by Nhys Glover
"I'm freezing. Is there anything warm to drink?" Airshin demanded of Bertil.
"When I've a moment I'll make sumit," Bertil snapped at him, barely civil. Even she'd had her fill of the little weed.
I took off for my room. This was a time when I needed to be on my own. I had to regroup and consider my next actions. The worst hadn't happened, but I wasn't in the clear yet. Maybe listening more conscientiously to Airshin's thoughts was what was needed. I'd avoided doing it since arriving, but if I wanted to properly sow the seeds of distrust, I needed something definitive to tell the Airluds. I'd have to push down my natural antipathy to listening to his bleating. Maybe if I caught him at whatever mischief he was up to, that would be enough. Or maybe I could manufacture something if he wasn't up to no good.
I went to bed early, with no more than a slice of bread for dinner, while the storm raged on. Sometime during the night I awoke, brought to full wakefulness by a change in my environment. Living as I'd done for the last few suns I'd become hyper-attuned to my surroundings. This night it took only a few moments to register the silence. The storm had blown itself out. I drifted off to sleep again hoping all was well with Airsha and Jaron.
In the morning I was greeted with the kind of silence only snow brought with it. Beyond my small window there was whiteness everywhere. So far this suncycle, there'd been very little snow. Not enough to cause problems for the airlings, in any case. But today was different. There had to be at least a hands' width of snow on the flat land and in areas where the wind had met a barrier, a solid wall of snow at least a stride high had formed. And it looked very, very cold out there. Unlike the house, which was always pleasantly warm.
It had fires in almost every room, which burned both day and night. One of my jobs over the colder moons had been to make sure all the fires had a good supply of coal to keep them going.
As I moved from room to room, checking the stockpiles, I wondered how Airsha and Jaron had survived the night and, more pressing still, how they would fly their airlings back to the Centre.
Some of our lessons involved the logistics of flight for airlings. I knew they had wingspans of two strides and more on either side of their large bodies. The wings could fold neatly, like a fan, in against their bodies when not in use. To get the necessary thrust for lift-off, an airling had to use its powerful legs to push off a solid surface, while at the same time working their breast muscles to flap their leather wings until it had picked up enough speed to get enough lift to carry its body off the ground.
If the snow was so thick that their wings couldn't flap properly and their hops were hampered, they were quite literally grounded. Landing would be easier, because they could come in low, pull their feet up under them like they did when they sat, and slide in on their breasts across the snow until they came to a stop.
I met up with Calun in the kitchen, where the smell of fried fishling had drawn me. I couldn't smell fishling without remembering my Dah. Mam had been an expert at cooking all forms of sealings in a dozen different ways so it never became boring. Bertil was almost as talented, though her skills ranged further than what the sea provided. But Beyen had been true to his word and kept us supplied with all the sealings we could eat.
"Are they all right?" I asked Calun, not bothering to distinguish the they I was referring to. It would have been insulting. I knew he would have spent the whole night sleeplessly worrying about Airsha, Jaron and their airlings.
'They're on the way back.'
I thought this would be good news and he'd be happy, but from his expression I knew he was grief-stricken.
"Airsha's pregnant and that makes her over-emotional. She made a mountain out of a groundling mound. When she gets back she'll apologise."
He nodded miserably. 'I know she will, and that'll only make me feel worse. She has nothing to apologise for. I was the unsupportive one. I swore when we bonded to support her in everything, and when it counted... I didn't.'
"What have your brothers told you?"
He shrugged. 'That married people fight and then get over it. Just like we've all fought before and got over it. But those fights were with a strong Airsha who could defend herself. She's not like that now. Not with the babes and her brother and the war.'
"But you were all trying to help her. Everyone knows Airshin is bad for her. Even she knows it. All you were trying to do was protect her from him. Make her take the threat he poses seriously."
