Always and Forever

by Lyn Denison

  “Rhys will be home at ten so we’ll be fine, Shann.” Liz assured her. “Where are you going? Catching up with friends?”

  “Yes.” Shann paused and then decided she wanted no secrets. “And I’ve got a singing gig.”

  “That’s great, Shann. Whereabouts?”

  “At a club called The Blue Moon. About fifteen minutes drive from here.”

  “The Blue Moon?” Liz frowned. “I don’t think I’ve heard of that.”

  “It’s a lesbian bar.”

  “You’re going to be singing in a lesbian bar?” Liz had dropped her voice and paused with her teacup halfway to her lips. “There’s a gay bar near here?”

  “Not that near,” Shann said dryly. “Don’t worry, only those of us in the sisterhood can pass within.” Liz’s eyes widened, and Shann chuckled. “I’m having a go at you, Liz.”

  “I knew that.” Liz took a studied sip of her tea.

  “Actually I used to sing there ten years ago. You could say I made my debut there.”

  “You did?” Liz sat her cup on its saucer. “But ten years ago? You weren’t old enough to be in a bar, were you?”

  “Not technically. But according to my fake ID I was.”

  “You had a fake ID?” Liz was incredulous. “Shann, what were you thinking, and where did you get it?”

  “Most of us had them and, as to my supplier, my lips are sealed.”

  “Shann! Good grief! Did Dad know?”

  “About the fake ID or The Blue Moon?”

  Liz gave her a playful shove.

  “Not about either actually. But relax, Liz. Gina, the owner of the club, watched out for me, and I never drank alcohol.”

  “Well, I can be grateful for small mercies,” Liz said, rolling her eyes.

  “Seriously, Liz. Gina gave me my first gig. She paid me, and I got lots of tips, made a lot of money for a seventeen-year-old. Where do you think I got the money to fly down to Aunt Millie’s?”

  “I guess I didn’t think,” Liz shrugged. “I just thought Millie had sent it to you.”

  Shann shook her head. “It was my own money.”

  “I can’t believe Dad didn’t know anything about where you were working.”

  “Come on, Liz. Could you see me telling him I was playing guitar at a lesbian bar? He’d have freaked. I told him I was working in McDonald’s.”

  “Didn’t you worry he’d check up on you?”

  Shann laughed. “Not too much. Dad hates McDonald’s. He says the food gives him indigestion.”

  “But Shann, you were taking a heck of a chance.”

  “I know. But it was worth it to me. It was so wonderful to be there, Liz, with women who were just like me.” Shann looked across at her sister. “I felt like I’d come home.”

  “Oh, Shann.” Liz touched her hand. “Did we make you feel like an outsider?”

  “Only—” Shann sighed. “Not really, Liz. I loved you, my family. I just wished I could be more, well, more open. Down at the club I could be myself.”

  “Was it that bad? Were we so bad?”

  “No, of course not. It’s hard to explain, Liz. I felt . . . I don’t know, like a freak. Being expected to be and do what’s expected is such a huge stress when you feel different. And then to have your parents so angry, well, it was pretty devastating.”

  “You mean, because of that thing with Leigh Callahan?” Liz asked softly.

  Shann raised her eyebrows. “How much did you know about that?”

  “Only what Ruth told me on the phone.” Liz looked a little embarrassed. “She said you and Leigh were caught, well, experimenting.”

  “Experimenting?” Shann exclaimed exasperatedly. “We weren’t caught having sex, Liz. We were just kissing.”

  “I told Ruth they were overreacting.”

  “Dad was furious. I wanted to tell him I was a lesbian then, but he was so angry. So were the Callahans. I felt Ann and Mike blamed me.”

  “Were you and Leigh having an affair?”

  Shann stood up, turned away, the pain of rejection rising inside her like bile. “I was in love with her,” she said softly. “It was—” She sighed. “It was pretty innocent really.” She sat down again. “Look, Liz, I don’t particularly want to dredge all that up again. I’ve put it behind me.”

  “Oh, Shann. I’m sorry. I had no idea. I should have talked to you about it when Ruth told me,” Liz agonized.

