by Nhys Glover
Jaron knew all this, and he knelt immediately, drawing me up by the hips to meet his cock.
"Deep?" he asked me, placing his massive blunt head against my entrance, teasing me just a little. But I could tell by how his hands shook and the intensity of his gaze that he was not in a teasing mood. His need for me sent me over the edge before he had even pushed inside.
"Wait for me," he demanded, once I relaxed again. I could feel his cock just inside, and I knew how torturous that felt for him. Having been inside Calun's head when he did this, I had firsthand experience.
I nodded, swallowing down my excitement. He began to slide his oversized, rampant erection inside me with delicious slowness. He groaned as he did so, his expression a picture of exquisite delight and torture. When he was fully embedded, he paused and reached down to cup each breast in a hand.
"I don't know how gentle I can be," he admitted, panting as he kneaded my swollen flesh.
"Take me, Jaron... just take me. I'm so tired of being treated like spun glass."
And he did, thrusting into me with all the pent-up desire and fear he had felt for me when he realised the danger I was in. I shouldn't have known the latter, there should have been nothing in the way he claimed me that gave that away, but I did. I knew how much my lover feared my loss, feared a world without me in it.
I fought down tears as the tension inside me built. No more tears! This was about celebration of life, about experiencing a bond that existed just between this man and me. This was about Jaron, my funny and wise husband whom I adored.
When I could hold on no longer, I gave in to my need, surging over the edge with every particle of my being. Jaron roared out his own release and surged after me. For one long impossible moment we united in our bliss before tumbling into oblivion.
I wasn't aware of him pulling out of me and lowering me to the ground, only of him settling down at my side, his arm around my shoulders, urging my head to rest on his chest. I listened to his heartbeat slow and felt complete contentment, even as the storm raged outside our little cocoon.
When he could speak, Jaron nuzzled my hair. "Did I hurt you?"
I shook my head, not having the energy to speak.
"You know, sometimes when I've come for maybe the third time that day, just from thinking about you, I try to work out what it is that makes this so... so unlike anything I've ever experienced before. It's not as if I'm like Calun, never having known what it was to enjoy sex with a woman. Gods, I'd probably had more sex than all my brothers combined, and loved every time. But with you... it's never about just pleasure, even when you aren't there and it should be just about the pleasure and relief I give myself. It's... it's like my pleasure only has one source. Being inside you, feeling your hands on my body, kissing your lips, imagining your scent, it's the only way I can feel that intense pleasure anymore. It's like you are my sustenance. A smile from you can get me through the hardest day. One look from you can make me feel like I could take on the whole Godslund army alone and win." He kissed my head again, still lost in his musing.
"It's like everything I've ever wanted for myself, all my dreams and exaggerated imaginings, came together in you. And I know you so well. Better than I should, after only six moons. I know that you're lying there thinking you aren't perfect, that you're no man's dream come true. If what I'm feeling is real, and you doubt even that, it's because of the Goddess. You think the Goddess is the source of my sustenance, as She is to all nature."
I couldn't believe how exactly he had described my thoughts. For a moment I had to check to make sure my barriers were up and that he wasn't in my head right then. Only Calun knew me this well. No, in this Rama knew me best, because he was bedeviled by the same kind of shadows.
"And I know you aren't perfect. This little stunt is a fine example of just how imperfect you are. You're impatient, bad-tempered, volatile, and incredibly stubborn, which are just a few of your less-than-stellar qualities that come to mind.
"But you're also kind and giving, willing to take on any task you believe in, even when you don't think you're up to it. You love with every part of your being, holding nothing back out of fear of being hurt. And you had been hurt, so badly hurt, by the only two males you'd ever really known before us. Yet, instead of seeing all men as being like your brother and father, you let four rough and imperfect men into your life. And loved us all equally and unconditionally with that huge heart of yours. A heart that none of us has yet plumbed the depths or width of.
"None of that's the Goddess. If I had to guess, I'd say the Goddess saw the size of your heart and decided you were as close to what she needed in her incarnated form as a human could get. You came closest to being like her. So she gifted you with all her magic, knowing you'd be able to use it in the best possible way."
"Like using the earth to swallow men whole?" I broke in, feeling I should counter some of what Jaron was laying at my feet. I wasn't as big-hearted as all that. If I had been, I wouldn't have jealously clung to Calun when Flea made her feelings known.
No! There it was again. That voice in my head feeding me poison. I had resolved my issues with Calun. I had accepted his feelings for me.
But if so, why had I gone off at the first sign he preferred her to me? I'd been waiting for it, I realised with a heart-sick thud. Waiting and watching for any evidence my self-doubts were true.
"To protect yourself, your husbands and your mother, not to mention Beyen's men and the airlings. It's not as if you just decided one day to kill some innocent men. This is war. They were enemy soldiers intent on killing us. That was one of the uses the Goddess expected you to make of her gifts. This is Her war, after all. She's the one who wants the false gods cast aside, her magical daughters allowed their power, and her magic available to all. And war inevitably brings pain, death and chaos."
