by Emma Miller
“What happened to his father?” Bram almost bit back the words, but it was too late. What right did he have to ask?
“It was nearly two years ago.” John’s eyes were on his grandson as he spoke. “I know Johnny remembers that day well. Ellie has said he still has nightmares about it, even though he didn’t witness the accident. Daniel—Johnny’s father—had a new team of Belgians. They were green broke, and Daniel planned on finishing their training, but he didn’t get a chance. Something spooked them while he was harnessing them for work one morning...trapped him against the barn wall.”
John paused, but Bram could fill in where he left off. It was obvious that John still struggled with his own memories of that day.
“Ellie was right there with Susan. They saw it all. Ellie had to get the horses away from Daniel, and somehow she was able to do it. She stayed calm enough to move the horses into the pasture, send Johnny to the neighbor’s for help and try to save Daniel. He died that evening.”
“What a tragedy,” Bram said. It was the only thing he could say. He saw Ellie in his imagination, trying to save her husband, to protect her children.... She hid a steel core under that stubbornness.
“It was a hard time, especially for her. She and the children moved to our place. She couldn’t stay on Daniel’s farm, and didn’t want to after the accident, but our Dawdi Haus was empty, so it was the perfect place for her and the two children. Little Danny came to live with us eight months later.”
Bram looked at Johnny again. The boy kicked at the fence post as he leaned against the boards. That whole family needed a man who could be a real husband and father to them.
But that man wasn’t him—not by a long shot.
* * *
Where was Johnny? Ellie paused in the shade of the big maple tree that grew between the drive and the back door of Welcome Yoder’s house and searched each group of church members with her eyes. There he was, watching the softball game.
Now that she had found him, what else could she do? Ellie twisted her fingers together at her waist. The children were all occupied, and the afternoon stretched in front of her. Dat wouldn’t be ready to go home until the ball game was done. At least the headache was easing.
“Ellie!”
Lovina and Annie Beachey had found a bench near the house, and Lovina was waving her over.
“I haven’t gotten a chance to visit with you yet today.” Lovina grasped Ellie’s hand and pulled her down next to her.
Ellie sighed as she took her seat. “It’s good to see you, too. How are both of you feeling?”
“Oh, I’m not sure how much longer I’ll be able to wait,” Annie said. She fanned herself with a handkerchief. “I know the weather isn’t hot yet, but I feel like I have a furnace inside me!”
Ellie laughed at the comical face Annie made. “Just be glad you aren’t like poor Lovina. She has the whole summer to wait!”
“Oh, but we all know it’s worth it,” Lovina said. “I would go through this every summer just to hold a wee one in my arms at the end.”
Ellie looked away from them as she felt unexpected tears spring to her eyes. What was the matter with her that she couldn’t join in a conversation about babies?
She half listened to Lovina and Annie’s conversation as she watched the groups of men in the yard. Dat was talking with Bram and a couple others, and then Welcome Yoder and Eli Schrock joined the group. It looked as if Dat was making sure Bram met them all.
Levi Zook walked over to join them, his ready laugh already carrying to her ears. Ja, and he looked in her direction. Ellie turned her gaze away from the men. Poor Levi. She felt for him, bearing the raising of his children alone since his wife died, but not enough to marry him when she felt nothing more than pity.
She waited until she heard him talking with another group, then looked at Bram again. He blended in so well with the other men she would never call him Englisch now. His Englisch haircut was hidden under his hat, and with his clean-shaven face, he looked like an older bachelor. He joined in the conversation and even stood with the same relaxed posture. If she didn’t know better, she would think he really was one of them.
“Ellie.” Lovina’s voice broke into her thoughts. “Annie wants to know what you think of her brother Bram.”
“I’ve only just met him. I can’t say what I think of him yet.”
“Well, he’s talked about visiting with your Dat and being at the farm,” Annie said. “And he’s mentioned everyone in the family except you. That’s a sure sign he’s been thinking about you.”
Ellie felt her face blush. If he thought about her at all, it for sure wouldn’t be romantic thoughts, as rude as she’d been. But now, watching him in deep conversation with Dat and the other men, she couldn’t remember why he had upset her so. It didn’t look as if he was trying to bring his Englisch ways to the community; in fact, it looked as if he was trying hard to fit in.
“How soon will he move to his new farm?” Lovina asked.
“He said he wants to this next week, but I don’t want him to go yet. That old house is barely livable, and we’ll miss having him around when he goes. But he says he wants to get started on the spring work. It’s getting late as it is.”
Someone in the group of men must have told a joke, because just then they all started laughing. Bram turned and looked straight at Ellie, the dimple on his right cheek making him more attractive than ever. He paused when he saw her looking at him and gave her a smile that started sliding into his grin. Ellie turned away before it did. How could she let him catch her watching him?
“I’d better go look for Danny,” she said, rising from the bench. “It’s time for his diaper to be changed.”
“Oh, Sally can do that,” Lovina said, catching her arm and pulling her back to her seat again. “We want to know what you think of Bram.”
