Shattered Rose (Winsor Series)

by T Gray

  I shut the door with a sigh, and then scolded myself again. I couldn’t be a recluse forever. New apartment…new me!

  I took the box to my room and collapsed in the desk chair. What a mess. I had been in such a rush to move out of the dorm that my clothes were crammed into two suitcases. I had boxes full of junk that I had no idea what to do with, and my schoolbooks were somewhere underneath it all.

  I sat there for a moment trying to conger up any excuse to procrastinate unpacking until I heard the front door unlock and laughter fill the apartment. The laugh was contagious, one that made a person want to laugh even when he or she had no idea what was funny. I peeked out of my room and saw the source. She was talking on the phone and laying on the hideous lip love seat with her head hanging over the edge. Her hair was long and dark with alternating streaks of blue and purple at the ends. She had it pulled to the side with a sparkly black hair comb and wore tight red pants with black converses and a black and white striped shirt. There are only a handful of people in the world who could pull off that look, but she was one of them and stunning in the process.

  The girl was a classic beauty…the kind artists of old would use as their muse to create stunning portraits. Her skin was like porcelain ivory, not pale, just delicate. Her eyes were set in such a way that her stare remained intense, a complete contrast to the animated style in which she moved and spoke.

  I don’t know why, but I immediately liked her, maybe because she was the total opposite of me. I waited until she got off the phone and then knocked on the door a little so I wouldn’t startle her.

  “Hi, I’m Avery, your new roommate. Are you Kaitlyn?” She looked at me with a mix of horror and interest as she stood up from the lips. I couldn’t help but notice her body, a habit I’d been trying to break for years. It was perfect. She was petite, but still looked very much like a woman, having curves only where it mattered.

  “I am certainly not Kaitlyn…that is a name my mother gave me. I go by Issy, which is short of Isadora, my middle name. It’s a much better description of me as I was named after my grandma who was totally cool. We were wondering when you’d get here.”

  “We? I thought Naomi was in Portugal.”

  “Oh, she is. I’m talking about my cousin, Jake. He crashes here a lot, especially since I’ve been alone these last few weeks. He’s a little protective of me to put it mildly, but he’s fun, so I let him believe he’s got the upper hand. He has a key to the apartment, so don’t be freaked out if he just walks in.” She said all this flippantly, as if it were the most normal thing that a guy I didn’t know had a key to my apartment.

  “So,” she asked, crossing her arms. “What’s your story? Are you wild and crazy, totally annoying, or a kleptomaniac?”

  I laughed and joined her in the living room. “No, I’m afraid I’m boring, somewhat clean, very private, and not at all annoying.”

  “Fantastic! Then you and I will get along fine. I was worried when the University said they were giving away the room. The three of us have known each other since high school, and well, you’ve seen some of the crazies around here.”

  I had to hold in a laugh, thinking of how most people who met Issy for the first time would probably use that same descriptor.

  “Having hot roommates is kind of an essential part of the guy magnet thing,” she explained looking me up and down as if to check my credentials. “You’ll do just fine. By the way, we’re heading to Caesars tonight to catch the Wild Cats play. They totally rock…you wanna come?”

  “Um, thanks,” I answered, considering it for a moment. I had been to Caesars one time last year when I first met my old roommate. She was hooked up in a matter of minutes and left me to make conversation with complete strangers until I finally dragged her home. Remembering what a colossal disappointment that night was, made it pretty easy to decline. “You know what? May I get a rain check? I have a ton to do tonight.”

  “Suit yourself, but if you change your mind, you know where to find us.”

  As I watched Issy frolic and sing around the apartment as if in her own Disney movie, I almost changed my mind out of sheer curiosity, but I hadn’t gotten in my run today and was definitely feeling it. Aaron’s full examination of my body had agitated me.

  I envied Issy’s lightheartedness; she was so dynamic and free, whereas I felt like I was constantly contained in a box. Ironically, I had spent most of my life running in different directions just trying to escape, but realized last year I was my own jailer. I had put these expectations and standards in my life that I just had to achieve, making perfection my unending pursuit.