"I'm not big-hearted. I have resented Flea's obvious adoration of Calun. I selfishly wanted him all to myself. When I have four of you. That is selfish and mean-spirited of me."
Jaron huffed an exasperated sigh. "Have you heard anything I've said? You aren't perfect. Another woman, and Flea is a woman, though a very young one, made eyes at your man and that made you jealous. It doesn't matter that you have three other husbands, you love Calun as much as you would if he were the only one. You love us all that way. You weren't being selfish, you were feeling vulnerable. Women in love are always vulnerable. Men too, if I'm being honest. Which I try never to be."
He waited for my snigger, and when he got it he went on. "If some man, other than one of my brothers, looked at you with too much interest I'd tear his head off. If I was able to get to him first, before one of the others did, that is. You're ours. No one else can have a share of that huge heart of yours. So, aye, you feel jealous of pretty little Flea who is just waiting on the sidelines for Calun to get bored with you so she can step in. I can relate to that."
My sudden tension had Jaron waiting for the explosion to come. It didn't come, because lately it had felt different with Flea. Her defence of me and my bond with my husbands had relieved so much of my insecurities with regard to her.
Then why did I blow up about Calun defending her?
Because I was pregnant and feeling overly emotional and wrong. Outnumbered and ambushed. Calun did something completely uncharacteristic for him, and it hurt. No, it was more than just him. They had all conspired to bring Flea in so she could share my brother's private thoughts with them. I was defending my brother.
Why would I do such a thing when I didn't even trust him myself?
"What's going on in that head of yours?" Jaron asked after my silence had gone on too long.
"I was thinking that that was exactly what Flea used to be waiting for. But now I don't think so. You didn't hear her when she stood up to Ratch."
"Good. I'm glad you can at least see that more clearly now."
I nodded, rubbing my cheek against his tunic-covered chest. "But I still don't think I have such a big heart. Not like you describe it
. I'm no different to Flea, for instance. And a lot less loving than Mother. I think you all give me credit for something that isn't true."
Jaron stroked my hair tenderly. "Love's a strange thing. It can't be accounted for by evidence. I can't draw up a list and put your good and bad traits on one side and someone else's on the other, and then measure who's the best person to love. What I can do is measure in some small way how much better my life is when you're in it, compared to someone else. I can see how much love I feel I get from you, compared to how much I get from someone else. And yes, other women have loved me before and I've loved them. Like Careen I told you about. But no one's loved me like you. Only Ma. But in a different way, of course. She had a heart like yours.
"So stop fussing. Let us love you and be loved by you as we want to be. Stop worrying if you deserve it or if it's the Goddess we actually love. Stop all that and just believe us − me − when I say, you can be as imperfect as you have to be and we'll still see you as superior to any other woman, and love you with everything inside us. Every one of us considers ourselves blessed to have you in our life."
I allowed his words to dissipate the shadows. How many times would it take before I would allow my husbands to convince me that what we have was real and worthwhile and just what they wanted? I didn't know. But for now Jaron had convinced me.
I leaned up and kissed his lips in gratitude. "I'm also good in bed." I smirked as I wriggled my eyebrows.
Jaron roared with laughter. "You are indeed."
And while the storm beat itself out around us, I proved my boast to my youngest, handsomest and most experienced husband.
Chapter Eighteen
FLEA
It had all gone horribly wrong. I'd come to find Airsha and build up trust with her so she'd believe me. I'd known the Godling's son would come, and I wanted to be able to discredit him when he did. I'd hoped to be able to do that without giving away my mind-reading abilities. But in the end they were what the Airluds believed in.
Yet when they'd called me in to provide evidence against Airshin, I'd only succeeded in undermining my own position with them. Undermined all the moons I'd spent building trust with them. I'd pushed too hard for what I wanted and the ever-loyal Airsha had called me on it.
I didn't know for sure what Calun had said to her. But his expression had been stormy and hers had shown such vulnerability and hurt it stabbed me in the chest. It'd never been part of the con to care about any of these people. But despite my best efforts to keep my distance, I'd fallen for Calun, admired Aisha greatly, liked Jaron, respected Darkin and possibly even Rama. Though with Rama I also felt a good dose of hatred thrown in. I wasn't sure why that was. I respected that he didn't trust me. He shouldn't. And yet because he didn't, I hated him.
Maybe hate was too powerful a word. Hate was what I felt for Airshin, though I hadn't even known his name until he arrived. I had a job to do and nothing could be allowed to get in the way. Certainly not my feelings for the people who ran this airling centre.
But my hatred had made me show my hand too soon. I'd been complacent about the position I'd created for myself. Somehow Calun's affection, the acceptance of the others, and being claimed by an airling had all made me overestimate my manipulative power in this situation. I was going up against the love a strong-willed woman had for her brother. Who was I beside that?
