Shelter from the Storm

by Patricia Rice

  Cash removed the infant from his shoulder and stared down into the sleeping face illuminated by the moonlight through the window. Tiny lashes swept over fair skin, and a rosebud mouth pouted open and exhaled a milky breath. He didn’t smile, but chucked the fat little chin and held a pudgy hand. He sighed at Laura’s request, but he didn’t ignore her.

  “I’d hoped you could persuade her to it. She isn’t listening much to me these days. Are the Breckinridges back from the Springs yet? Maybe they could talk her into it.”

  “They won’t be back until September. I don’t know which is worse, forcing her into being examined, or hoping we’re wrong and letting things go on as they are. I’ll have Lucretia come out. I think Sallie may accept a midwife more than a male physician.”

  Cash nodded agreement. “I’ll do that; you don’t need to trouble yourself. I never did thank you for what you did the other night. I’ve heard various versions, but they all amount to the same thing. Your timely warning probably saved lives as well as the house.”

  “The wages of insomnia, or an uneasy conscience, I’m not sure which. I only wish I could be stronger. If you had been here, you could have caught the culprits.”

  Cash gave her a curious look, then stood to place the child in his cradle. He tucked Mark in, then keeping his hands curled at his sides, replied, “If I had been here, I would have done just as you did. It was more important to stop the fire. The criminals will still be there when I’m ready to go after them. Go to sleep now, Laura. I won’t let anything happen to you. I promise.”

  With that, he walked out the door.

  Laura watched him go, and a tear slid down her cheek as the door closed behind him. Why did his words go straight to her heart, when she knew in her head he only meant to be reassuring? He would never know his assurance touched her deep inside, somewhere where she was alone and unprotected.

  Chapter 28

  At his birthday dinner, for the first time in the weeks since the fire, Cash smiled and joked with the staff, taking their ribbing about his age with easygoing camaraderie, thanking them for their thoughtfulness. Laura noticed the smile didn’t quite reach his eyes, and he kept his gaze averted from her. She had a curious hollow in her stomach when he finally left for his study, leaving the servants to clean up.

  She had hoped to return some of that joy they had shared on her birthday a little over a month ago, but though there had been laughter and surprises and friendship today, something was missing. Perhaps she only felt that way because Cash had scrupulously avoided giving her any more of his attention than the rest of the gathering.

  Perhaps it was just her own selfishness demanding recognition. Everyone else seemed satisfied at the way things had turned out. She could hear Jemima singing in the kitchen and two of the children giggling as they cleaned out the ice-cream bowl. Sallie hadn’t bothered to descend to the dining room for the celebration, but then, she hadn’t bothered much to share her company since her return. So there was no real reason for this empty feeling.

  But it was there, and Laura couldn’t rest with it. It was as if Cash were sending off a plethora of signals that she couldn’t interpret fast enough. She wasn’t a telegraph operator. She would have to ask him for plain speech.

  After seeing to the remains of the dinner, Laura took off her apron and gathered up her deliciously full new batiste skirt and petticoats. Cash had given her the means to make these things. She had wanted to return his thoughtfulness. If she had failed, she wanted to know why. It was that simple, or so she told herself.

  The draperies in the study were pulled wide to reveal the vast expanse of rolling lawn. The desk that Ward had once used was now buried beneath files and ledgers, old pieces of harness, and assorted paraphernalia. Books had begun to pile up around the desk. It should have been the picture of utter chaos, but to Laura it looked like a room well used and appreciated.

  Cash sat in his leather chair facing the window. Framed in that window, a familiar sturdy little body rolled on the cushioned window seat, gurgling happily at the sights outside the glass. Laura caught her breath, and the sound swung Cash around to face her.

  He was holding the gold brocade vest that she had made for him, the one with his initials discreetly embroidered on the pocket. Beside him lay the leather-bound volume on animal diseases that Dr. Burke had brought as his contribution to the party. As Laura looked closer, she could discern all the other odds and ends that had been lovingly made for him by people he had hired and housed and kept on despite the uproar and protest around him.