“What I think of him? Why would that make a difference?”
“You’re both single, about the same age. Who wouldn’t think of the two of you together? You don’t have to be secretive about it like the younger folk are. And since you won’t consider Levi...”
Ellie tried not resent her sister’s clumsy matchmaking. Of course people would think of them pairing up, and after watching Bram today, she realized it wasn’t as impossible as she had thought at first. But she wasn’t getting married again, no matter how hard Lovina pushed. If she only wanted another husband, she could have married Levi Zook months ago. Ne, marriage wasn’t in her plans, was it?
“We hardly know each other. I don’t think we’ve spoken more than five words to each other,” Ellie said firmly. “Don’t count your chickens before they’re hatched, Lovina.”
“I’m not counting chickens, Ellie, just trying to get the hen to lay a few eggs.”
Annie burst into laughter at this, and Ellie found herself smiling at her sister’s joke.
“I’ll think about it.”
But it was hopeless. Lovina wouldn’t give up that easily.
* * *
“So Thursday will be good for everyone, then?”
The men all nodded their agreement as John went on. “Bram has seed already.” He looked at Bram to get an affirmation. “So bring your teams and equipment.”
The conversation drifted away from Thursday’s plans to the weather, and when Matthew walked up to him, Bram was ready for some action.
“How about joining the softball game? Those young fellows need to have some friendly competition.”
“I don’t even remember the last time I played.”
“It’s something you don’t forget. Come on.”
He followed Matthew to the pasture, where a group of young men were joining together to make a team. They got some ribbing from the boys on the other team, but it was all in fun.
The boys went up to bat first, and Br
am went out to left field. He knew it wouldn’t be a rough game with everyone wearing their best clothes, but at least it would get him moving.
The first two batters hit lazy pop-ups to center field. The center fielder missed, and the boys made it to their bases. The next batter struck out. Yes, it would be a quiet game.
Bram looked over to the house between batters and saw Ellie still sitting with Annie and another woman on the bench. She looked preoccupied and was no longer looking at him. What was she thinking about?
The next batter hit a pop-up to center field again, but this time it was caught. One more out before they switched sides.
Bram glanced at Johnny. The boy was watching him. There was something about Ellie’s children—first the little girl and now this kid. They had a way of looking at him—how could he ever live up to the trust he saw in their eyes? He glanced over at Ellie again, and the warning bells started going off in his head. He shouldn’t get involved.
Just forget it.
The longing look on Johnny’s face decided for him.
“Johnny,” he said, walking over to the fence, “do you want to play left field with me?”
The boy’s face brightened, then fell again. He looked at the ground.
“I don’t know how. Benjamin and Reuben won’t let me. They’ll say I’m too little.”
Benjamin and Reuben? That’s right, Ellie’s brothers. “They’ll have to let you if you’re my partner.”
“Really?” Johnny said, looking at his face for the first time.
“Sure, come on.”
Bram lifted Johnny over the fence and showed him where to stand to wait for the ball.
Johnny turned to Bram as the next batter stepped up to the plate.
“That’s Reuben. He always hits the ball.”
“If he hits it this way, we’ll try to catch it.”
Johnny nodded in response, and then he stood with his hands on his knees and his eyes on the batter, in imitation of Bram.
Reuben let the first two pitches go past him and then swung at the third. The big softball hit the bat with a muffled thunk and flew toward left field.
“Catch it!” Johnny yelled to Bram.
Bram caught the ball on a bounce and passed it to Johnny.
“Throw to second!”
Johnny tossed the ball to the second baseman, who picked it up as it rolled along the ground toward him, then tagged the runner from first out.
Bram gave the boy a smile and nod. “Good job, son.”
The grin on Johnny’s face gave him a start. He didn’t look anything like the forlorn kid who had been leaning on the fence. John was right; the boy just needed a man’s attention, someone closer to his own father’s age.
The afternoon wore on, and more boys Johnny’s age joined in the game with their fathers and older brothers. There were more than a dozen players on each team, but no one minded. All too soon the afternoon ended, and it was time for the families to make their way home.
“I hope your mam isn’t too mad that I let your clothes get dusty.”
Johnny looked down at the dirt on his knees in surprise. Bram did his best to brush it off with his hand, but the boy’s Sunday pants were still stained when he was done.
“Do you think she’ll whip me?”
Bram’s heart stopped at the thought of someone whipping this kid. The unsought memory of a hot, dusty barn and a horsewhip in his father’s hand rose before he could slam the door shut on it again. He couldn’t bear to be the cause of Johnny’s suffering.
“I’ll explain. She’ll have to whip me to get to you.”
Bram looked into the boy’s eyes. They glowed with merriment.
“I’d like to see her try to whip you!”
“Now, Johnny.” Bram’s head snapped up at the sound of Ellie’s voice. “Have I ever whipped anyone?”
Johnny laughed as he caught hold of his mother’s hand. When Ellie’s mock frown softened into a winsome smile, Bram understood. He was being let in on a family joke. Nestled against Ellie’s left hip, even little Danny drooled a gap-toothed grin. What kind of family was this?