'That's what we were trying to do, it's not what we did. What I did. I hurt her, Flea. I really hurt her. And I'd rather cut off my right arm than hurt her.'
"She knows that. She has to know that, doesn't she? Hasn't she got free access to your mind? How could she ever doubt your feelings for her when she can do that?"
He shook his head. "I thought so. But you're a sore spot for her. Your feelings for me − "
We'd never discussed my love for him. It mortified me that he was bringing it up now. I felt the burn start in my neck and spread up into my cheeks. I knew I was glowing as bright as a blood moon. Being a redhead had more than one downside to it.
"I... I don't have feelings for you," I mumbled. "Not like that. I might have at the start. But now I love you as a brother."
Calun placed a gentle hand on my arm. 'She knows I care about you. The way I took your side yesterday makes her think I care more about you than her. Which is not true. Gods, it is so far from being true. She's everything to me.'
I shook off his hand. "Which doesn't mean you have to bow and scrape and walk on eggshells around her. Isn't that what people do with her father? Isn't that something she hates?"
He lifted his shoulders and grimaced.
"Look. It happened. Nothing bad came of it. Just kiss and make up. That's what my Mam and Dah did after fights. And they loved each other like... like I want to be loved one day. Like you and Airsha love each other. Just tell her you're sorry and kiss her."
'She won't trust me to support her anymore. I let her down like her father and brother did.'
"You aren't them! Gods, Calun, how can you compare yourself to them? She won't. I know she doesn't."
Rama stomped into the kitchen looking more aggravated than usual. "Trying to convince him Airsha's a bitch? Won't work."
"I'm trying to convince him it isn't the end of the world. That people fight, makeup and go on as before. Airsha won't hate him," I snapped, sticking my chin out at him and sending him my best daggered gaze.
He just laughed at me. "Airsha doesn't hate anyone, that's half her problem. But she's justifiably upset that we ambushed her with you. It wasn't fair and she deserved better from all of us. Not just Calun." He looked at his brother. "Do you hear me, brother? We all let her down, not just you. We thought we were helping, but it blew up in our faces. She's not rational where that bastard's concerned. I want to make him disappear for good. I really want to kill the bastard, but..."
Calun placed a hand on his shoulder, and I knew he was sending him comforting images. It didn't make sense to me. Why would the grieving Calun be comforting his gruff and hard-headed brother? Often as not, Rama seemed to have no interest in his wife. I'd once wondered if he was trying to undermine his brother's relationships from the inside by agreeing to the bond. Though, of course, the babes Airsha carried were his, so that might make him care more about their mother.
Could I play on his desire to kill Airshin? But Rama would be harder to con than anyone. It would take some very careful planning to get him to act on his desires. Especially as his brothers would be doing everything in their power to keep him from doing it.
But it was food for thought, and possibly easier than convincing Airsha that her brother was working for the enemy.
Chapter Nineteen
AIRSHA
When we clambered out of our snow hole it was to find the airlings submerged in white. Only their heads were visible, and that was just because they'd unfolded them from their backs, where they'd lain them in sleep. Luckily, the ground further away from
the beastlings was only covered by a hand's width of snow so we could stand well enough.
Once Jaron had dismantled our shelter, freeing the airlings from each other, the great creatures rose to their spindly legs and shook the snow off. I laughed as snow flew, splatting both Jaron and I with the chilly stuff. In my turn, I shook off the snow while watching Jaron stomping around, swearing at the top of his lungs at the prank. Because it was a prank, I could feel the amusement coming off the airlings as they watched Jaron perform. I hadn't known they had a sense of humour.
After Jaron had calmed down, I wrapped the blanket more firmly around me and took in our predicament. All I could see for miles was the pale blue sky and the blinding white ground. It was beautiful, and yet terrifying. I had no idea where we were or which direction was home.
"I don't think the airlings can take off with this amount of snow on the ground," Jaron told me worriedly.
"I can probably fix that. But have you any idea which way is home?"
