Doing It! - Going Beyond the Sexual Revolution (John Warren Wells on Sexual Behavior Book 13)

by Lawrence Block

  Keep up the good work . . . your books and column are more useful to your readers than you could possibly know. I couldn’t begin to tell you how much I have gotten out of them in recent years.

  Best regards,

  Bruno

  The impulse to perform autofellatio is a very common one, and often seems to stem from a desire to be sexually self-sufficient, playing at once both the yin and the yang roles in the sexual act. While this may have motivated Bruno less than the simple desire to duplicate the sensations of fellatio, it obviously is a strong component of the satisfaction he experiences through ejaculating into his own mouth and swallowing his own sperm. I wonder if Bruno continued to experience frustration at his inability to complete the act of autofellatio? It would be interesting to know.

  And it would be even more interesting to learn of other persons’ attempts at autofellatio, successful or otherwise. This practice has received very little attention in print, and I am convinced it is more common than this would seem to indicate. But please, no smartass bits about autofellatio meaning the practice of performing oral sex upon motorcars. Please!

  Dear Jack,

  I just finished reading your book Women Who Swing Both Ways. I found it extremely interesting. I haven’t read any of your other books but I certainly intend to.

  I’m twenty-three years old, and as far back as I can remember, sexually that is, I’ve always been bisexual. I wasn’t always conscious of this. There were times I was convinced I was a lesbian. But as I matured more sexually, through reading and experience, I began to realize that what I thought of as a serious mental or emotional problem wasn’t a problem at all. At least not in the way I thought it was.

  But the fact that I live in a small town, where my family is well known, makes things hard. If anyone I knew found out I was seeing other girls for the purpose of sex, they’d label me a lesbian. Unfortunately, even if I took the time to explain to them that I was bisexual they wouldn’t understand. Only one of my close friends knows, and that’s because I told her. In the past two years I’ve spent more time with her than any of my other friends. We were very close, we loved each other as friends. One night, after drinking too much, as we got to her house she talked me into coming in for coffee. We were really loaded and she was afraid I wouldn’t be able to drive home. Instead of coffee, we ended up drinking wine. We were in her room, and no one was home.

  She said I’d better stay the night ’cause she didn’t want me to drive. We sat on her bed and started talking about sex. Sex with guys, that is. I was drunker than she was and I almost fell off the bed. She helped me back onto it and started taking my clothes off.

  By this time I couldn’t stand it. I’d wanted her for so long, and never had the courage to try anything, ’cause I didn’t want her to think I was a lesbian. When she was through undressing me I crawled under the covers and tried to get control of myself. But she stood right in front of me and stripped naked. She was beautiful, and then she climbed into bed. I laid there not moving a muscle. She leaned over and kissed me. She only meant it as a friendly kiss, because she was always doing things like that. But then I told her. The whole thing. About being bisexual, about wanting to make love to her. I was almost positive she was bisexual too. The way she was always hugging me, kissing me, telling me she loved me more than all her other friends.

  But she didn’t take it the way I thought she would. She didn’t get sick, or mad, or say that she wanted to make love. She just cried. For about an hour. Then she stopped, and said it was just something I was going through, a phase, and it’d go away.

  No matter what I said, I couldn’t change her mind. I couldn’t make her believe that I liked being bisexual and she would too if she gave herself a chance. She didn’t say anything for a long time. Finally I said I’d go to sleep in the other bed if I was bothering her. Then she did the weirdest thing. She put her arms around me and told me she didn’t want to talk about it any more, to go to sleep. Then she kissed me again. When I woke up the next morning she still had her arms around me.

  Since then she’s acted like I never told her anything. But her whole behavior, that night and since, has led me to believe that she’s afraid she is bisexual and afraid to act on it.

  My present boyfriend is a very cool guy and he believes there’s nothing wrong with being bisexual. He’s all for it. I’ve told him of some of my other experiences and it always turns him on.

  Well, Jack, I never expected to write this much . . . I’d like to write you about other experiences. Let me know if you’d like to hear from me again.

  Keep Cool,

  T.J.

  It’s always hard to be sure, but I’d say that T.J.’s analysis of her friend sounds quite accurate. The other girl seems to have played a distinctly seductive role, both before and during the night described. I would guess that this was largely unconscious before T.J. confessed her own sexual desires, but after that point the friend obviously wanted to allow herself to be seduced. She continued to create opportunities for seduction but was unwilling to extend active encouragement—or to talk about the subject.

  Bisexual experiences under cover of alcohol are standard for both men and women. In Mart Crowley’s The Boys in the Band, a character labels this the Christ-was-I-drunk-last-night routine; in the morning after a night of intimacy, both partners talk about how inebriated they were and each pretends to recall nothing.

  I’ve written to T.J. saying I’d be very glad to hear from her again. I hope she writes further; if so, I’ll be sharing her experiences with you in the months to come.

