Undeniably His

by Emery Jacobs

  I scoop him up in my arms.

  “What’s the matter?”

  “I don’t know, but something’s not right.”

  I grab a nurse and pull her toward the bed. “My wife—there’s something wrong.”

  The nurse immediately calls for the doctor and starts checking Sara’s blood pressure and heart rate, among other things.

  “Is she okay?” I ask, still holding my son tightly.

  “I’m having trouble breathing, and I feel like my heart is going to beat out of my chest,” she pants.

  “What the hell is going on?” I demand.

  “Sir, you need to step out of the room and let us take care of your wife.” A nurse leans into me and directs me toward the door. “Take your son out to meet his new family, and we’ll let you know when you can see your wife again.” Then she shoves me out of the room. I stand there looking at the door and then looking down at my son. I close my eyes and pray my son’s mother will be okay. He needs her. We both do.

  Please be okay, Sara. I can’t do this without you.

  27

  Emmie

  Present day

  “What do you mean he walked out?” Miles asks as he slams his fist into the table.

  “Stop it. You can’t act like this in a restaurant.” I scan the room to be sure no one is watching my brother act a fool.

  “This is a bar, not a restaurant, and you shouldn’t even be here,” he blurts out.

  Dammit. He’s pissing me off. I invited my brother, Tristan, Jane, and Ava to dinner tonight to finally tell them about my pregnancy and how everything went down when I told Beau. Even though Ava and Jane already knew I was pregnant, my brother and Tristan were still somewhat in the dark. It’s been several weeks since I broke the news of my pregnancy to Beau but telling my family and friends the details is something I put off for as long as I could—or at least until my baby bump appeared.

  “Vic’s is a bar and grill. It’s early, so it’s still dinnertime. So stop being an ass to me.”

  “I agree, man. Your sister’s pregnant; give her a break,” Tristan says.

  “Give her a break? I told you to stay away from that guy, didn’t I? I told you any guy who just wants sex without any type of relationship is trouble, but did you listen?” My brother takes in a deep breath and blows it out. “No, you didn’t listen, and now you’re pregnant and alone.”

  Tears prick at my eyes, but I refuse to cry. I have been feeling pretty good about this pregnancy and the baby I so desperately want. He will not sit here and humiliate me in front of my friends.

  “I have a good job. I just sold my house and will find something more kid friendly, and I can afford to hire full-time help if needed. So, I’ll be fine. I can do this with or without Beau’s help.” My gaze meets Miles’s. “Stop trying to make me feel like shit because I’m pregnant. I happen to be happy. I’m excited about this baby.”

  “Me, too,” Ava chimes in.

  I look over at my best friend and smile.

  “So, when do you plan on telling Mom and Dad?” Miles questions.

  “Soon. Probably in the next couple weeks.”

  Miles throws his head back and laughs.

  “I can’t wait for Dad to find out you got knocked up by your mechanic. He’s going to rip him a new asshole—that is, if I don’t beat him to it.”

  I swat at Miles’s arm. “Stop it. Don’t say things like that. Beau is a good man. He’s just in shock, but I know he’ll come around.” He just has to.

  “Whatever you say, big sis, but whenever you’re alone raising a kid without any help, I can’t promise I won’t say I told you so.” Miles looks at Tristan, who shakes his head.

  “Come on, Miles, cut her some slack.”

  Jane throws in her two cents. “Yeah, I think you’ve said enough.”

  I take a drink of my water and catch a glimpse of a tall, lanky, dark-headed kid in my peripheral vision. Leo. I haven’t seen him in months. I’m almost sixteen weeks pregnant now, and I’ve got a tiny baby bump. If I speak to him, he’ll probably figure it out, because not only do I have the small bump, but my face is fuller and my boobs are much larger—not that he’d be looking there. I’m just hyperaware of my fullness everywhere, so I assume most people notice it, too.

  Everyone else at my table is busy talking about God knows what, so I push my chair back and stand. I lean over and whisper in Ava’s ear, “I’ll be right back—bathroom.” She smiles and nods before I make my way over to Leo.

