“When did you talk to Jane?”
Stacy was sitting in Chase’s chair, looking even more petite behind his big desk.
“She came to the club on Sunday night. We talked a little bit, nothing unusual, nothing out of the ordinary. I was busy...Chase had taken the weekend off last minute, said he was exhausted. So I was riding herd on the masses.” She made a dismissive gesture with her hand.
“No big deal, but I didn’t have a whole lot of time to talk with her. But then, out of the blue, she called me at home this morning. Said she had something to tell me...almost like she couldn’t wait to spit it out.”
Stacy hesitated a beat, holding my gaze. “She told me she was seeing Jake again.”
I’m pretty sure the shock was evident on my face; it usually is.
“You’re kidding? Or she’s lying? Please tell me it’s a joke or something...anything.”
I thought back to the last time I saw Jake, leaving him on Saturday morning...after spending the night. I thought we’d come so far, he’d finally been honest with me, completely honest when he said he hadn’t wanted to find Jane, wasn’t interested in seeing her again. How had that changed?
“Did she say when he saw her?” My voice was shaky, my palms suddenly clammy.
“Saturday night. At that dive where she works. She said he was waiting for her when she got there to start her shift. Stayed there until she got off work.”
A frown creased Stacy’s forehead. “Abby, that’s not all. She said he slept with her...that night. And a couple times since.”
A couple of times? My face felt numb, my lips struggling to form words. “It’s only Thursday.”
Stacy nodded. “Yeah, I know. I did the math. As near as I could tell, from what she’s said, he’s been seeing her almost every day since Saturday night.”
She leaned forward. “But you have to know that this is Jane; sometimes what she says and reality aren’t quite the same.”
“Do you think she’s lying?” Maybe there was a glimmer of hope.
Stacy shook her head. “No, not this time, not about seeing Jake, I mean. But she may be exaggerating a bit, blowing it up to more than it is, or have her days mixed up. I think she’s still using, which is why Chase keeps an eye on her, or has me do that, when she’s here. It’s why I knew about Jake in the first place, when she was his sub. And why I do tell Chase about her, what she said about Jake. He calls her a loose cannon and he’s not far off the mark.”
I shook my head. None of this made sense. Then something else, something very ugly reared its head.
“Stacy, did she say he was sleeping with her or she’d gone back to being his submissive?”
Stacy grew serious. “Oh. Abby, she said she was sleeping with him. As in, just sex, not as a sub.”
My heart was pounding so hard I could hear it in my head. I must have looked devastated. Stacy came around the corner of the desk, wrapping an arm around my shoulder.
“Oh, Abby. Honey, I’m sorry.” She hugged me, her tough as nails exterior slipping away briefly.
“If any man did that to me, he’d be out of my life for good.”
I called Jane’s number when I got home from work on Friday, not really knowing what I wanted to say, other than I wanted to see her again. Why I wanted to torture myself, I didn’t know. Maybe I wanted her to tell me Stacy was full of shit. But I didn’t think that was the case.
She didn’t sound surprised to hear from me. “I knew you’d call, knew you’d want to check up on Jake. You’re that kind of girl. Yeah, if you want, you can come talk to me.” She gave me an address in a dismal part of town. When I found the building, it was just as dismal as its neighbors.
I climbed the narrow stairs to the third floor. It smelled of stale grease and the seemingly ever-present miasma of cigarette smoke. I couldn’t imagine Jake here, but then again, the Jake I thought I knew and the Jake I was uncovering seemed to be two vastly different people.
Jane answered my knock, wearing only a short robe belted around her waist. The scarlet color set off her pale skin and raven black hair. Despite myself I instantly compared myself to her: slender legs, tiny waist, waves of black hair...high cheekbones. Of course he likes her; she’s got the perfect body.
She pointed me toward the kitchen table, pushing aside a stack of magazines and newspapers from one end, begrudgingly clearing a space for me on the sticky Formica.
“You want coffee? I have some made, but no creamer. Only some of that artificial sweetener crap.”
