Blackbird

by Abigail Graham

  “You’ve seriously never been here?”

  I shook my head.

  “No trips to Jersey, either? No Cape May, no Atlantic City?”

  “No.”

  “Wow. I came down here with Mom all the time. She liked to shop at the outlets. When Dad was alive we came here every weekend in the summer.”

  There it was.

  The land just… ended. Victor pulled into a slanted parking space and I stepped out of the car. The air smelled salty and was strangely cool when the breeze picked up, even if the sun was hot on my skin. Victor slipped a pocket full of quarters into the parking meter and came to my side.

  “You’re going to burn up,” he said, taking my arm. “Come on.”

  The air conditioning was blasting in the shop. Gooseflesh rose on my arms as Victor led me through the store. He grabbed a floppy straw hat off a rack, a big pair of sunglasses, and a bottle of sun screen. Outside, I put on the hat and glasses. It was a relief not to have to squint. Victor kept the sunscreen. He squirted a generous helping on his hand and seized my arm, rubbing it into my skin. I tried to shake loose, but he was insistent. He did my other arm, and then crouched and smeared it on my legs. I yelped as his hand came up between my thighs. Victor grinned and dabbed a spot of it on the tip of my nose. I scowled at him but he grinned and smeared the stuff on his own arms, tossed the bottle, still half full, into a trash can and pulled me to him by the waist. I grabbed my hat on the brim to keep him from knocking it off.

  My anger melted away when his lips met mine.

  People were seeing us. I felt naked, and for some reason that made me press against him, and he put his arms around my waist.

  He took my hand and walked me down the sidewalk to see the ocean for the first time.

  I stopped at the edge of the boardwalk and just stared, gaping like a fool. It was huge. I’d never seen anything so big. The wind was strong, and the waves were surging, whitecaps forming as the water rolled in and fell back, rolled in and fell back with a tremendous roar that came from everywhere at once. It was so blue. I walked across the boards and leaned on the railing.

  “Too bad you don’t have a bathing suit. We could go for a swim.”

  “In that?”

  “What, are you scared?”

  “Yes.”

  I was terrified of drowning. I had no idea how to swim, either. I’d never even been in a pool. The idea of diving into that deep dark water rooted me to the spot, terrified.

  Victor’s arms slid around me from behind.

  “I wouldn’t let anything happen to you.”

  “I can’t swim.”

  “We’ll have to fix that, sometime.”

  “What about sharks?”

  “I don’t think anybody has ever been attacked here.”

  “Maybe another day,” I said, my voice trailing off.

  “What do you think?”

  “It’s beautiful,” I said.

  “Yeah, Victor leaned on the rail. He wasn’t looking at the ocean at all. “Beautiful. I guess you’ve never been to Funland.”

  “Fun…land?”

  “Yeah, come on.”

  He took my hand and pulled me along with him. The sea breeze whipped around my legs and chilled me, even as the sun beat down, so I was shivering and sweating at the same time. The light was hot on my skin, and Victor’s hand was warm. We walked past a dozen little shops, full of candy and toys and food. Ahead was this Funland place he mentioned, a small amusement park that covered a whole block. We walked past some carnival games. Blinking lights and chimes and music assaulted my ears. It was more than I could take. I almost clung to Victor, clasping his hand in mine. He bought a ream of little tickets at a booth, after we stood in line for a good five minutes.

  “They’ll close next weekend,” he said.

  “Forever?”

  “Nah, for the season. It gets too cold, I guess. Come on. You need to try the frogs.”

  I wasn’t sure what ‘the frogs’ meant until he led me over to a broad artificial pond. Fake lily pads floated around in circles, carrying cups shaped like flowers. A dollar bought three battered rubber frogs. The object of the game was to use a little catapult to hurl the frogs into the cups. It worked by bashing it with a hammer, which he handed to me. I did my best to line up the catapult with the moving cup and bashed it with the hammer.

  My frog flew wildly and fell in the water with a heavy splash. That meant I lost.

  “Try again.”

  My second try went no better than the first.

  Victor slipped behind me. His arms came up around mine and he clasped his hands around mine as my back pressed to his chest. I wasn’t thinking about the frogs. He lifted my hands and brought the hammer down. The frog went flying, too high I thought, and came down with a solid thump on the edge of one of the cups. It hung there for a moment and I thought it would slide into the water, until it rolled in. The attendant brought over a small stuffed rabbit and handed it to me.

  “Let’s do some rides,” said Victor, taking my hand.

  “Which one?”

  He pointed at the far end of the little park. There was a huge viking longboat with a dragon head on either end, swinging back and forth until it went from horizontal to just past vertical.

  “I am not riding that,” I declared.

  “Oh, come on. Look at all the people doing it. We’ll be fine.”

  Somehow, he ended up pulling me into the line with him. My heart pounded harder the closer we came to getting on. I almost ducked into the exit line when he handed over the tickets for our spots on the ride, but he gave my hand a squeeze and pulled me along with him.

  “It’s not as bad if we sit at the end,” he said.

  Like a fool, I believed him.

