by Emma Miller
Matthew grinned. “Only one, and I was a little shaver then, but I remember how it went. Once you’ve been to a barn raising, you never forget.”
Bram looked around at the other teams. There were nearly a hundred men here from the surrounding districts. He looked from face to face. Habit. It was hard to break. Kavanaugh wouldn’t be here, not in a million years.
As the groups organized themselves and started pulling the lumber they needed off the pile of waiting saw beams and planks, the sounds of building started. The hum of voices in the cool, moist air was punctuated by the echoing slap of wood hitting wood, the rhythmic sighing of saws and the occasional thwack of a hammer sounding like a car backfiring in the early-morning air. The work progressed as the men warmed up, a shout or two could be heard, and then the hammers started in earnest. Finishing the framing for the walls became a friendly race between teams, and soon there were shouts of triumph as the first wall was raised into place.
Bram kept busy working with his team. As the oldest and most experienced among them, Eli Schrock fell into the lead position for the crew, and Bram watched him carefully. Fitting the big beams together was easy with such an experienced foreman, and their wall was soon up.
When they started hammering the planks onto the frame to enclose the barn, Bram was on more familiar footing. It seemed that most of the men were, because the level of conversation increased and the rhythm of the hammering settled into a steady series of thwack, thwack, bump from each man’s hammer. Bram was enjoying the repetition when he caught the words of a conversation from the Shipshewana group. It was Samuel’s voice.
“Ja, you’re right about that. I’m just not sure how far we can trust him.”
“Does he think he’ll just fit in again, after living in Chicago all those years?” This was from the man working next to Samuel.
“I don’t see how he can, but I know one thing. He isn’t going to waltz in and take what’s mine.”
“Your old dat gave you that farm, not him.”
“Ja, but he’s always had his own way. It would be like him to try to buy me out with that money he brought back from Chicago. Don’t you have to wonder where he got all that money?”
Bram looked around the portion of wall he was working on. Samuel had a hammer in his hand, but he wasn’t using it. He moved from one man to another a few feet away and started talking to him. A troublemaker, just like he was as a kid. Just like Dat. The gossip Samuel was spreading made his stomach grind. All he needed now was for Samuel’s rumor to reach the wrong ears. The reward for leading the feds to Kavanaugh’s gang had been a hefty one, enough to let him live comfortably for years, but he still had to lie low until his job was finished and Kavanaugh was out of the way for good.
Forget it. Forget him. Bram bent the next two nails under his hammer and gave up. He motioned for Reuben to come over to take his place, then he sat down on a pile of shingles.
Bram let his hands dangle between his knees and stared at the ground. What could he do about Samuel’s gossip? The thread of truth in Samuel’s words was just enough to hang him, and what if those words got around to Ellie?
“Worn-out, Bram?”
Matthew was next to him, holding out a dipper of water. Bram took it, downed half of it in one gulp and handed it back to Matthew.
“I guess I’m not used to this work yet.”
“I volunteered to make a trip into Goshen. The sawmill there has donated another stack of lumber, and I’m going to pick it up. Do you want to go with me? I could use the extra hands.”
“Ja, for sure.” Any excuse to get away from his brother.
* * *
Matthew drove the patient horses through the middle of town on Lincoln, past the courthouse square. Bram spotted a policeman still watching the intersection from the police booth. The day he had come into town to buy his farm seemed like a lifetime ago. Had it really only been a few weeks?
Traffic picked up as they neared the industrial district along the canal on the west side of town. After the quiet of the Amish community, the noise of the factories was deafening. Matthew threaded the borrowed team and wagon between parked dray wagons and trucks to the sawmill. They loaded the lumber and were soon heading back through town.
“It’s good to get away from those factories,” Matthew said as he turned the horses onto Main Street.
“When I first got back from Chicago, I thought I’d go deaf from the silence in the country, but now...”