  He greets me before I have a chance to speak. “Ms. Carmichael.”

  “How are you, Leo?” I slide onto the stool next to him.

  “Doing good.” He smiles, shakes a cigarette out of his pack, and places it between his lips.

  “Do you mind waiting until I leave to smoke?”

  “Sure. Sorry, I sometimes forget not everyone likes to breathe secondhand smoke.” He laughs.

  “Everything at the shop going okay?” I ask.

  “If you mean Beau, then no, he’s not doing even remotely okay.” Leo turns his bottle of beer up and takes a couple long pulls before setting it back down on the bar.

  “I wasn’t asking about your brother, just trying to make conversation.” I stand and smile at Leo as our gazes meet. “It was good to see you. I’m here with my brother and some friends, so I need to get back to my table.”

  “I don’t know what happened between the two of you, but he needs you.”

  He needs you. God, those three words stab at my heart. He walked away, not me. If he needs me, he knows exactly where to find me.

  After my bathroom break, I ease back into my chair next to Miles.

  “Where have you been?” Jane asks.

  “Restroom.”

  She nods then motions toward the bar. Shit, she saw me.

  “I stopped by to say hi to Leo first. Is that okay?”

  “Fine with me. I was just wondering why you lied.”

  “I didn’t. Would everyone stay off my ass?” I say in a much louder voice than necessary. “Here’s my life in a nutshell: I had sex with my mechanic, who had been stalking me for weeks. He said it was my brother’s idea, who denies it and I believe him. Now, I’m pregnant by said mechanic. He walked out on me when I told him, and that guy with the long shaggy hair sitting at the bar”—I take a breath and point— “that’s Leo, Beau the mechanic’s younger brother. Any questions? Because I’m tired of you guys jabbing at me all the time. I’d rather get everything out in the open now so I don’t have to keep revisiting my most recent fuckup.”

  I blow out a breath and scan the table. Every set of eyes is on me. Ava’s mouth is open, and Miles’s eyebrows are drawn. Jane rolls her eyes, and Tristan smiles. There, now maybe everybody can talk about something else for a while.

  “So that son of a bitch really told you I hired him to stalk you?” my brother asks.

  Not exactly what I wanted to discuss, but hell, why not? I take a big gulp of my water then place my glass down in front of me.

  “Not hired. I already told you, he said you helped him with marketing his business in exchange for him keeping an eye on me, said you were worried about me or some bullshit. It really doesn’t matter anymore. I know you didn’t do it.”

  I just don’t know why Beau lied, and at this point, I don’t know if I ever will.

  28

  Beau

  “I saw Emmie Carmichael a few nights ago at Vic’s Place,” Leo says with a cigarette hanging from his mouth.

  “Yeah, so?” I shove the money into the bank bag. The shop just closed for the night and I’m getting things ready for the deposit. We’ve been doing well since the ads started running on social media. My sister works on it from home, and I was finally able to hire help for the front desk for a few hours a day.

  “So, did you know she’s pregnant?” Fear knots within me at the thought of Emmie telling my brother about us and the baby. I don’t want him or anybody else to know, at least not yet.

  I shake my he
ad. “No. I haven’t seen her in a while. Did she tell you she’s pregnant?”

  Leo chuckles as he lights up his cigarette. “No, she didn’t have to tell me. Her face is fuller, her tits are huge, and she’s got a small baby bump. She looked good, though.” He takes a long drag from his cancer stick then looks at me, grabs an ashtray from the shelf, and walks back in my direction until he’s standing in front of me. “I wonder who the baby’s daddy is,” Leo questions as he flicks his ashes into the ashtray.

  “I have no idea.” I zip the bag and grab my keys. “You’re not supposed to be smoking in here, so put it out before I take the rest of your pack,” I demand.

  Leo does as he’s told and sticks the ashtray back on the shelf. “If you don’t want me to smoke in here, then get rid of the ashtray.” He pulls his keys out of his pocket and heads out the front door just as my sister walks in.

  “I hope you have better luck with his ornery ass than I did,” Leo tells her on his way out.

  “Whatcha need, Hannah? I’m on my way to the bank to make a deposit.”

