiding the reflex by sitting up and crossing my legs on the bed. “Listen, you are great — amazing even. I’ve enjoyed what we have but I’m not looking for anything more. I don’t want a relationship. I just like hooking up with you.” I hated to be so blunt but anything else wouldn’t work.
“I just...God, how’d I become the girl in this relationship? Hailey, I think I love you.”
And there it was. The death sentence for what Jaxon and I had. As much as I hated it. I knew what I had to do.
“I’m sorry. I can’t. That’s not what this is for me.” I moved off the bed and he rose to follow me as I picked up my jeans from the floor and slipped them on.
“Don’t go. Let’s have something to eat and talk about this.”
“There’s nothing to talk about. I’m not the dating kind. I’m just not. I thought you understood what I wanted and what we had.”
“I did. I just thought...we’ve been seeing each other for —.”
“Sleeping together.” I stopped and turned to him from the open bedroom door.
“What?”
“We haven’t been seeing each other. We’ve been sleeping together.” He looked so hurt at that moment. I hated myself for letting it get this far. “I’m sorry, but I have to go.”
I hurried into the living room and found my shirt. I barely had a chance to pull it over my head before I was reaching for the front door. I didn’t like hurting people. I always made it clear with the guys I got involved with that I was only interested in having a good time.
Chapter 2
“Drew did more than break my heart. He shattered it. He shattered me.” I'd been heartbroken before but Drew Caraway’s form of destruction had left my heart broken beyond repair. “I'm happy you found love, I am. But, it's not for me and I don't really want you setting me up, especially not with Liam. We're friends.” I sat across the table from my best friend at our favorite little bar and took a sip from my wine glass.
“I'm not saying this will be love, I'm just saying, Liam, is a nice guy. I've seen you guys flirt. Maybe you could give it a shot. You can't keep having these flings
forever.”
“I appreciate the thought, Becs, I really do, but no. Love isn't in the cards for me. Relationships lead to expectations and those lead to getting hurt. I'd rather just have fun and be free to hook-up with whichever hot guy catches my eye. Like the one over there by the bar.”
I inclined my head toward the smoking hot suit at the bar and took another sip of my wine while Rebecca subtly turned to steal a glance.
“Oh, he is gorgeous.” She whispered as she turned back around. “I just don't get how you don't want to find love.”
“You've always been the romantic and that worked for you.” She raised her brow as I spoke. “I'm not jealous of what you and Jason have. I'm glad you found someone.”
She smiled fondly at the mention of her husband and sipped her wine. “I just want you to be as happy as we are. I want you to be open to the idea of love again.”
I sighed and shook my head. “I'm happy as I am. At least I am when we aren't talking about this.”
“Okay, I'm sorry. I'll drop it.” She raised her hands in surrender.
“Thank you.”
“You know I only nag you because I care.”
“I know. So, how is my favorite guy in the world?”
“He's wonderful. Growing like a weed though. I can't believe he's almost a year old already.”
“I can't wait to see him and kiss those little cheeks again.”
“You're coming to the party tomorrow, right? It's mostly going to be Jason’s old marine buddies so I need you there to save me from the shop talk.”
“Wouldn't miss it.”
The next evening was Jason’s promotion party. I was only going to save Rebecca from being bored out of her mind surrounded by men talking about their old missions. That and I wasn’t totally opposed to the idea of being surrounded by a large crowd of muscled men.
I walked into the living room filled with several men, all in suits like some kind of secret service convention. I spotted Liam, Jason’s good friend, and the only familiar face I saw in the whole place.
“Hey, where’s the host and hostess of this shindig?” I stood close to Liam and nudged his shoulder.
“Hell, if I know.”
Movement from the direction of the kitchen caught my eye. Jason led Rebecca into the living room, followed by a few other men who looked very similar to the ones already filling the room. They stopped in front of the large stone fireplace that acted as the focal point.
“Hello everyone, thank you all for coming,” Jason spoke in his authoritative voice that spoke to the man's ingrained leadership skills. “As you all know, this past mission was my last among the ranks. And, I couldn’t be prouder of the men who I had the privilege of serving alongside all these years. And, it has been an honor to work side by side with many of the other teams represented here tonight.”
“I am excited to be taking over as team leader. They are some very large shoes to fill, but as my wife can contest, I am a man with big feet.” Jason winked and glanced at Rebecca who blushed furiously and the rest of us let out a chuckle. “My promotion has created a vacant spot in our team and I am excited to announce that my old friend and someone I had the pleasure of working with years ago has agreed to join us. He has been awarded for his combat as well as his undercover work which helped to recently take down a certain drug lord that I’m not at liberty to name. Let's hear it for Andrew Caraway...”
Drew? The sound of clapping was drowned out by the blood roaring in my ears. A rock sunk in my stomach and I couldn’t breathe. I looked toward the kitchen and to an older version of the man who had broken my heart five years earlier. Jason put his arm around Drew and shook his hand as darkness closed in on my vision.