Bram stopped. He had been letting his gaze move from face to face as they drove by the storefronts when he saw what he had been looking for. Dreading.
Habit paid off.
Bram didn’t move, but he let his eyes slide across Kavanaugh’s face and ahead to the next corner. He saw Kavanaugh’s reaction, though. A flash of puzzled recognition, the faltered step.
Don’t panic. Bram took a breath, then another, keeping them even and controlled. His mind raced. Did Kavanaugh suspect it was him? He couldn’t risk a glance back. Up until now, Kavanaugh had had no idea he was in the area, but if the gangster saw through the disguise... He forced the muscles in his neck to relax. Just ride.
His ears roared. He resisted the urge to jump from the slow wagon, to run as fast as he could. Any second now, he’d feel the pluck of Kavanaugh’s hand on his sleeve. He’d turn around, look into the gangster’s eyes and then who knew what would happen, what Kavanaugh would do. Bram put his hand in his pocket, grasping the comforting butt of his pistol.
Matthew’s voice filtered through the roaring in Bram’s ears.
“...getting married in the fall. He’s already started his beard...”
What was he talking about?
“...says it makes him feel married already. How about you?”
“What?”
“I was talking about my brother. He’s starting his beard now. Says he’s old enough. What do you think? Should he wait until after the wedding?”
“I guess he could start it now. It’ll make a difference in how he looks, won’t it?”
Ja, that was what he needed. A beard. He needed to work himself into the community even deeper. A man his age without a beard stood out. He’d stop shaving today. He’d blend in so well his own brother wouldn’t be able to pick him out of a crowd.
The roaring in his ears eased, and he swallowed. It might be enough. Bram risked a glance back down Main as Matthew turned the team onto Lincoln heading east, out of town. Kavanaugh had turned to follow the wagon, weaving through the other pedestrians to keep it in sight. He was watching Bram, but the puzzled look was still there. He wasn’t sure. Yet.
Desperate for some way, any way, to keep Kavanaugh off his track, Bram’s mind raced. Would a beard be enough of a disguise? A cold wrench clamped around Bram’s gut. What if it wasn’t enough? What if, by some freak chance, Kavanaugh found him anyway? He knew too well what the gangster would do to him. To Ellie...to the children.
“Are you all right?” Matthew’s voice made him jump. Bram fought for control.
“Ja, I’m fine. I just thought I saw someone I knew.”
Maybe he should run today. Bram watched the roadside pass by without seeing anything. Leave Indiana, leave Ellie, leave everything. He’d call Peters in the morning, tell him he quit. It was too risky.
Never see Ellie again.
Or stay and risk Kavanaugh using her to get to him.
He couldn’t bear either one.
Once the wagon crossed the railroad tracks, the sounds of the city faded. Bram risked a look behind them. The road was empty. No Packard followed. Maybe Kavanaugh hadn’t recognized him.
Would he even hear the soft purr of the Packard before it was too late?
A wash of cool silk flowed through his mind, giving him the calm he needed.
Bram looked behind him again. Nothing but
dusty gravel.
What should he do? The cool-silk feeling flowed again.
Stay, watch, listen. If he stayed, at least he could try to protect Ellie. If he ran, there was no guarantee Kavanaugh would follow. He’d never know if Kavanaugh had recognized him until it was too late.
The cool silk folded around the tight feeling in his gut, loosening it. It was as if someone had been listening to his thoughts and guiding him to the right decision. Whatever it was, it had helped.
Ja, he’d stay.
* * *
At dinnertime, Ellie volunteered to help with drinks for the workers, even though the job of keeping the men’s water glasses filled would let her mingle with them. The thought of seeing Bram made her hands shake, but she had to see him. She couldn’t shake off the feeling that something was very wrong.