  I looked in the mirror as I pulled my golden hair back. “What is wrong with you?” I scolded myself. “This is a great day, and you are a strong, self-sufficient woman.”

  With my perspective back on track, I put my headset on and headed out the door. At least for the next thirty minutes or so, I would feel free.

  My run was amazing. I wasn’t sure if it was from the adrenalin of moving or my own frustration with my shyness. Either way, I felt great. This was a new start, a chance to have it all. Tomorrow I would come out of my shell and take time to get to know Issy, even if it meant small talk with large groups of people.

  With new determination, I put on my favorite tank and pajama shorts and started unpacking my mess. Music…I needed music. On-demand radio is the greatest invention of our time. Tonight, I was in the mood to dance. Nothing like a beat to keep spirits up and get lots of work done. My dancing skills may be less than stellar, but hey, I was the only one there, and I was going to enjoy it.

  My room was finally finished after what felt like hours. The closet was just big enough for my scarce wardrobe, and each one of my enormous engineering books fit nicely on the bookshelf over my desk. The two blank walls were now covered in my favorite photographic art pieces, each one selected from a local artist. The one above my bed was a large black-and-white photo of a pier in the ocean. The perspective was from underneath the pier, looking up, while the ocean water receded around it. I knew I had to have this picture the minute I saw it, not just because the lighting was breathtaking, but there was something about that pier, fighting against the powerful ocean forces, that spoke to me.

  The second picture was also a black-and-white. This one was a high, swinging bridge completely engulfed in dense fog. The bridge appeared to disappear into the fog and reminded me so much of the unknown and how my path was not determined yet.

  Hugging myself, I looked at my final product. One word—inspirational. I turned up my phone and started brushing my teeth, fully enjoying every beat of the song. Next thing I knew, I was in full rock star mode, using my toothbrush as a microphone and my bed as a stage. It was only after the song ended, and I heard the applause die down in my head that I opened my eyes and saw him standing there, casually leaning against the door frame with his arms folded…and a totally amused smile on his face.

  The scream I let out even startled me as I jumped off the bed and slammed my door shut, allowing him only a second to jump out of the way. Oh my gosh, that did not just happen! I could feel my heart racing as I imagined how ridiculous I must have looked. Maybe he would be the type to blow off embarrassing situations and make you feel like nothing happened. I slowly regained composure and cracked open my door. He was still standing there chuckling…nope, he wasn’t that type at all.

  My cheeks flushed a crimson red as I stammered, “You must be Jake…um, sorry I slammed the door on you like that…you startled me.” I was fumbling over my words, sure this guy must think I was not only a nutcase, but an idiot as well.

  “And you must be Avery, although Issy didn’t mention you were a performer.” He glanced at me, giving me an opportunity to respond. I didn’t take it. “Where is she, by the way?”

  I had never felt more grateful for a change of subject than I did in that moment.

  “She left hours ago. Said she was heading to Caesars to watch a band play.”

  “Caesars…ugh�
�I hate that place. Total meat market.” He walked past me and started looking around my room, stopping at the bridge picture. “Why didn’t you go?” he asked, still not taking his eyes off the picture.

  “With that glowing review? Go figure.” I felt exposed and vulnerable, so naturally I resorted to sarcastic wit…a talent I had learned from my father. I watched him as he continued to examine the photo. He was tall; definitely over six feet, and I immediately noticed the resemblance to Issy. They both had the same intense eyes—iridescent lime with brown specks. His hair was dark as well, almost black, but Jake didn’t seem to have the same need to add multiple colors to it.

  “Besides, I wanted to get settled in,” I continued.

  “Yeah, I can see that,” he said as he looked around my room and then back to the photo. “This print is amazing. Where did you get it?”

  “They had an art fair downtown last spring. I picked it up there. I have the photographer’s card if you want it.”

