Love Always, Damian

by D. Nichole King

Now what? God, I want to trust him. I want to soak up everything he says, believe it, wrap my arms around him and kiss him.

  I’m such an idiot.

  I’m silent long enough for him to reach out and skim his fingers over my cheek. “Please, Elle,” he murmurs, and shivers race down my spine, making my whole body tremble at his touch, his words. For an instant, I can’t breathe. Can’t think.

  I can’t say no to this man. And, Lia is his daughter. This is what I came here for, right?

  I’m running out of time. I need to either catch this flight or see if I can get a later one so I can think.

  My gaze lowers to Lia, and a sliver of doubt creeps in. But then I think about Blake. He had a point when he said I could be on the red-eye, flying right back here if anything—anything—goes wrong.

  “We already checked our luggage, and she only has her blanket and a few toys in her carry-on,” I hear myself say. Am I really doing this?

  “That’s okay. Girls like to shop, right?”

  “Um…” I say, buying myself some time. I flick my eyes down to Lia again, and I wonder if I’m doing the right thing. Once I’m on that plane, it’ll be the farthest I’ve ever been from my daughter.

  I crouch down like I always do when we have to talk about something important. My Lia-Kat will always be my first priority, and before I make a decision on this, I need to know where she stands.

  She faces me, her eyebrows high in expectation. I take one of her hands in mine and squeeze. She’s my miracle, perfect and precious. The light of my life.

  “Sweetheart,” I start. “What would you like to do? Do you want to stay here in Iowa with your dad?”

  “What will you do?” she asks, and it’s so sweet the way she says it. Like she’s taking care of me instead of the other way around.

  “Go with Blake to study in the ocean,” I say.

  “That shark thing?”

  I laugh. “Yeah, the shark thing.”

  “Will you be okay without me?”

  I grin. Tuck her hair behind her ear. “I’ll manage.”

  Lia glances up at Damian, and I swear her smile reaches her ears. “Did you hear that?” she asks him, and my heart does a little flutter. In good and bad ways. Because it knows I’m letting her go and because of how happy she is right now. “I get to live with you, Daddy!”

  Damian squats down with us, his knee grazing mine. “Yes, you do, Lia.” Then his eyes cut to me. They sparkle with a delight I don’t recall seeing in them before, and I’m glad to have given that to him. “Thank you, Elle. I promise I’ll take care of her.”

  “I know you will.”

  ~*~

  I’m crying. Tears falling down my cheeks. Thankfully, I have a window seat I can stare out of so no one sees me.

  I checked all possible avenues, but I couldn’t book a later flight that would get me back to Florida in time to catch the plane to Cairns. I’m cutting this close as it is.

  I wish I didn’t have to leave her so quickly.

  I’ve been in the air for less than twenty minutes, and already I want to call Damian and make sure everything is okay. I’m going to be such a mess in Australia. I’ll end up on anxiety medication if I can’t control this. I have to trust Damian at his word. Easier said than done, I’m sure.

  I rub my arms with my palms in an attempt to tame the goosebumps prickling over them. They’re not there because I’m cold. No, they’re there because I’m scared.

  Oh God, I hope I’m not making a mistake.

  Chapter 10

  Damian

  I guess I’m doing this.

  I put Lia’s pink booster seat Ellie gave me in the back of my BMW. I have no clue how this thing works. Where the hell do the straps go?

  Lia pokes her head around me. “I can buckle myself,” she informs me, then squeezes by and sits down. Her short legs dangle off the seat. She twists and grabs the seatbelt while I watch her work. Using a couple of pulls, she finally has enough length, and sure enough, I hear the click. “See?”

  That’s it?

  “Uh, good work,” I congratulate her. First day on the job, and I’m completely lost.

  “Blake taught me.”

  “Oh yeah? Who’s Blake?” I ask, swinging her carry-on luggage around her and into the next seat.

  It shouldn’t matter who Blake is, but he’s obviously spent more time with my daughter than I have, and for some reason that doesn’t sit right with me. That and Ellie never mentioned him, which could mean anything.

