Headstrong

by Meg Maguire

  “All right, everybody get your skates on. Go home to your families.”

  Wellington’s infamous wind whipped Reece in the face, threatening to snatch the envelope from his hand as he walked across the sand. Cold seawater pooled around his sneakers. His stomach flipped, and for once it had very little to do with the ocean.

  Unmistakable platinum hair flapped above a black wetsuit, thirty yards out. The sun was fading and surfers were starting to come in for the night. Reece stood and watched for twenty minutes. Waited. Rehearsed words in his head but didn’t retain them. When Libby finally came in, he walked down the beach to meet her.

  Her face changed when she realized who was approaching. Her board shifted under one arm, like a shield twitching in a warrior’s hand.

  “All right, Libby?” Reece offered.

  She flipped her dripping hair out of her face, and he noticed, as though seeing her for the first time, that she was beautiful.

  “What do you want?” she asked, shifty. Scared. Just the way she’d looked the previous morning.

  “I have a letter from your father.”

  “Oh.”

  “And I owe you an apology,” Reece said.

  She tossed her head. “How did you find me?”

  “I saw your board was gone, from your boat. I recognized your towel.” He nodded to where it lay a few meters down the beach.

  “Clever boy.”

  “I’m sorry I was so harsh with you yesterday morning. That wasn’t fair.”

  “No, it wasn’t.”

  “That’s all I wanted to say. And here’s this.” He held the letter out.

  She bit her lip, seeming to think. “My hands are all wet. Why don’t you drive me back to the marina, and I’ll take it there.”

  “All right.”

  They walked and then drove in silence, neither speaking until they were headed down the main dock toward her boat.

  Reece swallowed. “How’s Colin?”

  “I don’t know.” Her voice sounded hollow. “I haven’t been back yet.”

  “Oh.”

  “I was supposed to go last night. But I got some bad news yesterday…”

  “Oh?”

  A tight nod. “My request for a visa extension was denied. I have to pack my bags in ten days.”

  “Does he know?”

  She shook her head. “No. I’m afraid to see him.” Libby looked close to tears. “I can’t go back there. I’ve fucked everything up so badly. You were right—I should never have gotten involved with you guys. Everything’s so much worse, and now you two are fighting…”

  “Libby… That fight, that was a long time coming. That had nothing to do with you.”

  “Yeah, right.”

  “No, it was. That row was between my brother and me. You just lit the fuse, is all.”

  “Sounds like me,” she said in a choked voice. They stopped beside her boat.

  “Trust me,” Reece said. “You didn’t break my family. We’ll be okay. We’re never going to see eye to eye, me and Colin. Just like me and my dad never did. And you and your dad. It’s okay.”

  “Why are you being nice to me?” Libby asked with an undignified sniff.

  “Because I love my brother.”

  “Oh.”

  Reece waited patiently while Libby processed everything he’d said.

  “I love your brother too, you know.”

  “I believe you.”

  They were quiet for a few moments.

  “You should come back,” Reece said. “He’s probably a wreck, now.”

  “Yeah, I know. This is going to sound really stupid…”

  “That’s fine.”

  “I don’t want to have to say goodbye. To him. I’ve never been this attached to anyone. Not in years and years. I don’t know what to do.”

  Reece shrugged. “You just…show up. And in ten days, you say goodbye. But you don’t run away. Trust me. I’ve done plenty of that myself.”

  Libby nodded.

  “You want to come back to Kaiwharawhara with me now?”

  She exhaled. “I don’t know.”

  “Yeah, you do. He needs to see you.” He gave her a clap on the shoulder. “I’ll tell you how my meeting with your father went on the way. You could probably use a laugh.”

  Colin heard the pub’s door open a few minutes into his Monday evening shift, felt the early winter breeze that drifted in. Another patron, another beer to pour. He didn’t have it in him offer a cheerful greeting.

  “Hey.”

  He looked up to find Libby settling herself on a stool. Behind her stood Reece, making no attempt to get comfortable.

