What if I Fly?

by Conway, Jayne

  “You fucking bitch. How dare you? It’s 1993, you racist piece of shit.”

  “Ellie, I…” Sloane cowers in the corner of the pantry.

  “Don’t say another fucking word,” Ellie points her finger inches from Sloane’s face. “Not one word.”

  Julia froze during their exchange, her eyes wide with shock, but mobilizes into action before Ellie has the opportunity to attack Sloane. She crosses the kitchen and grabs Ellie’s arm, yanking her away from her sister-in-law, and Ellie forcefully pushes the swinging door open into the living room.

  “You’d better go straighten out that wife of yours,” Ellie glares at Peter.

  Peter’s shoulders sag in resignation and he mumbles an apology before setting his jaw and returning to the kitchen. When he’s gone, Ellie begins to tremble and Kevin rushes to her side.

  “We aren’t staying here.” Ellie shakes her head, “No. We’re leaving now. Will, can you drive us to the Plaza?”

  “Of course, El…” Will whispers, his eyes sad.

  “Let’s get our bags,” Kevin says and they disappear into the guest bedroom together.

  Kevin and Ellie check into the Plaza and invite Julia and Will upstairs for a drink. When they enter the suite, Julia follows Ellie into the bedroom, and Will’s sister dissolves into tears the moment the bedroom door closes behind them. Julia holds Ellie as she cries and when the tears subside, she hands Ellie a tissue.

  “How could anyone be so awful?” Ellie cries, “I was going to tell Peter about Kevin before we arrived, but it seemed so silly. I mean, what difference does it make if he’s black, white or purple? I wouldn’t feel the need to tell him I’m dating a guy with brown eyes! Or blond hair! It’s the same thing for Christ’s sake!”

  “Ellie, there are some ignorant people in this world. Sloane is one of them. You can’t let those people drag you down or take you away from what you want.” Julia squeezes Ellie’s hand. “If you mean that much to each other, and I can tell you do, don’t let anyone who doesn’t respect what you have into your world.”

  “Thank you, Jules. You’re absolutely right.” Ellie nods, wiping away her tears.

  Julia grabs a tissue off the nightstand and wipes away the mascara running down Ellie’s cheek.

  “Now, let’s freshen up. We’re going out tonight, and not to some stuffy joint like Le Cirque. We’re going to have fun!”

  Chapter Ten

  Julia’s been staying with Will for over a week, since finals ended in mid-December. She hadn’t been to Washington in almost three months, not since her birthday, and was shocked to discover Will had gone furniture shopping. His house isn’t the echo chamber it once was.

  How strange he never mentioned it to me.

  That’s a pretty big thing to leave out of their nightly phone conversations. Maybe he meant it to be a surprise? The living room is now fully furnished in various shades of blue and white with a natural chunky wool and jute rug. The theme is nautical and preppy and it reminds her of his parents’ house.

  Will went all out and purchased two white couches with thin blue stripes, a couple of marine-blue armchairs, end tables, a coffee table, multiple lamps, and a sofa table with a small replica of a wooden sailboat and a couple of photos of his family in silver frames.

  Over the fireplace he hung a large black and white photograph of a sailboat. He even has tchotchkes on the fireplace mantle. Is that a fake Faberge egg?

  “Wow, Will! This is all very grown up. You have matching throw pillows…and andirons!” she exclaimed upon arrival. “Did you hire a decorator?”

  “No, of course not,” he wrapped his arms around her waist and changed the subject. “You know what I realized?”

  “What’s that?”

  “I don’t have a single photograph of you. Not one.”

  “Is it hard to remember me when I’m gone?”

  “No,” he shakes his head and smiles. “When I close my eyes I can picture every inch of you. But I still want one…”

  “I think we can manage that,” she says, picking up a photo of his family. “Do I get a silver frame and everything? Or are you going to stick me in the drawer of your nightstand and take me out at night to perform unspeakable acts?”

  “Can’t I do both?” he laughs and winks.