  Her words caught in her throat, and, embarrassed, she turned to watch Mark in the window.

  “I didn’t think you’d miss him for a while.” Cash’s voice was raw and aching, and he turned his head aside as he folded the vest and set it on the desk with the other things.

  It suddenly dawned on Laura that he had been crying. The shock nearly took her breath away, and when she recovered, she wanted to throw herself at his feet and comfort him. But he rose with the same graceful assurance that she associated with Cash, and lifted his son to sit in the window so Mark could better see out.

  She stifled her ridiculous urge. “I didn’t miss Mark. I was looking for you. You worry me sometimes.”

  Cash’s features were lost against the glare from the window. Still, she could hear the slight edge of laughter behind his reply.

  “You’re a caution, Laura Kincaid. Haven’t you got enough to worry about in this madhouse that you need worry about a renegade like me?”

  “I don’t worry about most things. It doesn’t pay. I just do what I can and hope for the best. But I guess my livelihood depends on you, so you worry me. Foolish, granted, but some things can’t be helped.” Laura kept her voice light, but she could tell by the set of Cash’s head that he wasn’t buying it.

  He allowed the little lies to pass. “I’ve never had a birthday party. How did you know it was my birthday?”

  Laura was quite proud of her sleuthing, but she shrugged. “Dr. Burke said the date should be on your marriage papers, so I just told Sallie that you wanted them put in a safe place and asked her where they were. She had them right in her desk, and your secret was out. I just wanted to return the favor you gave me. I can’t buy you a sewing machine, but the least I could do was give you a little recognition.”

  Cash made an indecipherable noise, then propped his long legs on a chair and set the restless child in his arms loose to crawl on the floor. “A long time ago, my mother used to make me a new shirt for my birthday. I can vaguely remember that. Then she wasn’t well enough to sew, and I was lucky to get beans for supper. After that, I decided birthdays weren’t what they were rated to be, and forgot about them. I’m not so sure that isn’t the right attitude. Looks to me like I’ve reached this one without doing anything humankind couldn’t live without.”

  “You’re a remarkable fool, Cash Wickliffe, but if you want to sit here and feel sorry for yourself, far be it from me to interfere. I just wanted to make certain I hadn’t offended you in some way. Excuse me for intruding.”

  Laura swept around and stalked toward the door, but before she could reach the knob, Cash was behind her, catching her shoulders and turning her around. She wasn’t prepared for his sudden proximity. Her defenses were down, and when his arms closed around her, all she could do was stare. And then his mouth was on hers, and nothing else mattered anymore.

  Just the touch, just the momentary forbidden touch, was enough to recreate an earlier time, to explode old myths and forge new, very tentative dreams. Briefly, their mouths molded together and opened to each other. The electric shock of the intimacy forced them apart quickly, mutually, but the damage was done. Laura touched the burning bruise of her lips as Cash turned his back and gripped his desk.

  “That wasn’t your fault, Laura. I get crazed sometimes. Everyone needs a warm body to hold occasionally. This just seemed like one of those times.”

  Pulling her hand from her mouth and gripping it behind her b
ack, Laura leaned against the study door and tried to think of something to say, but her mind wasn’t functioning. Her heart was, though. It was thumping loud enough to be heard by the woman upstairs. Not that Sallie cared, she told herself callously, but Laura cared. She cared too much.

  “I’m sorry I didn’t think of that sooner.” Laura tried to force the lightness back to her voice. “Everyone ought to get a birthday kiss.”

  Cash’s smile was grim. “And you always see that everyone gets what he wants. Laura, didn’t anyone ever tell you that saints reside in heaven? When are you going to learn to live for yourself?”

  She stared at him in astonishment. “You’re a fine one to talk! What do you think I was trying to do back in town? Why did you bring me here, Cash? What earthly purpose did you think I’d serve now that you have everything you want? I’d suggest you think about that, Cash, and then let me go when the time comes.”

  Before he could reply, Laura grabbed the doorknob and rushed out. She wasn’t certain she had any of the answers she had sought, but she had more questions than she could possibly face.

