by James Kelman
The big boulder was smashing. It was gigantic. Ye climbed it and sat on the top. How come it landed there? Who could have rolled it up? No even a real giant except if he was the biggest of all. So if people were getting chased by him, maybe getting away, then he flung the boulder at them, he just picked it up like a wee stone. But lucky for them he missed when he flung it, but there was the boulder.
After that was ferns and the long grass and ye had to slow down and watch where ye walked, it was swampy and yer feet splashed through. Even if it was sunny and this day it was. The ground got too squelchy and yer shoes got stuck if ye were slow running, and yer feet came out and ye fell or else just ye were hopping, yer socks all soaked and muddy and if ye fell ye were just filfy. Jim would not go through the swampy bit. I showed him to go round the outside. He said, You come too.
I am not coming, I am going through the long grass.
Well I am telling.
It meant telling on me to his maw and da so if they would tell mine. I did not care, he was not my young brother and I did not have to look after him. Matt and George were away way across now and walking way to the gun-site hill. It looked like that. I telled Jim to hurry up and just come with me. He always thought about snakes, oh mammy daddy if snakes were there and going to get him. People said there was adders. Ye just had to watch.
I went through the long grass and the swampy bits for speed. Ye could go if ye did it careful. Ye looked for clumps of that long grass and ye walked on it. It was not good grass, ye could not eat it. The stems were hollow with a wee bush thing growing at the top. It looked like a bee.
I liked the swampy bits. Ye got deep puddles for ffogspawn. Ye put yer hands in and lifted it out but it was very slippy and going through yer fingers. If ye had a jar ye put it in and took it home. Ye just smuggled it in and kept it under yer bed. The frogspawn went into wee shapes. The wee shapes started moving about, then with their tails. That was the tadpoles. Ye gived them names then put them back down the field into the burn so they could swim about. Then they came frogs. When ye saw frogs down the field ye called their names so if they came to ye, well, that was them.
There were other patches of swampy stuff and we went through it, then jumping the burn. In some places it was easy and ye got good stepping stones. When it was too heavy rain the burn ran very high and wide and ye could never jump it. One time Squatters were chasing us and we were having to jump the burn but the last one doing it missed the top. He was a big boy and quite a slow runner. He could not get a grip up the grass and his feet were on the sandy bit and it was too too slippy and muddy cause everybody's feet had all been there and dragging in the water and his feet could not get a grip. So he slid back down into the water, and there were the Squatters. Us up on the bank shouting on him, Hurry up hurry up. The Squatters were firing stanes and we were firing back till the big boy just got out in the nick of time.
The Squatters would have battered him or else captured him and took him back to their camp, it was over the gun-site hill. People were feared of them. They hated ye if ye came from the scheme. My maw and da did not like them. Oh they are just Tinkers and have no right to be there.
Their camp was way over the other side of the gun-site hill. Ye crept a long way past the barbed-wire fence, watching for holes in the ground. Ye could see down to the wee roofs of their camp, all tarpaulin and corrugated iron. They chased ye hard and were smashing runners. Lasses were with them too and they all were best fighters. The leader was Cochise. People called him that. He was like a man. What would happen if he caught ye? He would kill ye. He only wore his trousers and did not wear any jerseys or shirts even in winter, but stripped to the waist with things round his arms and sometimes with his bare feet and things round his ankles. He had a real hatchet tied into his trousers and then warpaint. That was what he had. He was the best fighter and would beat men if it was a fair fight. If they captured ye, they had lorries and caravans and took ye away, and ye were tied up.
