“Are we done?”
“Yes.” In more ways than you know, she thought sadly.
She didn’t say a word this time when he reached for his cell phone.
Sterling’s head snapped up as the door to his den flew open.
“Well, I hope you’re proud of yourself!” Maxine marched into the room, planted her hands on her hips and glared at him.
Very carefully, he set down the prospectus he’d spent the past hour trying to study. It just wasn’t his day, he thought blackly. First there’d been that painful conversation with Susan. God knows, he’d done his best to stay out of her way so as not to do anything more to hurt her, but had she appreciated his effort? Hell, no.
Now this. He stared impatiently at his housekeeper. “You want to explain what you’re talking about?”
“I’m talking about your wife. Don’t think I don’t notice what goes on around here. I’ve seen the way you’ve given the girl the cold shoulder all week and I know she’s moved back into her own bedroom. But this!” She threw up her hands. “I don’t know what you did on that trip to Moran’s, but whatever it is you ought to be ashamed of yourself!”
His lips compressed. “Your opinion is duly noted. Now I’d appreciate it if you’d leave me alone.” He reopened the prospectus. “Be sure to close the door on your way out.”
“Oh, no, Mr. Churchill.” Maxine advanced on his desk like an avenging angel. “You may be able to bully that sweet thing you married,” she exclaimed, “but not me. Not when she’s upstairs right now, her poor little face as white as a sheet, packing her things—”
“What?” His head shot up. “What are you talking about, Maxine?”
“I told you. She’s leaving. She told me she’d miss the Oasis, and me, but under the circumstances she couldn’t possibly stay here—”
Sterling was on his feet, across the room and out the door before she had a chance to finish the sentence. Striding down the hall, he told himself the housekeeper had to be mistaken. Susan wouldn’t leave. She couldn’t. She was his wife. They had an agreement.
Even so, he took the stairs two at a time.
He marched double time down the upper hall, only to come to an abrupt stop when her bedroom door suddenly opened.
Out stepped Susan, a suitcase in one hand and Rosie’s leash in the other. She stopped dead at the sight of him, the puppy on her heels.
“What do you think you’re doing?” he demanded.
She took a deep breath. “I’m taking the dog and I’m going.”
“Going where?”
“Back to my house in Royal.”
He struggled to hold onto his temper. “Don’t be ridiculous, Susan. You can’t do that.”
A little bit of color came into her pale cheeks. “Yes, I can. I called my landlord. My place is still available and he said he’d be happy to have me back. I’ll send someone out for the rest of my stuff in a few days, after I’m settled.”
Damned if she didn’t sound serious. He felt a faint stirring of something he told himself firmly wasn’t fear. “You’re not being reasonable.”
“Actually, you’re wrong,” she said quietly. “This is the first reasonable thing I’ve done all week.”
“And just what does that mean?”
“It means a lot of things. But the only one that matters is that I can’t stay here anymore. Not now. Not like this. I want more for our child.” She lifted her chin a notch. “I want more for myself.”
“Well, I sure as Sam Hill can provide for both of you a hell of a lot better than you can by yourself—”
“Oh, Sterling, this isn’t about money, and you know it.”
“Then you explain it to me, Susan. Because I thought we had a deal.”
She gave him a searching look, then slowly nodded. “All right. I’ll try.”
She was silent a moment, as if trying to decide how to begin. Even so, he certainly didn’t expect her to start where she did.
She took a deep breath, then slowly released it. “I thought a very long time before I decided to have a child. And one of the first things I realized was that if I wanted to be a good parent, I was going to have to change. I was going to have to stop being so afraid.”
She set down her suitcase, her brown eyes becoming distant and thoughtful. “Ever since my parents died, I’ve sort of been living in the shadows, using shyness as an excuse to keep a low profile. I guess I thought that would keep me safe, make me a smaller target for what I’d learned could be a cruel and capricious Fate.