  Cash rode into town after that. He was in town every night now, and tongues were wagging. Laura watched him go from the sewing-room window. Jettie Mae had returned Mark to her without her usual sly looks or comments. It didn’t matter. All Jettie’s innuendos were true. The lust that had flared up between Cash and Laura one summer’s day was not a fleeting thing, but the brand of the devil.

  Turning back into the room, Laura considered going in to Sallie and easing her conscience by seeing if there was anything she could do for her cousin. Although in the latter stages of pregnancy Sallie couldn’t go into town, she still had enough visitors to know that Cash was frequenting every tavern and brothel within a thirty-mile radius. The notion didn’t seem to bother her, but Sallie wasn’t inclined to show that kind of hurt.

  With that thought in mind, Laura could find a new perspective for the afternoon’s incident. Cash was trying to retaliate, to make Sallie see how much she had hurt him, and Laura just happened to be in the way. He had recovered quickly enough when he realized Laura was more vulnerable than the whores in town. That was all it had been. Just a momentary aberration.

  But one that had revealed to both of them what should have remained disguised: she hadn’t protested his kiss, but participated fully.

  And the thought burned like acid. She couldn’t stop thinking about it. She felt the pressure of Cash’s hands on her back, knew the scent of his skin as his head bent over hers, had the heat of his lips branded to hers. Her body knew where such pressures led, and she craved the ultimate result. It was humiliating to no small degree that she had no more moral responsibility than the creatures of the field.

  So she didn’t go to Sallie until later that night, when the screams and commotion began in the room down the hall and she couldn’t ignore the inevitable anymore.

  Sallie had continued to refuse to see Dr. Burke, but she had allowed Lucretia to come and stay. The old woman had warned she was carrying twins and needed bed rest, but Sallie had continued to traipse up and down stairs, wreaking havoc wherever she went, asserting her authority by sending servants scurrying hither and yon. After one or two brief fights, Cash had stayed out of her way. No one had the means to make Sallie remain in her bed when she wanted to do otherwise.

  Lucretia had warned this might happen, but Laura hadn’t been prepared for it to happen so soon. Too soon. Pulling on her robe and running for Sallie’s room, she mentally calculated the months. Seven. The babies couldn’t come now. They would never live.

  But nature wasn’t governed by the laws of man. Sallie sat screaming in the bloody puddle of her bed while Lucretia and Jettie Mae hurriedly pulled at the sheets and tried to remove them from under her. A nervous maid hovered in the corner with clean linens, her eyes wide and terrified. At the sight of Laura running in, braid flying, chenille robe flapping about her ankles, the maid’s face turned gray.

  Laura grabbed the linens from her and gave curt commands. “Send someone into town for Dr. Burke. Send someone else to look for Mr. Wickliffe. He’s probably at the tavern, so don’t send someone who can’t get in. Do you hear me?” At the maid’s terrified nod, Laura shoved her toward the door. Hysteria wasn’t needed at a time like this.

  Sallie’s hysterics were sufficient. Laura helped strip the bed and remake it, then applied herself to holding Sallie’s hand and calming her while Lucretia examined her. Once the initial pain and its results were disposed of, Sallie quieted. Clutching Laura’s hand, she smoothed the covers over her swelling abdomen.

  “It will be over soon, won’t it?” she asked with a certain amount of satisfaction.

  Uneasily Laura murmured soothing sounds. It would be over too soon. The chances of a seven-month babe surviving were next to nil. Sallie didn’t seem in the least concerned.

  “I’ll have my figure back in no time. Eliza told me how she did it. And if I don’t nurse, I’ll be just as firm as before. No one need ever know I’ve had a child.”

  Laura caught Jettie’s look and frowned, shaking her head to silence her. Sallie was just running on out of nervousness. Her looks had always been important to her. It was only natural that she find this topic to distract her from what was happening.

