Free from Guilt

by Pat Simmons

  “That’s how I want you to remember our first kiss. Good night.”

  Inside her apartment, Gabrielle locked the door in a daze. She hadn’t planned on kissing Cameron. The shock on his face was priceless. When he reciprocated, the passion he showered on her was fierce.

  The moment had seemed right, not for sexual intimacy like some commercials promised for older couples, but for a sweet, brief brush across his lips. That had been a miscalculated move on her part because his response was totally possessive of her emotions. Cameron had said he would catch her if she fell. Those words were comforting, but she needed God to keep her from teetering on the line of temptation.

  Walk upright before Me, God spoke powerfully.

  “Yes, Lord, I hear You,” Gabrielle responded out loud.

  A big concern was in Cameron moving away. She knew he wouldn’t lack female attention, especially once he recited his résumé, something that he loved to boast. It didn’t matter. Long-distance relationships didn’t work. It wouldn’t matter even if she could fly free.

  Dragging her body into the bathroom, she went through the motions of preparing for bed. Donning a nightgown, she scrubbed her face free of makeup and applied moisturizer. It was a regimen that Talise, an accomplished hair stylist and beauty consultant, had drilled into her head. Finally, after she wrapped her hair and brushed her teeth, she was ready for a good night’s sleep.

  Gabrielle glanced at the clock before she slid to her knees to pray. Years ago, her brother Philip had challenged her to give Jesus a minimum of three minutes in prayer time. Now years later, she hadn’t broken the habit.

  Almost five minutes later, she ended and climbed into bed, snuggling beneath the covers. Gabrielle was asleep in minutes.

  On Sunday morning, the phone jostled her awake before her alarm clock sounded. Leaping from under the covers, she reached for it to silence the nuisance.

  “Hello.”

  “I wanted to make sure that the bad news guy brought you home safely,” Drexel’s commanding voice greeted her. “I advise my baby sister to stay away from trouble and what does she do? Rides shotgun with him out of town.”

  An hour-and-a-half drive was not what she considered going out of town. His over-the-top needless scowling just cost her forty-five more minutes of sleep.

  “Good morning, big brother,” she said sweetly to shame him.

  He sighed. “Sorry. Good morning to you too. I just get bad vibes about him.”

  Frowning, she sat up in bed. Gabrielle respected her brothers’ opinions and considered carefully their advice. In the end, it was God’s counsel that she would heed. It just so happened that currently, she was struggling with that. “What kind of vibes?”

  “Although I trust you, I sense he’s a man on the prowl.”

  “Aren’t all men? Anyway, you can regulate your heart rate. He’s moving back to St. Louis before the week is over. End of story.” Gabrielle advised, as she stepped out of bed and headed for the bathroom.

  “Not until you decide which company’s offer you’ll accept.”

  “I’m close.”

  “As much as I love you and would enjoy us spending time together on some weekends, I suggest you take the position in San Diego.”

  “San Diego. Why? Aren’t you the one who was selling me on St. Louis?”

  “I can’t help but feel that Cameron has been giving you a sales pitch too. You could get hurt with him living nearby. That guy has ‘love them and leave them’ written all over him. I’ve only jumped one boy over you and that was in high school. Those days are over.”

  “You do realize that Cameron and I have lived in the same city for two months without a brotherly chaperone? God has been my constant escort.” Gabrielle paused, thinking about the passionate smooch she shared with Cameron just the evening before, a kiss that she initiated.

  She felt God was keeping a close eye on her, trusting that she would not shame Him. That kiss could never happen again. Squinting at her morning reflection in the mirror, Gabrielle had to deliver the news she knew Drexel didn’t want to hear.

  “Thanks for being my alarm clock for church this morning. However, Cameron is committed to making this work between us, even long distance. He knows that to be with me, he has to step up his prayer life. So we’ll see.”

  “Sis, you can’t change a man who doesn’t want to be changed,” Drexel counseled, followed by a heavy sigh.

  “I know you’re the judge in the courtroom, but I have to trust God to judge Cameron’s heart.”