  Women Who Swing Both Ways has occasioned an unusually large volume of correspondence, almost all of it from women. This, I think, is very much a sign of the times. Five or ten years ago, a work on female bisexuality would have been read almost exclusively by men, and primarily for vicarious excitement. That women are now both interested in the subject and self-confident enough in their interest to purchase the book is very much consistent with this sexual revolution of ours. Here’s another letter, similar in several respects to T.J.’s.

  Dear Mr. Wells,

  Recently my friend Grace and I got a copy of Women Who Swing Both Ways because we started getting into bisexuality. I’ll be 16 in March and Grace will be 19 in February. Grace had sex with a boy when she was 15. I’m still a virgin. I’ve been aware of my bisexual tendencies for some time . . .

  I never did anything about it because I was much too inhibited.

  Grace and I had discussed bisexuality at great length and I knew two male bisexuals. One night last September Grace was spending the night at my house. We discussed bisexuality again; I realized we were both getting excited, and I got up enough nerve to suggest that we French kiss each other. We did, several times, hugged and stroked each other, and that was about it. We got so paranoid about the whole thing that we stopped all physical contact except for hugging upon greeting or leaving each other, until after we read your book. We then talked to one of the male bisexuals I know. He suggested a sensitivity experiment, touching and stroking each other, each mirroring the other’s actions, until we felt uneasy at the action and said, “Stop.”

  We tried that. We touched each other everywhere but breasts and genitals (we were both a little too inhibited for that). It got very funny—we started scratching each other’s heads wildly and got into a tickle fight. We ended up just hugging each other for quite a while.

  I’ve decided that I’ll stay away from anything heavier than that until I’m emotionally able to handle it. By that time I may not want it. I think Grace has decided about the same thing . . .

  Ellen

  I’ve left out considerably more of Ellen’s letter than I’ve printed. She goes on to discuss her feelings and attitudes at great length, her relationship with her boyfriend (who, like T.J.’s boyfriend, has no objections to bisexuality). I hope I’ll hear further from her; it will be interesting to see how her sex life develops as she matures.

  Here’s a letter from
a male reader in response to the same book:

  Dear Jack,

  Read your book Women Who Swing Both Ways and greatly enjoyed it, especially the last chapter on the bisexual male. You could easily devote an entire book to this topic; if so, get in touch as I have plenty of information for you . . . The book Everything You Always Wanted To Know About Sex states there is no such thing as a bisexual. Well that doctor knows less than he thinks he knows . . . I am 35, live with a man of 27. We have been lovers for three years in the sense of enjoying each other’s company and enjoying the sex we have together. We also enjoy women, especially in a trio situation.

  Any woman who has had the experience will tell you that no straight man can thrill her as can a bisexual guy. When men have opened themselves up to bisexual experience they are more sensitive, more tender, more knowing of the way of the spirit and the flesh. In a trio situation, a girl can be the true center of attraction, both of us working on her at once, one eating her while the other fucks her, sandwich-fucking with one of us in front and the other in back, etc. etc. etc. Also the voyeur pleasure of watching two men take care of each other. There are several girls who will come over fairly regularly for an hour or two of this sort of bliss, including two who are married to straight guys who would regard us as limp-wristed fairies; they might change their minds if they saw what these two limp-wristed fairies have been doing to their wives!

  I read in an interview that Germaine Greer said a man who wants to be good in bed should get fucked in the ass so that he can get some idea of what a woman feels. Whether she meant this seriously or not I do not know. In any event I would endorse her statement wholeheartedly. Right on, sister! For my money, anyone who is exclusively straight or exclusively gay is missing out on half the pleasure of sex and is unaware of what true sexuality really means . . .

  Love and Peace

  Curtis

  Trios of two men and a woman are not an uncommon sexual expression, as readers of this column have no doubt gathered over the months. Bisexuality may or may not be an implicit part of these unions. It is generally theorized that there is at the least a bisexual impulse present; the men have sex with each other through the medium of the woman, without violating their own taboos against actual homosexual contact.

  Dear Mr. Wells,

  While I have bought Swank Magazine on and off over the years, the February issue is the first time I have encountered your column. I will be a regular reader from now on. I think the idea of a column where people can exchange their ideas about sex is something that has been needed for a long time. If only so that people can write letters and get certain subjects off their chests, whether the letters actually appear in print or not, would be valuable to so many of us. Not many of us can afford psychiatrists, and confession to a priest is not always the answer, especially when one does not feel one has sinned. I was raised a Catholic, left the church many years ago, but think I know something about the value of confession . . .

  My wife and I are in our forties, have been married for 18 years. Our sexual relationship was good at the beginning, or at least I thought it was, not realizing that my wife reached orgasm only rarely. Gradually the thrill wore off. Which I suppose happens to just about everybody . . .

  One night, going to sleep, I realized that my wife was masturbating. I continued to pretend to be asleep and she went on playing with herself, breathed harder, and had an orgasm. Then she went to sleep, as did I.