A sea of muted color swirled through the space between the house and the tables. Hurried snatches of conversation filled the air as the women flew in and out of the house, bringing out the food. Bowls of stewed chicken and noodles, mashed potatoes and jars of chowchow filled the tables. Sliced loaves of bread sat next to crocks of fresh butter, jars of last year’s jam and apple butter. Pies filled another table made of sawhorses and planks, causing the boards to bow precariously in the center.
The whole group of more than two hundred men, women and children fell into silence during the blessing pronounced by Mordecai Miller, bishop of the Forks church, and then the crowd of men lined up at the table and began filling their plates.
Ellie kept the glasses full, nodding to the men she knew as they passed through the line.
“Ach, Ellie, this looks wonderful-gut.”
Levi Zook smiled at her, his round face red from the morning’s work in the sun.
“Denki, Levi. I hope you enjoy it.”
“Are your children here today?” Levi lingered at the table. Ellie glanced at the row of blue, black and brown shirts waiting for him to move on.
“Ja, they’re playing with the other children.” She moved a cup within reach of the next man in line.
Levi shifted to the side to let the man pass. “You know, I think about you a lot.”
Not here, not now.
“Levi, I can’t talk right now.” She tried to keep a pleasant look on her face as she filled another glass with water.
“Ach, between your children and mine, there’s never a time when we can talk.”
Ellie put the pitcher down on the table, ignoring the water sloshing over the sides, and looked straight into Levi’s eyes. “We don’t have anything to talk about. I told you before—I don’t plan to marry again. You need to find someone else.”
Levi leaned in close, ignoring the men waiting for him to move on. “You need me as much as I need you, Ellie.” His voice was laced with desperation. “Please say you’ll consider it.”
Suddenly aware of the silence around them, Ellie realized her voice had risen. She and Levi were the center of attention. She turned from Levi to serve the next man in line and looked up into Bram’s face. He looked from her to Levi, and his eyes were a stormy gray. How long had he been standing there? Her stomach clenched and unclenched at the thought of the conversation he had just overheard...the conversation everyone had just overheard, she amended as she realized that her brothers and Matthew Beachey were standing right beside him.
She dropped everything and ran—away from the talk, away from the questioning eyes, away from Bram. Blind steps took her to the field where the buggies sat in a row and found Dat’s. Climbing into the back, she curled up on the seat. Tears filled her eyes.
How would she ever face him again? How would she ever face any of them again? Not only had she had a conversation with Levi in front of everyone that should have been private, she had drawn attention to herself. Nothing could be more humiliating.
“Ellie?”
Ach, ne, it was Bram. Ellie froze. He must have seen her coming this way. Maybe he had missed her scrambling into the back of Dat’s buggy.
“Ellie?”
Bram’s voice sounded louder, and she heard footsteps in the grass next to the buggy. She curled up tighter, then jumped when Bram’s face appeared in the door.
“I thought I saw you go in here. What are you doing?”
Ellie hesitated at the demanding tone of Bram’s voice. Was he angry? She cleared her throat.
“I’m fine. I’m just resting for a bit where it’s quiet.”
“What were you thinking, talking to Levi Zook like that in public? Do you know how many people heard you?”
She nodded, unable to look him in the eye. Ellie waited for him to leave, but he didn’t move. It was a mistake to come to the barn raising today. She should have stayed at home, but she had wanted to be with her friends... Ne, why try to lie to herself? She had been hoping to see Bram today, but she had for sure made a mess of everything.
“What is he to you, Ellie? Have I been making a fool of myself these past few weeks?”
“Ach, Bram, there’s nothing going on between Levi and me.”
“He seems to think there is.”
“That’s because he won’t take ne for an answer.”
Bram sighed, his shoulders slumping as he leaned against the buggy door.
“What am I, then?” His voice was nearly a whisper. Did he want her to answer?
How would she answer? What was Bram to her? He raised his eyes to hers, shadowed steel-gray.
Her voice whispered back, “You’re no Levi Zook, Bram Lapp.”
Chapter Eleven
Mercifully, Bram left her alone sitting in the back of Dat’s buggy. Alone to think about what she had said and done.