  A cross bar tightened over my legs, and I clung to Victor for dear life, hugging his arm and clutching my rabbit. He pulled my hat off and held it in his other hand, and the boat started to swing. It was only moving a little, building up momentum, but I knew it was a mistake. I clutched him tighter as it moved a little more with each swing, my stomach always just behind, or so it felt. When I opened my eyes next the boat began its first real swing, and the ground swept away, too far away. I screamed into his shoulder and pulled him tight, and then we reached the top. Everything went weightless. The boat swung the other way, and I felt like I was dangling inches above the ground at the other end of the swing, only to sweep backwards. Not being able to see made it worse and I jammed my face into his shoulder, hiding.

  It was exhilarating. It couldn’t have been five minutes, but it felt like we were swinging for an hour. By the time the boat stopped, I was molded against his body and panting. I walked oddly down the exit ramp. He never once let go of my hand, until he settled my hat back on my head.

  We took every adult-sized ride in the park. The spinning teacups had me screaming, the helicopter ride had me staring out at the ocean as it carried us high over the park. The only one I refused was the haunted house.

  My head still swimming from the pounding I took on the bumper cars, I walked with him down the boardwalk. We ate hotdogs on the way back to the car, and I ate a funnel cake on the way back to school. I broke off pieces and fed them to him as he drove, and shuddered in strange excitement when he lightly licked powdered sugar from my fingers. The crispy, sugar dough melted in my mouth, so sweet it made me sick, but I didn’t care.

  I was so happy, I never once noticed that we were being followed.

  Chapter Twelve

  Evelyn

  It was a Tuesday, in the afternoon, after my introductory math class ended. The work was trivial. I barely paid attention. My tutors did a masterful job of preparing me.

  My phone rang.

  “Evelyn,” my father said.

  “Hello, Father,” I said, cheerfully. “How are you?”

  “Shut up,” he growled. “Walk back to your dormitory. Now.”

  He hung up.

  I almost dropped the phone. My fingers were tremb
ling. Victor would be over after classes to pick me up. If Father saw us together…

  He was waiting for me. I knew it. My feet moved on their own. I drifted out of the lecture hall and down the hall, then outside. Then, I saw him. He was standing on the sidewalk in front of my dormitory building. After a quick glance to either side, I rushed across the street and walked up to him, clutching books to my chest.

  “Hello, Father.” I said, warily. “I need to…”

  “Get in the car.”

  He was parked illegally in the street. I went over anyway and got in, my temples pounding as I waited for him to get in. He started driving.

  “Victor is here and you’ve been seeing him socially.”

  “He took me to the beach,” I murmured, in a very small voice.

  “To the movies, to the park. You see him almost every day.”

  “Yes.” There was no point in lying. He would know. He always knew.

  “What do you do with him?”

  His hands tightened on the steering wheel. I clutched the books harder to my chest. “I… I don’t want to talk about it.”

  “Has he fucked you yet?”

  The question was like a slap to the face, like cold water dumped on my head.

  “What?”

  “You heard me.”

  “That… I…

  I hadn’t slept with him. Not yet, but when he spoke like that, Father was at his angriest. I tried to sink through the seat and disappear.

  “You’re coming with me.”

  “Where?”

  “Home. I’ll make arrangements for you to transfer to another school. Had I known the boy transferred here I would have taken care of it already. I’ll send someone to gather your things. We’re leaving. Now.”

  “No.”

  He slammed on the brakes and stopped the car. “What did you say?”

  “I said no,” I snapped back at him. “I like it here. I like Victor. He’s fun. I have fun with him.”

  “You’re not here to have fun.”

  “You’re not paying for this. I earned the scholarship.”

  I reached for the door. He hit the power locks. I popped the lock and he seized my arm in a vice grip, yanked me back into the seat and floored the gas, throwing me back.

  “You can’t!” I screamed, “You can’t!”

  He slapped me.

  It knocked me back in the seat. I covered my mouth. My fingers came away stained with a hint of red from my split lip. I didn’t even feel the pain.

  I let out a low whine as the tears started to flow.

  “Stop that,” he snarled. “How many times do I have to teach you to keep your emotions under control? You’re a girl. If someone sees you crying you’ll be destroyed. You have to be ice, Evelyn. Ice.”

  “I don’t want to be ice. I want to go home.”

  “We are.”

  “Not with you.”

  The steering wheel creaked under his fingers. “I will tolerate this for now. You’ll come to understand after you calm down and we have a chance to talk. After I speak with Karen and Victor leaves, you might be allowed to come back here. I can understand your wishes to stay. I’d rather you graduated from my alma mater as well, but-“

  “No. No. You are not going to take him away from me.”

  “He’s your stepbrother, Evelyn. It’s unseemly, and I already have…”

  “Have what?”

  “Nothing. Nevermind. Be quiet. It’s a long ride and I’d rather not listen to your inane chatter the entire way.”