“And it did. Except that I was so very, very lonely. And though there weren’t any more sorrows, there weren’t any joys, either. Until finally I realized that the only way I was ever going to have anything worth keeping was if I took some chances.” She suddenly lost her distant look and focused in on him. “That’s what getting pregnant was, Sterling. It was taking a chance on life.
“So was marrying you, in a way. I honestly thought I could do it. I thought that as long as I had the baby, it would be enough for you and I just to be friends. But then—” for an instant her face lit up “—I fell in love with you. And I can’t change it. Any more than I can pretend not to feel what I do.”
She glanced down at the floor and fell silent. When she looked up, her eyes were filled with pain. “Earlier today, out in the truck, however, I finally realized that I can’t expect you to pretend, either. And that’s why I’m leaving.”
He took a firm grip on himself. No matter how affected he might be by what she’d just said, this was not the time to lose sight of the bottom line—and that was her staying. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Just that I’ve thought about everything you said. And if it’s really true you can’t love anyone, that includes the baby. Which means that anything you did for our child would be done out of duty—the way it was for you with your mother.” She shook her head. “We both know how that turned out. I love you, Sterling, but I won’t let you do that to our baby. I won’t let you do it to me. We both deserve better.”
He stared at her, stunned to the depths of his soul that she would ever dream of comparing him to his mother.
She picked up her suitcase and moved past him down the hall. Stooping to pick up Rosie as she reached the stairs, she paused, almost as if she expected him to say something. When he didn’t, she said softly, “Goodbye, Sterling.” With that, she was gone.
It was just like Teresa all over again.
He felt a stab of pain like a knife through his heart. It jerked him out of his temporary paralysis, and for one mad moment he was tempted to go after her.
Abruptly he came to his senses. With a heartfelt oath, he spun around and strode toward his bedroom, telling himself firmly that he didn’t give a damn what she did. After all, this was pretty much what he’d expected the second he’d realized things were getting out of hand. Why not? His mother, Teresa—they’d both walked away, one emotionally, one literally, simply because they didn’t care enough to stay.
That’s right. At least with Susan she’s leaving because she loves you too much...
The thought stopped him dead in his tracks.
But only for a second. He shook it off and resumed his march, telling himself not to be stupid. After all, there was no way she could love him and still believe he was like his mother, he thought, striding into his bedroom and slamming the door.
His jaw bunched. No matter what she thought, it wasn’t true. There was no way he would ever treat a child of his with the sort of distant reserve that was all he’d ever known from his mother. He wanted this baby. And he was going to be a damn good father. And for Susan to even suggest that he’d ever do anything that might wound their child was inexcusable Hadn’t he vowed that his son or daughter would have a better, happier childhood than he had?
Damn straight he had.
So? Didn’t you also vow to love, honor and cherish Susan?
It wasn’t the same thing, he thought angrily. With Susan, all he’d ever intended
was to have a marriage of convenience. And he would never have done that if he’d thought for a moment she’d get some foolish notion in her head that she was in love with him. Much less that he’d ever be unwise enough to love her back—
The imprudent thought froze him in place. Instantly he tried to deny it, telling himself he was mistaken. But once unleashed, the bone deep truth of it refused to go away. Like a house of cards in a wind storm, the denial he’d been using to keep himself safe blew apart.
He sank down onto the bed, not quite able to take it in.
He loved her.
All right. So what if he did? It didn’t change anything, he told himself a little desperately. So what if he suddenly understood the terror he’d felt that day at the doctor’s at the thought of anything happening to her. So what if the urgency he’d felt that night now made sense. Did it really matter that he must have known even then that he loved her? Or that he’d tried to express it in the only way he could?
Yeah, it does, you bastard. Because it also explains why you panicked when you found out she loved you, too. Go on. Admit it. You were afraid you’d never be able to survive if later she changed her mind.
He took a deep breath, shame splintering through him as he finally faced the truth: he’d hurt her to protect himself.
