Better the Devil You Don't Know

by Mairsile Leabhair

  Quite frankly, that’s what the chaplains were for, and I wasn’t keen on being asked to drop everything and pray with a patient every time the need arose, because that’s all we’d end up doing. But then, Cody’s pale white face came to mind and I saw the dead boy in my arms. Screw it.

  “Any volunteers?” I asked. Every hand shot up. Even Noel, who didn’t like kids, had his hand up. I didn’t know my staff’s religious beliefs, but I learned just how much they cared about the children. “All right then, let’s go.”

  Seven of us marched down the hall as if in a parade, and quietly entered the ICU. The charge nurse rushed over and held her hand up.

  “What’s the meaning of this?” she asked. “Has something happened?”

  “Everything is all right, Delora,” I said, reading her nametag. “I’m Chief Casey Dennis, and we are the security department. I know it’s an unusual request, but we’d like to pray with Cody before he goes to surgery. Would that be all right?”

  Her mouth fell open, and she looked at each face in the group before looking at me again. “Yes, of course. But please be very quiet and respectful of the other families.”

  “Absolutely,” I said, waving for my staff to follow me as I walked over to Cody’s room. Celine was standing next to Scottie and for a split second, I wanted to chicken out.

  Celine saw me and gasped. But it wasn’t me she was shocked by, it was all the uniforms converging on the room. I thought she was about to panic. Sarah jumped up from the chair and wrapped her arms around Scottie.

  I held up my hands and forced a smile on my face. “It’s all right. We’re just here to say a prayer over Cody before he goes into surgery,” I explained quickly. All three women relaxed immediately, and Scottie began to cry. “If that’s okay, Scottie?”

  Her mouth opened as if to speak, but no words came out, only tears flowing down her cheeks.

  “I think that would be wonderful, Casey,” Sarah answered for Scottie.

  I nodded at Dorey and she took over, directing everyone to hold hands around the boy. Lula moved to stand beside Michele, and I somehow ended up holding hands with Celine and Scottie both. I was incredibly uncomfortable and noticed that Celine was also, although that didn’t stop her warm hand from embracing mine. She was looking at, or was it studying, Josh and Noel standing across from us. From my angle, I couldn’t tell which one for sure.

  Dorey, who I think must be a preacher on the side, very humbly but strongly suggested that God keep his promise he gave us in Jeremiah 30:17; “For I will restore health to you and heal you of your wounds,’ says the Lord.” It was a long prayer, covering every child in the ICU. I peeked up under my eyelids and saw other families gathering outside the pod with their heads bowed. I have to admit, it felt good to be able to help others like that. I wasn’t quite as angry at God as I had been.

  Scottie walked around and introduced herself to each member of my team and shook their hand. Then she smiled at me as if a heavy weight of uncertainty had been lifted from her shoulders.

  Some of my team walked out to the nurses’ station while others chatted with other patient families who were gathered at the door.

  “Are you okay?” I asked, tucking my finger under her chin to look into her eyes.

  “Oh, yes. You are an angel sent from God. How could I not be?”

  Celine, dressed in her expensive three-piece skirt suit with high heels and diamond necklace, wearing a subtle but alluring perfume, grunted her displeasure.

  “Well, uh,” I stuttered, felling awkward under Celine’s displeased glare. “Thank you for the book of poems. I look forward to reading them.”

  Josh and Noel were standing together in the doorway and Scottie nodded at Josh.

  “My psychiatrist over there,” she said, turning to Celine. “Suggested I write down my feelings toward my abusive father, and they just seemed to come out in poetic verses. Oh, and don’t worry, most of what I wrote was about life experiences. Hopefully you won’t find them too boring.”

  I was completely astounded at how easily she talked about something that must have been very traumatic for her. Most abused victims that I dealt with refused to talk, even when they were innocent of a crime. Some people feared reliving the abuse if they spoke about it. Scottie was the complete opposite. She pushed the demons out and conquered them. I wished I could be that brave.

