A Shiver of Blue

by Everly Frost

  “I know it was a dog; I saw it. It brought us down—Cloud and me. But there was something else too.”

  “What do you mean?”

  I touched my cheek. “This. Dogs don’t make fine cuts like these. The doctor said so, too.”

  “I don’t know, Caroline. Everything I saw pointed to an animal. Some of those poor beasts go wild. Back when I was in the city, there was this man…”

  He stopped for a moment and then went on. “He held dog fights, and those animals were animals. Maybe they were dogs once, but after a while, they were vicious beasts. It wasn’t their fault. It’s what he made them.”

  He glared into his cup. Then he threw his water under the tree behind us. “It’s no way to treat a dog, but a stray can become that way all on its own. There’s a bit of wild in a lot of dogs around here. Who knows?” He looked at me. “Don’t worry about it. It’s gone. It won’t be back.”

  “How do you know?”

  He didn’t answer.

  I pulled my arms around my chest. “Rich people are coming to visit. They’re having a dance.”

  “I heard.”

  “I’m supposed to ‘make a good impression.’” My teeth started to chatter. I forced myself to speak through the chattering. “Will you be there?”

  He guffawed. “What? As a guest?” He slapped his knee. “Caroline, I’m the help. I’ll be there to park people’s cars. Clean up the mess they leave behind. Sure, I’ll be there.”

  His sarcasm brought me out of myself, away from that cold place with the white teeth. “I’d trade places with you, if I could.”

  “No, you wouldn’t.” His voice was different now, intense. “I wouldn’t trade places with me.”

  He stood up. “C’mon. The new bull arrives this afternoon and your father will be looking for me soon. Time to get home before someone misses us and we get in a heap of trouble.”

  “You can tell them you went out to exercise the horse and met me out here by accident,” I said. “Would you really get into trouble? I’m the one who wanted to ride.”

  “Not me I’m worried about,” he muttered.

  He gave me a boost into the saddle. As he did so, his hand brushed my leg and I couldn’t quite believe what that simple touch did to me. It wasn’t something I knew existed, this strange curling sensation that traveled along my skin and made my body warm. I’d felt his hand on mine, even his arms around me before. He’d even carried me. But the touch on my leg burned.

  I started to speak, but he moved away, launching up onto his horse and kicking her into a gallop. I had no choice but to follow and when we arrived he dismounted and told me to leave the horses, because he would brush them down.

  He smiled at me, began to speak, but Jack came out with a stern look on his face that told me I should disappear.

  I passed Rebecca on my way to the house. She was sitting in the garden on the bench under the tree, talking with Robert who’d stopped in the middle of something involving a large shovel and some elaborate pots. It looked like the bench had survived the furniture cull after all. They didn’t see me and I thought that was for the best as I crept on by.

  I hurried up the stairs, only to find Edith coming in the opposite direction, clutching the pearls at her throat, her eyes red-rimmed. “Where have you been?”

  I jumped to the other side of the stairs to let her pass. “Out for a ride.”

  “With Nathan?” Her fingers closed on my arm, forcing me to stop.

  “Why, what’s wrong with that?”

  “Well, for a start, he has no money to his name.”

  “So?”

  “So, you shouldn’t be out there with him, Caroline.” Her hand bit me so hard that my eyes watered. “Everyone knows about Dad’s money now. You can’t trust anyone.”

  “Let me go.”

  “You think you can do whatever you want, don’t you? One day that’s going to get you into trouble.” She pulled me close, engulfing me in the pungent scent of oil paint. There were streaks of dried tears across her cheeks.

  She said, “One day you’re going to do something truly wicked. And then you’ll pay. Like you should.”

  I shrank as far back as I could, tugging to get free. I felt like a little girl again. “Go away, Edith. Go away and leave me alone.”

  She released me, throwing back her head as she passed on down the stairs. I sagged against the railing and tried to calm my beating heart. Somehow, she could make me feel small, fragile.

  As soon as I could make my feet move, I raced up the stairs toward my room, wanting to hide in there. I paused in the doorway because further down the hallway, Edith’s own door stood ajar.