  My feelings about this were very unclear. On the one hand, feeling that she was cheating by doing this. That I was not man enough to take care of her. Also on the other hand, pure and simple excitement. The feeling of appreciation of her as a sexual being and so forth.

  Next few nights, I would pretend to go to sleep but would wait in the hope of catching her again. Not much likelihood because I was so turned on by the idea that I made love to her each of those nights! Then one night I didn’t, and sure enough she began fooling with herself when she thought I was asleep. Had the fantasy of catching her in the act and making love to her but didn’t.

  Then during an argument I threw it at her that I knew she masturbated, and she replied that I had been doing this for years, jerking off in the same bed with her. I had always thought she was asleep and did not know. Well, then all of this started to come out in the open. We began talking about the fantasies we had and got very excited at sharing these confidences. I confessed that her masturbating excited me and I would love to watch her excite herself in this fashion. It took some time to talk her into it but she too was excited at the thought of me watching, and we did just that. It was enormously thrilling for both of us. Then she insisted I do the same while she watched, and asked me to describe my fantasies while so doing. I did, looking into her eyes all the while, and ejaculating all over her breasts . . .

  Since then this has been a regular part of our lovemaking. Sometimes we do it just to get things going and finish up having intercourse—and our intercourse has been pretty wild and imaginative now that we let each other in on our inner fantasies. Other times we will come to orgasm by masturbating.

  As can be imagined, our fantasies have been growing increasingly wild, especially my wife’s, as I encourage her to give her imagination free rein. Lately we have been talking about trying some of the wilder things, such as swinging with another couple or arranging a threesome with a woman or man. You must realize that we are sexual neophytes in the sense that neither of us has ever had sex with another person; both of us have had the desire, but we were always deeply repressed and did nothing about it. There is a couple we know who would probably want to swing. I am almost sure they are swingers as they have dropped hints in that direction. My wife also thinks she might enjoy making love to another woman, and frequently has fantasies on the subject, fantasies which excite us both greatly. She also has fantasies about watching me with another man, specifically about me performing fellatio with another man, but I cannot have such fantasies myself. Not that it disturbs me when she voices them but I don’t think I could perform such an act let alone enjoy it. However it is impossible to say how one might change with the passage of time as old inhibitions are shed . . .

  Whether we will do anything about our desires I do not know. Either way, our sex life has become rich and rewarding. Also we are closer than we have ever been and are no longer keeping our thoughts secret from each other. And this is the advice I would give any married couple, newlywed or old marrieds like us. You must be willing to be open and honest with each other . . .

  Patrick

  I hope Patrick will let me know just what direction this marital relationship takes. And to his last observation, a heartfelt amen or right on or whatever.

  • • •

  THINGS WORTH READING:

  The Virility Factor, Henry Kane’s tense, highly-sexed story of a testicle transplant commissioned by the richest man in the world. And that billionaire commissioned the narrator to write his autobiography, and then denies it’s authentic, and . . . you don’t want to miss this one . . . Nor, if you’re fat, do you want to miss Fat Pride, by a round little man named Marvin Grosswirth. Two chapters on Sex and the Fat Man and Sex and the Fat Woman are well worth the price of the book.

  THINGS WORTH WRITING:

  A letter, to this column. The one you’ve been meaning to write but never seem to get around to. Do it!

  Chapter Nine

  Hello there, you good and faithful readers! As you read this, June is busting out all over and girls are walking around in mini skirts. As I write it, February is here with a dose of brass-monkey weather and girls are bundled up in overcoats and galoshes. I spent last night at home (which was a good idea) reading the new John O’Hara novel (which was also a good idea) and turning a perfectly good fifth of Scotch into an empty bottle (which seemed like a good idea at the time). Well, that’s show biz. Another month, another column . . . and away we go.

  Hello, J.W.W.,

  My husband and I just finished reading your column.
Well, we really liked it very much. Sex is really the most wonderful joy in life. In fact, between two people it can be a wonderful experience. Even though we enjoyed reading your column, being that it is funny, sometimes very strange in subject matter but almost always true to life, my husband and I only enjoy each other’s company. May I say that with us anything goes and we talk out our feelings before and after our experiences. I can’t imagine myself with anyone else and neither can he. Maybe that sounds a little square to a lot of other people, mainly the people of your column. We really can’t imagine why anyone needs more than one partner. I guess our feelings are that sex is just great but when love is the stronghold—wow!!

  The reason I’m writing is that we really think you’re great. Maybe with all the people that write to you you won’t take this compliment very excitedly but you’re a very witty and delightful person . . . Another reason for writing is we would like to know if you have any books on sex in every form for one female and one male. You must gather that we really enjoy our sex life and if there’s anything we don’t know about we’re always interested in finding out . . .

  Ralph and Sally

  I’ve done two books that might be what Ralph and Sally are looking for. Eros and Capricorn is a sort of cross-cultural survey of sex practices; Tricks of the Trade is a collection of interviews with call girls on the subject of sexual technique. And any good book on sexual practices can often supply people with ideas to be incorporated into their own sex lives.