  I shook my head and smiled at her. “If the rest of the book is anything like the dedication, I know I’ll love it.”

  Her eyes misted again as she smiled at me.

  “Well, I guess I’d better get these folks back to work,” I said, looking for a polite way out.

  “Can I see you privately, for a second?” Scottie asked.

  “Of course. Let’s go out into the hall.”

  Scottie looked at her mother-in-law.

  “I’ll be right here, honey,” Sarah assured her. “I’ll come for you if they come get him for surgery.”

  Scottie nodded and I place my hand on the small of her back and made a path through the others.

  There were several quiet rooms just past the elevators and we went into one of those and shut the door. Four people could sit comfortably in those rooms so I sat across from Scottie, leaning my elbows on my knees with my fingers interlaced. She sat down and took my hands in hers.

  “Casey, you took a really big chance, sending for my mother-in-law like that.”

  I jerked back, fearful of having been caught.

  “Shh. It’s all right,” she said calmly. “I’m glad you did.”

  “How did… how did you know?”

  She smiled and leaned back in the chair. “I didn’t until just now, but I had my suspicions. I thought I had fooled Sarah until she showed up in the ICU with a security guard. I knew that the guard worked for you and I put two and two together when the guard wouldn’t answer my questions. Why didn’t you want me to know?”

  “Because, it wasn’t about me. It was about you having family with you during this time. It was about Sarah wanting to be with you so bad that she would trust a total stranger. It was about that boy knowing how much he is loved when he’s better. And he will get better, Scottie. He has to.”

  She leaned forward and held out her hand. I didn’t hesitate to take it, and she squeeze it gently, her soft hands caressing mine. “I have nothing to offer you but my thanks, and I do thank you, Casey, from the bottom of my heart.”

  “Scottie, it’s not necessary to thank me. You owe me nothing, but you’ve given me something wonderful.”

  She looked shocked. “Me?”

  “Yes, you’ve given me hope again and that’s worth more than anything.”

  “Will you tell me why you…” She trailed off when I shook my head.

  “It’s not something that I can share with you right now,” I explained, not wanting to discuss my failure with her when her son was about to be operated on. “But trust me when I tell you that I’m the one who owes you a debt of gratitude.”

  A knock on the door startled her, and I stood up and opened it.

  “They’re ready to take him back,” Sarah announced.

  Scottie jumped up and started to leave, but stopped and gazed at me for a moment.

  I felt anxious, jittery about letting her go. “You have my card. Will you call me and let me know how things turn out with Cody?”

  “Oh, yes, of course. And when you have time, please come see us. We’ll be in here or in the room.”

  “I’ll do that,” I said, looking from her to Sarah, who nodded at me. We didn’t need to exchange words, Sarah knew what I was thinking. If the boy died…

  Chapter Twenty

  Michele Michaels

  Standing in that child’s hospital room, praying with the others, filled me with the desire to forgive Lula and let her go. I watched her pray and knew deep down that she was a good person. She just didn’t want me in the same way I wanted her. It wasn’t her fault. I let my hormones take me where she wasn’t ready to go. And the agg
ravating part was that had we slept together, I would have wanted a commitment from her, because one night is no longer enough for me. I want the whole package. So, yes, it was my fault, first for seeing her as my knight in shining armor, and then when she gallantly acted like a knight should act, I let my feelings be hurt. That little boy fighting for his life proved to me that I needed to be better than that.

  Life was too short to waste it whining because I didn’t get laid last night. And friends are too hard to come by at my age for me to start turning them away, so I would put my hurt feelings away and act like a grown up.

  “So, how did it go last night?” Dorey asked as we walked down the hall together after the impromptu prayer service.

  I turned to make sure Lula was not behind us and then I said, “It sucked.” So much for being the grown up.

  “Oh, no. Didn’t you have a good time?”

  “I had a wonderful time, until she left me hanging at the door.”

  “Oops. I could see how that would suck,” Dorey stated halfheartedly. “Have you talked to her this morning?”

  “No. Haven’t really had a chance,” I replied. “But then, what would I say anyway?”