The gun-site was on the very top of a big big hill stretching wide as streets. When ye looked out the living-room window of our house ye always saw that hill and were wanting to go. It was all grass and thick bushes up there, high bushes, ye could not see nothing from faraway. All guns were there from the war, big guns for shooting down airoplanes and wee stuff like ammunition and bombs. People talked about all what was there. It was hidden under the ground down secret tunnels with trapdoors and with grass over them and stanes and twigs all in disguise. If ye fell down one it would be all guns and stuff, and ye could bring them home. If there was a rifle there, that was what I wanted or else hand-grenades and tommy-guns. Some stuff was on top of the ground and ye would find it under tarpaulin sheets. Barbed-wire fences were round it and soldiers stopped ye getting in. They carried machine-guns and rifles. They wore long coats and no hats so ye did not know who they were. But if they gived ye chewing gum, if they liked ye, maybe they would. So it was Yanks if it was chewing gum.
At the foot of the near side of the gun-site was where the workies were and ye had to dodge through the new houses and then walk way way over. Berry bushes and jaggy nettles were here, dead thick and ye had to hold big branches up to get under. We passed it and on through all the ferns and jaggy nettles and bushes. Now Matt and George walked away on fast and did not wait for us. It was not fair. And Jim was just girning all the time. I telled him to shut it.
Ye could hear the noises from the workies but it was in the distance and there was no other sounds except that, and then the buzzing if flies were there or else grasshoppers how they clicked their knees. I caught one, ye just went to the noise and parted the grass with yer hands and there he was, he just was sitting and ye grabbed him with yer two hands.
Jim was sitting for a rest. I was seeing the way to run if the Squatters came. I said it to Jim but oh he was just moan moan I want to go home so I stopped and just sat down too.
Ye could see way far far over to our houses, it was right away over. My da might have come to the window, he would not have seen me, I was not even a wee speck. It was just bushes and bushes. It looked safe to go. But if Squatters were there and could see ye and then were creeping to get ye. So if they were, all ye could do was run. And people did not run the same, and if a wee one was there ye got slowed down because ye were holding his hand. That was Jim but he could run himself, I was not waiting for him.
Ye looked farther up the hill and ye could not see the gun-site. That was funny. It all was there and ye could never see it. Not till ye were there. Ye went over one hill then another one was there higher up, and higher up again, so ye had another rest. Big ferns were here. Ye thought ye had reached the top but ye had not, there was aye another hill to go, then another one, till finally that was you and there it went flat, and ye saw wee bits here and there so ye knew. The sun was hot on my head. I saw good grass and pulled a few stalks. The inside ends were sweet and I chewed them. I looked for the wee plants with the soor leaves. They were best. Oh and then shouting. Kierronnn! Kierronnn!
It was Matt. Me and Jim went through big ferns to get to them and George shouted about snakes, Oh be careful, it is full of them.
Matt said, Oh it is poisonous vipers.
It was just tormenting Jim because he hated them. Snakes were all in the ferns, that was where they hid. I never saw them but I went careful and just watched it. They slept there under the ferns. And if ye stood on them, well, if ye did, that was you. I lifted up the ferns but never saw them. Matt and George were laughing. I did not care. Then Jim was wanting the toilet. Oh well away and do it, that was what George said.
No, I am wanting to go home and do it.
You cannot.
I want to.
Well away ye go then!
George and Matt just ran away now and I was left with him. I telled him to do the toilet as well but he would not because it was in the open and what would happen if something bit him?
If a snake came I would capture it. That was one thing, a pet snake, if ever I
could get one.
Matt and George found the barbed-wire fence round the gun-site. It was a trail through thick thick bushes. Ye had to get through the fence, climbing or else underneath where there was holes. The holes were there, ye just crawled under. Jim was moaning how he did not want to and oh oh oh oh. George was telling him to shut up but he would not.
Matt went under the fence. He lied down on his back and his hands pushed up the bottom ends of the wire with George holding it up. He got through easy then held it for George. But they did not help us. George said to Jim. Oh you wait here.
You too, said Matt and they crept away fast through the bushes.
But I was not waiting. I was going under the wire same as them.
Oh do not leave me. That was Jim. It was good if he went first. If I held the wire for him then him holding it for me.
Oh but he would not, he was too feared, he was just nearly greeting, oh oh oh, and snakes too oh they were coming and going to bite ye, oh oh. Oh please wait here Kieron please wait here.
