Witch Weigh (A Paranormal Romantic Comedy)

by Caroline Mickelson

  Witch Weigh

  By

  Caroline Mickelson

  Witch Weigh

  Copyright 2012 Caroline Mickelson

  Kindle Edition

  Published by Bon Accord Press

  All rights reserved

  Cover design by Derek Murphy

  No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in or introduced into a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise) without the prior written permission of the copyright owner of this book.

  This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be resold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each person you share it with. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, place and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events or locales is entirely coincidental.

  Dedicated with much love

  to my husband Senad

  who loves me every

  ‘witch weigh’ I am ~

  Volim Te

  Table Of Contents

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Acknowledgements

  About The Author

  Chapter One

  “Hey, lady, anyone ever tell you you’re a real witch?”

  “More times than you can imagine.” Contessa Von Hellengaard, Tessa to her few friends and many enemies alike, eyed the obstinate construction worker who blocked the path of her sleek black Mercedes.

  She wondered how this mere mortal would like being turned into a fluffy skunk. Her fingers itched to work their magic, but she kept them gripped on the steering wheel. She was already in enough trouble with the Upper Hallows Witch Council without casting what they would consider another unnecessary spell. If she was detained any longer she’d be late for her meeting with said council. Tessa knew they were already ticked off enough without her adding another infraction to their precious list.

  She leaned out the window. “Remove your overfed self from my way immediately. I need to use this road and I don’t have time for your ridiculous detour.”

  “Guess you should’ve used your broomstick then because there ain’t no way I’m letting your car get through here.” He crossed his beefy arms over his chest.

  He seemed altogether too amused with his juvenile humor for Tessa’s liking. Broomstick indeed. She revved the motor to let him know she meant business.

  He couldn’t say he hadn’t been warned.

  She pushed up her black lace sleeves and pointed to the orange and white barricade. “Last warning. Remove yourself and that thing from my way.”

  He laughed at her. Laughed. At her.

  She narrowed her eyes. This sorry excuse for a government employee was not going to make her late for her meeting. Removing him from her path, she decided, was a very necessary act indeed. She could make the council members understand. But only if she got there on time.

  With the tip of her red lacquered fingernail she traced a circle in her palm, silently reciting the spell that would get her what she wanted. A small, satisfied smile tugged at her lips as the man in front of her began to levitate. She stroked her index finger sideways to help direct his ascension. His shocked expression and angry torrent of curse words bothered her not at all. He continued to fuss and kick even after he was hooked on to the high crane by the back of his overalls. At over forty feet above the ground she could barely make out his foul words.

  Tessa flicked her finger across her palm with one last quick swipe and waited while the barricade went flying to the side of the road and crashed on a pile of rocks.

  She waved farewell to the construction worker as she slipped her Mercedes into drive. The fool would be wise to quit struggling or he’d soon have a painful wedgie.

  Silly mortal. He had no reason to panic. Someone would be along to get him down. Eventually.

  ***

  Fifteen sinful minutes late, Tessa swung the Mercedes into a circle drive with only a minimal amount of flying gravel to announce her arrival. She grabbed her black leather satchel and eyed the occupant of the passenger seat.

  “No, you may not come. I’m tired of you following me everywhere I go.” She half closed the door and then hesitated before flinging it open. “Oh, come on then. You’d better watch yourself though or you’ll end up as annoying as a dog.”

  She slammed the car door as soon as Jinx, her sleek black short hair cat, jumped out and made his all too entitled way to the front door of the Tudor home where the council met. The cat was the least of her problems this morning.

  Tessa sailed down the hallway. The interior was dim and over-decorated, paying homage to the Victorian style that her Aunt Trudy so loved. Much of Tessa’s childhood had been spent in this very home and she knew it, and failed to appreciate it, the same way she did her own.

  She stopped in front of the heavily carved oak doors and took a steadying breath. She wanted this to go well. She needed this to go well. The Council needed to approve her application to the United Paranormal Council as a visiting scholar slash expert on silent spells. Her life was staid, boring and so predictable that even her yawns were planned. But, oh, Europe awaited her. If she could just manage to get there she’d be able to associate with the sort of sophisticated, urban witches and warlocks that she knew she was meant to. She’d happily bid a hasty farewell to the lumpy and dumpy witches she’d grown up around.

  With one last flick of her auburn hair over her shoulder, Tessa pushed open the doors and stepped into the Upper Hallows Council meeting room.

  The din of casual chatter stopped immediately and the gathered crones turned to her expectantly. To her immense surprise, she realized she was the tiniest bit nervous, but only because the stakes were so high. There was nothing for it but to seize the moment and take control of her own destiny.

  “The door, Tessa,” her Aunt Trudy reminded her.

  Well, hello to you too, you old witch, Tessa managed not to say. She kicked the door closed with her foot.

  At the same moment that she opened her mouth to speak, a horrific screech filled the air.