  I hesitated, glancing over my shoulder to check she hadn’t followed me. Then, I crept along the hallway to her room and peered inside. The curtains were drawn, but loosely enough that I could see the perfectly made bed and simple furniture.

  Lying right in the middle of the floor, like a lifeless island, was the painting of the forest. Not golden anymore. It was slathered with black and slashed down the middle.

  I remembered her angry words and tear-stained face. I didn’t understand why she would ruin her own beautiful painting, but nothing Edith did made sense to me. Her anger was like steam from the kettle—harsh, sudden, and unpredictable.

  I raced back to my room to change, slipping out of my riding clothes. I threw my old trousers to the back of the cupboard and reached for my stockings, pulling them on as best I could.

  As I struggled to wriggle into my new dress, I remembered the feeling of Nathan’s hand on my leg… a hand that left me warm and both peaceful and agitated at the same time. For the first time, I thought about wickedness with a smile on my face.

  Chapter 11

  I DIDN’T SEE Nathan the next day, or the day after that, because Alice was determined to teach me how to dance.

  “Caroline, the party is only two weeks away and everyone gets here in a week. That gives me seven days to teach you how to dance, young lady, and teach you I will.”

  She did try. At the end of it, I mastered the basics of the waltz and other ballroom dances to her minor satisfaction, and even Rebecca clapped as I sailed around the room.

  “Caroline. You look wonderful, sweetie.” She spun next to me, a posy in her hair. It was one of the little blooms that Robert had grown.

  I tugged at the dress Victoria had pinned me in today. It was blue with a sculpted corset and a full skirt. Even so, it wasn’t as fulsome or fiddly as my evening dress would be, but Alice wanted me to get used to dancing in a dress. She even made me put on heels to break them in.

  Rebecca perched at the piano and played a waltz, waving her hand at me to dance. I continued until she was absorbed in her own music. To my relief, Alice also turned away to drink tea and eat cake, and I guessed she’d decided I wouldn’t embarrass everyone after all. Taking my chance, I edged out onto the verandah through the big double doors. No matter how much I clomped, the dress made me feel like a puffy, blue cloud.

  I leaned over the railing and caught sight of a ladybird, all black and red, trailing its way along the balustrade.

  “Caroline.” Aunt Alice’s voice was stern from inside the room. “Not in your dress, dearest.”

  The ladybird took flight, flitting away on the afternoon breeze. As the black and red speck disappeared, it was replaced by another, larger speck on the horizon.

  “Aunt Alice,” I called. “I thought you said people weren’t arriving until next week.”

  “They aren’t…” Her voice was muffled with cake and then she appeared beside me, peering out at the dust trail forming behind something that drew closer with every breath.

  “Good heavens, they’re early. How can they be early? This is a disaster. Mrs. Drew! Mrs. Drew!”

  She whirled back to me, grabbed me, looked me up and down, and said, “Well, at least you’ll pass. Rebecca, into your violet dress, immediately. Mrs. Drew! Oh, where is she?”

  Alice’s dining napkin fluttered to
my feet. I scrunched it in my fists as I scrutinized the approaching SUV.

  A movement at the corner of my eye drew my attention and I turned to find Nathan hesitating at the corner of the house holding a bridle in his hands.

  I ran to the edge of the veranda and leaned over the railing. “Are you coming inside?”

  He held up the bridle. “Your father asked to see me. We’ve been talking about changing Magenta’s bit.” He gestured at the metallic links on the bridle before frowning into the distance. “But it looks like there are people arriving.”

  “I don’t know who they are. Alice said they weren’t supposed to be here until next week.”

  A shadow passed over Nathan’s face. He backed away. “I think I’ll see your father another time.”

  “Wait a minute.”

  I ran to the end of the veranda and down the stairs, my heels clacking on the wooden boards. It wasn’t until I was standing in front of him that I realized I’d kicked dirt onto the hem of my dress. I swooped to brush it off, breathing out to manage the movement in the tight corset. Impossible. The dirt would have to stay where it was.