  “That’s too bad, because the first thing she said this morning was how wonderful you were.”

  I jerked my head around so hard I’m surprised I didn’t have whiplash. “Huh?”

  “Yeah, when I was coming in from the parking lot, she was walking the front entrance. I asked about your date and she said it was wonderful and you were so beautiful, blah, blah, blah—”

  “Wait, don’t skip over the blah part,” I pleaded.

  Laughing, Dorey shook her head. “The point is, she had a wonderful time, and I really get the feeling she will ask you out again.”

  “Seriously? Do you really think so?”

  “Yes, I do. I don’t know why she got cold feet, but I think you’d be a fool to write her off just yet.”

  “Maybe you’re right,” I said hopefully.

  “One other thing, and don’t get mad, but I threatened her this morning with bodily harm if she hurt you in any way.”

  I threw my head back and laughed so hard that I had to grab Dorey’s arm to steady myself.

  “So, I take it you’re not mad at me?” she asked.

  “No. You’re the best, best friend a girl could have. How did she take it?”

  “She took it seriously,” Dorey chuckled. “As well she should.”

  “Oh, great. Now she’ll be too afraid to ever speak to me again.”

  “No, I don’t think that will happen,” Dorey said.

  “Why is that?”

  “Because, she’s walking this way, waving her hands, trying to get your attention.”

  “Well, don’t go anywhere, okay? If she keeps walking, I’ll need a shoulder to cry on.”

  Dorey stopped walking and turned around, so of course I had to, also. Lula was waving and smiling as she rushed over.

  “Hey, you,” she said. “I’ve been trying to talk to you all morning. Did you get my texts?”

  “No, I’m sorry,” I replied stiffly. “I turned my cell off last night and I guess I forgot to turn it back on.” A little white fib wasn’t really a lie, per se. I did have the phone off, but I turned it back on this morning and read her texts. All they said was she wanted to talk. Not much I could do with that if I’m being immature, which I had just decided to stop being.

  “I need to go do my rounds, talk with you later,” Dorey said, making a quick exit before I could grab her.

  “I need to go to the cafeteria and pick up some things for the office,” I said, and began walking down the hallway.

  “We can walk and talk,” Lula insisted, striding up beside me.

  “Okay, so talk.”

  “I, uh… suddenly I’m not sure how to say it,” she confessed.

  I stopped in the hall and cut her a look, warning her that I wasn’t interested in her games.

  “Okay, here’s the thing. I wanted to explain last night, but you kind of slammed the door in my face.”

  “Well, you kind of wouldn’t come in, so what was I supposed to do?”

  “Now, don’t get bitchy with me. I’m trying to explain.”

  I did an about face and kept walking, but she caught up with me.

  “The reason I didn’t come in last night was because I’m not looking for just sex.”

  Again, I stopped abruptly and glared at her. “It wasn’t just sex I was after, either. I thought we had something special, and I was hoping to experience more of that.”

  “And so am I,” Lula replied. “But you’re worth so much more than for me to take you to bed after only one date. I respect you too much, and care about you even more.”

  My mind whirled in every direction. But I wanted you to take me to bed. She said I’m worth more. She cares about me. “I, um, don’t know what to say to that.”

  “Say you’ll go out with me again. Tonight, tomorrow night, next week. You name the place and time, and we’ll try this again.”

  “All right. But this time I won’t be inviting you in for drinks afterward,” I assured her.

  She nodded. “Fair enough. Although this time, I might be the one giving the invitation.”

  “And I might be the one with cold feet,” I said defiantly.

  “No problem, I know just how to warm them up,” she replied with a cocky grin.

  “Pretty sure of yourself, aren’t you?” I asked.

  “Yes, so don’t shatter my confidence, okay?”

  “I wouldn’t think anyone could do that,” I argued. Her confidence was one of the things I was immediately drawn to.

  “You’d be surprised. A beautiful woman like you — intelligent, funny, sweet, with so much love to give — could crush my confidence with just a single word.”