  Tessa froze.

  “The cat, Tessa.” Somehow, above the commotion, she recognized her Aunt’s voice.

  Jinx. Damn.

  When she turned she saw she was too late to rescue her feline companion. Jinx already lay snuggled in Amelia Fairweather’s arms.

  “Poor darling little kitty,” Amelia crooned, cuddling the cat even closer to her ample bosom. “You poor neglected angel.”

  Tessa watched the love fest, unable to speak a single word in her own defense. She certainly hadn’t planned for the first words out of her mouth to be uttered in self-defense.

  And Jinx appeared to be enjoying the attention all too much. His green eyes met hers and they held a self-satisfied gleam. Match point Jinx.

  She cleared her throat. “Perhaps you could all take your seats so we can begin.” She ignored the glares the assembled witches sent her way, grateful they were casting dirty looks and not spells.

  Tessa balled her hands into fists.
Her hands were usually the first things to get her in trouble. They always had been. It was her curse. Like the other witches in the room, her fingers did the work of words when casting spells.

  She closed her eyes for a long moment and inhaled. A brisk autumn breeze floated in through the diamond paneled windows. At least the all too staid Council allowed fresh air into the room. A miracle, considering their aversion to fresh ideas.

  Jinx, the rotten little minx, meowed. A smug, taunting call to action.

  Tessa dropped her satchel onto the table and cleared her throat. “Let’s call this meeting to order. I’m ready to get started.”

  An elderly crone spoke to the group at large. “You see, this is exactly the problem. With her, it’s always I, I, I.” She shook her head, disapproval evident on her wrinkled face. “It proves we’ve made the right decision.”

  Decision?

  “But you haven’t read through my application,” Tessa protested. She glanced anxiously around the table. “It’s not fair to make a decision about this without hearing what I have to say.”

  “Are you sure you want to talk to us about what’s fair?” this from the usually reticent Clarissa Goodbody. “What about that poor construction worker you left dangling from a crane?”

  So they knew. Tessa clenched her jaw. Of course they did. She had no secrets in the small, interbred community. But if she could just get across the Atlantic she’d have breathing space.

  “We’re getting very off topic here,” she said, neatly avoiding Clarissa’s question. “I would like to begin by--”

  “We’re not getting off topic, my dear,” her Aunt Trudy interrupted. “We’re actually getting to the matter at hand. Have a seat, please.” She pointed to the only empty chair at the table.

  Tessa didn’t want to sit. She wanted to talk. And not about her long list of perceived crimes either. But she did as she was bid. It seemed as if she was in enough trouble already.

  Something wasn’t right. She’d attended these meetings for four years now. They were always boring. Excruciatingly so. But the atmosphere in the room today was different. It crackled with an energy that unnerved her. Something was about to change. Her instincts told her she was not going to like it either.

  “Aunt Trudy, I came here today to present my application for appointment to the United Paranormal Council.”

  “Yes, that is why you’ve come my dear, but that isn’t why we’re here.” Her smile was kind, almost pitying.

  Tessa’s stomach turned over, her body reacting to what her mind still wasn’t grasping. Her throat was too dry to talk. She tapped her finger twice on her palm but the witch across from her shook her head.

  “Let me, Tessa.” In a smooth practiced movement she waved her index finger in an intricate pattern.

  A crystal goblet filled with ice water materialized in front of Tessa. She’d wanted wine. But water would do in a pinch. And if Tessa Von Hellengaard had ever felt in a pinch, it was now.

  Chapter Two

  “This is my next assignment?” Liam Kennedy took the proffered dossier and opened the file. A black and white photo of a striking woman looked back. He studied her face. She wasn’t smiling, and there was no laughter captured in her eyes. Aloof was probably the best word for her. She was beautiful, captivatingly so.

  “And she’s a witch?” he asked.

  “Of the first order, as I understand it.” His administrative assistant, Fiona, turned her attention from her laptop and pointed to the file in his hand. “It’s all in there. Everything you need to know. She’s quite a number it seems.”

  Liam raised an eyebrow and held up the dossier. “You read this?”

  Fiona smiled. “I have.”

  “That smirk of yours tells me I have my work cut out for me.”

  “Let’s just say, I think you’re the right man for the job.” She stood and grabbed her handbag from the cabinet behind her desk. “I’m off to find chocolate and coffee, in that order. Want to come with?”

  Liam shook his head. “You go. I’m going to read this and then go pick up,” he paused to consult the file, “Tessa so we can get started.”

  “Good luck, boss,” Fiona said just before she tapped her keychain wand and disappeared in a flutter of gold sparkles.

  Luck? No. There the fair Fiona was wrong. He wasn’t the one who was going to need it.

  ***

  Tessa could hardly believe her ears. She’d been subjected to a litany of charges against both her character and behavior, a list so long she felt herself aging as she listened.