I shook my head. “No, nothing. Thanks.”
“Suit yourself.” Jane sank into the chair opposite me, fishing a cigarette out of a crumpled pack. She lit a match, the smell of sulphur filling my nose, followed by the smoke from her cigarette.
Jane squinted at me through the blue haze. “So, you know about Jake. Stacy told you, didn’t she?”
She laughed, a rough bark of sound. “I knew she would.” She tapped the ash from her cigarette into an overflowing ashtray.
“I don’t go in for deep analysis of why I do things. Too much shit in there to dig through. But in this case, as the shrinks would say, my motive was transparent.”
She waved the cigarette at me, holding it between her slender fingers. “I wanted to know if you two still have some kind of relationship...have some kind of connection. Figured if I told Stacy and you called, you were still involved. And by the looks of it, I was right.”
Her eyes narrowed as she regarded me through the smoke. “I suppose I should thank you. If you hadn’t been in the picture, he never would have bothered to come looking for me. Lucky me.”
There was a long pause while she took another drag from her cigarette, the end glowing bright red. She blew out a trail of smoke, leaning forward, watching my face.
“You’re real quiet today, aren’t you? No questions for Jane, no pitying looks for the poor damaged girl Jake screwed over. Because now I’m not the girl he screwed over...I’m the girl he’s screwing.
“And I bet he’s not screwing you right now, is he?” She sat back, crushing out her cigarette.
“I didn’t come here...”
“Yeah, you didn’t come here to talk about Abby or Jane. You’re here to talk about Jake. I get it.”
She shook out another cigarette, holding it unlit between her fingers as she went on.
“So let’s talk about Jake. What do you want to know this time about Mr. Meyers?”
The match flared again, smoke rising to join the cloud hovering just below the ceiling. It was hard to breath; I felt like I was suffocating, from the smoke and from the crushing weight in my chest.
“When? When did he come find you?” My voice was steadier than I felt.
“Last Saturday. Found me at the bar. Either you gave him the name or he remembered I worked there. Either way, he was waiting when I started my shift. Can’t say I was real surprised he was there. It’s like that movie...what’s it called? Something Separate Degrees...Six Degrees of Separation, that’s it.” She exhaled another cloud of smoke toward the ceiling.
“Except it’s just you and me, and Jake. Only a few degrees apart.”
Her blue eyes were far sharper today than they had been at the bar, not red-rimmed, no dark smudges beneath them, despite the choking cigarette smoke. Jane’s body was almost humming, vibrating at some high frequency, some frantic energy running through her. I remembered Stacy had said she had done drugs...still did drugs.
Those blue eyes were locked on mine now. “And that really pisses you off, doesn’t it?”
“I’d be lying if I said I was happy about it.” I wasn’t sure where this conversation was going. All I wanted now was to be away from Jane, from this dingy apartment, from the stinging sense that I’d been made a fool of by Jake. But I needed one more answer.
Jane gave me a catty smile. “Looks like the nice girl finishes last here, all dressed in her pretty little skirt and blouse.”
“That depends.” I took a deep breath, disregarding t
he potential for immediately contracting lung cancer.
“Are you his sub, or just a friend with benefits?” I held her gaze, saw her eyes widen just a fraction. I willed myself not to blink and for once, bluffed my way through.
Jane sat back, her intensity lessening slightly. But something else filled the gap.
“I don’t think it would be good for my mental health if I went back to being Jake’s sub, do you?” She took a deep drag from the cigarette, crushing the latest on top of the still-smoldering butt of the previous cigarette.
“Let’s call us fuck buddies then. That’s good enough for me and apparently it’s good enough for Jake.”
She blew a stream of smoke in my face.
I fled the apartment.
I called Chase as soon as I got home, for no other reason than to hear his voice. It was early, for him; he was still at the condo.
“Are you okay? Abby, what’s happened?”
“I saw Jane...” My voice cracked, tears spilling down my face.