  Tomorrow, Julia and Will are making the eight-hour drive to Rhode Island for the holiday. They’re both dreading this visit and would prefer to stay in Washington, but Will doesn’t want to disappoint his parents. She really likes his parents, but dear God! He’s a grown man! When will he outgrow the ‘Mommy and Daddy’ approval stage?

  This is one of the few times she’s grateful she comes from a broken home. Her parents have been too busy managing their own lives to get involved in hers. The only person she needs to prove anything to is herself.

  They’re only staying three nights, but it’ll feel like a week. She’s so used to sleeping in Will’s arms and they won’t be able to once they’re at their respective parents houses. While they’re packing their bags for the trip, Julia can’t stop herself from whining.

  “This isn’t right! We’re being punished for visiting our families!” she cries. “Three long nights…”

  “But when we come back home, we’ll have an entire week together. Eight days…all day and all night.” Will arranged to take his vacation between Christmas and the New Year.

  “Now that sounds heavenly,” she sighs, and resigns herself to the unavoidable.

  Will wraps his arms around her, and Julia rests her head against his chest and listens to his heartbeat, thanking whatever force brought them together. She never imagined she could be this happy. To love someone and be loved by them? It’s a rare gift. Which reminds her…

  “I want to give you your Christmas present before we leave,” Julia says, reaching for her duffle bag. She pulls out a wrapped gift and hands it to Will.

  “You don’t want to wait until Christmas to exchange gifts?” he smiles.

  “Trust me…you don’t want to open this in front of your parents.”

  Will sits on the bed, pulling her down beside him. He holds the package to his ear and shakes it, then unwraps it and throws his head back laughing. It’s a leather bound copy of the Kama Sutra.

  “Okay… It’s really a gift for both of us. I saw it in a bookstore and felt compelled to buy it.”

  Will flips through the pages, “We’ve done that one… and that one… and that one…” he pauses. “What’re they doing here?”

  “I’m not sure,” she studies the page, tilting her head, “How can she bend her leg like that?”

  Will shakes his head, puzzled. “Don’t know, but we can try! Thank you, Jules."

  “I have another present for you,” she smiles seductively. “It’s a companion to the book...I think you’re going to like it.” Julia unbuttons her jeans and pulls them over her hips, letting them fall to the floor, then reaches down and pulls her sweater over her head. Will watches her shed the remainder of her clothes, his eyes never leaving hers, and she takes a step closer to the bed and his waiting arms.

  “You give the best gifts,” Will murmurs, his mouth finding hers.

  The following morning they make their final preparations for the journey up North. The forecast is calling for snow all along the eastern seaboard and they’re trying to stay ahead of the storm.

  “You know,” Will zips both of their bags and places them near the bedroom door, “You’ve never given me an answer about moving in after graduation.”

  “I haven’t, have I?” she says, picking up the room and putting their extra clothes back in the drawers. “Well… that’s a really big decision.”

  “Yes, it is.”

  “I’ve given it a lot of thought…” Julia pauses and looks down at her hands.

  “And?”

  “Of course I’ll move in with you!” she exclaims.

  “You will?” His face lights up and he swings her around.

  “I can’t wait,” she laughs, �
�We just need to get through the next few months!”

  While Will is outside putting their bags in his Jeep, Julia steps into the living room, eyeing the many changes he’s made. It’s very tasteful, but not at all her style. The library has a new rug, similar to the one in the living room, with a loveseat and two dark brown leather chairs. With a few adjustments they can make this ‘their place.’

  “What’re you thinking about?” Will asks, walking up behind her.

  “I was thinking since I’m going to be moving in here…” She turns and wraps her arms around him, “Maybe we should make future decorating decisions together? Add some color?”

  “Do you hate the furniture?” He looks around the room, his brow furrowed.

  “No, I just want it to be our home, a reflection of both our styles. Am I being too pushy?”

  “No, not at all.” Will kisses her forehead, “We’ll do this together. I like the sound of that. Our home.”