  “Stop.” She slapped her palms on the table and stood. She looked at each woman seated around the table before fixing her eyes on her Aunt Trudy. “Enough already. I get it. I’m not perfect. None of us are. Can you just slap my wrists so we can move on?”

  Aunt Trudy shook her head. “Sit down and please don’t act like a victim, child, because you know you’ve been warned several times that your behavior is unbecoming as a member of the Upper Hallows Witch Council. It seems to me that you’ve lost all touch with the two most important C’s in our Witch’s Motto.” She looked down her nose, over her crystal accented reading glasses, her eyes challenging her niece. “Prove me wrong. Tell me what the two C’s on our crest stand for.”

  Of course Tessa knew what they stood for but she wasn’t going to give them the satisfaction of the proper answer as if she were a naughty school girl. She was the youngest witch present but anyone with half of a functioning eye could tell she was no girl.

  “Cider and cross stitch?” she quipped.

  An eruption of protests ensued. Her aunt rang a small pewter bell and waited for silence to return. She frowned at Tessa. “Courtesy and compassion are our guides through every day and you should know that. However, you’re showing none of the first now and I’d very much like to know when you’ve demonstrated any compassion recently?”

  Tessa thought. And thought. Compassion really was a relative word when it came right down to it, she realized.

  “Our point exactly,” Amelia Fairweather piped up. She stroked a curled up Jinx who lay contentedly in her lap.

  Tessa eyed Jinx. One slammed door, one bruised tail, and he’d changed camps. The little traitor.

  Her aunt shook her head ruefully. “Your choices have been gravely disappointing my dear. We haven’t gone through a week this year where one of us hasn’t heard tell of your shenanigans, each worse than the last. You seem to think that you can cast spells at whim.” She held up a slip of paper. “Do you want me to read through the list? The grocery clerk who somehow got her finger stuck up her nose and couldn’t get it out? Your riding instructor who fell off her high horse?”

  Tessa drew a deep breath. They were covering no new ground here. But each moment she sat and listened to their complaints was a moment they weren’t considering her application. She had to get control of the situation.

  “So you’re saying the real problem is that I’m acting like a witch?”

  Her aunt leaned forward and shook her head. “No, my dear, the real problem is that you’re acting like a bitch.”

  Liam slipped in through the double oak doors and stood silently with his back against the wall. He didn’t doubt that every witch in the room, save one, sensed he was there without having to look. They almost always knew when his sort was present even when he wasn’t in flesh and blood form. Today he was though. It seemed the best way to greet his new – what should he call Contessa Von Hellengaard?

  Client? Not exactly. Project? Not a word he usually used.

  He wouldn’t be using the bitch word, that much he knew. He’d arrived just in time to witness Tessa’s reaction. Angry sparks radiated from her aura, bright enough to cast moonlight into shadow.

  Just why was she so angry? Indignant denial or a guilty conscience? He’d find out as soon as he got her alone.

  “How dare you?” Tessa demanded of the woman he understood was her Aunt Trudy. “You have no right--”

  “Child, do not sp
eak to me in that angry tone of voice. I had very much hoped to hear a contrite apology or even an explanation for your choices but all I hear is entitlement.”

  “Yes, that’s right. I am entitled,” Tessa said. “I am entitled to be treated as an adult and a full-fledged witch, and not as some pathetic underling that you disapprove of.”

  And so the war of words was waged. Liam listened to Tessa’s denial of wrong doings, her anger at being held accountable and her scorn for the council as a whole. It didn’t escape his notice that she spoke out of turn and appeared to think nothing of raising her voice to women who were, some of them, hundreds of years older than she.

  Patience and humility weren’t her strong suits. He made a mental note.

  To his surprise, Liam realized he was looking forward to the challenge before him. Tessa was unlike any woman he’d ever worked with. Worked on. He wondered how she’d react when she found out he was going to be her new best friend.

  He didn’t have to wait long to find out.

  ***

  “You want me to work with a FAIRY?” Tessa knew she was shouting and she didn’t care. She was long past the point of caring. “Have you lost your mind? Fairy as in a fluttery winged, short skirt, blond bimbo fairy?”

  Amelia Fairweather dropped her head into her hands. Evelyne Allswell, seated next to her, patted Amelia’s shoulder. Angry eyes flashing, Evelyne addressed Tessa.

  “Not only are you going to work with our sisterhood of fairies, you spoiled ingrate, you’re going to have one of your own.”

  Her self-satisfied smile enraged Tessa even further. Words were failing her. No other choice existed but to use her magic. She flexed her fingers. She’d need a hell of a spell to get out of this one. She raised her hands.

  “Don’t even think about it,” Evelyne shrieked.

  Tessa tapped her finger on her palm but she was too late. She reeled backwards, more stunned by the idea that a member of the council would use magic against her than from the actual impact. She opened her mouth to protest but she was unable to make a sound. She tried harder. Still nothing. She clenched her fists.