Lean on Me (Stories from hope haven)

by Leslie Gould

“Wow.” James nearly stumbled as he stepped behind the wheelchair. I’m out of a job beginning today. “How are you going to get down there?”

  Joel grinned. “I had an e-mail from my chaplain; he’s back in the States. He has a month off before he reports back to the unit.” Joel maneuvered his chair a short distance and then let James take over. “Anyway, he wants to go down with me. Mom and Dad will take me to Chicago on Saturday, and then we’ll fly to Texas on Sunday. I booked our tickets online last night.”

  James leaned forward, over the chair, in awe of everything that had fallen into place for Joel.

  “The doctor said my arm’s looking better, and he thinks I’ll regain full use of it. So, I’ve been thinking maybe I can go into computer programming or something like that. The doc said to talk with the occupational therapist in Texas.”

  “How about your legs?” James asked.

  Joel sighed. “It could be worse. He said I have permanent nerve damage, but with therapy and exercise, in time I should be able to walk with braces. Like I said, I know I’m lucky…”

  “It’s still a loss,” James said. “A big loss.”

  As James turned on the shower he thought of being out of a job so soon. He would need to reapply for unemployment, back to full time. He still hadn’t received his first part-time check; he hoped this wouldn’t delay everything again. He reminded himself that his friends had told him not to give up hope about a job at the hospital because Heath’s friend might be hired for a CIO position. Ironically, if the man was hired and decided to buy their house, they’d have to move anyway. Cody said the guy wasn’t going to make a decision until he knew if he had a job or not. So maybe it wouldn’t happen. Maybe the guy would choose one of the places in Princeton, but James couldn’t put his hope in what might be. He needed to put his hope in God and then move forward with what was prudent.

  While Polly worked with Joel one last time, James chatted with Gary in the kitchen for a moment.

  “Melanie’s going back to work, and I have a couple of leads on jobs,” Gary said. “And I have an AA sponsor.”

  James patted the man’s back. “Sounds great.”

  Gary sighed. “I have no idea whether I can save my marriage. In fact, I know I can’t,”—he grimaced—“because I’m realizing just how powerless I am. But I’m going to do what I can and pray I can stay sober.” He crossed his arms. “I have to learn to let Melanie go and allow her to make her own decisions. Same with Joel.”

  James tilted his head.

  “Joel’s injuries really shook me up. It scared me to see how little I could do to help him or ease Melanie’s worries. I couldn’t take the uncertainty of everything any longer.”

  James wasn’t sure if that was an excuse or the truth, but figured Gary’s sponsor and his AA group would help him set his thinking straight if it was off target.

  “It was nice to visit your church the other night, for the Scout meeting,” Gary said.

  “It was really good to have you and Joel join us. It meant a lot to the boys—and to me.”

  “It’s been a long time since I’ve been inside a church,” Gary said. “Since I was a kid. But it’s something Melanie’s been asking for. Anyway, visiting a few churches is something we would like to do.”

  James smiled. “I know any of the congregations in Deerford would love to have you.”

  Two hours later, James told Joel good-bye and wished him well. Then he bade Gary farewell and asked him to pass on his best wishes to Melanie too. James felt sad as he walked out to his car. And tired. He pulled onto the highway and accelerated, thinking about what he really wanted to do. He hadn’t worked in the new heart-surgery program long enough to know how much he would have liked it in the long run, but chances were he would have missed his Med/Surg job. With the cardiac-program job, he wouldn’t have a lot of contact with patients—and he really liked patient care. Sure, Med/Surg wasn’t the same as home health, but it did give him day-after-day involvement with the same patients and their families.

  The tune to “Trust and Obey” filled his head again as drops from a spring rain began to splatter his windshield. He was reminded of the prayers he’d said for Joel and his family and the prayers he’d said for himself in dealing with them. “Thank You, Lord,” he whispered.