  “No, you shouldn’t. You were over a thousand miles away. You had a husband and two young kids. Ruth had no right to worry you with it.” She shrugged again. “Apart from that, I probably wouldn’t have discussed it. I was in a pretty bad state.” And Shann hadn’t even been able to talk to Gina about it. Not until after Corey was born, and she’d called her to tell her.

  Liz ran her fingers through her hair. “I feel I’ve let you down, Shann. You think you know your family as well as you know yourself. You think you’d understand, that you’d realize when someone you loved was hurting. But I never knew, Shann. You were my little sister, and I didn’t know.”

  Shann walked around the table and gave her sister a gentle hug. “This isn’t something you need to beat yourself up over. The situation was way out of your control. So give it up. Look at me. Do I look like I haven’t recovered? I’m at ease with who I am, Liz. It means I don’t have to take out front page ads in the papers unless I feel I want to. And as for Dad, I’ve adopted a don’t-ask-don’t-tell truce with him. So quit worrying. Dad and I will make our own peace or we won’t. It’s up to us.”

  “I know. But . . . I love you both.” A tear trickled down Liz’s cheek.

  “I love you, too. So let’s find something else to talk about. If your mild-mannered husband comes home and finds you in tears he’ll have my guts for garters.”

  Liz laughed. “What makes you think he’d blame you?”

  Shann raised her hands and let them fall. “Everyone blames me,” she said and then laughed. “I should write a song about that.”

  “So are you getting paid to sing at this place?” Liz asked and Shann nodded.

  “Oh, yes. Your sister’s a professional singer.” She pulled a face. “Gina wouldn’t let me do it for free even though I wanted to.” Shann chuckled. “She says I’m a tax deduction. You’d like Gina, Liz. Maybe I could introduce you sometime.”

  “I’d like to meet her, Shann,” Liz said sincerely. “And whenever you want to go out you know you can. I’m doing fine. Really.”

  “Just don’t get too cocky and overdo it, that’s all.” Shann admonished her.

  Shann parked the car behind The Blue Moon, grabbed her guitar case and knocked on the back door. Jess let her in and gave her an enveloping hug.

  “Just like old times, hey, Shann? Whoa!” She looked Shann up and down. “Now that shirt is really something.”

  Shann put her guitar down and spun around. She wore her best boots and black dress jeans with a silver chain belt. Her white suede shirt had a fringed yoke and fringes down the long sleeves. Around her neck she wore a silver chain with a heart-shaped locket nestling in the valley between her breasts.

  Jess whistled. “You make me wish I was thirty years younger and a lesbian.”

  Shann kissed Jess’s weathered cheek. “You old flirt, you. What would George say if he heard that?”

  “He’d say I told you so. And he’d say I told you you’d catch it if you started working for those gay people. He gave me dire warnings twenty years ago when I took this job working for Gina. But I decided to stay straight and keep making his life miserable.”

  Shann laughed delightedly. “You can’t fool me, Jess. You love that old codger to bits.”

  “You just keep those dangerous thoughts to yourself, young lady. Now, go on out there and wow ’em.”

  Shann left her guitar in Gina’s office and walked through to the bar. She paused and took in the ambience of the place. The women. The music. The sound of laughter. And she could almost believe the ten years between had never been. But, of cour
se, they had.

  Tonight The Blue Moon was packed. Women danced, sat around tables, stood in groups, talking or singing along to the songs coming from the old jukebox.

  Shann spied Gina at the bar and moved around to join her.

  “What a relief! Our star’s turned up,” Gina said with mock seriousness. “And she’s looking sensational.” She gave Shann a hug and turned to the bartender. “Charley, a coke with a slice of lemon for the famous Shann Delaney. Do you still drink that or have you progressed to the hard stuff?”

  “Coke with lemon will be fine. Besides, you know that hard stuff will rot your boots.”

  “Too true,” acknowledged Gina. “But what a way to go. I’ll have my usual hard one,” she added with a wink at Charley.

  The bartender was new. Gina had told Shann that Meg had moved over to Perth last year.

  Charley smiled at Shann as she handed her her drink. “One coke with lemon. Nice to meet you, famous Shann Delaney.”