And now she was gone.
Oh, God. What had he done?
She was not going to cry. No matter what.
Eyes burning, throat tight, Susan walked doggedly down the Oasis’s long driveway, mentally sending Royal’s only cabdriver a bouquet of flat tires. Of all the times for him not to show up, why did it have to be today?
Not that anything else was going her way. The hot sun was beginning to give her a headache. The puppy was starting to lag. Her high-heeled sandals were not made for walking, her chest hurt from the effort of not crying and her heart—oh, her heart was definitely breaking.
Despite all that, Susan knew she’d made the right choice. After everything that had happened—and the one thing that hadn’t—there was no way she could stay.
She swallowed, a little ashamed to admit how much she’d hoped the shock of her leaving would prompt Sterling into making a declaration of love.
How foolish. Clearly she’d let her feelings for him cloud her judgment and convince her of something that didn’t exist. Yet even so, she didn’t regret the things she’d said. She’d needed to say them almost as much as he’d needed to hear them.
Still, given his expression after she’d likened him to his mother, she was pretty sure she’d burned her bridges and then some. Now, she had no choice but to get on with her life.
Even if that meant walking the whole way to Royal.
Unfortunately, the trip might take a while. With a tired sigh, she juggled the end of the leash as she switched the heavy, unwieldy suitcase to her other hand. Until she’d set off on this walk, she hadn’t realized how spoiled she’d become the past month. It was going to take a while to get reaccustomed to not having a car to drive. Just as it would feel strange not to have Maxine around to fuss over her. And she would definitely miss the Oasis’s expanses of green, and even the horses...
Of course, none of that compared to what it was going to be like not to see Sterling over the breakfast table in the morning. Or hear him outside in the early evening, whistling for Cassie. Or feel his warm, solid weight beside her in the bed at night...
Her mouth trembled. Swallowing a painful lump in her throat, she tried to walk a little faster, only to stop instead when the leash went taut behind her. Rosie, it seemed, had had enough of this adventure. “Come on, sweetie,” she coaxed, wearily turning around.
Her breath caught. Eight feet away at the end of the leash stood Sterling, holding the puppy in his hands.
For a second she thought she might faint “Oh, my. How—how did you get here?”
“I walked,” he said grimly, his gray eyes locked on her face. “You were so lost in thought, I guess you didn’t hear me.” He set down the dog. Closing the distance between them, he took the leash and the suitcase out of her trembling hands and set them down as well.
“But what—” she had to take a calming breath before she could go on “—are you doing here?”
He straightened, suddenly so close she could feel the heat radiating off his big body. “I’m not letting you go, Susan.”
“Oh, please.” Her anguish was very real. Walking away once was all she could handle; she didn’t think she had the strength to do it again. “Please, don’t. This is hard enough as it is—”
“I know.” Before she could divine his intent, he reached out and caught one of her hands in his own. “I know, and it’s all my fault. I’ve been nine kinds of fool and I promise, if you’ll just forgive me, I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you.”
Her heart seemed to stand still. “You will?”
He nodded, looking somberly down at her. “Back at the house, you said you’d come to realize you weren’t ever going to have anything worthwhile if you didn’t take some chances. Well, I’m here to take one now—the biggest one of my life. I love you, Susan. I love you, and the baby, and I don’t think I can stand it if you leave me.”
It was a declaration of love and then some. She looked up into his dear, dear face, seeing the love and the fear, the hope and the need he could no longer hide—and burst into tears.
“Aw, dammit.” Panic mixed with desperation in his voice. “Susan, sweetheart, don’t cry. Please. I’m sorry. I’m so damn sorry for everything. I swear if you’ll have me, I’ll do better...”
She threw herself into his arms.