Her hands wouldn’t stop shaking, even when Ellie clenched her fists, leaning against the buggy wall. She took deep breaths, forcing the threatening tears to stop.
She must face them again, all those people who had heard her outburst, whether she felt like it or not. They would forgive her, of course, but would they ever forget? The longer she stayed hidden in Dat’s buggy, the worse it would be.
Ellie smoothed her apron with her hands, bringing back some control. She reached up to tuck any loose hairs under her kapp and wiped her cheeks once more. Taking a deep breath, Ellie stepped out of the buggy.
As she rounded the wheels, the heavyset man Lovina had pointed out earlier stepped into her path. He stopped Ellie with a hand on her arm and leaned in close, reeking of unwashed clothing. Why wasn’t he working with the other men?
“I’m looking for Bram Lapp. I saw him follow you over here, but then I lost track of him. Where did he go?”
Ellie pulled her arm away from his clumsy fingers. “He went back to work. Why do you want him?”
The man grinned, turning his face into a distorted reflection of Bram’s. “I’m his brother. I just wanted to have a chat with him. If you see him, tell him I’m looking for him, all right?”
“Ja, I can do that, but you’ll find him over at the barn.”
Bram’s brother winked at her. “Ne, I don’t need to bother him there. I’ll find him. You just give him the message.” Ellie started walking away, but the man’s voice followed her. “You tell him I want a piece of whatever he has going on, you hear?”
Ellie hurried toward the house, glad to leave Bram’s unpleasant brother behind. What could he mean, that he wanted a piece of what Bram was doing? Bram wasn’t involved in anything more than getting his farm going, was he?
She stepped into the kitchen, intent on gathering her things and finding her children so they would be ready to leave as soon as Dat said it was time. Relief washed over her when she found Mam there, sitting at the kitchen table with a whining Danny on her lap. When she was younger, Mam would listen to all her sorrows—now it was enough to just sit near her, drawing in her quiet strength.
“Ach, Danny, here’s your memmi.”
At Mam’s words Danny turned and lifted his hands to her, and Ellie took her tired boy, letting him bury his face in her shoulder. She sat in an empty chair and settled Danny on her lap. He would be asleep in no time.
Being with Mam as she held Danny’s small body close comforted her raw nerves. She laid her cheek against Danny’s soft head and closed her eyes as she rocked him gently back and forth. If only she could stay like this forever. Forget about Bram, his brother, Levi...everything.
The kitchen was quiet now, or as quiet as it could be during the after-dinner cleanup. Most of the work was being done outside under the shady trees, with women coming into the kitchen now and then to put dishes away. The sounds of the children’s games drifted in from the yard.
As Danny’s body relaxed into sleep, Ellie opened her eyes and sat straight, adjusting the baby into a position that was comfortable for both of them.
“Do you want to lay him down somewhere?” Mam asked, her voice quiet so she wouldn’t disturb Danny.
“Ne, I’m ready to sit for a while, and I don’t want to risk waking him by laying him down in a strange place.”
Mam nodded. She waited until the kitchen was empty and then said, “I didn’t see you at dinner. Did you have a chance to eat?”
Ellie shook her head. “I’m not hungry.”
Mam gave her a worried look but went on. “The men have been working hard. The new barn is almost done.”
“That’s wonderful-gut.”
If the men were almost done, they could go home soon. Ellie longed for her own kitchen, her own bed. Why had she thought joining the barn raising would be a good idea?
“I saw you talking with Levi earlier.”
Did she miss Ellie’s humiliating behavior? She must have. “Ja, he wanted to visit for a bit.”
“He does so well, alone with all those children.”
Ellie shifted Danny a little higher on her lap.
“Mam, I’m not going to marry Levi Zook.”
Mam shook her head. Ellie knew that expression on her face. She wouldn’t give up until either she or Levi was married, but she did know when to change the subject.