  ***

  Will’s a little nervous about meeting this side of Julia’s family tonight. If he’s completely honest with himself, he’s more than a little nervous. Petrified is more like it. Julia has fourteen first cousins on her mother’s side of the family, all between the ages of eighteen and twenty-eight…and every one of them will be at Christmas Eve dinner.

  Normally he wouldn’t be this anxious, but they’re the brothers and sisters Julia never had, and Will wants them to like him. What if they don’t? What if they never give him a chance and assume he’s some snob from Poppasquash?

  Before Ellie met Julia, his sister half-joked about Julia being a townie with hopes of snatching a wealthy husband. Ellie ate her words once she met Julia, but his brother was awful. The night Peter met Julia at Gulliver’s, he had plenty to say in his drunken state. He called Julia ‘a hot townie’ he should use her for sex until something better comes along. His brother is an idiot sometimes.

  Did their opinions influence the way Will feels about Julia? Not one bit, though if Ellie hadn’t liked Julia once they’d met, he would’ve had cause for concern.

  There’s nothing Will can do about where or how he grew up. The class divide in Bristol is pretty wide and fueled by mutual distrust. Will never gave any thought to the division in town until he took Julia to that wedding. Her experience shined a light on the problem and he hopes her family gives him a chance.

  Julia’s aunt lives in one of the newer developments in town. Will pulls his Jeep onto Adams Drive and notes that all of the houses are colonial-style, carbon copies of one another. The developer was either lazy or lacked imagination.

  Though the houses are the same model, each exterior is uniquely decorated with lights and lawn ornaments, some garish, others more subdued. Some remind him of the Griswold’s in the movie Christmas Vacation, with lights attached to every square inch of the house.

  Blinking colored lights, blinking white lights, a train set up around one house, inflatable Santa’s and snowmen. He’s getting a headache looking at the displays. Her aunt’s house isn’t one of the Griswold houses, which is somehow reassuring. Only a few white lights on the bushes out front, and a couple of wreathes.

  Walking up the path to the front door with Julia, he can make out the shapes of dozens of people inside the house, even through the misty windows. Dear God, there are a lot of people in there! Before they left her house, Will shared his fears with Julia and she assured him her family wouldn’t pre-judge, said to just relax and be himself.

  Be himself? This is one of those occasions Will wishes he had Ellie’s outgoing personality. His sister wouldn’t flinch walking into this gathering, would probably have them eating out of the palm of her hand in minutes.

  “You made it!” Julia’s aunt, an attractive woman in her early forties, greets them. “We were starting to worry about you.” They embrace and kiss each other’s cheeks.

  “Hi. Sorry we’re late. This is my boyfriend Will,” Julia squeezes his hand. “Will, this is my Aunt Debra, my mom’s sister.” He extends his hand to shake hers, but she swats it away and gives him a hug.

  “Welcome Will. Hope you’re hungry!”

  “Starving, actually.” He smiles, feeling better already, and her aunt takes their coats.

  “Well, there are appetizers in here and you two can take the next shift.”

  The living room is crowded with her cousins and aunts and uncles and Will’s reminded of the time he went with Julia to her grandmother’s house for meatballs. Gram lived on the first floor of a two-family house in the Italian section of town, her kitchen no more than twelve by twelve feet in size, the living room even smaller. There had to be twenty people squeezed into her tiny apartment that day. Her aunt’s house isn’t nearly as small, but it’s equally packed.

  “Julia!”

  “Buon Natale! So good to see you all! This is Will.”

  “Merry Christmas,” he says, trying to smile naturally, “Nice to meet you all.”

  Her aunts and uncles seem friendly enough, their demeanors inviting, but he’s on the receiving end of some not-so-welcoming glares from her cousins, specifically the males. Their arms are folded across their puffed up chests, their eyes distrustful.

  Is this how Julia felt when she walked into the ballroom that night? Totally exposed and on display? How would he feel right now if she were as oblivious to his feelings, as he was of hers at the wedding? He shudders at the thought. This could be a very long night.

  Julia leads him into the dining room where ‘first shift’ is eating. The table seats ten people so there are at least two more shifts to go.