  Colin nodded at them. He felt nothing, not even pain. Just numb. “Hey, yourselves.”

  Reece approached the bar, setting a shopping bag on the wood. Colin glanced inside at his and Libby’s jackets.

  “Her dad brought them to our meeting.” Reece cleared his throat. “Why don’t you let me watch the pub for a little while.” Not a question.

  Colin looked between them. They’d shown up together. They looked cagey and united in some mission. He didn’t know what this meant and it terrified him. He suddenly missed the numbness.

  He flipped the bar up and handed Reece his towel. “Yeah, go on, then.”

  Libby led him up to the flat and closed the door behind them. His heart was pounding. Hammering. Breaking. Positive what this must mean.

  “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you with so much stubble,” Libby said nervously, eyeing his chin.

  He hadn’t seen the point in shaving that morning. He hadn’t been able to see much point in anything.

  When he didn’t reply, Libby looked down and added, “I’m so sorry I didn’t come last night.”

  “It’s okay, Libby. I think I know what you’re about to say.”

  She continued anyway. “My visa got denied. I have to leave in ten days.”

  Colin felt a tug in his middle. “Oh. Sorry. That sucks.”

  “Yeah, it does.” She stepped forward and put her fingertips on his sides. “I found out after I left here yesterday and I…I just didn’t know what to do. I was scared to see you.”

  “Why? Because of what we did?”

  “No. Well, yes, but not like that. Because of what I caused between you and Reece. And because of how I feel about you.”

  He cleared his throat but the uncertainty lodged there didn’t budge. “How do you feel about me?”

  Her palms held his hips, thumbs rubbing at his shirt. “I love you,” she said, looking down, then up into his eyes. There were tears stuck in her lashes.

  Colin froze. “Do you?”

  She smiled and started crying officially—laughing, sobbing, blushing. “Yeah, I do. How about that, huh?” She gave him a sheepish grin, and the tears rolled down, catching in the corners of her mouth.

  “Well, that’s…that’s the greatest thing I’ve ever heard.” Colin’s arms, which had been hanging limply by his sides, found they could move once more, and he pulled her hard against him. He felt her shoulders jerking against his chest, and his heart exploding inside it.

  Her voice was muffled at his neck. “I’m sorry I didn’t show up.”

  “It’s okay. Love’s pretty fucking terrifying.”

  “Yeah…”

  “Why’s my brother here?”

  “He had to give me something from my dad.” She pulled away and wiped her nose on her sleeve. “My dad knows, by the way. Who you are.”

  “Oh, fuck me.”

  “I’ll let Reece tell you about it. He apologized to me. And he talked me into coming back, when I told him what a big frigging coward I’d been after I got the news about my paperwork.” She looked away. “God, I don’t want to go.”

  “I’m sorry. I don’t want you to go, either.” Ten days…

  “How would you feel about that sham marriage?” She grinned, half-silly, half-desperate.

  “I would sham marry you in a heartbeat, but I’d prefer to propose once you�
�ve had a few weeks to change your mind.”

  “I don’t have a few weeks.”

  “Can we just focus on the time we do have, then?”

  She nodded. “How should we start?”

  “Splash some cold water on your face, and we’ll go back downstairs so I can finish my shift.”

  “Reece would probably take over for you. He’s not angry anymore.”

  He shook his head. “That’s good, but I could use a few hours to process this. And you owe me a night of torturous waiting—of the good variety—after last night.”

  “That’s fair.”

  “I better go find out how Reece got on with your dad. If we need to come up the cash to pay him back, we’re royally fucked.”

  “It’s my fault it got ruined,” Libby said. “Or was shady to begin with. You should let me—”

  “Forget it,” Colin said with a stern smile. “I’m not even having that conversation with you.”

  She nodded. “I figured. Why don’t you go down first? I’ll get myself composed for a few minutes. You guys can talk.”

  Colin took her face in his hands, pressing his mouth to hers before he let her go. “See you in a few.”

  He went back to the pub. Reece glanced over as he poured a beer and handed it off to a customer. He raised his eyebrows as Colin approached.