“Hailey? Hailey, you okay? You don’t —.” My legs wobbled under me and Liam wrapped his arm around my waist to hold me up. “Shit, girly. Let’s find you a place to sit down.”
He led me to Rebecca’s reading chair near the window and I plopped into it, resting my head in my hands.
Drew. I can’t believe it's really him. The ache in my chest was like an elephant weighing on me. Old emotions flooded back in and all I wanted to do was curl up into a ball. No one had ever broken my heart the way that man had. I stayed in bed for a week and cried. I had to tell everyone I had the flu.
A flood of images rushed through my mind. Drew lifting me into his arms, kissing me. Laying on a blanket underneath the stars as we waited for the meteor shower, then missing most of it because we couldn’t keep our hands off each other. Drew’s hands running wildly over that skank in the bar as she straddled his lap in that skimpy little hot pink top and black mini skirt.
“Hailey, what happened?” Rebecca’s panicked voice brought me back.
You are not that same weak girl anymore. You are stronger now. I looked up to see him rushing over to me with shock and concern on his face but all I could feel was a wave of burning anger rising in my chest. I shot up out of my chair.
“Hailey. It's really you. Are you —?”
My hand made contact with his face with a loud echoing crack. Pain radiated all the way up my arm but I didn’t care. It felt good.
“What the hell?” He stared at me with disbelief and the room went silent as everyone stared at us.
“Hailey, what’s gotten into you?” Rebecca grabbed my arm and tried to pull me away.
“How dare you? How dare you?” It wasn’t clever or snippy. My brain was still short-circuiting from seeing the man I never thought I’d lay eyes on again.
“My study. Now.” Jason ordered in a low growl.
He led us to his study and closed the door to the large room made smaller by Jason, Rebecca, Liam, Drew, and myself. “Someone better start explaining what the hell is going on. This was supposed to be a celebration.”
“Ask him.” I bit out in Drew’s direction.
“We used to date and things ended...badly.”
“Well, that's the understatement of the century.” I shot back.
“Andrew...you mean this is Drew?” Rebecca glanced between us in shock as she connected the dots.
“Well get over it. That's been years ago and you two need to act like adults. Now I need you to both go out there and act civil. Can you do that?” Jason scolded us like we were siblings fighting in the back of the car.
I was embarrassed by how I acted. I was better than that. I was stronger than the girl Drew cheated on all those years ago. I felt like an errant child. “I can. And I'm sorry, Jason.”
“Good now let's go back there and pretend this whole thing never happened.”
I passed Drew without a second glance and left the room with my head held high. I wouldn't lower myself for him.
We walked out to the party and immediately all eyes turned to us. I tried my best to ignore them. Once they saw that Jason was acting like nothing had happened, they all followed his example which I was grateful for. I never wanted to see Drew again. I just need to get through this party.
“You okay?” Liam nudged me and offered me a drink.
“Yeah, I'll be okay. It's just...”
“Seeing him threw you, huh?”
“Gee, what gave you that idea?” I rolled my eyes and bumped Liam’s shoulder.
“You wanna walk outside and get some fresh air?”
“That sounds like a good idea.”
Liam and I walked past Rebecca to the French doors that led out to the back patio. She smiled and squeezed my hand in a show of her support before I slipped away.
Outside, I could finally breathe easier. I plopped down on the bench and held my head in my hands.
“I can’t believe you slapped that guy.” Liam chuckled as he took a seat beside me.
“I'm surprised that's all I did.” I straightened and looked at Liam with no humor in my eyes.
“What happened between you two anyway?”
I gazed out into the dark yard but images in my mind moved like a movie reel. “Drew and I started dating in high school. We dated for two yea
rs. He graduated a year ahead of me. Don't laugh but... I thought we were going to get married.” I glanced at Liam, waiting for a sarcastic remark but none came. I wouldn't blame him if he did. Me thinking of marriage is kind of funny considering how much of a commitment-phobe I’d become.
“One day in my freshman year of college, he said he had to work late so I went out for drinks with a couple of girlfriends. There was this local bar that never carded and we were so close to twenty-one by that point they didn’t bother. When I walked in the bar, he was sitting at a corner table with a girl straddling his lap kissing on him.”
“Damn, what did you do?”
“I turned and left. I couldn't even think about it. I was so upset.”
“You never confronted him?”
“I was a lot different back then. I was head over heels in love with him and it took me by complete surprise.”
“So, you mean to tell me you never suspected anything?”
“No, never. He always seemed so loyal. I mean, he worked a lot and sometimes strange hours.” Liam gave me a look
“I know, looking back it seems so obvious.” I hid my face in my hands again and Liam wrapped his arm around me.
“I'm sorry you had to deal with that. I know it can't be easy but I have to say things make a lot more sense now.”
“What makes more sense?”
“Why you are how you are with relationships. That guy really messed up your head — and your heart.”