“Abby. Listen to me. You do not go see her anymore, regardless what Stacy tells you. Jane’s not stable and you’re not safe. And don’t go seeing Jake either, in some attempt to make this right, or make sense of it, or whatever you think you should do. Call him, if you need to talk to him. But don’t go see him. I’d forbid it if I thought it would do any good, but I know it won’t.” There was a pause.
“I hate to think of you with him, for any reason. You know that. It drives a knife right through my heart.”
I was crying too hard to reply.
“Abby? Do you hear me?” Chase’s voice was insistent.
“Yes, Chase. I do.” My voice was barely a whisper.
“Come here, Abby. Come over to the condo. I’ll stay home tonight, let Stacy handle the club again. Serves her right for getting in the middle of this. I have half a mind...”
“Don’t, Chase. Don’t be mad at Stacy. She’s only trying to help.” I sniffed a little, my tears slowing.
“Fine. But come see me, please. I don’t care if you’ve decided to never see me again...you’re upset and I don’t want you to be alone tonight.”
I hesitated briefly.
I did want to see Chase.
This was the end.
There would be no Jake and I. It was over.
“I’ll be there in a little bit. There’s something I need to do first.”
“Fine. I’ll call Stacy. Take care of whatever you need to, do it quick. I’ll be here waiting.”
When I pulled up to Jake’s house, there was a car parked beneath the portico, not one of Jake’s, but a battered and rusty car of indeterminate make. I parked behind it, running through the wind-driven rain to the door to the house, ringing the bell.
I peered through the glass of the door, watching for Jake to appear, ringing the bell again. The wind was blowing in erratic gusts, fine waves of rain drifting over me, making me shiver.
“Abby, what are you doing here?”
I whirled around, almost colliding with Jake. He was behind me, the door to the tower room open, light spilling onto the driveway, casting his face in shadow. He was shirtless and barefoot, wearing the cotton sweat pants that were so familiar to me. I blinked in confusion.
“Jake. You scared me. I...” I stopped. There was movement behind Jake.
Over his shoulder, in the doorway to the tower room, I saw a flash of scarlet. Jane was leaning against doorframe, with her ever-present cigarette, thin wisps of smoke caught in the wind. Wearing nothing but the short silk robe she’d worn when I saw her in her apartment, not more than a couples hours earlier.
My eyes flew back to Jake’s face. “You have her here? Now? I just left her apartment!” I felt tears welling in my eyes.
“Abby, it’s not what it looks like...” Jake took a step closer, the light from the house catching his features.
I looked up at him, at the man I thought I loved, the man I had been willing to give up everything to be with. Even the love of another good man...even willing to give up Chase.
Jake’s beautiful face was a kaleidoscope of emotions. I watched as he fought down fear and shock...shock, I suppose at seeing me, at being caught with Jane. Fear...of being caught in a lie? I wasn’t sure. Things were happening too fast.
Then something else took over inside Jake. His face softened and he moved toward me, reaching out to touch my arm.
“Abby, honey. You’re here, that’s all that matters. I love you. Whatever else you think, it’s not important. I love you, and you love me. There’s nothing else that matters.”
He took another step closer. I backed up, my shoulders hitting the door behind me.
“Stop, Jake. No...don’t...” I put my hands up, no idea what his intentions were, wanting to ward him off, push him away. But I ended up with my hands on his chest, the warmth of his bare skin beneath my fingers. Instinctively I clenched my hands, trying to pull my fingers away.
But Jake grabbed my wrists, holding me fast, his grip like steel.
“Abby, you have to understand. I love you. She’s...” he looked over his shoulder at Jane “...she’s nothing.”
He pulled my hands up to his lips, kissing my knuckles. “I was scared, scared that you were gone. I was desperate, needed someone...she was the only one I could think of to use...” His voice trailed off.
“You’re lying. I’ve had enough. Let me go, Jake. You have what you want. You have Jane.” I felt anger, pain...fear...welling up inside of me. But mostly anger. Something snapped.
“You’ve been with her for the past week, Jake. Or didn’t your little fuck buddy tell you that I knew that?” I craned my neck, looking past Jake’s shoulder.