Jaron looked at where the sun was rising and then orientated himself. With a confident gesture, he pointed in one direction. Luckily, it was not into the rising sun.
"That's north, and you left heading south, so that should be the way home. But the airlings will know. Their navigation is faultless, even without landmarks."
I should have thought of that. The airlings flew the world from one side to the other, never seeming to get lost. It couldn't have all been due to their excellent vision.
Once Jaron had packed the bag onto Blackie, I tried to whisk up a focused gale to clear a wide path through the snow. My magic was sluggish and difficult to draw up. Had I depleted it so badly last night? Were my magical childlings drawing more than nourishment from my body? Were they drawing on my magic, too? It seemed I had less and less power as the pregnancy progressed.
Squaring my shoulders, I focused more intensely. Shifting freshly laid snow with a little wind shouldn't be a problem. Sending my roots deep into the earth, I drew up the magic to be found there. This was different from air, but it would work as well. I pushed out the stream of energy and the snow flew like a comb parting hair. It made me shiver, but there wasn't much I could do about the wind-chill, and it was over before my fingers had a chance to turn blue.
"What's wrong?" Jaron asked, helping me up onto Bay's back.
I shrugged. "The babes are using my magic, I think. I seem to have less to work with."
I was in no mood to be independent or to discuss my weaknesses. My body ached from all the energetic pleasuring, the exertion of moving snow and from sleeping on the frozen ground. All I wanted was a hot bath, a hot meal and a warm bed where I could lick my emotional wounds in peace.
Because, now that my mind was not preoccupied with pleasure, and going home was not a distant event, I began feeling all the resentment and fear that drove me from my home yesterday. I started to dread what I'd find. Jaron had tried to convince me that my men would be anxious to have me home and sorry for having caused my flight, but I wasn't so sure. Rama at least would be furious with me for putting his babes at risk. And I deserved that fury. I had come so close to dying, and taking the airlings, Jaron and my babes with me. I was thoughtless and spoiled, just like Rama said I was back when we first met. The spoiled little princess who looked down on whores.
And Darkin would be upset with me too, more for putting myself in danger than anything else. And Calun. Gods, Calun! I wanted to dig a hole in the snow and bury myself, rather than face him again. He'd been right. I knew better than to doubt his love, but I'd done it anyway, the moment I didn't get my own way. The moment he checked me for my perceived bad behaviour. I knew he'd forgive me if I apologised, but I didn't know if he'd ever look at me with total adoration again.
But, along with all the fears, there was resentment. I had been ambushed by the men I loved. Who were supposed to love me. They used Flea against me to undermine my trust in Airshin. Not that I had much trust in him, but they were determined to take what little I still had. How dare they do that to me?!
The airlings took off without problem, and soared high into the early morning sky. I clutched my blanket tighter, trying to keep warm in the freezing cold. It was better than the ride here, but not by much. The only thing that helped was the sure knowledge, sent by Bay, that home was not far away.
And it wasn't. In what felt like no time, Bay was circling the homestead and coming down to land in the paddock with the other grounded airlings. I had asked if she wanted me to clear the ground of snow for her but she'd told me no, showing me how she planned to slide in on her belly. It looked like fun, so I let her do it. Anyway, I wasn't sure I could have helped with the snow even if she'd wanted me to.
It was unsettling, losing my power like this. I'd had it for such a short time, comparatively speaking, but I'd come to rely on it. Just feeling it inside me had given me confidence I'd never truly had before. And confidence was what I needed most if I was to be the Goddess' Chosen One.
Bay slid us right to the gate of the paddock where everyone had gathered. It was quite the homecoming, and I was elated by the relieved and happy faces I saw waiting for us.
Rama ran through the snow to Bay's side and gently helped me down. I could see no pent fury in his expression or feel any in the muscles of his body. He just seemed overjoyed at my safe return.
"I'm sorry I put your babes at risk," I whispered as he lowered me to my feet.