  Her hazel eyes sparkled with honesty and sincerity, but the corner of her lips had a twinge of concern in them. I wanted to kiss that concern away. “I would never want to crush your confidence.”

  “Then say you’ll go out with me again.”

  Like I could say no. “All right. I’ll go out with you again. Nothing fancy, just dinner and a movie, okay?”

  “Sounds perfect. I’ll pick you up when you get off work.”

  “Wait, don’t you have to work tonight?”

  She thought for a moment, her eyes darting back and forth as if she were trying to catch an idea. “Yes, I do,” she finally said with a grin. “And I’ll still pick you up at four.”

  I got the feeling, as I watched her walk away, that tonight was going to be the best damn date I had ever had.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Casey Dennis

  Turning off the light in the quiet room, I stood in the hallway for a moment and watched Scottie and Sarah go back into the ICU. My mind flashed back to the time my mother and I waited, paced and cried during my father’s emergency surgery. We didn’t receive good news. He had died on the table.

  Shaking off those bad memories, I turned to leave when Celine suddenly appeared in front of me. “We need to talk,” she said, and walked into the quiet room, turning the lights back on.

  Reluctantly, because I just didn’t want to fight with her again, I walked back into the room and waited. She locked the windowless door and pointed at a chair. I sat down and then waited on her to say what was obviously bothering her. Instinctively, I knew it was about Scottie.

  She stood over me and frowned. “Okay, I get it now. You wouldn’t make love to me because you’re in love with Scottie?”

  “What? No, you’re wrong, Celine.”

  “Am I? I saw how you looked at her just now. I know you’ve been visiting with her a lot. You even brought your whole team down to impress her with a prayer.”

  “That’s bullshit,” I snarled, jumping up to be eye level with her. “It wasn’t even my idea for the team to do that.”

  Her face was flushed, and I could see the accusations swirling in her eyes. I had two options. Keep
arguing with her or tell her the truth. Either way, I knew that I would still lose.

  “Look, sit down and I’ll explain everything.”

  “Don’t tell me what to do,” she huffed.

  “Sit down, damn it,” I demanded.

  She hesitated for a moment, and finally sat down.

  “First off, you’re using your worst trait again,” I said, using her own words against her. Normally that’s not something I would want to do with a shrink, but it was effective in getting her to shut up and listen to me.

  “Fine,” she sulked, crossing her arms and looking away.

  “Thank you. Okay. So, when I’m working a case, I don’t sleep with suspects or potential witnesses. You are a potential witness. Granted, I’m not a detective anymore, but that doesn’t mean I can turn my back on my training. If you knew how hard it was to be around such a desirable woman as you are, you’d appreciate how hard a decision that was for me to make.”

  “Apparently, you don’t have any idea just how desirable you are, too,” she said, gazing at me until her frown morphed into a query. “You don’t, do you?”

  “I’ve never given it much thought, to tell you the truth. But, do you understand what I’m saying?”

  “Yes, you’re celibate until the case is over. I can respect that. Not saying I like it, but I can respect it.”

  “Good. I’m glad you understand,” I replied, finally exhaling.

  “But that doesn’t answer my other question,” she continued without missing a beat. “Are you in love with Scottie?”

  Sighing, I shook my head. “Celine, when I was a police detective in Houston, I was shot while protecting a boy a year older than Scottie’s son.”

  Her face instantly melted into concern. “I don’t know what to say.”

  “Wait, there’s more,” I said, and sat down across from her. “The bullet ricocheted off my pelvis and out my side.” I took a shallow breath, already feeling the pressure building. “When the bullet left me, it hit the boy I was shielding.” My eyes burned with unshed tears and Celine quickly moved to sit beside me, wrapping her arm around my shoulders. “His tormented eyes pleaded with me to save him, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t save him, Celine,” I sobbed, tears gushing down my cheeks. She pulled me into an embrace and held me. I allowed myself to fall into the depths of despair I had fought so hard to avoid. “His eyes, Celine. They haunt me.”