  I was going to say something else when a white shape rocketed past his side of the car. Victor’s Firebird blasted past us and her tires shrieked as Victor wrestled the wheel around. The car bucked on its springs as he came to a stop across the road. Father slammed on the brakes again, stopping short. He turned the wheel sharply and hit the gas, trying to drive around, but Victor rolled forward, blocking his path. He leapt out of the Firebird and ran around the back, threw open the trunk and pulled out the longest, heaviest wrench I’d ever seen. It was as long as his forearm and looked like it weighed twenty pounds. To my utter shock, Jennifer was in the passenger’s seat. She got out as well, following Victor.

  “Out of the car,” he bellowed, in a voice that shook the windows.

  The wrench bobbed in his hand.

  I wasted no time. I ripped the door lock open and spilled out, dropping my books in the process. I ran around and behind Victor. I clung to his back with my arms around him.

  Father stepped out of the car.

  “Evelyn,” he said, calmly. “Get back in the car.”

  “No,” I spat at him. “I won’t.”

  “You heard her,” said Victor. “Now kindly fuck off.”

  Father was livid. He bared his teeth, and turned redder by the second.

  Jennifer took my arm. “Come on. I’ll get your books.”

  “She’s my daughter,” Father said.

  “This is how it works,” said Victor. “You stay the fuck away from her or I have a long, detailed conversation with my mother.”

  Father’s face was a frozen mask. His bright blue eyes burned almost as brightly as my nightmare. He didn’t move.

  “Get in your car, old man, and I don’t bash your brains out.”

  I tensed, clutching Victor.

  “Don’t hurt him.”

  “Hurt him?” Father snorted. “I wouldn’t worry about that, Evelyn. Get over here. We’re leaving.”

  “No. I’m staying.”

  “You heard her,” Jennifer added. “Leave.”

  He didn’t, not until the sound of sirens rose in the distance. Then he walked over and got in the car, and nearly backed over my textbooks. He tossed my messenger bag on the ground, did a quick turn, and drove off in the opposite direction. Victor scooped up my things while Jennifer led me back to the car and crawled in the back seat. Victor got in and let out a deep breath, turned the car around and drove down a side street, back towards the college.

  “Jesus,” He said. His hands were shaking like leaves.

  “How did you know?”

  “Victor came to the room looking for you,” Jennifer said, quietly. “I told him I saw you get in the car with him and Victor freaked out. That’s your father?”

  “Yes,” I said, softly. I was starting to shake.

  “We’re going to talk to campus security,” Victor said, calmly. “I don’t want him around here.”

  Jennifer cleared her throat.

  “Can you drop me off?”

  “Yeah,” Victor said. “Listen, Martin Ross is bad news. If you see him around, call somebody. Stay with other people. You shouldn’t be involved in this at all.”

  “I couldn’t just let him drive off with her,” said Jennifer. “I should have gone outside when I saw, but…” she trailed off.

  “Thank you,” I said, turning to her.

  We let her off out front of the dorm, and Victor sat there until she was inside before he drove off.

  I buried my face in his shoulder and cried.

  “You should stay with me tonight. I have my own room.”

  I swallowed, hard. “Is that a good idea?”

  “I’m not going to pressure you to sleep with me.”

  “That’s… that’s not what I meant, I didn’t mean it like that, I…”

  “I didn’t mean it like that, either. Stay with me, Eve.”

  “Okay.”

  “Let’s get something to eat.”

  We drove out to a pizza place on the highway and ate there, split a medium with sausage and pepperoni between us. I don’t know how Victor stayed in such amazing shape, eating the way he did. I felt calmer after I had some food, but I was still rattled and felt like someone was watching me as I tucked some clothes into my smallest bag and told Jennifer she had the room to herself that night. Victor parked the car while I was inside and met me out front, and walked with me across campus to the upperclassmen’s dormitories. His room was bigger than the one I shared with Jennifer.
There was an extra bed. He had it taken apart and stacked up in the closet. After I came in, he started pulling out, meaning to put it together for me.

  “You don’t have to do that,” I said. My voice was calm, but my body was in turmoil. My stomach was doing backflips, my heart was pounding.

  I curled upon his bed without asking and took out a geography textbook. I had to study for class the next day.

  The words danced on the page. I suddenly didn’t care much for arid and semi-arid lands.

  Victor sat down next to me and I closed the book. Gently, he took it from my hands and set it on the other end of the bed. He put his arm around me and I leaned on him, sighing deeply.

  “Say what you want, when you’re ready.”

  I didn’t know what to say for a long time.

  When I finally blurted something out, it was just there.

  “I wish I had a mom like yours.”

  Victor was quiet. I laid down with him, curled up against his side. He didn’t press me or say anything. He just let me lay on his arm and rested his hand on my hip.

  “I want my mom,” I choked out, my voice tight with anguish.

  “It still hurts,” he said, finally. “I miss my father every day of my life. I’d give up the house and the car and everything else to have him back.”

  “I thought everyone was like me,” I said. “I thought everyone’s father was like mine. Jennifer told me about her father. He died not long ago.”

  Victor nodded.

  “He never hit her. He took her and her sister to the beach. He bought them candy and ice cream and he never hit her with a belt or burned her. She could watch TV and read whatever she wanted and she went to school.”

  It just poured out of me.