  “You should go back inside.”

  I shook my head. “Are you going back to the stables? I’ll come with you.”

  He barked a laugh. “No, I don’t think so, Caroline. Go back inside before your aunt comes for you.”

  “She won’t notice I’m gone. She’s in too much of a frenzy about Rebecca’s dress or her hair or something. She’ll never miss me.”

  I didn’t want to admit that I was filled with nerves about meeting new people. Hiding out in the stables with Nathan seemed like a good way to avoid them. I started walking, but he didn’t follow.

  His free hand snagged my arm. “Caroline, you should go back inside.”

  “I want to go with you.”

  “You don’t belong with me. You belong in there—with them.”

  I opened my mouth to convince him, but the calloused pad of his thumb was brushing back and forth across the bare skin of my upper arm. It made me think of ladybird wings and I decided then and there that they were black and red for a reason, because the sensation that ran through the nerves in my skin should have been reserved for the blackest of nights and the red of a hot flame.

  I drew breath, leaning forward. His eyes stayed on mine, piercing my thoughts with their flinty sharpness.

  I whispered. “I learned to dance.”

  “I know.” He dropped his eyes to my mouth. Back and forth went his thumb, soft and slow.

  I said, “I wish I could dance with you.”

  His expression changed to blank. A guard dropped down over his face. He let go of my arm and took an abrupt step back. “Go back inside, Caroline.”

  I couldn’t understand why he didn’t want me around—why his words told me to leave when his hands told me to stay.

  Rebecca interrupted us.

  “Caroline.” She was dressed in a violet dress that hugged her curves with a slit up to her knee. Her glossy hair was tied back in a French knot. She looked more sophisticated than I’d ever seen her. “Come inside. They’re here and Aunt Alice is having a fit.”

  I turned and didn’t look back. I knew Nathan had already gone. Stamping my feet at the top of the stairs, I tried to get rid of the sensation still running through my body where he’d touched me.

  With a humph, Rebecca snatched my arm and pulled me across the veranda. I glanced at her in alarm.

  “Come inside before you stomp the whole house down. Now…”

  She sat me down in the nearest chair. I sank into a plump cushion, the dress puffing up around me. I wanted to escape it the same way I wanted to escape the guests I was about to meet.

  “The people who just arrived are the Bucklands. Mr. Buckland was a business partner of Dad’s when we lived in the city. They’re very old friends and parted on good terms. The Bucklands are extremely important, according to Aunt Alice. They’re wealthy and influential. And…” She gave me a sharp look. “They have a son your age.”

  “Oh, no.”

  The words slipped out of my mouth before I could stop them.

  Two spots of color appeared on Rebecca’s high cheekbones. She’d threatened Timothy with her fists enough for me to know that right then she wanted to pummel me.

  I glared back at her. “I hate this.”

  “Caroline. I would give my right arm for a chance like this. These people could be your escape from this place, your way out, don’t you understand? Do you still not see what’s happening here? You need to get out before—”

  “Rebecca.” Aunt Alice loomed in the doorframe.

  Rebecca straightened as Alice held out a hand sparkling with rings. “It’s time for you to meet our guests.”

  As we passed through the hallway, headed to the living room at the front of the house, I sensed the fluster at the back. I pictured Mrs. Drew flapping her hands at the maids and ordering rooms to be prepared because the newcomers would have to stay the night after arriving at this time of day, and that meant bedding and meals. I felt a stab of pity for the older lady—and even for Victoria, despite her icy hands.

  I trailed after my aunt and sister and entered the living room as my father and two other gentlemen rose to their feet. The first man appeared to be my father’s age, with gray specks in his hair to match fading blue eyes and a dark blue suit.

  His son was more vibrant: dark brown hair, bright blue eyes fringed with long lashes, his tall frame clad in gray pants and a white collared shirt. An expensive watch circled his wrist and he had a hairdo to match. The visitors smiled and we nodded.