No, we have to go under the wire.
Oh please do not, please wait here, oh oh.
And now he was bursting for the toilet and he had to go and he could not wait and just had to do it. Oh but if there was no paper to wipe his B-U-M, where was the paper? If there was no any.
Well ye just use leaves to wipe. It was docken leaves, ye just found them. I said it to him. Away into the bushes and do it.
Oh no no I will just do it here.
No, away into the bushes.
Oh no you go into the bushes.
But I am no needing it is you.
Oh but I can do it here.
Well I am just staying.
Oh but you will just watch me.
I will not watch ye.
Oh ye will, please go in the bushes.
No.
Please Kieron please.
So I had to go in the bushes. I went away a wee bit, if I could look over to see Matt and George. But I could not so I just sat a wee minute, watching out for stuff, if snakes were there, maybe they were. If it was real adders or else grass snakes. Grass snakes did not bite, that was a pet I wanted. Even if it was a adder and the adder knew ye and you were its owner, it would not poison ye then. People had snakes. They wrapped them round their arms. Boys said that. I did not see them. I did not see any snakes. George said it to Jim, Oh it is all snakes and they come out and poison ye with just their fangs poking out, they jab ye.
I did not believe him. He said it to make Jim scared. So if it was big ferns where ye were sitting, what if a snake came out? What if they did? If ye stepped on one or else sat on top of it. People said that. Oh he just sat down and the snake bit him right through his trousers, the poison just went right in.
The big ferns is where they hid and waited for ye. Thick bushes were there too, with all jaggy nettles so ye could not go through. The Army put them there to stop ye, ye could not go in them even if ye were wee. If ye wanted to go in them, I did not. There was no any space. Yer feet would just get trapped and yer body too, ye would have to be a ghost. Ghosts could just slide about into mid air. If ghosts were here. Ye could get dead spirits from the war if it was soldiers and their ghosts came. Sailors went down to the bottom of the sea. Their spirits were all down there except if they went up to Heaven, but some did not, they just waited. If they had to stay down below If God would not let them in. Maybe no, if He was angry. God got angry if ye done bad stuff. Then if it was soldiers. They all got shot but if it was blown up and they were smashed to smithereens so they did not have a body, it was all bits everywhere. Where did they go?
I did not like the bushes where I was sitting. Ye could not see in. It was just leaves and leaves and all thick branches all fankled, all stuff poking out, fuzzy stuff and poison too, so ye could not go in, ye could not, even if ye wanted to but I did not want to, never never, there was no space for ye, ye could not go in, I would never, and never try it. Ye would just get stuck, how yer foot would just get twisted in and trapped, ye would just get trapped, and ye could not move, ye could not move.
Oh but I did not like it here. I did not. I just did not. I was shivering, how come I was shivering oh but I was oh but I was, I was I was I was and could not stop it if I was scared, my teeth hitting against each other. And it was just loud and louder, and now I needed the toilet, I really was needing and just had to go and it was just now I just had to and I looked and where was docken leaves if it was diarrhoea oh I felt it coming but it was just fern leaves to wipe, I could not find dockens.
Then came talking. I heard it. I hid down. Oh if it was a Yank or a soldier. Or else a Squatter, oh a Squatter, that was what I thought and if he captured ye and took ye away But then it was not it was Matt and George. I saw them away over. They were smoking. They were there and smoking. George was, I did not see Matt doing it. And nothing else, I did not see nothing else. Except away far far. That was rich people's houses. Big boys went knocking out their gardens, apples and stuff. There were all fields there in the distance. Ye could get turnips out farmers' fields. George said that. Him and other boys went. He was taking Matt but no me. How come? I could keep up easy, I was a fast runner and could jump good if it was the burn and we were getting chased. I said that and Matt said to me, Oh just get yer own pals.
But if my maw found out he was smoking he would get a real doing. I could tell on him. If I did that would be him. So how would he like it?