  “All right, Reece?”

  He nodded. Colin wished Reece was the sort of man who’d step out from behind the bar and hug him, let him know where they stood…but twenty-eight years’ experience told him he shouldn’t hold his breath.

  “How did you get on with Tom Prentiss?”

  “He won’t be joining your fan club anytime soon,” Reece said. “But believe it or not, he thinks you’re okay. For Libby.”

  Colin blinked. “Oh. Well. I meant about the money, really. Are we totally buggered?”

  Reece shrugged. “He didn’t ask for anything back. I mean, how could he? He paid in cash, and it’s not the most upstanding arrangement. He said as much himself. That said, I can’t imagine any payments will be showing up for this week’s work.”

  Colin clasped the bar, relieved beyond words. “Well, that’s a bloody blessing. At least we’re free to keep dying a slow death over the next few months. Even if we just lost our tourniquet.”

  Reece nodded. “That’s not the best news, actually. I was shitting myself, waiting to hear if he was going to ruin my chances with the police. And I don’t reckon he will. I think he just wants it all done and dusted.”

  “Since when has our luck decided to change?”

  “Since you told him off, I think. Go figure.”

  “So,” Colin began. “You’re okay with this whole Libby situation?”

  Reece met his eyes and nodded. “I think she and I are square. And Annie set me straight on a few things, after you and I rowed. I’m keeping my nose out.”

  Colin suspected this was as close to an apology as he was likely to get and accepted it. “Cheers. And I’m sorry about what I said. About you not being here.”

  Reece smiled tightly and Colin left it there. Some wounds were still too fresh even to bandage.

  “Move back in, whenever you want,” he added.

  Reece shook his head. “I think I’ll find a flat downtown, closer to my future job. This is your place anyway.” He glanced around, seeming to mean the pub as a whole.

  “Understood.”

  Libby appeared then, joining Colin in leaning on the bar.

  “Sorry you’re not my stalker anymore,” she said to Reece, smiling. “That was my fault, that you lost your gig.”

  “You did me a favor.” Reece swung the door to the bar up and switched places with Colin. “I couldn’t keep that up much longer.”

  She nodded.

  “I’ll see you guys later.” Reece clapped Colin on the arm as he headed for the door.

  Libby admired her bartender as he filled a drink order. She studied him from her seat across the counter, fascinated. That strong, tall man. Her strong, tall man. Her affectionate feelings had turned darker as the night had worn on, and she grinned at him, hungry.

  Colin smirked back. “What?”

  Her gaze wandered up and down his body behind his T-shirt and jeans. “You’re mine.”

  “For as long as you want me.”

  “Do you still want me?” she asked in a low whisper.

  He laughed. “Always.”

  She leaned on her elbows, watching him prepare a gin and tonic, watching his arms flex. She wanted every last inch of that body above her, all those talented muscles laboring for her pleasure. His mouth. His intimate smells. That deep voice moaning in her ear, murmuring the kinds of dark words she ached to hear. All those things she’d spent so much of her life avoiding… It was torture, waiting for one o’clock to arrive.

  A few customers came and went, and Libby asked, “Do you like this job, Colin?”

  He slung his bar towel over his shoulder and nodded. “I do. I liked it better before we were in trouble, but yeah. This place might be shabby, but it’s my dad’s dream. I’d like to make it how he wanted it to be, someday. How it used to be.”

  “What would you be doing if you weren’t working here?”

  “Making violent love to you.”

  She rolled her eyes. “You know what I mean.”

  “Well, I’m not sure. I like it here, when I can forget about the money worries. Keeps me close to my family. And I quite like being the neighborhood shrink.” He grinned at her. “Not ambitious enough?”

  “Oh no, I wasn’t implying that at all. I mean, credentials aside, what the heck am I doing with my life? I’m jealous, actually. I’ll miss this, when I go. I never felt like a part of a family before I found this bar.”

  “You’re always welcome here, if we can manage to stay in business. But you’ll probably come back in a year or two and find this place shuttered. Sad but true.”