  “Okay, you know I don’t care for people who say, ‘I told you so’. I hope I don’t ever have to say that to my baby sister.”

  “Me too.”

  Chapter Nineteen

  The Jamieson brothers arrived in Boston late Friday evening. Parke and Malcolm would help Cameron drive the twenty-plus hours back to St. Louis.

  In the eleven years Cameron had lived in Beantown, he hadn’t realized how much he missed home until Ace joined his brother, Kidd, and moved to St. Louis. When their mother, Sandra, who treated him like a son, packed up a few months ago, the void was even more tangible.

  In a matter of months, Gabrielle had filled the emptiness. Now he was walking away from her and possibly his future. Not professionally, but emotionally. Cameron had to convince her to take the job in St. Louis. Every day and moment he had spent with Gabrielle, he had learned something new about her and himself.

  “What’s got you so quiet?” Parke asked from the front passenger seat while Malcolm sat in the back, texting his wife.

  “I’ve just got a lot on my mind.” Without offering any further comment, he detoured to go by Gabrielle’s place for memory’s sake.

  Having memorized her phone number, he called Gabrielle every evening this week. Last night, she had informed him about her upcoming maddening day. His heart went out to her as she shared her concern about an extra long shift.

  After they said their goodbyes, Gabrielle offered to pray for his trip. Avoiding a spiritual tug-of-war moment, he consented and silently prayed along until she became longwinded. That’s when she lost him, and Cameron impatiently waited for an Amen.

  “You know you just made the wrong turn to get on I-90 West,” Parke advised.

  “Did I?” Cameron’s answered, annoyed at the intrusion of his thoughts.

  “As a matter of fact, you did,” Malcolm chimed in. “If you slow down long enough, you just might see her.”

  Peeking in the rearview mirror, Cameron waited for Malcolm to make eye contact. He didn’t, so he concentrated on creeping past Gabrielle’s building. She had texted him that morning: Still thinking and praying for your traveling mercies. G. Cameron had texted her back, but he hadn’t heard from her. After weaving between cabbies, he pointed his Audi toward the interstate.

  “Nothing to say?” Parke taunted him.

  “I’m concentrating, if you don’t mind.”

  “On driving or on Gabrielle?” Parke asked. “I just saw the sign that we were in Mission Hill. You know, your heart’s not in this move. It’s hard to walk or drive away from her, isn’t it?”

  “Man, as much as we love you,” Malcolm chimed in, “it seems like you need to stay behind and work …”

  Older brothers. He tuned them both out as they offered unsolicited advice on how to go about winning Gabrielle over. Of course, for them, that conquest would include a greater walk with God. When Cameron didn’t engage them, they moved on to their favorite topic. Chatting about their children and what their wives were doing was priority number one.

  All these years, Cameron had told himself that he was a good catch: extremely handsome, with worldly possessions over which some men would salivate. Not to mention, the practically free higher education he derived from the numerous academic scholarships bestowed on him.

  He had it going on, or so he thought, before Gabrielle Dupree breezed into his life. Cameron wanted the kind of permanent companionship that his brothers had too. But he refused to let a woman put s
piritual demands on him to obtain that.

  After a while, neither Parke nor Malcolm mentioned Gabrielle’s name. But his mind hadn’t set aside its memory of everything about her for one minute. That’s when he had his own quiet talk with God.

  Jesus, I got this. Amen.

  Holed up in her office, Gabrielle was ready to place her final call for the morning. Although she was still waiting on a word from the Lord concerning Cameron, Sunday’s sermon had helped her reach a decision about her career. She hadn’t shared her answer with anyone yet: family, friends, or Cameron.

  “Why do we ask for God’s direction and then ignore His instructions? Jesus will not steer you the wrong way,” her pastor, Bishop Wilfred Ransom, had preached. “What are you afraid of? Did He not send a pillar of fire by night and a cloud by day to guide the Israelites in the wilderness? These are questions to which you already know the answer.”