  “Nothing, really. Just wanted to talk for a few minutes.” She walks in and plops down in one of the new chairs.

  “I don’t have a lot of time. I need to get there before they close.” I walk over to where she’s sitting and look down at her. “What is it?”

  I hate to be short with my sister, but Leo shouldn’t have mentioned Emmie. Just hearing her name is more than I can handle right now.

  “It’s Rhys.” She fidgets with the hem of her shirt for a beat, and then continues, “He keeps asking me when Emmie is going to take him out to that new place in town.”

  “The dinner-movie thing.” I let out a deep breath and look at my sister. “He asks me, too, but I don’t have an answer for him.” I sit down on the couch directly in front of her.

  “Can’t you call her? If she doesn’t have time, I’ll take him. I know it won’t be the same, but at least he’ll get to go.”

  I shake my head. “I’ve already offered to take him, but he won’t go with anyone else. He’s waiting on her.” I drop my head downward and stare at the floor. What have I done to myself and to my son? I should have walked away from Miles. I should have never slept with Emmie, and I should have never introduced her to Rhys. A deep sadness washes over me at the thought of her being pregnant and alone. I remember how sick Sara was and how she wanted me to hold her every night as she fell asleep. She needed me, just like I know Emmie needs me, but I can’t go there with her. I can’t risk it again.

  “Tell me what’s going on with you, big brother. The shop is doing better than it has in a long time. Rhys is loving school and football. Mom’s finally well. You should be happy, but all I see is you moping around like you’ve lost your best friend.” She leans in closer to me and rests her hand on my knee. “Just tell me. Maybe I can help.”

  I lift my head slowly. I’m done with hiding my feelings.

  “Oh my God, Beau. Are you okay?”

  I shake my head. “No, I’m not okay.” My voice is flat, completely monotone. I have no idea what Hannah sees on my face, but if it reflects the way I feel inside right now, then it can’t be good.

  She pushes up from the chair and moves to the couch, sitting next to me. “Is it work?”

  I shake my head, unable to answer.

  “Rhys? God, I hope it’s not that sweet little boy.”

  I shake my head again.

  “I know it’s not Leo or Mom.”

  “It’s Sara.” I force the words from my mouth.

  “Sara?” Hannah asks, turning toward me so she can see my face. “Beau, Sara’s been dead for eleven years. Please tell me what’s going on. Did you go visit her grave on Rhys’s birthday? Is that what has you so upset?” Hannah’s eyes are wet with unshed tears; she loved Sara, too.

  “Why did she have to die?” I rub my eyes with the heels of my hands.

  Hannah pulls me into a hug and holds me tight. “It was her time. It was just her time, but she gave us Rhys, and I’m so thankful for him. He makes this world a better place.” She pulls back from the hug as tears fall from her eyes.

  “I love my son, more than anything.” I stare at the wall on the other side of the shop. My mind drifts to Emmie. How can I do this to her? I’d decided after our trip to Dallas that I wanted to try with her, and now… I’m afraid of losing her. I can’t lose her like I lost Sara. “I just don’t think I can go through it again—the risks, the worry, the unknown.” My tone is harsh, my throat thick.

  “You’re not making any sense. Go through what?”

  The thoughts alone twist my gut.

  “Another pregnancy, another loss, another baby to raise alone. I just can’t fucking do it!”

  “Who’s pregnant?” Hannah gasps before slapping her hand over her mouth. “You got somebody pregnant?” she asks with a shaky voice.

  I nod before standing and pacing the small lobby.

  “Nobody knows, not even Leo or Mom.”

  “What are you going to do?”

  “I can’t figure out what to do, because every time I think I know, all I see is Sara’s face as she gasps for air… the look of terror in her eyes when the nurses pushed me and our son out of the room, leaving her there to die alone.” I lean against the counter and stare out into the shop. My eyes are wet with tears. I’m a grown fucking man, and grown men don’t cry—at least I don’t anymore. I told myself the day Sara died would be the last time I ever shed a tear. This wasn’t supposed to happen. I wasn’t supposed to put myself in this situation ever again. I trusted her when she said that she was on birth control. Hell, she was married for ten years and doesn’t have any kids. I know that she wouldn’t lie to me. So if she said she was on birth control, then I believe her, but it still doesn’t make my situation any different.

