Kieron Smith, Boy

by James Kelman

  So if she did not hold them right, my nose would be in a bad state forever and she was holding my nose and taking me on the street and way way along by the picture-house and the park and away way to the hospital.

  The nurse was there. Who done it son?

  I did not know. I had not seen the boy before. If he went to my school, I did not know, maybe he mixed me up. If he was in a gang from another street. There were battles with people in other streets. But ye did not know who they were, if it was one face, ye were just fighting and running or if ye were tossing stones or what. I had never seen that wee boy. He did not go to my school. If he was a Pape, maybe he was.

  My nose got stitches sewn in by the doctors and was twisted up with a dent at the side and bandages were on it and a thing not to make it worse. People were laughing. Oh you are a real boxer.

  Oh do not worry, said the nurse. The doctors said it would heal up because my grannie did a good job, she was the one that did it. People would just think I was a boxer.

  That was right and my granda said it too. He was sitting in my house when me and my grannie came in. My maw was onto her feet and seeing my nose. Oh my oh no oh no. And she was grumpy and poking at it. Oh why do you have to fight Kieron. Why do you always have to fight. Then she was cuddling me but banged the bandages a wee bit.

  Aahh mum.

  Oh Kieron I am sorry.

  The boy is scarred for life, said my grannie. The stitches leave a mark.

  Oh it is only a wee mark, said my granda.

  His nose is bashed and twisted, said my grannie. The wee soul, look at him!

  Oh no. My maw cuddled me again. Oh I hate all this fighting why do ye have to do it. I am just fed up with it. It is not fair. Oh Kieron.

  Mum it was boys done it to me, I was not fighting.

  Who did it? said Mattie.

  I did not speak back to him. I did not look at him. He said it again to me, Who did it? I did not want to speak to him. He never stuck up for me but just punched me. I did not care about him.

  Oh living here is horrible, said my maw.

  My granda was looking at her.

  Oh but dad, it is.

  It is no use talking to him, said my grannie.

  No because my brains are scrambled listening to you all day.

  Your brains are just scrambled. Imagine marrying you, I must have been thick.

  No as thick as me.

  Oh you are thick. Just look at that boy.

  They all looked at me.

  It is not my fault, said my granda.

  Yes it is, said my grannie, you and yer stupid boxing. Oh what a nose! Look at the wee soul!

  Oh wait till his father hears, said my maw.

  Oh well son now ye are a real boxer.

  My granda said how ye would never feel sorry for a real boxer, except if he got injuries to his head and passed away in hospital. That happened to a boxer and my granda was watching, it was maybe a punch to the side neck or above his ear, if it was a foul blow, maybe it was. My granda said it was but the referee was cheating and kidded on he did not see it. Then the other one that was the dirty boxer, he just hit the boy again oh just the hardest and how his knees just were jelly and ye saw his head spinning on his neck. Ye could see it just where ye were sitting. It just spun round so it went off his spine, and that was him.

  Oh dad, dad. That was my grannie saying it, dad. She said that to my granda, Oh dad, shut up with that nonsense.

  It is not nonsense Vera.

  Hohhh, and my grannie just breathed hard and looked at my maw with her eyes big.

  There was a place where they had boxing matches and my granda went. He did not go now but when he got better he was going to take me. It was not faraway and was always busy Ye were lucky to get a seat but he knew the people and could get seats just whenever he liked.

  My brother said if he could come as well. He liked boxing.

  Oh but my maw was angry. For Heaven sake dad have you not had enough fighting? Look at him! Just look at him! Oh Kieron why do you have to fight fight fight?

  It was not me that was fighting but I did not say it. If one person was fighting the other person was, that was what she thought.

  But if somebody shoved ye and ye were just walking. So if that was fighting, that was not fighting. Or if they just kicked ye. Ye were walking past and they did it. You did not do anything to them.

  My maw was making toast but I did not want any, just bed. My grannie and granda went away home.

  Mattie came the same time as me. Who was it that did it, if I knew who it was. I did not talk. I was thinking who it was and all what else I was thinking, oh I did not want to talk to Mattie. No. And I was not, I did not want to. He said, Oh if ever ye see him tell me.