  Gabrielle’s attention immediately perked up when the pastor said, “And, just in case you’re having some confusion about what God is telling you, Jesus will send a confirmation letter … be honest with yourself today. You can no longer hold back. Make your decision to say yes, Jesus, I’ll take Your blessing …”

  Pastor Ransom hit home repeatedly until he concluded with, “Stop listening to family and friends, if it doesn’t line up with what God is telling you.”

  As others around her stood and praised God, Gabrielle remained seated and asked God for her confirmation letter about where should she go.

  The Lord’s answer was soft and swift, For your happiness, go near home.

  That message pointed her in the direction of St. Louis and Nestle-Purina, which not only was a global company, but within close proximity to Chicago and her family. Her heart fluttered when she thought about Cameron. At this early stage, she couldn’t allow him to factor into her future plans. Things might not work out between them because she was not budging on her spiritual demand that he walk closer with the Lord.

  Now Gabrielle toyed with a pen as she waited for her regional manager to come on the line. A few hours earlier, she called the companies in San Diego and Tucson, thanking them for the job offers, but declining.

  “Chandler Dawson,” he greeted over the phone, interrupting any further musings.

  She cleared her throat. “Hello, Mr. Dawson, I wanted to verbally give you a two-week resignation before I emailed you my formal letter.”

  “Oh, Ms. Dupree, I’m sorry to hear you want to leave our company, especially after the promotion we promised you,” he said, making her feel a bit guilty. Although he had to accept blame that the promise had yet to materialize over the past year.

  “I know, and I’m appreciative of the opportunities and the perks that came along with my position. But, I miss my family, and it’s time for me to move closer to home,” she explained.

  “Well, that’s understandable. Know, Ms. Dupree, that your dedication will be missed. The door will remain open if you feel you want to return within the next few years.”

  “Well, thank you, sir.”

  Once they disconnected, Gabrielle exhaled. She was fully aware that Chandler Dawson didn’t give second chances and seldom granted management rehires. Lifting up her hands, she praised Jesus for the words to say and for His favor. Now, the only thing she needed was the strength to withstand Cameron’s masculinity.

  That evening, she called her parents and brothers. Everyone was elated, except Drexel. He called her stubborn. She left a voice message with Philip who was in Canada conducting a revival.

  Looking around her apartment, Gabrielle couldn’t believe she had accumulated so much stuff. One thing she didn’t believe in was moving junk from one place to another. That determination motivated her to start compiling a to-do list. She would give away clothes that were too tight, her collection of Christian romance books, and various other nonessential items.

  The next day, Philip called. “Evangelist! How is my dear brother?” Gabrielle was giddy with excitement over speaking with her favorite brother.

  “Greetings to you, in the precious Name of Jesus, Sis. I received your message. It’s good you’re moving closer to everyone. I’m excited for you, but what’s this mention about this man Cameron? Should I be concerned?”

  “You should be praying,” she replied seriously. “I’m scared of my emotions around him.”

  “Hmm. I know what type of man attracts you, so what is it about him that distracts you?”

  “He recites Scriptures, but my spirit just doesn’t connect with Cameron about his commitment. He admits to not going to church regularly—”

  “Stop right there. You have a right to be concerned. You’ve turned away men in the past, so why is he so hard for you to handle?”

  She was ashamed to admit to her brother—a man of God, at that—but she had fallen prey to the package instead of the contents. “The attraction is there and I can’t turn it off.”

  Philip gave his manly take and then his spiritual advice. “You can’t turn off your attraction and as long as he respects you, I would say it’s safe to go out with him.”

  With a brief pause, he added, “Don’t lose sight of who you are in Jesus. Remember the Bible asks the question, ‘Do two walk together unless they have agreed on things?’ Everyone isn’t going to be on one accord with everything, but it’s a must when it comes to salvation in Jesus.”

  She knew Amos 3:3 well. That Scripture has always been her golden text when it came to dating. Consequently, her interest in Cameron caused her some confusion. They didn’t agree on their commitment to the Lord.

