The Kinder Poison

by Natalie Mae

  When his eleventh year arrived and he had yet to show magical ability, the shadow and he began to trade places.

  I couldn’t lose him. He had become to me what my mother was not—an ear to listen, a shoulder to lean on, a way to understand emotion on a level I couldn’t grasp otherwise. I vowed to do everything in my power to save him from the darkness.

  When I failed, I vowed to do everything in my power to destroy it.

  And so I understand perfectly the calm that falls over his face as I stand before him, a blade in my left hand and a dagger in my right, the buried gods cracked and broken around us. It is a fitting place to die. Among the ruins of what should have been my life, just the two of us after so many confused years, the start and the finish of it all.

  He does not run. With the magic gone from his grasp, he would rather I drag a blade across his neck than have to face another day in a world he cannot have, a world that will not bend to the will of his hands. I have lived four years a demon, and still I have found joy in the heart of my curse, freedom in the speed of my paws. He cannot see the light anymore through the darkness.

  So I do what I should have done that day so long ago, before I traded my soul for his.

  I will get out of his way.

  I drop the sword. I slam him against the wall and raise the dagger to his neck, and aside from a heavy grunt, his eyes do not change. They lack the fear they should have. The desperate desire for life that makes a person human.

  He thinks I am bringing him the mercy of death.

  He is wrong.

  Death is not punishment enough for what he’s become. If I kill him, he will pass into Paradise a prince, revered and worshipped. And I will remain here, to be blamed and hunted; to be sent to the Burning Fields a murderer and a beast. No. It is time the world, and the gods, knows which of us is the true monster.

  Perhaps he will find it ironic, that Shifters are still outcasts.

  Have your magic, then, I think. And may it be your ruin.

  I jerk his hand up and trap it beneath mine on the hilt.

  And I make him plunge the dagger into my heart.

  ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

  FIRST and foremost, I would like to thank God not only for blessing me with the ability to pursue my wildest dream, but for putting the most incredible people in my life, without whom this book would not exist:

  For my husband, who works early so I can work late, and who has helped me brainstorm solutions to all kinds of plot issues. He would like it to be known that he is actually the mastermind behind my books, and like a good partner I am inclined to let him believe it.

  For my daughter, who joined our family and broke my heart open in the most amazing of ways, and added an incredible new depth to my life and my writing. You make me want to be better.

  For my parents, who told me I could do whatever I put my mind to, and who unabashedly burden strangers with my books, pictures, and life story.

  For my second parents, Rob and Kathy, whose enthusiasm for my work and help with my daughter are instrumental in giving me the time I need to write. To my siblings, Brent, Ty, Gentry, and Bailey, who I know I can count on for anything.

  For Nicolette, Lauren, Danielle, and Sarah, who are the inspirations for the friendships in this book. You bring so much joy to my life.

  For my critique partners Lori Goldstein, Bailey Knaub, Chelsea Bobulski, and Tatum Flynn, who are not only exceptionally talented in their own right, but invaluable readers and tireless cheerleaders. Your support and time have meant more than I can ever say. For Julie C. Dao, who has talked me off many proverbial ledges and continues to inspire me with both her accomplishments and her resilience. Without all of you, this would be a lonely journey.

  For my agent, Brianne Johnson, who never once lost faith in me, even when I started losing faith in myself. Thank you for your pep talks and your career-saving guidance. For Allie Levick, whose smart edit notes and excitement made this a story a joy to revise.

  For my editorial team at Razorbill: Marissa Grossman, Chris Hernandez, and Alex Sanchez, who took this stick pile of ideas I had and built them into an entire world. Dear reader, if you enjoyed this story, it is entirely due to their brilliant suggestions, encouragement, and patience. Also for Casey McIntyre, who made me feel like I’d joined a family and not just a publishing house, and Krista Ahlberg, who put the finishing touches on the book and made it look like I actually know something about math and navigation.

  For my cover designer Theresa Evangelista, who made this book look damn good.

  And last but certainly not least, a huge thank-you to the rest of the team at Penguin Random House and Razorbill, for pouring so much time and energy into The Kinder Poison, for taking a risk on me, and for sharing my words with the world.

  ABOUT THE AUTHOR

  Natalie Mae is an ex-programmer, dark chocolate enthusiast, and author of young adult novels. She has also been a freelance editor and a Pitch Wars mentor, and she feels it notable to mention she once held a job where she had to feed spiders. When not writing, she can be found wandering the Colorado wilderness with her family. Find her on Twitter and Instagram @ByNatalieMae, and online at nataliemaebooks.com.

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