  “Mommy’s friend,” she says.

  I don’t know much about kids, especially kids this age, but I do know they’re honest. Brutally, sometimes. I get the feeling my daughter is no exception.

  “Is he a good friend?”

  Lia shrugs. “He comes over a lot. One night, I saw them kissing. Gross!” She makes a face and shudders.

  A weight dips in my stomach at the thought then disappears just as quickly.

  “He’s going to Australia with her,” Lia offers.

  “That’s nice,” I say and slam Lia’s door harder than I intended. Through the tinted window, I see her jump and snap her head in my direction.

  “Sorry,” I mouth.

  I walk around the back of the car. I’m happy for Ellie. She deserves someone as awesome as my brother, and I convince myself the only reason this protective instinct is kicking in has to do with Lia. Because, why wouldn’t it? We were never together.

  By the time I’m behind the wheel and driving out of the airport, Ellie and this Blake guy are nothing but a whisper in the back of my mind. By tonight they’ll be completely gone. Ellie’s relationships are none of my business, like mine aren’t hers.

  “I guess our first stop should be the store, huh? Because you need clothes and shit,” I say, checking on Lia from the rearview mirror.

  She cocks her head to the side. “I need clothes, but what’s ‘shit?’”

  Oh damn.

  “Uh, it’s nothing. Bad word, sorry. I meant stuff, like a toothbrush and”—fuck, do I have to change diapers?—“other stuff.”

  Lia frowns, her lower lip jutting out. “My favorite jammies are on the airplane with Mommy. I can’t sleep without them.”

  Jammies? What the hell are jammies?

  “We’ll buy you new jammies, okay?”

  “My Little Pony jammies?” she asks, her pretty blue eyes pleading with me, and right then and there I vow to myself that I’ll find her My Little Pony jammies if I have to go into every goddamn store in Des Moines to get them. My daughter already has me whipped.

  This will either be a very long or a very short eight weeks. I’m not sure which I’m hoping for.

  I turn into the Target parking lot on Mills Civic Drive. Target is an easy choice because it was Kate’s favorite store. I swear, she bought everything here.

  Lia gallops to the clothing section like she lives there. Goes straight for the pajamas and squeals in delight.

  “Eeek! Lookie!” She rips something off the hanger, spins around, and hugs it to her chest.

  “Jammies?” I ask because I have no fucking clue.

  “Duh, Dad.” She rolls those gorgeous blues, and either that’s a girl thing they learn from a very early age or she inherited the move from her mother. But I’d never tell Ellie that.

  “Your mom said you wear a size four,” I say as I rummage through the rack and pull out an identical nightgown in the correct size. “How’s this?”

  “Can we get two?”

  “Of the same thing?”

  She bobs her head quickly, eyes wide and hopeful.

  Oh, why the hell not.

  I grab another size four and drop it into the cart. The term “wrapped around her finger” comes to mind.

  After loading the cart with most of the clothes in the little girls section, shoes, panties—not diapers, thank God—a toddler bed and girly comforter, I wonder where the hell I’m going to put all this stuff.

  “Toys!” Lia cheers, pointing to her left. />
  I check our overflowing cart. “Toys, too?” I ask.

  “All of mine are in Florida,” she reminds me.

  “Right.” I do a quick reorganization to find more space. “Okay, on to the toy department.”

  Lia leads the way. She cleans out the My Little Pony shelves, and as she does, I shoot Dylan a text to retrieve the purple horse from the garbage in the kitchen.

  “That’s all you want?” I ask, surprised there’s nothing except pony shit in the cart. No Barbie dolls, baby dolls, Disney princesses.

  “This is good,” she replies.

  I lead her to the educational toys anyway, because, well, because. She picks out a couple of things, and as we swing by the electronics, I toss in some pink video games since Resident Evil and Slaughterhouse are probably not appropriate. Then I dump in a few books, and we’re ready to go.

  So far, this fathering thing isn’t too bad.

  ~*~

  Ellie

  Blake is waiting for me in baggage claim. His gaze narrows as soon as he catches sight of me. Then he tilts his head to the side in question. The way his dark hair sweeps over his forehead when he does it is adorable.