  Big brothers went after ones if they battered their young brothers. Maybe if Mattie would. Maybe he would.

  If I ever saw that big brother again. Big brothers stick up for the wee ones. I was thinking of his face but could not see it right. He was just looking down at me, gripping me and doing all what anything, I just could not move, I could not move and his wee brother there, Oh just get it, and he would just drop it, just a jaggy boulder, if it was coming on my nose, I could not stop it and do anything.

  I did not see faces right. If it was my da, if it was his face. I thought about him and he was sitting at the table. Oh you stop that, angry voices and just grumpy, Oh away to yer bed. I could not see his face.

  My nose was sore and it was a funny sore how it went, if everything came out it and just was nothing left and was only a bone, if I took off the bandage, my nose would all be white and people would just laugh, they would. But if I went on my side it was another way it was sore and I did not do it. Matt was away to sleep. I was glad and shifted to the very very edge, if his feet touched, I did not want to touch them, I did not want him and anybody.

  ***

  A big boy showed me how to make hatchets. I liked making them. When ye were fighting gangs ye had them for close-in fighting. Ye got tin cans out the midgies and then wooden sticks. Ye bashed the tin down with a boulder then put in the stick and bashed it down again till it was stuck. Ye tried to get good ragged edges. A big boy said, Oh your hatchets are good. He said they were tomahawks. Oh Kieron makes good tomahawks.

  I planked them round the side of the midgie. A big boy wanted one. I gived him it. It had a right raggedy edge and was good. He took it and split a boy's head open. It stuck in his scalp. Somebody pulled it out and the blood soaked all his hair. His hair was soaked with it. All black and flat to his head but then at the other side his hair was sticking up and ye saw it red.

  Oh if the cops were coming, somebody said they were, and if they got me, I was thinking that, oh because I got the hatchet.

  People all were talking how it was going to be a big fight. Oh it was a pitched fight, if it was pitched, a pitched fight. Their gang would come and ours would be there and then ye would just be fighting.

  And if they had knives too, their gang had all knives and people were going to get chibbed. So if we had knives we could get them or just if it was hatchets. Big boys were saying how their das had hammers and if they could get them or else screwdrivers for stabbing. Mattie was there and he was looking at me, if I was going to tell or what was I going to do. Other wee boys were there and we were just waiting, what to do, Oh make hatchets.

  The gang was coming. I told boys in my class. They were in gangs too and if it was their gang coming to fight ours. They did not know.

  But a gang did come and we got all stones. I did not know these boys. A lot of them was there. They chased us and we were all in a close and could not get out. They were at the front and firing in at us and we were diving up the stairs, the stones firing off the walls and hitting into our ankles. We rushed out the back but ones were waiting there and pelted us. They had a lot of boys oh and were just firing in at us and a woman's window got smashed in and a pram got hit and the cops all were coming.

  Men came and were shouting at
us. If stones were hitting motor cars. They did. People did not care. A man was running to get us, he was a bus driver. The stones hit his bus and he jumped out and came after us but boys were flinging stones at him so he ran into a close and just looked out. So then the cops came and chased us. But it was just the big boys they chased. They all ran through the close and over the dykes to get away. The wee ones were just standing there and the cops passed by giving ye looks but that was all and ye just stood there because ye were wee. What were ye fighting for? The cop said it to us.

  It was gangs, that was what we said, they came to get us so we were just fighting them back. My big brother was there and he got away. How he done it, when the cops were chasing him, he just walked up the stairs and the cops did not get him, they did not go up the stair, they just ran through the back close. If the cop said, Oh where is yer big brother, and if I said where he was they would have got him and took him to jail and if they gived him a right kicking. They would. Lucky for him I did not tell them.

  Mattie was angry. Oh shut yer mouth.

  Oh but I could if I wanted.

  Well if ye did I would batter ye.

  Well I do not care.

  You are just a wee cliping little pig.

  I am not.

  Well if ye tell the cops.