  “Sure, I’d like that.” His smile immediately brought butterflies to my stomach. It was one of those smiles so full of confidence and charisma, that it seemed to touch every part of my being. His presence was powerful, leaving me feeling terribly insecure. I didn’t have much experience with boys and even less with ones that looked like he did. To make matters worse, he had an intoxicating smell that fully matched his self-assured demeanor. I didn’t know what to do with my hands, and felt myself fidgeting as I went over to my desk and handed him the card.

  “I can tell her you came by?” I offered, hoping to end the awkwardness I was feeling.

  “No need, I’ll probably see her before you do anyway.”

  He finally walked of out my room and then glanced back at me, full of swagger and charm. “Nice to meet you, Avery.”

  “You too, Jake,” I replied as I watched him leave the apartment, confused by how empty it now felt without him in it.

  I had a hard time concentrating the rest of the night as thoughts of Jake consumed my mind, but I finally drifted off to sleep right before midnight.

  Some time later, I slowly opened my eyes and looked around. The room was completely dark except for light peeking under my bedroom door. What time was it? Just as I looked at the clock, which read 2:30 a.m., I heard another loud bang from the living room and realized Issy must be home. I turned on my lamp and opened the door, my eyes taking a second to adjust to the bright light. Issy had her arm wrapped around Jake’s neck and was singing what I was sure were lyrics from the band they watched tonight. It took her only a second to notice me.

  “Roomie! We missed you tonight. Didn’t we Jake?” She was attempting to walk over to my room but stumbled over the boots she had just kicked off. Jake was luckily strong enough to keep her vertical, but she was fighting his hands off and making it pretty difficult for him to hold on. I quickly walked over to her and put her other arm around my neck to help.

  “Aren’t you sweet? Jake, she’s sweet, isn’t she?” I just smiled apologetically at him and continued to help walk her to her bedroom. His eyes were vacant, fully absent from anything going on around him.

  “Did you have fun tonight?” I asked, hoping to keep me out of the subject.

  “Yes. It was amazing. The lead singer totally hit on me. He is so cute. He pulled me on stage and I got to sing with the band. I was supposed to meet him after the show, but Jake here totally got in the way…like he always does…and here I am. Did I tell you how much I don’t like you?” she asked as she glared at Jake.

  He appeared to snap back to reality. “Only about twenty times on the way home. Now, lets get you to bed or you won’t like anyone in the morning.”

  We laid her down and while Jake was pulling the covers up, I went to the sink and got her a glass of water and some aspirin. Jake watched as I set them on her nightstand and left the room. I heard her curse at him a few more times and then she must have passed out. He quietly shut her door and fell into the sofa.

  “Is she going to be ok?” I asked, concerned at how inebriated she was.

  “She’ll be fine. We ran into her ex at the bar, and it all seemed to go downhill from there.” Jake ran his hands through his thick, dark hair and started rubbing his temples.

  “You look tired. I’ll let you get some sleep,” I offered as I started to head back to my room. I’ve never been one to linger when I felt uncomfortable.

  “Don’t go…stay and talk to me. I’m too wired to sleep right now anyway.” He shot me a charming smile that could only be described as irresistible, and for the first time since I woke up, I wondered what I looked like. I ran my fingers through my hair to try and settle the waves and slipped into the kitchen to snatch a mint.

  “Would you like something to drink?” I asked as I grabbed a bottle of water out of the fridge.

  “Sure, thanks.”

  I handed the water to Jake and sat down on the opposite side of the couch. He said he wanted to talk, but I wasn’t sure what to say, so I just sat quietly, knowing that sometimes just being still is the best way to invoke conversation.

  “I love Issy to death, but I really hate when she gets like this,” he finally said.

  “Does she drink that much very often?”

  “No, not really. I mean, she’s a drinker, don’t get me wrong, but it’s usually for fun. Tonight felt a little more forced.” He stretched out his arms, settled on the couch, and shook his head. “Ben really did a number on her. She dated the guy two years in high school and then he came here while she did her senior year. They seemed like the perfect long-distance couple until I ran into him at the Retro House and he was definitely not acting like he was in any sort of relationship. It seriously took all the willpower I had not to hurt the guy.”