"Don't worry about it. You're back safe, that's all that matters." He suddenly looked embarrassed and anxious. "I... I'm sorry for my part in it. I thought we could bully you into seeing sense. I should've known better."
I gave a little laugh. "Yes, you should have. Though running away is not my usual way of handling conflict. If we rule out escaping the harem, of course."
Rama relaxed and smiled back, drawing me in for a tight hug. "The babes are well?"
"Better than me. At least they're warm," I said against his coarse tunic. I breathed him in deep. I had missed him. I realised I hadn't gone this long without seeing him since I was returned to the Godling.
Darkin approached and pressed in close behind me, kissing my neck beneath the blanket. "Don't do that again, Beloved. You scared us all to death. If Calun hadn't found out through Bay that all was well, we'd likely be dead of worry by now."
I reached up and buried my fingers in his dark skeins of hair. "I know. I'll sulk in our bedroom next time."
"There won't be a next time. I promise. Not like that. It was a stupid idea," he said into my neck.
"I've been known to have one or two of those myself," I admitted, loving the emotional and physical warmth of being surrounded by two tall and muscular men, one dark, one fair. I was glad no one had forced me to choose between my men, because I wouldn't have been able to. Selfishly, I needed them all.
When we separated, I looked for Calun. He stood at the back of the gathering, his head bent, shoulders hunched. I could feel him, unsure and afraid. What was he afraid of? I realised I had my barriers up, so I let them down immediately.
I actually moaned with the pain I got from him. Gods, what had I done to him? The self-abuse I heard him pile on himself would have knocked another to the ground. It was horrible. And so unnecessary.
I ran toward him and the crowd parted. From the corner of my eye I saw several lads holding Airshin back so he couldn't get in the way.
In what felt like too long, I was finally wrapped in Calun's arms, holding him tighter than was probably good for the babes. But I wanted to be as close to him physically as I was mentally and emotionally. I needed him to know I didn't blame him for any of it. That it was a fight and couples fought. It didn't mean we didn't love each other.
I had expected him to be angry with me, but there was not an ounce of condemnation in him. It was all for himself. He'd turned me into one of the women I hated most. The weak and helpless kind. And even at my worst, I was never that.
He chuckled as he rubbed his cheek against my windblown hair. 'Sorry,
I forgot. You might get knocked down, but you don't stay there long. Even when I kick you when you're down.'
"You didn't kick me when I was down. You reacted to me screeching at Flea. I was feeling overwhelmed and I reacted badly, and so did you. Jaron tells me that married people fight all the time and make up. Are we making up?" I drew away a little so I could look into his gentle, handsome face. He hadn't shaved, and there was a fine red scruff on his cheeks. The dark bags under his bloodshot green eyes told me he hadn't slept well last night. If at all.
I imagined him bathing me and putting us both to bed. If I'd craved a warm bed before, now I craved a warm bed with equally warm arms around me in that bed.
Calun's face broke into a slow smile. He took my hand and together we made our way along the cleared path to the homestead. I knew Jaron would fill them all in on our adventure. Right now, I just wanted some alone-time with the man who was closer to me than any other.
☼☼☼
The days of winter passed in a blur. Preparations for the next influx of recruits were complete, and though we were having problems with the airlings, nothing else was causing us trouble. Even Airshin had settled down after my 'unfortunate mistake'.
He didn't know he was the cause of our argument that day, but something must have been said or done to make him realise he was on thin ice. Possibly being moved out of the big house? Whatever had caused his improved behaviour I didn't know, but I was just glad for it. I was also glad he'd moved to his own room off the dormitory.
I was almost to the end of my seventh moon' and Mother was expected to arrive with a midwife any day now. I had sent a message saying she should remain with Beyen a little longer, but she'd sent one back reminding me she'd delivered Airshin and me very early, and I was likely to do the same. Anyway, she wanted to see her son.