  “Famous? Hardly. And Gina might regret asking me to sing once you’ve heard me. It has been ten years. Maybe I’m getting a bit past it?”

  “Oh sure!” laughed Gina, taking the gin and tonic Charley passed her. “You’re not even thirty. Besides, age is all relative. Koalas are old at six.”

  “They are?”

  Gina nodded. “As for the ‘past it’, my bet is you’re even better.”

  “We can but hope.” She took a sip of her coke and nodded her thanks to the bartender.

  “Have you had a look around, Shann? You’ll see lots of old friends.” Gina sipped her own drink.

  Shann glanced around at the crowd. Women raised their glasses, some waved, and Shann smiled and waved back at the familiar faces. “Now I think I’m getting nervous.”

  “Rubbish!” stated Gina. “Now go get your guitar, and we’ll get this show on the road. We’re all dying with anticipation.”

  Shann collected her guitar, stuck a couple of extra plectrums in her pocket, and headed for the small, brightly lit stage. Gina was just starting her introduction.

  “Tonight’s performer really needs no introduction to a lot of you. We remember her when she was quite literally jailbait. Really cute jailbait.”

  Everyone laughed, and Gina gave them a concise list of Shann’s accomplishments, told them Shann had debuted at the club. “Now, come on up here, Shann.”

  Shann stepped up beside Gina and set her drink on the floor behind her.

  “Now you’ll all be pleased to hear Shann’s single and, happily, now of legal age.”

  “And then some,” laughed Shann.

  Gina went on to talk about Shann’s involvement with the theme song for The Kelly Boys as Shann looked out over the room and the mass of faces.

  The door at the back opened and a latecomer moved into the room. Two women waved and each hugged her as she joined them. The trio moved into a brighter patch of light and Shann’s eyes narrowed, her breath catching in her chest.

  The familiar short fair hair was spiked and her green eyes seemed to lock with Shann’s across the sea of women.

  Chapter Five

  Tonight she wore faded jeans that rode low on her hips and a short red sleeveless top that displayed a flat midsection of firm tanned skin. Something bright flashed in the region of the woman’s navel, but from this distance Shann couldn’t see what it was.

  The red top set off the lightly tanned skin, her slightly muscular arms and the rounded neckline sat just above the swell of her breasts. She carried a dark jacket over one arm.

  So was this her answer, Shann reflected, the thought making her suddenly lightheaded. Or did it only pose more questions? But the key could very well be that Angie was here, in a lesbian bar. A million thoughts skittered about inside Shann. She felt like grinning broadly but a small part of her warned her to take care. She knew there could be some other reason Angie was here. Perhaps she simply had lesbian friends? And, of course, Liz might even have told Angie that Shann was singing, and she’d come down.

  Pull yourself together, she admonished herself. This whole thing with Angie Callahan was reducing her to borderline blithering idiot.

  And then Gina was smiling at her, turning and leaving her alone on the small stage. The lights in the room dimmed a little, cocooning Shann on the small stage. She took a deep breath and settled her guitar strap over her shoulder.

  “Nice to see so many familiar faces,” she said to settle her nerves. “Seems like old times. Let’s start with one of my favorites, Terri Clark’s ‘Girls Lie Too’.” She moved around the stage to the beat of the song, had the audience laughing at the song’s lyrics. Shann loved performing the song, and when she’d finished the crowd clapped and whistled their appreciation.

  She continued on into Mary Chapin Carpenter’s “Down at the Twist and Shout” and a couple of other fast numbers. Then she sat back on the stool Gina had left for her and plucked the intro to Trisha Yearwood’s “The Song Remembers When.” Later she also sang a few of her own songs, including the now famous The Kelly Boys theme.

  After three-quarters of an hour Gina stepped in to announce they’d break and that Shann would return to perform again later in the evening. Once the lights had dimmed Shann had lost sight of Angie and now that she was back on the club floor it was impossible to find anyone in the crowd of people. Shann left her guitar propped on the stage and followed Gina across to the bar. Women congratulated her on the way.

  Charley set a fresh coke and lemon on the bar top for Shann. “Nice work,” she said with a grin.

  Shann took a much-needed gulp of her drink grimacing as the bubbles fought on the way down.

