by James Kelman
It was all quiet roundabout and big boulders, if baddies were hiding behind them. It was a laugh but what if they were? Ye thought about it. And if ye were the cavalry ye were getting a drink of water, ye were having a wee rest and the horses too, then the Indians were coming to get ye, just quiet and creeping up, knives in their teeth to scalp ye, and ye were just lying down to get a drink of water and the arrow thudded into ye or else the one standing beside ye, he was yer old pal oh and the arrow thudded into his back, Oh I am done for. So ye ran quick to hide, just for cover, and drawing yer gun except if ye did not have one, only a rifle. Soldiers just have rifles and ye left it over beside yer horse so ye had to run to yer horse but the Indians were there and stole yer horse and were here coming to get ye and with their knives or else their spears.
If my pals from the old place came here they would love this place. If I got Terry and Ian and boys out my class they could come and see it. I would just bring them. I could easy do it. Just if they had money for the train, that was all. Oh they would love it and all the good games ye could play they would love it.
It was all smashing for playing. Except how the big boulders and stuff was all quiet, it was quiet. Ye could not hear nothing only maybe the wind, just a wee bit. So if it made ye feared, ye could see how it did, if it did, ye were just there and nobody else. There was no any sounds, there was just no any sounds. Oh but birds, high up, ye saw them, whirling about, wee specks. Then just the sheep and they were just away high up, right away at the very top, ye looked and there was one farther up, and the wind making the grass shiver. I liked the sheep. They were just how they were and did not look good but were the bestest climbers. They were not fat, their coats had been sheared off.
I went home. It was a long way away but I knew how to go, it was easy. I just went to the road and that was it and I would just get it easy. I sat down for a rest and got some good grass to eat but none of the soor leaves. I liked them. Ye just chewed one. Ye were not to swallow it, and ye got the juice. Ye spat it out after. I was starving and if ye got turnips. I did not know how to. It was best just walking. I could not see the road and was looking away over the hills and went up high to look but could not see anything. It was all just in the country. If I found the road I would go on a bus if buses came. I had no money but just say to the conductor, Oh please Mr I lost my money.
But I could not find the road so just kept walking and walking and having wee rests and just getting to where I saw it looked the way to go and I was just going there and I got to a road but it was not the same road, just a wee one. It was all dried out so if no motors came, just a ghost road. I was walking and walking. It was windy and steep down so ye went round and round and down and down and were running a wee bit. I came to a wall and a house, and a pile of pigs behind a fence. Real pigs. They were all running about and squeaking when they saw me, just real pigs and ye saw their wee eyes and they were just manky all where their mouths were, they had been eating food and it was all dirty. Farther on all the big houses started where the rich people stayed and I just went on and came round a bend and down a long big hill and there saw the bluebell woods. When ye saw them ye knew ye were nearly there. It was smashing to get to my close and up the stair. When I chapped the door my maw came and she saw me. Oh Kieron.
Then my da's feet down the lobby, Oh is that him now and he grabbed me at the wrist and gave me a skelping, just hard, I did not care. I saw Matt was there and did not care for him either, none of them at all, and my maw, I did not care about any of them and just was wanting away, just getting away from that horrible stinking b****y house just to get back to the old place and my old pals and my school just in the classroom and my grannie and granda and the street going up and just everything.
***
Pat stayed two closes along from me. I went pals with him and Danny McGuire. I went into Pat's house a lot. The walls had Crosses hung up and pictures of Jesus and a big one where was all the Disciples in Raiment and it was the Last Supper. Jesus was killed on the Cross. It was just the same story and ye saw Judas, Oh he is the one and the Pieces of Silver, Oh do not forsaketh me, but he does.
Pat had one wee brother and one big sister. Her room door was shut so ye could not see in it. She had big fights with their maw and da. So did Pat. They were not feared of them. Pat's da worked in the railways and was aye sleeping on the chair when ye went in his house. Pat did not like him. If ye went on the train ye saw him waiting at the gate to collect the tickets off the folk coming home. A lot did not have tickets and just skipped past him. Pat's da looked at them but did not say nothing. If he was scared to, if he was a coward. If Pat thought that. But I liked his house better than mine. He had a good room, it was just his wee brother with him.
Danny McGuire came up and we were talking and I was saying about the ferry and how ye could just do stuff. They were wanting to go and see it so I took them. I did not tell my maw and da. My da did not like me talking about the old place and if I wanted to go to my grannie and granda. Oh this is yer house now, ye have got to get used to it. Ye are not running to them all the time.
We went on Saturday morning. Pat knew a way to go on the train so ye did not pay much money. We got to the river and oh they loved it and on the pier showing them the steps down and how ye went right down the bottom one and then the one next to that was under the water and how ye just could stand on it when the waves went out and then jumped up when the waves came in. A woman was up the top watching us. Oh come away from there!
We were just laughing. The ferry came in and I showed them how to do it, jumping aboard and standing ready to jump off and doing it before the ferryman jumped ashore with his rope. Ye called him Skipper and ye had to get up the stair before he tied the ferry. That was what we always done, it was just like a race and the Skipper tied it fast so he could beat ye. They were real sailors from the highlands.