Sterling squeezed his eyes shut, saying a silent prayer of thankfulness as he wrapped his arms around her and felt her small, precious body against his. Relief rocketed through him and for a second his knees felt mortifyingly weak. He pulled her even closer and buried his head in her hair, stroking her slender back and doing his best to show her how sorry he was.
Finally she quieted. He reluctantly loosened his hold as she took a step back and looked up at him. Her lipstick was gone, her eyes were red and her cheeks flushed—and he’d never seen anyone half so beautiful. “Are you okay?”
“Yes.”
“Does this—” he cleared his throat, his voice rough with emotion “—does this mean you’ll give me á second chance?”
“Yes.” She reached up and cupped his face in her hands. “Oh, yes. I love you, Sterling. So much. And nothing will ever change that.”
A sheen of moisture glazed his eyes. “I love you, too, sweetheart.”
Dipping his head, he kissed her, hot, sweet and tender.
And this time, he held nothing back.
Epilogue
It was a perfect Texas night. The air was mild, the breeze a mere whisper. Stars twinkled in the vast indigo sky, while a huge yellow moon cast a gentle light.
The Oasis glittered like a debutante all gussied up for her coming-out. Thousands of little white lights twinkled in the trees and bushes and along the fences. Huge pots of fragrant flowers lined the patio steps, and dozens of candles bobbed on the swimming pool and flickered atop a forest of matching umbrella tables. A local band played a soulful love song, while white-coated waiters circulated among the near-hundred guests.
Sterling gazed down on the lively scene from the master bedroom window. He pulled Susan, who was nestled in his arms with her back to his front, a little closer, gratified as she gave a happy sigh.
“I think our party’s a success,” she said softly.
He rubbed his cheek against her hair. “I think you’re right.” Their belated wedding reception had been in full swing for the past two hours.
“It’s sure nice to see Callie and Hank again.”
He watched as the couple in question swayed slowly across the dance floor, Callie’s blond head nestled next to Hank’s dark one. “Yeah, it is.”
“They look so happy.”
“They should. Theirs had to be the world’s longest honeymoon
.”
“Actually, according to Callie it’s still going on,” Susan said softly.
He tightened his arms around her. “They aren’t the only ones.”
She smiled, and for a few minutes they were quiet, simply enjoying their stolen time together.
Susan broke the silence. “Who’s that?” She nodded toward a tall, dark-haired man who stood alone, a pensive expression on his face as he watched the dancing.
“That’s Greg Hunt.”
“The state’s top attorney?”
He nodded, brushing his cheek against her hair. “Uh-huh.”
“He doesn’t look very happy.”
An expression of tenderness chased across Sterling’s face at the concern he could hear in her voice. He, too, thought Greg looked slightly forlorn, and he couldn’t help but wonder if it had something to do with Princess Anna. But he wasn’t about to say so since he didn’t want to worry his tender-hearted little wife. “I’m sure he’s fine.”
“Maybe,” she said thoughtfully. “Oh, look—there’s Becky. Doesn’t she look nice?”
Following her gaze, he saw his friend walk into view down below. She was dressed in a slim, indigo sheath that was wonderful with her bright red hair. “Yeah, she does.”
“I don’t think we’re the only ones who think so, either.”
Susan watched as Forrest Cunningham, who was standing by the fence, suddenly stiffened when he caught sight of the slender rancher.
Behind her she felt Sterling shrug. “I didn’t get you up here to talk about Forrest and Becky,” he informed her, loosening his hold and turning her around to face him.
Her lips curved. “You didn’t?”
“Nope.” He shook his head.
“Then why did you bring me here?”
He glanced pointedly at the bed.
“Sterling!” She gave a soft little laugh and shook her head. “I’m afraid you’re going to have to wait.”
He sighed, but there was amusement dancing in his smoky eyes. “I thought you might say that.”
They smiled at each other. “I guess if I can’t entice you into bed, I might as well go ahead and give you this.” He pulled a flat, royal-blue velvet jeweler’s box from his pocket and placed it in her hands.
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