  Carol’s standing over the sink straining the pasta for second shift when they enter the kitchen to get a desperately needed drink.

  “Ah, glad you two made it. There’s wine in the fridge, vodka in the freezer and spiked eggnog on the counter. Help yourself.”

  “Ma, do you need any help?” Julia kisses her mother’s cheek.

  “No, no, Debra will be right back. I’m fine. Go relax, enjoy yourselves.”

  “Is Ron here?” Julia asks. Ron’s her mother’s boyfriend. They’ve been dating since last summer and Julia said she’s never seen her mother happier or healthier.

  “Not yet, sweetie. He’s visiting with his family but he’ll be here later,” her mother smiles. “Now, go! Have fun! Your cousins are waiting for you.”

  Moments later, second shift is called and Will swallows hard as they make their way to the table. This is where the interrogation will begin. Julia squeezes his hand reassuringly and they’re the first to take their seats at the far end of the table.

  Soon, he’s surrounded, or should he say dwarfed, by her male cousins, all as big as linebackers. They’re trying to intimidate him, he’s sure of it. Will breaks into a cold sweat and seriously considers excusing himself and hiding in a bathroom. Instead, he takes a deep breath and introduces himself to her brawny cousins, one by one, making sure to look them in the eye. Show no fear!

  Two large bowls of pasta are placed on the table. There are also a few gravy boats filled with extra tomato sauce, bowls of parmesan cheese, a large antipasto salad and garlic bread.

  “This is our special pasta. We only eat it on Christmas Eve,” Julia whispers.

  “Why is it special?” He peers into the bowl. It looks like regular spaghetti with red sauce and black olives.

  “I’ll tell you after you try it.”

  “Okay,” he frowns, “Now you’re just scaring me.”

  Julia laughs, as do her cousins seated around them.

  “No worries, Will,” Dave pats him on the back, “Nothing that’ll kill ya.”

  Will stares at the pasta with some trepidation.

  “Just try it. It’s good,” Julia assures him.

  He twirls a bit on his fork and takes a bite, trying to figure out what makes it special. It’s very good, a little salty, but tasty. He takes another bite. The linebackers are watching him eat, waiting for his reaction.

  “Okay, I like it, now tell me the secret
ingredient.”

  Again, the room echoes with their laughter.

  “Do you like fish, Will?” Michael asks, a smile on his face.

  “Yes…” Will stares at his plate. There isn’t any fish that he can see.

  “Anchovies,” Julia tells him. “We put anchovies in the sauce on Christmas Eve.” He’s confused. He doesn’t see anything resembling an anchovy. “It disintegrates into the sauce when it cooks.”

  Will puts his fork down and makes a face.

  “Why do you put anchovies in the sauce?”

  “It’s an old family custom started by my great-grandparents. On Christmas Eve, Italian families traditionally serve seven courses of fish. My great-grandparents had twelve children and were too poor to buy the fish. But they could afford the anchovies, so they put it in the sauce and that’s how our family has done it for over a hundred years.”

  Will nods and contemplates his next move. Her cousins are eating and keeping one eye on him, waiting to see if he’ll eat anymore. If he doesn’t eat the pasta, they’re going to bust his chops all night, he can feel it.

  “I like it.” Will picks up his fork and takes another bite.

  “Ah! Thank you, Will! You just won me twenty bucks!” Dave claps him on the back again, his eyes narrowing as he says, “I knew you’d eat it. You look like the kind of guy who likes to try new things.”

  Will raises an eyebrow. Is Dave suggesting Julia’s something he’s trying out?

  “True Dave, and when I find something I like, I stick with it.”

  “Good to know, Will,” Dave nods and smiles, “Good to know.”

  Julia wasn’t exaggerating. She does have fourteen ‘brothers and sisters’ and her eight very large brothers are extremely protective of her.

  The rest of the night went smoothly, and Will was eventually able to relax and enjoy himself. Dave must’ve signaled to the others to lay off the intimidation tactics, because over the course of the evening they included Will in conversation, which, amongst the men, completely revolved around sports.