  “Is it Emmie?” Hannah asks, her voice barely audible.

  I nod, because that’s all I can do.

  “I love you, Beau, but Emmie is not Sara. I don’t know how far along she is in her pregnancy, but she’s alone. Even if she has friends and family, she still needs you.” Hannah coughs a couple of times as if the tears are choking her. “Sara would want you to go to her and take care of your child, just like you’ve done with Rhys. Let go of the past. Be the man I know you are.” She stands and walks toward the door. “I love you, Beau, and I know you’ll do the right thing.” The lobby door slams shut, and she’s gone.

  29

  Emmie

  “Kissing, husband and wife, announcing to the congregation, and it’s over.” I give play-by-play details of the Muttle-Shipp wedding via my headset to Ava, who is next door preparing for the reception. Since getting pregnant, I prefer ceremony duties. Even at thirty-two weeks, food sometimes still makes me sick. Today, the reception is next door at The Lincoln, a huge park with a pavilion in the center. It’s April and the weather is perfect for anything outdoors.

  “Congregation is heading your way. I’m going to get Tricia to help me over here for a bit and then I’ll head your way.”

  “Don’t be too long. Remember the rental companies will clean up most of the stuff when they pick up tomorrow. You just move some of the less heavy flower arrangements.”

  “Yes, Mom,” I tell her before shutting off my headset.

  “Hey, wady!” I feel a tug on my dress. I look down and all I see is my large round belly. I swear, I’ll never get used to being pregnant. I bend a little and see a toddler with blonde ringlet curls. She looks at me with big blue eyes and then points up.

  “Oh, you want the balloon?”

  She hops up and down, laughing and clapping her hands. Where are her parents? She can’t be more than three, if even that. I untie the balloon from the vase and hold on to it with one hand. “Where’s your mom and dad?”

  “Bawoon!” is all she says.

  “Lilly.” A woman with shoulder-length dark hair approaches the little girl from behind. “I’m sorry. She got away from us before I realized it.” The woman drops
to her knees and looks Lilly directly in the eyes. “Don’t ever run away from Mommy and Daddy. You scared us to death.”

  “Bawoon!” Lilly repeats, pointing to the red balloon I’m holding.

  “You found her. Oh, good. I tell you, she’s quick. We’re going to have to put a harness on this one.” The man chuckles, and my breath hitches in my chest. For as long as I live, I’ll never forget that voice.

  “Bawoon, Daddy,” Lilly continues.

  “Yeah, I see the balloon.”

  Max’s eyes move from the balloon, down the string, and stop at my face.

  “She can have the balloon if it’s okay with you,” I say.

  Max doesn’t speak. My skin heats as his eyes travel down my face, neck, and chest, landing on my pregnant belly.

  “It’s fine with me.” Lilly’s mom takes the balloon from me while Max continues to stare at my rounded stomach.

  “You’re pregnant?” he asks, his voice weak, unsteady.

  “I’ll take her,” Natalie—the woman who destroyed my marriage—says to Max.

  He nods. “Yeah, okay,” he replies, never taking his eyes away from me.

  “We’ll be next door at the reception,” she mumbles as she walks away with Lilly secured in her arms.

  I bring my attention to Max, who’s watching me intently.

  “What?” I ask as my gaze meets his.

  He motions toward my rather large belly. “How far along are you?”

  “Don’t worry, it’s not yours.” I laugh, leaning against the wall behind me.

  He shakes his head. “How did this happen? I didn’t think you could carry a baby to full term.”

  “First, I had sex with someone other than you, and now I’m having a baby. You of all people should know how someone becomes pregnant. Second, I’m not full term, because I still have another month and a half left before my due date.” Sweat beads across my forehead, and I’m feeling a bit dizzy. Maybe this is just too much excitement for one day for this pregnant lady. “I need to go. I have to help Ava next door at the reception.”