Jane was still standing in the doorway watching, smoking her cigarette, or her second or third cigarette. There was a smile on her full lips, something terrible that didn’t quite reach her eyes. I shuddered with the realization she’d set this whole thing up, knowing exactly what I’d do after I left her. Knowing I’d confront Jake. She’d played me for a fool.
I looked back to Jake. His face had changed, something dark behind his eyes. His fingers dug into my wrists.
“I talked to Jane...today. I left you here, last Saturday morning. And the next thing you do is go find her and sleep with her. And now...” I stopped for a breath.
“You’ve been sleeping with her for the past week.”
Something changed in Jake’s expression. A calculating look passed over his eyes.
“I love you, Abby. You know that.” His voice was low, that husky sexy voice that did...had...done things to me. But now it scared me.
“I’ve loved you since the first time I saw you.” He pulled me close to him, his body against mine. I felt the heat of his skin against me and then the pressure of his erection, pressing against my stomach. I pulled hard, wrenching my wrists from his hands, pulling away. I was disgusted now, angry and scared. I stumbled from beneath the portico roof toward my car, cold rain hitting my face, mixing with the tears that were running down my cheeks.
Jake was right behind me, his bare feet slapping on the wet pavement.
“I love you. We can fix this...whatever is wrong. I just made a mistake...I love you. You love me. We can fix this...”
I spun around, my anger flaring, pushing back the fear. I pointed back to the tower room door. I could see Jane, silhouetted against the light from the portico, watching us.
“She said it...Jane said something to me the first time I met her...that some things just can’t be fixed with love. That’s us, Jake...this. Nothing can fix us, not all the love in the world. It’s over. It’s ended. You ended it, Jake, when you brought her back here. If you can’t see that...”
The rain was coming down harder now, sharp drops stinging my face. I reached for the car door, had it open, when Jake reached past me, slamming it shut.
“No! This isn’t how it ends. Not like this.” The rain was running down his face, flattening his hair. He pulled me against him, hard. He forced his m
outh against mine in a brutal kiss. I pulled away in revulsion. I wanted to gag.
“I’ll make her leave. I’ll send Jane away.” His breath was harsh against my face.
“Jake, stop!” I took a deep breath, to bring myself under control. The fear was back, a panicky feeling bubbling up inside. Everything was spinning out of control.
I twisted out of his grip, wrenching the car door open. I scrambled inside, slamming the door, hitting the locks, fumbling with the key in the ignition.
The shower of broken glass, followed by a gust of cold wind-blown rain made me scream. Jake’s hand jutting through the broken driver’s side window, blood dripping from cut knuckles. He made a grab for me, my hair or arm, I wasn’t sure. The car roared to life and I threw it into gear, jamming my foot on the gas, careening down the circular driveway.
I glanced in the rearview mirror. Jake was still standing in the rain, silhouetted against the light from the portico.
I rang the bell, and then knocked on Chase’s door. He opened it, took one look at me and folded me into his arms. My knees gave out, the last of my energy draining away, and I crumpled against him.
He scooped me up, taking me down the hall to his bedroom. With infinite care, he set me on the bed, fingers swiftly working to pull off my sodden clothes.
“Just a minute.” He went to the bathroom, quickly back with a towel. He wiped my face, pushed the dripping hair off my forehead.
“Can you tell me what happened?” The calm sound of his voice, his sure and gentle touch brought me back from where ever I’d been during the drive over.
“It was Jake...” That was all I managed to get out. All the fear and anger washed away, leaving me shaking uncontrollably.
Chase had my blouse and skirt off in seconds, pulling back the covers, helping me lie down, the blankets tucked around me. He lay down next to me, fully clothed. Even though I was cold and shaking, I pushed the blankets aside, reaching for Chase, wanting his warmth, not the warmth of the blankets.
“Hold me, Chase, please.” He pulled me against him, his fingers smoothing the damp tangles of my hair away from my face.
Submission: Guilty Pleasures #3 Page 5