  I am not going to, I just said if I did.

  Oh shut up.

  ***

  Matt went to Church for Sunday School. He had to for the Lifeboys. Mr Simpson was the teacher. He came from the posh houses near the park. My da called him skinny malinky Simpson big banana feet. Oh he is not Mr Simpson he is Mr Sampson, the strongest man in the world. See his arms. His arms are just pipe-cleaners but his feet are just bananas, the biggest bananas in the world. Oh he is big but just if the wind rises, Oh a man is down, a man is down Mr, I hope you did not huff and puff.

  My da talked funny about people. He done it about all what was at sea, it was stories. He done it in funny voices and if he was at the pub. We would be eating our tea and he would say it and we were all laughing. Oh if it was the Cape of Good Hope, if they call it the Cape of Good Hope? So how come? and it would be a joke and all laughing.

  Spit came out yer mouth and went on people's food. Oh if you are spitting in my food, oh be careful if you are spluttering. My da would push yer shoulder, Oh look at him.

  But he would just be laughing and so would we all, and if it was darkies. My da saw all darkies, and chinkies too, they all were there and just all what they were doing, even if they fell in the water, Oh I am velee solee, and how all what they done and if they did not eat stuff, Oh I eat this I eat that I do not eat yours.

  Aye well ye b****y better no eat mine's.

  My maw would be laughing but she did not like him saying the bad word and she would look at me and Matt. Oh you will not do it, it is just your father.

  They eat all porcupine pie and snakes wrapped in sausage rolls and for mince they eat all maggots and dead flies. For fish, any kind of fish, they mash up their bones and eat that too. Everything in the fish, they just eat it and if it was a white man ye would just be Ohhhh my stomach is sore-looking.

  The ship's cook just gived them wee plates of food but if it was you ye got big plates. So if they saw the food. Oh he has got big food we do not.

  Oh you are just a cannibal, you only want heads and arms chopped up in soup. So then if the men spat in their food. Oh watch the darkie eating the food and it was mixed in their gravy.

  My maw did not like him saying it and put her fingers in her ears, her eyes were shut. I am not listening I am not listening I am not listening. Oh do not say that Johnnie it is just horrible and disgusting.

  Well if it is true.

  I do not care, do not say it.

  Oh but.

  Oh do not say it, not with the boys.

  My da would look at Matt and just a wee smile. If he looked at me. He did look at me. If I did not know what was he saying. Oh did ye get it son?

  Sometimes ye did not get it, ye just saw him and he gave a wee laugh and ye knew what it was. So you were laughing too. And he said it to ye. Oh ye like that one, he likes that one, pointing his finger at ye.

  And Matt would be laughing.

  But if it was grannie, saying jokes about her. How come? That was what he done. Even she was swimming, Oh she is like a swan.

  And he did a swim with his arms and how grannie kept her head straight in the water. My maw heard him and did not like it. Oh but she does not want the water on her hair.

  Well how come she goes to the baths! My da laughing. If she had an umbrella, then she could swim with the umbrella.

  Then if you were laughing, maybe ye were. He said it and it was funny, but I did not like laughing. If it was yer grannie and ye were laughing about her. She took me swimming. She was a best swimmer, my granda said it, and she was a past champion. I would stick up for my grannie. How come my da said things about her? He just did.

  He never went much to her house. She was my maw's mother and he had his own one. If my da liked her the best. She was my other grannie, Grannie Petrie Smith. She stayed in Dunfermline and did not come to Glasgow. Oh they are all sinners, they are thieves and murderers, they will cut yer throat. That was what she said if it was Glasgow people, Oh they are just keelies.

  She stayed in the same house as my big cousins and my Uncle Eric and Auntie Maureen. It was an upstairs-downstairs house and had a garden round the front and round the back. The back bit had a shed with all stuff inside it. They were quite rich.

  My big cousins were lasses. I liked their voices. Oh ye do this ken. Oh if ye ken this. We did not see them except at holidays, we went on the train to visit. Sometimes it was two trains.