  Anxiety percolated inside of him when he thought of his job situation, the house, and college looming for Gideon. Maybe the idea of going back to school captured his interest because it would give his life purpose. He had to remind himself over and over that just because he didn’t have steady work, his life didn’t lack purpose.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  ELENA FELT AS IF SHE WERE HOLDING HER BREATH over the future of Hope Haven. Skip Mullen seemed like a formidable force and someone who could turn things around, but none of them was convinced that the executives and the board would agree to hire him.

  Her worries eased a little on Saturday, mostly because Izzy was a great distraction. She wanted to read to Elena every minute, and since Rafael was working all day and a spring storm had swept into the region, curling up on the couch with her granddaughter was the perfect thing to do.

  Sunday morning dawned bright and beautiful. The sunshine awakened Izzy before Elena had a chance to, and the little girl was in her father’s room before Elena could stop her. Rafael’s gig had lasted late into the night, after he’d already put in ten hours at the restaurant.

  Elena stood in the doorway to his room and heard Izzy say, “Sunday’s here again! Will you come to church with me today?”

  Rafael groaned and muttered something, but Elena couldn’t hear exactly what.

  Izzy patted his bare shoulder and then said, “That’s okay. You can sleep.”

  But as Elena plopped a waffle onto Izzy’s plate, Rafael stumbled into the kitchen, his eyes bleary and his hair sticking out in fifty-five different directions. “Mi bonita invited me to church.” He patted Izzy’s head as he spoke. “So what’s the deal? Will Mommy be there?”

  Elena nodded. “I think she’s helping with Sunday school.” Last she’d heard, Sarah finally had a Sunday off.

  Rafael yawned. “What time is church?”

  “Eleven.”

  “I’ll see you then,” Rafael said and padded back down the hall as Izzy began to clap.

  “Yay,” she said. “Mommy and Daddy are both going to go to church.”

  Elena poured more batter in the waffle iron. “Maybe,” she said. “But don’t be surprised if he goes back to sleep. He’s really tired.”

  Izzy stopped clapping. “But he said he’d be there.”

  “I know.” Elena bit her lower lip. She just didn’t want Izzy to be disappointed.

  “Do you think he’ll meet me at my Sunday school class? Like the other dads do?”

  Elena shook her head. “I don’t think he knows where your class is.” Rafael had gone on holidays and special occasions, but he wasn’t familiar with the layout of the church, except for where the sanctuary was.

  “Okay,” Izzy said. “But he’ll sit with us in church, right?”

  “If he comes,” Elena answered, “I’m sure he’ll sit with us.”

  When Cesar joined them for breakfast, Izzy announced to him that her daddy was going to church.

  “Where is he?” Cesar asked.

  “Sleeping,” Izzy said. “But he’s going to get up. I know he will because I prayed—” She clamped her hand over her mouth.

  Cesar asked for the syrup and Elena passed it to him and asked what his plans were for the day. She didn’t want Izzy to keep talking about what she wanted. She couldn’t bear to hear her granddaughter lament about wanting her parents to get back together again.

  Cesar said he was going to mow the lawn and then catch a basketball playoff game on TV in the afternoon. “Just gonna take it easy,” he said.

  There had been a time when Elena begged Cesar to go to church with her, but she’d figured out that she must let that go. She wasn’t being a loving wife or faithful to God w
hen she hounded him. Elena was grateful Izzy didn’t say anything to her grandfather about his going too.

  Elena was happy that he was going to relax. He’d been working longer hours with his detective position than he had when he was an officer.

  On the way to church Izzy talked nonstop about Rafael’s joining them. Elena knew Rafael meant to, but she’d heard him come in after three o’clock that morning, and then it probably took him a while to wind down. Izzy kept talking as they walked down the hall to her classroom, her black dress shoes clicking on the linoleum and the skirt of her dress swinging around her knees as she waltzed along.

  Sarah was already in the Sunday school classroom when Elena and Izzy arrived, and the first thing the little girl announced was that Rafael would be coming for church.

  “Really?” Sarah looked straight at Elena, her gray eyes wide.

  Elena mouthed, “We’ll see.”

  After Sunday school was over, Elena returned to the classroom and as Izzy gathered her things, Sarah said, “I wasn’t going to stay for church, but Izzy really wants me to.”