  I drew a deep breath, because the younger man’s focus stayed on me. But not quite on me, not my eyes, but slightly off-center to my cheek where the awful scar was a blazing imperfection.

  It struck me then that Nathan never looked at it—never at the livid, red mark—only ever into my eyes.

  Dad took Alice’s arm. “This is my sister-in-law, Alice Grey, and my daughters Rebecca and Caroline. Ladies, this is my old friend, John Buckland and his son, Kenneth.”

  “We’re sorry for arriving early,” Mr. Buckland said with a grin that indicated he wasn’t sorry at all.

  Alice looked like she expected him to explain himself, her eyebrows half-raised. When he didn’t, she said, “No, please, it’s fine. You’re very welcome to be here. Please make yourselves at home.”

  Dad gestured for us all to sit, and Alice maneuvered me so I ended up beside Kenneth. He gave me a look that was not so much a smile as a twist of his lips while Alice whisked around ensuring everyone had coffee and cake.

  I sat stiff as a pole, my hands sweaty at the thought of having to make social conversation with this trussed-up boy.

  When the conversation lapsed between our fathers, he said, “Caroline, your father says you’re an amazing rider.”

  I glanced at my Dad and then back to Kenneth, knowing my father would never say anything like that at all, even if it were true. I’d known Dad to praise people never and criticize them always. “I ride when I can.”

  Mr. Buckland interrupted. “It must be a family trait, this obsession with horses. Your father’s racehorses used to be the envy of all. And they should be again. I’ve heard a rumor that you have a fine mare in training, Harry?”

  My father laughed. “Yes, she’s a solid one. But I’m lucky to have a good trainer in my employ.”

  Mr. Buckland leaned forward. “The Fisher boy?”

  Dad gave a nod.

  “If I could convince that young man to work for me, I would. I did offer him a job, you know, but he turned me down. Had to come out here into this wilderness and now he’s working for my oldest friend.” Mr. Buckland leaned back. “Ah, but it’s a shame about that incident at the—”

  Aunt Alice dropped her cup with a ringing clang onto its delicate saucer and Mr. Buckland continued without a pause, slapping his knee as he continued to grin at Dad. “We should go back into business, you and I. We could accomplish gre
at things, my old friend.”

  Dad smiled. He replied something that I didn’t hear as Kenneth turned to me again. “Have you been to the races?”

  I shook my head. “No, never.”

  “Well, that’s a shame,” the older Mr. Buckland interjected. “Your mother was once the heart of the racecourse.”

  “Then… it would be nice to go one day,” I said.

  “Your father’s keenness for horses and your mother’s likeness. I approve.” Mr. Buckland smiled, and I worried that I’d spoken out of turn, but Dad continued his conversation without any sharp words for me.

  As the conversation turned to business, Alice rang the bell for Mrs. Drew to take away the afternoon tea.

  Then Alice turned to us. “Caroline, Rebecca, why don’t we take Kenneth for a walk around the garden before dinner time?” There was an apology on her lips as she smiled at Kenneth. “I’m afraid your main tour of the grounds will have to wait until tomorrow when there’s more time.”

  “It would be my pleasure,” Kenneth said.

  Rebecca and I collected our coats, and for a few moments I could breathe again.

  Too soon, we were outside in the garden, but Alice took the lead and strolled beside Kenneth, pointing out the flowers and saplings in our garden as though each one was worthy of great discussion. I shook my head at the whole thing. He paid close attention to her, asking questions and seeking elaboration, but his eyes were frequently in my direction.

  Rebecca took my arm. “Keep your chin up, Caro. I think he likes you.”

  No, I didn’t think so; no matter how quickly he’d hidden the first sign of disgust when he saw my scar. He’d pasted a façade over himself and I didn’t know what was underneath it. But I bit my tongue before she had a reason to want to knock sense into me again.

  The afternoon passed with excruciating slowness, and then we were sent upstairs to wash for supper. I found Victoria fussing over what I should wear, since Alice didn’t have time to give her instructions.

  I pointed to a green dress. “Why not that one? The color’s gorgeous and the shape is lovely.”