  “Nice work all right,” Gina squeezed her arm. “You were fantastic. How about doing a couple of extra gigs while you’re home?”

  “Sure. If it fits in with Liz and my father.” Shann’s eyes were scanning the crowd, and Gina raised one arched eyebrow questioningly.

  “Don’t tell me someone’s caught your eye? I don’t believe it.”

  “What—? I don’t know what you mean, Gina.”

  Gina gave a soft laugh. “Sure you don’t! You’ve never been much good at subterfuge, love. Not when you were a kid and definitely not now.”

  Shann pulled a face. “Who me? Subterfuge? Never.”

  “Cassie used to say your face was an open book, and she was right. Well, can’t say I’m surprised someone caught your eye. There are plenty of women here and most would be more than willing.”

  “You’re talking complications, Gina.” Yet even as she said the words Shann knew she’d be hard-pressed to give a thought to the uneasiness of entanglement where the new, grown-up Angie Callahan was concerned. “And complications I don’t need right now,” she added, more for her own benefit.

  “What you do need,” said a husky, amused voice behind Shann, “is a relaxing bracket of dancing.”

  Shann spun around to see Angie leaning on the bar. She flushed with pleasure, and was just as quickly embarrassed. Had Angie heard her comment about complications? She drew herself together. “Oh. Hi. I thought I saw you out there in the sea of faces.” Shann became aware of Gina’s scrutiny of the other woman, and she hurriedly made the introductions. “Gina, this is Angie Callahan, our next-door neighbor. Angie, meet Gina Carlisle, the owner of The Blue Moon.”

  “Hello,” said Angie easily. “Nice to meet you, Gina.”

  “Yes.” Gina nodded, but before she could comment, Angie held out her hand, palm upward, to Shann. “What about it, Shann? Care to dance?”

  Shann automatically put her hand in Angie’s. She nodded, excusing herself to Gina without meeting the other woman’s eyes, before following Angie out onto the dance floor.

  The up-tempo number had the small dance floor packed with gyrating women and Shann and Angie insinuated themselves into the crush.

  “Nice show,” said a woman Shann knew from the past.

  “Great to see you,” said another.

  They’d barely started to dance when the music c
hanged to a softer, slower number. Angie moved closer, her arms sliding lightly around Shann, their bodies moving together, not quite touching. Shann’s throat was dry, and she swallowed. She slid a look at Angie. A slight smile lifted the corners of her mouth and her green eyes twinkled.

  “So you don’t need complications, hmmm?” Angie asked lightly.

  “Oh, I . . .” Shann swallowed again. “I always tell Gina that in case she tries to matchmake. She likes to do that. Matchmake,” she finished, totally disconcerted.

  Angie smiled and moved a little closer to Shann. “Now, this is more like it,” she said softly and Shann felt the warmth of Angie’s breath on her cheek.

  “Yes,” Shann said, her whole body responding to the other woman’s delightful proximity, and they danced quietly for a few moments. “Do you come here often?” Shann cringed when she heard the words tumble from her mouth. It was bad enough to think them, let alone actually say them. She groaned. “I can’t believe I actually said that.”

  Angie gave a bubbly laugh. “It’s not so bad as an ice breaker. And it’s a valid question. Yes, I come here every so often with some friends. I don’t always dance, but it’s a great place to unwind. Nice people, fantastic music. Especially tonight. The music tonight is beyond compare, by the way.”

  “Thank you. I haven’t done any performing for a couple of months.”

  Some of the dancers had left the floor, and they moved together with the remaining couples.

  “So, are you going to ask me?” Angie asked lightly, her breath tickling Shann’s ear, causing Shann to shiver slightly.

  She drew back a little and regarded Angie inquiringly. “Ask you what?”

  “If I’m a lesbian.”

  “I don’t know whether I would have had the nerve to ask you that.”

  “No?” Angie gave a soft laugh.

  The throaty, enticing sound played over Shann’s tingling nerve endings, multiplying her awareness of the other girl’s firm body so close to her own. And the music, the other dancers, seemed to fade into the background. “I’m not sure I’d have drummed up the courage,” she said honestly.