  Elena wasn’t surprised. It all seemed to be part of her fantasy. Izzy said good-bye to her friend Mateo and then said, “Look for me after church, okay? I have a surprise for you.”

  Mateo gave her a quick hug and then left with his parents.

  As Izzy, Sarah, and Elena walked down the hall, Izzy skipped ahead to the foyer and turned her head this way and that. Then she spun around and looked some more. A surge of people came through, and Elena was pretty sure the little girl could only see the bottom halves of people. But if Rafael came, he would be wearing his ratty jeans and Izzy wouldn’t have any problem picking him out of the crowd. He wasn’t in the foyer though, and he wasn’t in the sanctuary when they entered, either.

  “We need to sit at the end of a pew,” Izzy instructed. Elena, followed by Sarah, trailed after the little girl. “You sit there,” she said to Sarah, pointing for her to enter the pew first. “Then me.” Izzy scooted in beside her mother and bumped her little bottom up onto the pew. “Save a place for Daddy between us,” she said to Elena.

  “Will do,” she responded and sat at the end of the pew, praying her son would show up. She continued praying as the congregation filed into the church and then as the organist played the prelude. She prayed as the pastor said the opening prayer and then as the choir stood and sang “The Lord’s Prayer” a cappella. Izzy never turned her head to see if Rafael was coming down the side aisle, nor did she seem worried. When the assistant pastor began to give the announcements, there was a rustling behind her but Elena thought it was Mateo who sat two pews back with his parents.

  The clearing of a throat startled her and Elena jumped a little when she looked up. There was Rafael, wearing a pair of blue casual pants and a button-down shirt, and wanting to get into the pew. She tucked her feet under the bench as Izzy squealed just a little and then slapped her hand over her mouth. Rafael sat beside her and put his arm across the pew, just behind her head, bumping Sarah’s shoulder. Then Izzy grabbed both of her parents’ hands.

  Elena was filled with relief that Rafael had shown up, but was a little alarmed by Izzy’s behavior. Did the little girl really think her parents might still get back together?

  After the announcements were over, the congregation stood to sing a song. “I thought you’d fallen back asleep,” Elena whispered to her son.

  “I did,” he said. “And slept through my alarm.”

  Elena gave him a questioning look.

  Rafael looked straight ahead as he answered her. “Dad woke me.”

  Tears sprang into Elena’s eyes, and her throat thickened. Cesar was looking out for his little Isabel. She was thankful Rafael didn’t notice her emotions. He was following Izzy’s instructions to find the hymn in the songbook. She had taken out her glasses and wanted to read along.

  When the kids were dismissed for children’s church, Izzy shook her head and Elena mouthed, “Okay.” Of course she didn’t want to leave her special spot between her parents. Elena exhaled, pleased her granddaughter was happy but still worried that she was setting herself up to be hurt.

  After church was over, Elena led the way out to the foyer of the church. Sarah and Rafael chatted for a moment. Elena watched them out of the corner of her eye. Rafael looked at Izzy and then smiled at Sarah, saying something quietly. Izzy spun around and Rafael scooped her up into his arms. As he held her, Izzy reached over to Sarah and hugged the young woman around her neck. Rafael looked a little uncomfortable. A moment later, he said he needed to get to work.

  Izzy asked him to wait just a minute and began scanning the crowd from his arms. Her face lit up when she spotted Mateo, coming down the hall from children’s church with his mom on one side and his dad on the other.

  Izzy pointed to Sarah, whom Mateo already knew, and then to Rafael and then gave Mateo a thumbs-up. His parents made their way over to Rafael and Sarah and introduced themselves to Rafael, who put Izzy down and shook their hands. After they’d chatted for a few moments, Rafael told everyone good-bye. He patted Sarah on the shoulder and then bent down and gave Izzy a hug.

  Izzy was fine to leave then and told Sarah good-bye. When they reached Elena’s small SUV, Izzy said, “See, I told you God would answer my prayer.”

  Elena turned around in the car, looking over her headrest at her granddaughter. “And what exactly did you pray for?”