  Grannie Petrie Smith had bad feet and if ye were going to kick them, oh she was always worried, Oh my feet my feet. So if ye were running past, Oh watch my feet watch my feet, and she poked ye with a stick.

  Grannie Petrie Smith had the worst name. Oh I am not an apple I am not an apple. Oh you have not to call me Grannie Smith but just Grannie Petrie Smith.

  Petrie was her name before she got married to Smith. Smith was my da's da and passed away when my da was a wee boy. He was my other granda. So we were Smiths from him. Auntie Maureen said how me and Mattie would have liked him but Uncle Eric said, Oh ye would not, he was just a crabbit old b****r.

  She did not like ye if ye were noisy, if ye were talking, she did not like ye doing it, if it was too loud. Oh he is too noisy, oh tell him to be quiet. Oh he is just a wee keelie.

  She did not like my name. Oh is it Kierrunn? Oh you must be O'Malley and McGlinchey or if it was Kelly and Reilly. Oh is it Kierunnn you must be O'Reilly. Oh if you are Oirish you are from Rome, oh if you are a Roman Catholic.

  Oh and if she poked ye with the stick and ye said it to her, Oh Grannie that is sore, she just went, Aww graaaaanie. Oh you wee Glesgie keelie.

  My da was laughing.

  But my maw had a big red face. She was giving angry looks to me. And it was how I was talking. Oh you do not say this you say that. If you are talking to people you are to say this and not that oh it is just a showing-up if you speak like that, it is not awww graaaanie it is oh grannie, listen to your brother.

  I looked for Matt but he was not there. He went with my big cousins, they had a room up the stairs and had records.

  Please may I go out to play?

  Yes you may.

  Ye had to say it like that when my da was there. So if ye were at the table at teatime and finished yer food. Oh please may I leave the table please can I go out to play?

  Grannie Petrie Smith was like a witch ye saw in books and her face too, it was like it except she was old old. She was older than a witch, she was just a real witch. I said it to my big cousins and they were laughing. Matt was there. They were out in the garden. I went looking for them and that was where they were beside the shed in the garden. They just talked and Mattie was listening. Grannie Petrie Smith was a moaner and did not like if they were putting th
eir music on. Oh thump thump thump, thump thump thump.

  But she did not poke them with her stick. And she did not poke Matt. Oh she pokes me, I said.

  It is just your face, said Matt.

  Well you are her favourite.

  Oh shut up.

  Well she likes you the best.

  She did like him the best. I did not care. I did not like her. I said to my big cousins about our other grannie that stayed in Glasgow. But she was not their grannie. They had their own one and she lived in Fife. She could not walk and was in a chair. They had all uncles and aunties living there, and a lot of cousins that were boys. I wanted to see them. Mattie said, Oh they are not your cousins.

  Well if we just visited them.

  But it is not our family.

  But if they did not have any cousins that were boys maybe they would want us. If we just visited them. I would visit them. It would be great. Ye would just get the train. What was their name? I did not know their name. Even just ye were pals. We could go their pals. Maybe they did not have pals.

  I would have loved cousins, and if they were in Glasgow. People in my class had all cousins, and some were best fighters and ye could just say Oh he is my cousin, so then he would stick up for ye if ye were having a fight.

  Uncle Billy and Auntie May did not have children. That would have been our cousins. We only had cousins off my da. He was my big cousins' uncle. They liked him. Uncle Johnnie, that was my da.

  They had their maw, my Auntie Maureen, she was his sister. Our grannie was the same, Grannie Petrie Smith. They had to call her that as well. My big cousins were talking about it then they went away. Matt was away too. I was looking for him out the back and front. Weer lasses were playing skipping ropes. I just was watching then came in the house. I needed the lawy but the lawy door was locked. Grannie Petrie Smith was in. I heard the coughing and knew it was her so I went ben the parlour. My maw and da were there but, I heard them outside the door. My maw talked funny, and a quiet voice. Oh but my da was just angry and ye could hear it oh and angry to my maw. Then he looked and saw me. Oh what are you doing? Are you listening behind doors? What are you doing? What - Are - You - Doing?