  I force half a grin at his expression. Over the years, this guy has become my best friend. He knows how to make me laugh without trying. Whether or not he sees it on my face, Lia’s obviously not with me, and Blake understands how much it hurts to leave her behind.

  I pick up my pace until I reach him, tears forming again behind my eyelids. He doesn’t greet me with words. Instead, he circles his arms around me and brings me into him. His chin rests on my head. One hand smoothes my hair in the same manner I had with Lia’s before I left.

  I let go of Blake and wipe my eyes. “I’m sorry,” I apologize unnecessarily.

  “She with Damian, huh?” he asks, taking the handle of my carry-on so all I have is my purse.

  “Yeah. She, uh, wanted to stay with him.”

  Blake pushes loose strands of hair out of my face. “It’ll be good for both of them, Elizabeth. And for you too.”

  I nod as if I agree with him.

  It’s strange to think that when he dropped us off, there’d been two of us. Now, he’s only picking up one.

  “You hungry?” Blake asks as he pulls into traffic.

  “Um, no.” I shake my head and dig out my phone. I can’t think about food until after I talk with Lia.

  I feel Blake’s gaze on me, then his hand as it slides onto my thigh to stop it from bouncing.

  “I’ll order pizza,” he decides.

  I barely hear him, though, since I’ve already dialed Damian’s cell and it’s ringing.

  “Hey, Elle,” Damian answers softly, and my stupid brain takes me back to his bedroom when he used to moan out my name in that same hushed voice. I squeeze my thighs together.

  I glance over at Blake, and he grins back at me, winking his encouragement.

  “How’s Lia?” I ask.

  “She’s fine. In fact, she fell asleep about ten minutes ago,” Damian says.

  “Oh…”

  “I tried to keep her up. But we shopped all evening, ate Chinese, and then she reiterated our entire day to Dylan as soon as he got back from work.” Damian laughs. “She talks like she’s spent her life around graduate students, Elle. What the fuck did you do to my daughter?”

  That makes me giggle because I can totally see it. She started talking early and hasn’t stopped. It’s one of the reasons she’s the unofficial mascot of the marine biology grad department.

  “I finally got her settled down with a My Little Pony movie,” he continues, “and she was out two minutes in.”

  “And you’re still watching it, aren’t you?” I guess, grinning, because I’ve been there, done that.

  “Damn, this shit is addicting, Ellie. So, Twilight Sparkle apparently wasn’t born with wings, huh?”

  “No, Princess Celestia gives them to her later.”

  “The pony with the crazy, windblown hair?” he asks after a moment’s hesitation. I can just imagine his expression. God, I wish I was there.

  “That’s the one.”

  “I can hardly contain my excitement,” he says, and I laugh. On the other end, I hear him laugh too, and I realize that we haven’t laughed together in such a long time. It’s so good to hear that sound from him.

  “Tell her I love her, okay?” I ask, referring to my Lia-Kat.

  “I will, Elle. Talk to you tomorrow.”

  “Good night.”

  A second passes before he replies. “Good night.”

  ~*~

  I can breathe again. In more ways than one.

  “She’s okay?” Blake asks. I’d been so caught up in the conversation with Damian, I completely forgot he was there.

  “Yeah, she’s all tuckered out. Fell asleep a little while ago.”

  Blake smiles. “Good.”

  When we arrive at my apartment building two blocks from campus, Blake helps me with my stuff. I bummed my mom’s washing machine so all our clothes are clean. Blake joins me in my bedroom after calling in our pizza.

  “Twenty minutes,” he says.

  “Ham and pineapple?”

  “On your half.”

  “And boring ol’ sausage on yours,” I drawl out in my best Alabama accent. It’s horrible in comparison to his native one.

  He shoots me a sideways smirk for my effort. “Don’t knock it until you try it, babe.”

  “Repeat: boring ol’ sausage.” I nod this time as I deepen my fake accent to drive home my point.