“Dawdi has our buggy ready. It’s time to go.”
Ellie spoke to Johnny, but her eyes were on Bram. Her usual guarded expression had disappeared. She looked more relaxed. Calm. Willing to talk.
“Thank you for including him in the game.” Voice soft, she stepped close while Johnny and Susan dashed for the stone drive. Danny reached out to pat Bram’s shoulder, and the baby’s touch soothed the prickled feelings of old, dredged up by Johnny’s teasing words.
“I haven’t seen him have so much fun since...” She stopped and caught her lower lip in her teeth. Why did he think about kissing her right then?
“My brothers forget to include him in what they’re doing. They still think of him as being Danny or Susan’s age, I guess. You made him very happy.”
“It was fun for me, too.” Bram cast about for something to say to keep the conversation going. He didn’t want to break this better mood, this more friendly approach. “He’s a fine boy.”
Goodbyes were exchanged as families sorted themselves into the waiting buggies. Ellie should join her family, but she still stood next to him.
She finally looked at him. “I need to apologize to you.” Her clear blue eyes held his.
“There are no apologies needed.”
“Ja, there are. I...well, I was mistaken about something. I was wrong to be so rude to you.”
Bram pushed further, in spite of the cacophony of warnings in his head.
“Does that mean that you might go riding with me sometime?”
She cast her eyes away from his. “I...I would have to think about it.”
“I’ll be at your place on Tuesday. I’ll ask you then.”
The look she gave him was uncertain, wavering. She nodded a goodbye and then headed to her father’s waiting buggy.
Bram’s heart started to follow, but he stopped it with a frown. Strong and stubborn he could handle. Vulnerable and unsure? A woman like that would grab him and never let go.
Chapter Seven
“Walkin’s for chumps.”
Kavanaugh’s words echoed in Bram’s mind with every step he took toward the Stoltzfus farm on Tuesday morning.
“You’re one of my boys now, and my boys have wheels.” Then Kavanaugh had given him the Studebaker.
Puffs of dust rose each time his foot landed on the edge of the gravel road. Man, he missed that Studebaker.
But he didn’t miss it enough to risk Kavanaugh finding him first. In this game, he needed every advantage he could get, and his biggest advantage was that Kavanaugh had no idea where he was.
A rising blister on his left heel reminded Bram to shorten his stride. He’d bear a thousand blisters before he’d give up that advantage.
When he reached the crossroads, the trees gave way to a view of John’s white barn and outbuildings, and Bram’s pace quickened. He was only anxious to get his rig so he wouldn’t have to walk anymore, right? He hadn’t given Ellie Miller a thought all morning.
But he scanned the garden and the yards before heading to the barn. She wasn’t anywhere in sight.
Bram found John on the threshing floor, currying the gray gelding he had purchased last week.
“Good morning,” Bram called to him.
John nodded his greeting over the horse’s back. He gave a final stroke with the currycomb and then picked up a brush.
“He’s almost ready for you.” The horse stood quietly while John brushed him.
“There’s no big hurry. I’m not due to pick up the buggy until midafternoon.”
“You’ll eat dinner with us, then?”
Bram hesitated, but the invitation wasn’t really a
question. If he was at the farm during the noon meal, he would be expected to eat with the family. It was the Amish way. Would Ellie and her children eat with her parents, or did they eat at the Dawdi Haus?
“I’ll be glad to stay.”
“It’s too bad today is a school day. Johnny will be sorry he missed you. He chattered away about that softball game all the way home on Sunday.”
“It was a lot of fun.” Bram rubbed the back of his neck. Johnny’s trusting face, that gap-toothed grin, had haunted him ever since he watched the Stoltzfus buggy drive away Sunday afternoon. The whole family had wrapped themselves around his heart somehow. “He’s a fine boy.”
John stopped his brushing and leaned his arms on the horse’s back.
“He’s been a sad and moody boy. I’ve been at a loss as to how to make things better for him and haven’t been able to reach him. You did, though. I haven’t seen that boy so lively since his father died.”
Bram didn’t know what to say. He had enjoyed the ball game, too, but he hadn’t expected to enjoy the kid. Things were getting complicated.
The sound of a dinner bell drifted into the barn.
“Dinner’s almost ready.” John gave the horse another pat. “He’ll be fine here until this afternoon.”
As the two men walked to the house, Bram looked toward the Dawdi Haus. Still no sign of Ellie. Just as well. He’d be polite, have dinner and be on his way.
After washing up at the bench outside the back door, Bram followed John into the large kitchen. He took a deep breath. The tantalizing odors drew him in. Potatoes, fried chicken... Bram’s throat was suddenly tight when he saw Ellie pouring peas into a serving dish. He took a deep breath.
A tug on his trousers pulled his gaze down.
“I helped set the table.”
Bram crouched down to Susan’s height. Her brown eyes were shining as she smiled at him.
“Denki, I’m sure your memmi likes the help.”