  “That both my mommy and my daddy would go to church with me.” Izzy’s eyes lit up, and she smiled.

  Elena reached between the seats and squeezed her granddaughter’s leg, but the tears were starting to come again and she didn’t dare speak. She turned around. She knew that her granddaughter’s long-term hope was still that her parents would get back together. But, in the meantime, she’d asked God that they would both go to church with her. And they had. Ah, the faith of a child. Elena swiped at her eyes, reminded to pray her own desire—that Cesar would go to church with her.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  TUESDAY AFTER WORK, CANDACE OPENED HER closet doors and stared at the handful of dresses in the back. Heath had told her to wear something dressy because they were going out to a nice restaurant in Peoria for her birthday a day early, so she could spend the actual day with her family.

  She pulled out a black sheath from the very back and held it against her body. The dress was short-sleeved, shimmery, and fell just above her knees. She’d bought it for her and Dean’s tenth anniversary. They’d gone away for the weekend to Chicago, and her mother had watched the kids. Howie had only been one and Candace had missed him horribly. It was the last trip she’d taken with Dean. She put the dress back in her closet.

  Beside it hung a sleeveless dress in cobalt blue. She would need a sweater for it today; the fickle spring weather had turned cool again. Next, she pulled out a three-quarter-sleeved black dress with blue and white flowers embroidered on it. She’d bought it last year because it was on sale and she liked it, but she’d never worn it. She held the hanger up to her chin. The dress came to just below her knees. She could wear her black strappy sandals to dress it up a little and she had a shawl with black beads in the fringe that would give it an extra sparkle.

  As she turned toward her mirror, her eyes fell on her wedding photo on the table beside her bed. She still hadn’t moved it to the living room or the family room.

  “Where should I put you, Dean?” she said out loud.

  Her mom was right. He would want her to remarry. They’d even talked about it, generally, once. She’d told him she would want him to remarry if she died, and he’d said the same. Life was meant to be shared.

  “It’s time,” she said, out loud again. She walked around the bed and picked up the framed photo. She took it to the living room where she set it among a grouping of other family pictures. She knew that Heath honored the marriage she had shared with Dean and respected the children’s need to remember it.

  She would never forget Dean. Never forget all they ha
d shared, the marriage and home they had created together, the babies they’d made together. But life was meant for the living. It was time to move forward.

  She dressed quickly and pulled her hair back, securing it with a black clip. Tendrils fell around her face and for a second she looked younger, not a day over thirty-five she was sure, but then she leaned a little closer and noted the wrinkles starting around her mouth and eyes.

  Oh well. Thirty-nine wasn’t that old. She smiled. At least not as old as she’d thought at twenty-nine.

  As she applied her makeup, she tried to keep her mind from the obvious, but it went there anyway. Does Heath plan to propose? Tonight? As she put on her black dangly earrings, Howie began banging on her bedroom door.

  “Come in,” she said.

  “Brooke said you’re going out to dinner with Heath,” he wailed. His hair was messed up, as if he’d been wrestling, and it was pushed up from his sweaty forehead.

  “I told you that. When I got home from work.”

  “I want to go too.” His green eyes were heavy.

  She sat down on her bed and he climbed up beside her. “Not tonight. Some other time.”

  “I promise I’ll be good, and I’ll wear my church clothes.”

  Candace stroked his thick hair and was beginning to say again that sometimes grown-ups needed time alone, when Howie heard the sound of a vehicle outside, most likely Heath’s.

  “Gotta go!” he shouted, bounding off the bed and out the door.

  Candace found her shawl, neatly folded on the top shelf in her closet, and her matching black beaded purse. After she transferred what she needed into the little bag, she headed down the stairs. At the main level, she looked down into the family room to tell Brooke good-bye, but she wasn’t there. As she opened the door, she registered the sound of a basketball and as she stepped outside, everyone came into view. Heath, wearing a suit, was playing H-O-R-S-E with Brooke and Howie.

  The ball bounced right past him when he caught sight of Candace. “Wow—you look great.”