  Blake’s face goes slack, clearly not amused. He saunters toward me and hooks an arm around my waist, pulling me into him. Finally, he cracks a half-smile and leans in. Like the handful of kisses I’ve received from him, this one is light and slow. He takes his time with me. I’ve been straight with him from the beginning: I’m not looking for a relationship. With school and Lia, I don’t have the time.

  What I left out were my ever-present feelings for Damian.

  Blake sucks my lower lip between his teeth before he lets go. His eyes search mine as if asking if what he did was okay. He’s respectful like that, which is one of the reasons I think Blake and I could work—if we take things slow.

  He’s like Liam—the complete opposite of Damian.

  I grin back at him to let him know I enjoyed it.

  “I figured I’d better do that now. You know, before you have ham and pineapple breath,” he teases, and I gently push him away.

  “Here,” I say, handing him a stack of Lia’s clothes. “Go make yourself useful.”

  Blake’s here a lot, so he knows the ins and outs of this apartment. In fact, he put together Lia’s bed and furniture, helped me paint her walls, and decorated her room.

  Blake kisses me again. “I thought I already did.”

  “You wish.”

  He waggles his brows at me as he backs out of my room. Then he winks and disappears into Lia’s adjacent one.

  We finish putting everything away, and as soon as we’re done, our pizza arrives. I grab the parmesan cheese, and Blake sets the box on the coffee table.

  “Pop?” I ask him.

  “What about my dad?” he says, teasing me again. There are some words that are ingrained in my brain and always will be no matter where I live.

  I roll my eyes before I can stop myself. Lia does this enough for both of us, but she’s not here to see my slip-up.

  “Coke?” I clarify.

  “Dr. Pepper, please.”

  “Stocked just for you,” I say. I hate the stuff and keep it around for Blake.

  I hand him the can and settle down on the sofa with him. He already has a comedy picked out on Netflix.

  Twenty minutes in, we’re both done eating, and Blake puts an arm around me, tugging me against him. This is new for us, but I let it happen. It’s nice, and with Blake, I know I’m safe. Unlike Damian, Blake’s not a wild card. He’s solid, has his life put together, and his future planned out.

  S
afe.

  When the movie is over, Blake kisses my forehead and holds me closer. It’s warm in his arms. So incredibly warm, and I feel my body responding to it.

  His palms glide down my arms then back up until his fingers tilt my chin up to him. I’m nervous, not knowing how far he intends to go. I’m not ready. I mean, I’ll tell him no if I have to, but I’d like to not have to go there, even if the rest of me is screaming yes.

  Blake brushes his lips over mine, and I like it. Really like it. So much that I want a little more. I roll into him so we’re now both lying on our sides, facing each other.

  Blake threads his fingers through my hair. “I love spending time with you, Elizabeth.”

  “Me too,” I murmur.

  Shivers race under my skin. My nipples are rock hard, aching beneath my bra. Blake leans his forehead against mine before he kisses me again. I cup the back of his neck.

  Oh God, this is good.

  Blake’s tongue caresses my lips, tasting them before he separates them and lets himself in. A moan slips out of me and Blake responds by hiking my leg over his hip. He pushes me into him, his erection rubbing against my center.

  This is too much. No matter how much I’m enjoying what he’s doing, how much my body is crying out for it, I can’t. I’m a mother now, and I have to be responsible. And the responsible thing is to not lead this man on. I’ve only been this intimate with two men my whole life. One I was in love with. The other was a mistake.

  And I can’t make another mistake.

  I break away from Blake’s kisses to catch my breath. “Blake…”

  He’s panting too, but he doesn’t stop roaming over my face, my hair. “Too fast?”

  “I’m sorry.”

  He holds my chin with his forefinger and thumb and presses his lips on my forehead. “Don’t be. I promised you we’d move at your pace.” Even though his words are sincere, there’s disappointment laced through his chocolate irises.

  I force a smile. “It’s late.”

  “Yeah, I’d better go.”

  I roll off the sofa and intentionally turn my back to him so he’ll have a minute of privacy. Then his hands are on my shoulders and he’s spinning me to face him.