  “Ohhh,” I said, fully understanding why it would upset her so much.

  “Yeah, when I told her, she was livid. She broke three of her mom’s favorite vases before I could calm her down,” he recalled, laughing. “Ironically, I think she was madder at the fact she didn’t date anyone her senior year than she was that he cheated. But that’s Issy,” he continued affectionately. “She’s a wild one and there’s just not much she can’t handle.” Jake suddenly shifted and turned his attention to me. “How about you? Any ex-boyfriends lurking around that we need to avoid?”

  A shy grin took over my features as I shook my head. “Nope, no current or ex-boyfriends. I really haven’t had much luck dating.” I caught myself before I rambled on further and turned my attention the lines in my palms, uncomfortable looking at Jake right in the eyes. He was incredibly handsome and seemed to get more so each time I looked at him.

  “Yeah, men are jerks. Trust me, I am one.”

  I looked back up at him through my eyelashes. He sat relaxed with his feet on the coffee table and his arms folded in front of his chest. He appeared to be comfortable with me, like we were old friends, but his presence made me nervous and excited all at the same time. I was acutely aware of him and had to keep reminding myself not to watch him shamelessly.

  “It was nice of you to take care of Issy like that,” I said, trying to fill the silence.

  “That’s what I do. I’m a perpetual caretaker.” He closed his eyes and rested his head on the back of the couch. I turned and looked at him with a puzzled stare. I had a feeling there was a lot more to that comment, but didn’t want to pry.

  The silence lingered, and I wondered if he had fallen asleep. I pushed off from the couch, ready to make my silent exit when I heard him say, “It started with my mom, the caretaking, that is.” His eyes were still closed. “I’ve always been the man of the house, but when I was fourteen, she got really sick and I was the only one around to take care of her. She was able to work for about a year, but then had to go on disability. Luckily, at that point, I had just turned fifteen, so I had my permit and could take her to the doctor and to the store when I needed to.”

  He paused for a second and looked at me. I nodded to show I was listening, and he visibly relaxed and went on,
“About a year later, my teachers were starting to suspect something was off because of the amount of school I was missing. They were constantly badgering me about my mom not showing up to any of the teacher conferences and asked why she was never available by phone. I deflected as long as I could, but finally, one of the teachers called the state and Child Protective Services showed up at my door. At that point, my mom was having a hard time even standing on her own, and she really needed more care than I could give her. We were living off her disability, which barely covered her meds, so things were pretty rough. They called my Aunt Diana, Issy’s mom, and within a week we moved in with them. Things got better at that point, and Issy and I have been best friends ever since …” His voice trailed off at the end, but he didn’t move.

  I had no idea why Jake would tell me all this when he’d known me for all of twenty minutes, but I felt honored that he would. I also saw him differently. This was a guy who was handsome and caring…a true anomaly.

  “I’m sorry,” I whispered, not knowing what else to say. “Thank you for trusting me with your story.” He didn’t say anything else, and I realized he had fallen asleep. I grabbed a blanket from the closet, draped it over him, and headed to my room. My body wouldn’t let me leave without getting one more glance. His head lay relaxed on the back of the couch and his chest rose and fell in peaceful rhythm. My stomach started to flutter, sending waves of excitement through my whole body. I had heard about crushes from Cara, but never experienced one myself. However, as I watched him sleep, for far longer than was natural, I knew I was in trouble.

  “Dear Lord, I know you will place people in her path, people who may love her or hurt her. I pray those people in some way bring her to know you either for the first time or as a rekindling of the relationship you already share…”

  2. JAKE

  The next morning I jumped out of bed, far too eager to see Jake again. I ran to the bathroom, brushed my teeth and hair, and put on some make up. I was going for the I-look-this-gorgeous-every-time-I-get-out-bed look. I opened my door and let out all my breath when I saw the empty sofa. My disappointment concerned me, especially since I hardly knew this guy.