Oh and then he nearly saw me. Him and George were coming. I ducked down and went back through the bushes. Jim was there waiting at the fence. But what happened, Matt came right to me. Take Jim home.
What?
Just take Jim home.
No. What are yous doing?
We are just going a walk.
I am going with you.
So am I, said Jim.
Kieron is taking ye home, said George.
I am no.
Yes ye are. Matt gived me the punch sign for a secret warning. That was what he done and he would just get me after if I did not do it. Oh you are getting a secret warning.
That was what he called it.
The gun-site was no good so they were going away someplace else. And if I tried to go with them Matt would batter me. Brothers did that. George done it to Jim. It was just the same. So if it was brothers, that was what they done, it just was not fair. And people did not know. They done it behind their backs. If it was yer maw and da watching the telly, he came in and just gived ye a look or else if he held his hand up and in a punching grip showing ye, Oh you, you are going to get it.
That was the sign, so that was you and ye were going to get it. If it was Matt, he just went back out the room. So ye were feared to go out the living room, so if it was the lavatory, ye did not want to go because if he was waiting ben the lobby. He would be and would get ye.
If ye did not know about brothers ye would not see the sign. Some of what Jim got off George I knew because with Matt.
It was not fair a first brother and a second brother, because ye were not the first ye did not get stuff and because ye were weer ye got doings. Nobody bothered because it was brothers so it was their business and kept out it, even if it was bullies and they were punching wee ones. They done it so ye would not come. Well I just did. I did not care. So if they said, Away ye go. I just followed them. I done it the next time and they were going a long walk. Jim was not there. I was glad.
George was there with Matt, and another big boy. I did not know who he was. I followed them right away over the field and away over and across at the edge of the gun-site hill then away down and out on a country road. There was no pavements to walk on and bushes and trees at the side of the road. Ye just had to watch it, and if motors came, sometimes an old lorry.
They were smoking again and drinking ginger. George had a job as a paperboy and made a big wage and it was him bought all the stuff. Me and Matt did not get much. Matt was wanting to get a job too. My da thought it was good but my maw did not, only his st
udies. That was what she always wanted was studies, Oh do yer lessons do yer lessons.
I kept way behind and was just hiding a wee bit. I did not care if they saw me except Matt with smoking, he would be angry, if I was going to tell on him. Maybe I would.
I saw him now and he was going to chase me. I knew the way he done things. He would just wait and wait and go a wee bit slower and a wee bit slower and then oh running and running to catch me but he would not catch me. He would not. Except if he did. So I ran back. I saw George laughing to him, saying something. That was about me. I waited before going. I did not see them round the bend, then round the next one I did not see them. Maybe they were just hiding.
It was miles and miles away I knew where the scheme was but ye could never have seen it from where we were, it was too faraway and then all hills and roads were in between and now cows but mostly sheep. We were coming out to hills and big hills. I saw the sheep there and if ye looked high up they were way way up there.
But I could not see Matt and if there was a tree I would have climbed it because with Matt, he just would sneak up on ye and then jump out and get ye.
It was funny how sheep, ye saw them and they did not look good, but they were and were smashing climbers. If they fell down a mountainside the shepherd had to go and find them, he lifted them on his shoulders, wee lambs.
I found good grass and was looking for soor leaves. There was a wee gate with a step fixed to it and ye climbed up and over and into the field. Cows were there and were looking at me, if they were going to charge me, maybe they were, I went by the side of the field and away over from them. There was not any trees anywhere, not good ones. A wee loch was. I just came on it. I went over a wee hill and there it was. Ye could have went for a swim. I was going to but I did not. The water was not blue but black-looking and big long weeds were coming out. I felt the water to see but it was freezing cold. I took a wee sip and it was good. Maybe if I paddled out. If it was not deep, it did not look deep. I was going to take off my socks and shoes but I did not, because if it was deep after all, even just the deepest like a big big hole right in the middle or else a big fish nibbling yer toes or just if it bited ye if it was very big or if it was like a Loch Ness monster, it could have been.