The ferry was out in the middle and ye could see right down the river. Ye leaned yer elbows on the side and just looked over and saw everything, all the boats, big ones like my da sailed in and went round the world and wee ones too and then the ones getting built with all the big planks and poles way up high where the men walked along the sides. They could just look down and did not fall off but if ye waved they did not wave back. I liked wee boats the best. I would have loved one, if ye could have yer own boat and just go in it and sail about wherever ye wanted. I was going in the Navy when I grew up. I was telling them how my da was a real sailor and that was him.
Oh but what if it sinks? said Danny.
Him and Pat could not swim. I showed the lifebelts to them. Danny touched one. Oh you are not supposed to touch it, I said.
How no?
It is bad luck.
What happens?
I did not know what happens. Except Danny should not have touched it. I never touched them. It was not good to do it. I did not think so.
We got to the other side of the river. I thought to take them to my grannie and granda or else the park to show them the pond, maybe if the yachts were out and it was a race. Then we were saying about football, how they had not been to a real game. I said how with Rangers ye could go and the men would lift ye over. The cops were there but ye just knew what to do. So if they were looking ye just kidded on ye were not doing it and then if ye waited and just ye got a man and he whisked ye over and that was you and ye saw the game and it was smashing. So we would go now. It was Saturday. So I telled them. I will just take ye.
Oh no, it is Rangers. Danny said, Rangers is just for Protestants.
Oh but they will not know, we can just go.
But what if they find out?
Oh but they will not, we will not tell them.
Oh but if they know?
But they will not know. Nobody will see ye. So if ye do not tell them. It will be okay.
Danny had a worried face.
Him and Pat did not look like Catholics. Catholics had white faces and black hair or else red hair and freckles and white face
s. Only their names. Their names were Pape names. If ye said their names. Ye could not say their names. If anybody heard them. Oh do not say yer names out loud, I said. Oh and mine too, do not say it.
How come?
Oh it is a Pape's name, Kieron is a Pape's name. If they think it. If they think it is. It is not, Protestants are called it too.
Pat said, I know a boy called Kieron Ramsay, he goes to my old school. He is a Catholic.
Protestants could be Kieron too. But I did not know a Proddy called Pat. And a Pape called Billy. But if there was, maybe there was. Or Danny, I did not know about Danny, maybe it was Saint Danny. My da said that.
But we would not say names.
I took them the long way so past my old house just to show them. I did not show them the Catholic School and the Chapel. I took them past my school, and through the houses where the midgierakers stayed. It was all Papes lived here. But it was dead quiet. People were there but were not watching us. They were just doing stuff, kicking a ball and just what, playing games and stuff, talking. If they looked at us, how come we were there and walking in their place, if they were going to chase us. Oh but we are RCs. I would say it.
We got to the Rangers but nobody was there except just wee boys playing heidies on the pavement. It was a big wide pavement. Two cops were there but not chasing them.
All the gates were locked. A man was walking with a dog, a big beauty and just skinny with a long tail. I said it. Oh Mr we were looking but where is Rangers, is there no a match on?
Oh no boys they are not at home today, they are up in Dundee.
Oh.
Danny said, Is that a racing dog mister?
Yes.
Where is its races?
Faraway son.
The man walked away with the dog. We were looking and the dog walking and his head just going up up, up up, and too how his shoulders went. Whish whish, ye could see it. It was a beauty.
Danny said, That is a greyhound. It is a real racing dog. A racing dog is a greyhound. In my old place ye could see them racing, it was a dog track and my grandpa went and he took me.
But that was us now and we went back for the ferry It was a very very long walk and we did not have any much money. No for chips and we could see a chip shop. The rain started. It got heavier and the wind blowing. Ye felt cold too. Down at the pier there was a roof to duck under. So we were there waiting and watching the rain bounce up. It was the heaviest. Ye could see too how it hit the water, straight in and it was just a complete blanket.
On the ferry we stood under cover beside the engine. A lot of people were there. It was very hot and the engine smell was strong and that sweet smell was in it and I did not like it. Sometimes it was there and ye wanted out to the fresh air but if ye could not get out, the rain pelting down and everybody just there and men smoking and ye did not get good air off the wind. Danny felt sick, oh and was going to be, and he was, the sick splashed down and on a man's shoes and on his trousers and he did a swear word, F**k sake.
Danny went out the sheltered bit and was more sick. The man was shaking the sick off his trouser bottoms. He had a girny old face and ye thought he was going to hit Danny Lucky for him he did not. We would have waited off the ferry and fired stanes at him. We would have.
***
My granda was not keeping good. Uncle Billy was back from England again, staying with him and grannie. Auntie May was away someplace else and was getting married. Me and Matt went over to see granda. We walked a long way to get a bus. We done it to save money. The bus did not come so we did not go. But we were walking and found a canal. We were used to the big river so this was just wee, but still good. Men fished in it and so did some boys and they were catching fish but we did not see them. After that we went a lot. If Matt would not go I went down myself or sometimes Pat came. Danny did not go away much from the street.