  Her brother’s sternness recaptured her attention. “Remember to set the Christian example. Always be prepared in season and out of season …”

  Gabrielle smirked. Philip knew 2 Timothy 4:2 applied to preachers, but he was ever ready to impose the edict on all practicing believers as well.

  “Okay, Sis, I need to go, but let me pray for you first.”

  Bowing her heading and closing her eyes, Gabrielle submitted to her brother’s prayer.

  “Dear Jesus, we come boldly to Your throne of grace where we may obtain mercy. My sister is falling in love …”

  Gabrielle gasped and silently denied such a thing, but she dared not interrupt him in the presence of the Lord.

  “She needs Your guidance to make it through this situation. Jesus, You are the God of revelation. Be with her in thought and conversation. We know You are able to keep her from stumbling, tripping, and falling, according to Jude 1:24. Lord, strengthen her heart to be a witness for You because her desire is to not fall …”

  By the time Philip finished, Gabrielle sniffed as tears streamed down her face. Her brother’s earnest prayers always seemed to wrap her in a warm cocoon where she felt safe and protected. If Philip wasn’t her brother, she would marry him. In lieu of that option, she wanted a godly man like her brother. So far, from all appearances, Cameron wasn’t the one.

  “In Jesus’ Name, Amen, Amen, and Amen,” they said together.

  “Thank you and I love you,” she said.

  “So when is the big move?”

  “This is Boston, I’m sure I’ll find someone to sublease my apartment within a few weeks. Meanwhile, I have to pack my stuff, blah, blah, blah …” she went on. Feeling somewhat giddy over the reality of it all, she was unable to hold back a chuckle.

  “Then you should be in St. Louis in a month.”

  “About a week before that is when I have to check in as CEO over my division.” Smiling at the thought of breaking the news to her friend, she added, “Talise will be ecstatic when I tell her.”

  “Excellent. Like the title song of an old movie, Meet Me in St. Louis. In a month, I’m doing a three-day tent revival there. Once you get there, I’ll give you the details.”

  Gabrielle screamed her delight. If Philip would be that close to home, no doubt her parents and brothers would come to town. She’d try to get a place fast so they could all stay together. If not, it would be a hotel stay fo
r the whole family. She was finally seeing how God’s hand was tying the strings of her life together.

  “And if Cameron does have serious intentions about you, bring him along,” Philip concluded the conversation. “I’ll meet him at the altar.”

  Chapter Twenty

  Like the movie, Meet me in St. Louis, meet me. I took the job! G

  Sitting up straight, Cameron grinned and his heart pounded wildly when he read Gabrielle’s text. Right away, he attempted to call her but got her voice mail. Cameron replied with a text: Yes! Tell me what you need and when you need it and I’ll make it happen. I can’t wait to see your beautiful smile.

  Cameron and his brothers were in the middle of the second day of their journey home. Parke was behind the wheel after their last stop to gas up.

  “Boy, something has transformed your scowl to a smile,” Parke commented, snooping for information.

  “Umm-hmm. Gabrielle is moving to St. Louis.”

  Parke’s eyes bucked. “You’re kidding. She doesn’t seem like the type of woman to run after a man, especially one as stubborn as you.”

  “Humph. She’s not. Evidently, she accepted the job at Nestle. But I do plan to make the best of her relocation so that it’s permanent.”

  “Now you’re talking like a Jamieson,” Parke said.

  “I need to get home. Can you pick up your speed or let me get behind the wheel? I have things to do before she gets there.”

  “Is she boarding a plane right now?” Parke asked.

  “I doubt it.”

  “Then there’s no rush. There’s a reason for a speed limit that you seem to ignore. How can you obey God’s law when you ignore man’s laws?”

  Cameron grunted. “Give me a break, Parke. Some rules are meant to be broken.”

  “God’s aren’t, and He strictly enforces them at all times. If you’re really serious about Gabrielle, you’d better get with the program. Quick,” Parke advised him with finality and punched in the gospel station on Cameron’s satellite radio.