  “I’m more afraid I’ll come back in a year or two and find you married.” Saying it made her stomach churn.

  He laughed. “Yeah, right. It only took me twenty-eight years to find you. You’re so replaceable.”

  Libby blushed.

  “Maybe it’s time for a new tattoo, eh?” He made his hands into brackets and framed them around his heart. “What’s your full first name?”

  “Trust me, Bigfoot would be more fitting.” Libby reached over the bar and placed her palm on the spot. “There. Just trace my hand with a dotted line. Put ‘reserved’ in the middle.”

  Colin smiled, looking equals parts happy and sad. “I’ll think of something good. Something to do with the ocean. A nautilus, maybe.”

  “So long as it’s got tentacles. I’m feeling very possessive.”

  He smiled again, tight and shy, and cast his eyes down. A patron drew him away, and Libby watched, recording every little detail of him. She felt cheated. By herself. This man, this wonderful person—her lover—and she’d only now let herself be with him.

  He turned back. “Why are you frowning?”

  “I was so stupid. Taking this long to see what you were offering me.”

  He shrugged. “Don’t forget who I grew up with. I’ve been dealing with you cautious types my whole life.”

  “I never thought of myself that way.”

  He nodded. “I bet most people wouldn’t.”

  “Maybe not…” She trailed off, melancholy.

  “What did the letter from your dad say, anyway?”

  Libby laughed. “Oh God, who knows. I’ll read it later.” She zigzagged her gaze over him. “My mind is on other things.”

  “What about your sister? Did you call her?”

  “Not yet. I was too upset.” And cowardly.

  “Call her tomorrow, or I won’t put out.”

  Libby sighed. “That’s a very mean threat.”

  He glanced at the clock. “Five hours.”

  She bit her lip and squinted at him, scheming.

  “What are you thinking?”

&n
bsp; “Maybe I could pretend to drop a contact lens behind the bar.” She zeroed in on his crotch and licked her lips. “Could take a long time to find it…”

  Colin laughed. “Woman, so help me I will rut you senseless in the stock cupboard if you’re not careful. Don’t tempt me.”

  “But I like tempting you. You’re fun.”

  He shook his head. “Nah, I’m just easy, and you like winning.”

  “So let me.”

  Colin leaned in close. “The second this pub shuts down tonight I am going to do terrible things to you up against that jukebox, but in the meantime, let me have my painful hours of waiting. I’ve earned them.” He straightened. “There’s Carly Simon in there. Why don’t you go put ‘Anticipation’ on and make me suffer?”

  “Now you’re beating me at my game.”

  “Go read your letter, Libby.”

  “In a minute.”

  “Now.”

  She crossed her arms. “If this pub goes out of business, this will be one of the last times I’ll get to sit here like this, with you. You can’t rob me of those precious moments.”

  “Well, you’ve got closure on everything else, now. I don’t want anything looming, casting shadows over the…” He consulted the clock. “Nine days, four hours and six minutes we’ve got left before you leave me. Go read it, and if it’s horrible, I’ll pour you a drink and you can tell your bartender all about it.”

  Dear Liberty,

  I will keep this short. It was good to see you looking so well yesterday at dinner. I regret it had to be such a brief reunion.

  I want you to know that everything I have done, I did in what I believed to be your best interest. I admit that some of my decisions during the crisis of your teenage years were made from a place of fear and uncertainty. I don’t think you would deny that you and I have never understood one another. Even when you were a child, I felt as if we spoke two different languages. But the decisions I made for you, some of which you may feel were cruel or punitive, I made because I wanted only to keep you safe. I regret that I wasn’t able to offer you the understanding you probably needed then, but please trust that I gave you what I felt was the best solution to a problem I felt powerless to fix.

  It will come as no surprise when I say that I do not approve of your boyfriend. But I also cannot imagine that my approval is something that will, or ever has, held much esteem in your eyes. I will say that I am glad you have found someone who clearly respects you and feels compelled to defend you. If this young man is someone you feel deeply for, I wish you the best.