The canal was good. Ye watched the boats coming down through the locks. Other people went, lasses too, but ye had to watch it with other boys. Ye were wanting to make pals but if they were wanting to fight, I did not want to, so ye were ready to run.
Wee boats went on the canal, cabin cruisers and barges. They sailed across Scotland and came out the other side. At these locks the water changed, it was high and low. The boat went in high up and then sat in between the locks till it went low, it got lowered down. And the boat was on top of it and when they opened the gate the boat sailed out and it was hurrehhh, I shouted it. I loved seeing them come out. The sailors let ye help to wind the handle that set the height of the water. The handle was for a big wheel and ye had to watch it did not spin, ye could not do it yerself unless ye were a man. But they were not real sailors, no like my da.
If ye were jumping across the gangways over the locks ye got chased by the lock-keeper. Oh you wee b****r. But ye would not fall in. He said ye would but ye would not.
Along the sides of the canal were reeds and ye could get them out the water. They cracked when ye bent them and were hollow inside. In the olden days the kilties were hiding from the redcoats and they sank under the water with the reeds in their mouths poking out the water, getting air to breathe.
If ye went the way east the path stopped and ye had to go down on the road and walk that way to catch up. Then there was the railway and ye walked along the tracks. There were men there and they chased ye. If ye listened to the line ye could hear the train coming. There were bushes there and ye could hide in them and if the train went by oh ye were just there and hiding. Matt was saying how there were foxes and wolves too, they came from the country.
***
After the summer holidays everybody from our scheme got special buses to a temporary school. Mostly we did not know people, except if they lived beside ye. Papes were there too but their schools did not go on my bus. The bus I got stopped at the same place so I stood there to wait. People did that. Ye saw ones from your bus and stood near them. I saw two lasses from my class at the temporary school but they did not talk to me. I did not talk to them. Julie Michaels and Lorna Buckle. People shouted her name to her. Oh beltbuckle, tie my beltbuckle. She got a red face.
We got the special school buses down behind the shops. A lot of other buses were there. I saw Pat and Danny and gived a wave. Some days the bus did not come for ages. People said about going home and some did. But then if the buses came. I just waited till the end. Nobody was in my house. I had my doorkey but I did not like if it was just me in the house. My da had got a new job. It was in a factory and quite faraway. He got a train into town and then a bus and the same back.
We all got tickets for schooldinners. It was great. It was in a separate building and they did not care if ye came for second helpings. Ye got steak pie and other stuff, mashed potatoes and cabbage, it was just great and then sausage pie, it was all pastry with sausages sticking out except sometimes it was burnt but ye still ate it, it was great. Some big boys got their dinner and then joined straight on the back of the queue. They ate up their dinner quick while they were waiting and then it was their turn again, so they had an empty plate and just got second helpings. At morning time ye were just sitting. I could not wait. What were ye getting? Steak pie and potatos or what. On Wednesdays ye did not get a dinner, just a soup then ice cream and jelly and if it was Friday ye got fish. Fish on Friday. That was for Papes, a boy said it, if we were getting it, how come?
But I did not get on good at this school. That was what I felt. I did not know boys and did not have pals. How could I not go to the old school? In the old school people liked me. Here they did not. In the old place it was me said things, Oh we will go to the park or jump the dykes or maybe if the lasses were there and it was dark nighttime we all telled stories. It was good fun, sitting on the stairs under the lights and saying about creepy stuff and if one had to go home we all laughed about ghosts getting them or if bogie men were there. The lasses liked it and so did we. But in the new place things did not work the same. I was not a best fighter. Boys just looked at me in a wee way s
o they thought they were best fighters. But if they did not see me fight. How come they thought they were better if they did not see me?
Even if I was the best fighter in the whole class? If ye did not have fights ye could be. So if ye were not, nobody knew ye were not. So ye could have been, so how did they know ye were not? Ye could just have said it, Oh I am the best fighter. But people would just laugh, or else fight ye.
One day it was freezing cold and ice was there and we were waiting ages, stamping about for yer feet to get warm. People were down at the corner to look out for the buses. Boys were flinging stuff about for a laugh. I did not know them. A thing hit me. What was it? Just a scabby old cloot thing like an old towel but complete filfy. The boys acted like they did not see it hit me. But if they thought I was daft or what, if I could not fight, they would soon find out. They flung something else and it hit a boy beside me. It was John Davis. He wiped it off his coat and looked over at who flung it. The boy looked back at him. John Davis just was watching him and with a look on his face, and he kept looking at the boy. He wiped his coat again but the other boy just walked over to another bit so then ye knew he was feared of John Davis, I thought that. How come? John never done nothing, just looked. So that was that and people knew, Oh watch it, if it was him, and they just left him alone. He had on a Rangers' tie. That was what he wore. So I said it to him, if he supported Rangers, and he did. I was talking to him and the buses came. I sat beside him. He did not go to my school. Him and another boy and lassie stayed on after we all got off.
If ye spoke to him he did not speak back but was watching ye hard so ye were careful. Ye did not try anything with him. If he lost his temper, ye wondered maybe if he would, what would happen. Boys looked at him but then they did not and just looked someplace else.