  Sallie screamed again as another contraction took control, and Laura bit her lip. The pain shouldn’t be this great this soon. She glanced to Lucretia who was keeping a stoic face as she finished her examination and washed her hands in a nearby basin. The old woman muttered a few words to Jettie and sent her off to fetch the necessities. When she turned back to meet Laura’s questioning gaze, she shook her head but said nothing.

  Breathing a little harder, Sallie tried to find a more comfortable position. “You never lost your figure, Laura, but then, you never had much of one to begin with. I think maybe nursing even helped yours a little, although you’d better be certain to wear your corset from now on. Don’t think I don’t know that you go without one when you wear those dowdy house gowns of yours. It isn’t proper. Mama would turn in her grave if she knew.”

  That was a topic she could deal with, and Laura tried to smile. “Why should I accent what I don’t possess? You’re just jealous because you can’t go without one. I bet you’d give anything to be rid of the hot, tight old things.”

  “Don’t be ridiculous.” Sallie gave a supercilious sniff. “A woman should take care of her best assets. A trim figure and a bright smile will win you any man you want. You’d best take a lesson from me, Laura, if you mean to catch Cash after I’m gone.”

  Laura nearly fell from her seat at these words, but Sallie’s grimace of pain prevented response. She clutched her cousin’s hands tighter as the pain took possession, and Laura tried not to panic when she saw the bright spot of red forming on the clean sheet.

  It took Sallie a while longer to recover this time, and Laura patted her head with a cool cloth and gave her a sip of water as she rested.

  Laura thought she had forgotten their earlier topic, but she was disillusioned as her cousin continued as if they had never been interrupted.

  “Don’t think I don’t know about the two of you. You’ve been making sheep’s eyes at Cash since you were a tot. And every time I turn around, the two of you are cooing over that brat. I wouldn’t be surprised if the brat doesn’t belong to Cash; there’s a certain resemblance. He’s like an ungoverned stallion, spending his prowess on any mare in heat.”

  Laura tried not to flinch as Sallie turned her shrewd gaze in her direction. She merely wrung out the cloth in the bowl. “Don’t be ridiculous, Sallie. You’re overwrought. This will be over in a while, and you won’t remember any of the silly things you’ve said. Cash likes children. He’ll be so tickled when he sees yours, that he’ll give you anything you want.”

  “The voice of experience?” Sallie snickered. “Prim, prudish Laura. Heaven only knows what he saw in you, but he came after me soon enough when I let him, didn’t he? But you can have him b
ack now. He’s served his purpose. You can do me a favor, though.”

  This time the contraction took longer, forcing Sallie to arch her back and scream louder, cursing as wave after wave of pain tore through her. Lucretia’s lips tightened and her eyes looked unhappy. More blood spilled to the sheets, but there was no indication that the child was any closer to making his entrance.

  Sallie dozed fitfully for a while, moaning as smaller pains struck and subsided. Conscious of the words said and unsaid between them, Laura remained grimly silent, grateful for the loyalty of the woman who had to have heard them.

  When Sallie woke, it was to another contraction, and she gasped, grasping for Laura’s hand as she struggled. Beginning to panic, she tried to speak, but Laura hushed her, soothing her brow with the cooling cloth, giving her something or someone to grip.

  The August heat was abominable, even this late in the evening. Not a breeze stirred through the open windows. The mosquito netting lay limp and unmoving as Sallie fought against the pain. The smell of blood began to permeate the room as the candles guttered low and Lucretia lit new ones.

  Jettie returned with bowls of hot water and towels, retreating to a far corner where she could be called upon as needed. But as the hour grew later and the struggles intensified without result, it became obvious there was nothing anyone could do.

  In a moment of respite, when a slight breeze entered the room to warn of the coming dawn, Sallie fought for breath and pulled Laura closer.

  “Promise me you’ll persuade him to give me a divorce. That’s all I ask. I’m getting out of here, Laura, if it’s the last thing I do.”

  It was the last thing she did. After giving birth to two stillborn babes in a puddle of blood, Sallie slipped into unconsciousness, and soon after her spirit departed from her body, finding that other place where men were always gentlemen.