So I'd burrowed into myself when Airsha had called me on my ultimate goal. My hope was to make her feel guilty for misunderstanding me. Instead, Calun had come to my rescue, or so it seemed from the silent interchange that took place between them. And then Airsha had stormed out, drawing up lines between us. If her men sided with me, then she dissolved their bond. It was a bullying tactic. An all-or-nothing stand.
Calun was out of his chair before she'd slammed the door behind her. But Darkin stopped him. Not because he sided with me but because they all wanted to go after her and he saw that as a bad idea.
I'd never seen Calun so upset with himself. I could hear the litany of foul names he called himself and his agonised recriminations loud and clear:
How could I have been so cruel to her? Of course she's afraid for her brother. Of course she feels pushed to the edge by everything that's been piling up on her. I knew all that. I'd been in her head, for the gods' sake. I knew how much she struggled with on a daily basis. How could I have added to all that? How could I have been so cruel? I'd seen Flea hurt and had struck out to defend her, not realising that Airsha was the vulnerable one right now.
The woman we'd argued and fought with back at the rebel stronghold isn't this woman. Though she'd been physically beaten down by what'd been done to her, back then her spirit was still strong. Now her spirit's weakened, her love for that bastard twin of hers has been the final blow to knock her down. And I'd kicked her when she was down.
I thought he was exaggerating. Airsha was strong. Probably the strongest woman I'd ever met. Though she had vulnerabilities like anyone else, she was not the fragile flower Calun was now seeing her as. But she had been hurting. Even I saw that. All because I pushed too hard and at the wrong time. My mother would be turning in her grave at how badly I'd played it.
"Jaron, you go. You've got the best chance of lifting her spirits. That's what she needs right now," Darkin decided, though I could hear him telling himself that he should be the one to go after her. What she needed was his strength to cling to, not a clown who'd make her laugh. But even as he thought that he felt petty. He had to put Airsha first, not himself.
We all followed Jaron as he ran from the room. I'd expected Airsha to be in her bedroom or somewhere else in the house. But she wasn't. Bertil came out of the kitchen and pointed to the front door.
Jaron looked back at his brothers. "She wouldn't take Bay up on a day like this, would she? A storm's brewing."
Calun was yelling at them that she wasn't thinking straight. That flying was her only release. She wouldn't think about the danger.
Reflexively, I verbalised his thoughts for the others. Jaron was out the door before I finished talking, lengthening his stride as he hit the cleared path. It was as hard as rock and slippery from ice in places. He was running too fast for safety. But I knew I'd be wasting my breath to call after him to be careful. Jaron would do what he needed to do, regardless of the danger.
"Take the emergency pack!" Dark yelled at his fast-receding back. A salute told us he'd heard.
As we made our way to the paddock too, the lads and Airshin appeared from the barn.
"What is going on?" Airshin demanded, seeing Jaron throwing the pack on Blackie and tightening the rigging.
"Airsha went up and a blizzard's on the way. Jaron's going after her," Darkin told him tersely.
"How typical," Airshin announced with disgust.
If I hadn't already hated the bastard, his attitude toward his sister would've assured it. He never missed a chance to make a disparaging comment about Airsha. Though he'd been warned against doing so, he did it anyway. Often with subtlety, like now, when it was unclear what was 'typical'. If called on it he'd say he meant his sister's courage, when we all knew he was inferring that Airsha was foolhardy and others were being left to pay for her recklessness.
Jaron was in the air and we all breathed a sigh of relief. Until Zem turned to look at the sky.
"Storms coming in fast," he said loudly, pointing to the horizon where billowing clouds were growing larger and more ominous with every passing second.
'I'm going too,' Calun said as he called up his airling. Though no one had heard him but me, his brothers reacted as if they had.
"No, Calun. It's too dangerous. Jaron has the best chance of catching her and he's prepared. Let him do this," Darkin told him, placing a staying hand on his arm.
"Tell them this is my fault, Flea. Tell them I have to be the one to fix it."
I conveyed his words without conviction. It was dangerous for him to go and I didn't want him to put himself at risk. I'd almost lost him once, I didn't want to d
o it again.
"It's all our fault. And you can fix your part later. Leave this to Jaron." Darkin sounded like he was delivering a death sentence, but he stayed strong.
In the end, Calun nodded and relaxed a little, though the tension in every muscle was plain to see.
We all watched the storm approaching with trepidation.
"We need to get inside. Lads, return to the dormitories. Don't come out until the storm lets up. Herk, you and Dald come up to the house first and collect supplies. You'll need food and drink to see this out.
"Calun and Rama, check on the airlings, then get inside fast. Flea, help Bertil get food ready for the lads."
We all jumped into action, following Darkin's orders like we were already in the army. I would have laughed at us all if I wasn't so worried about Jaron and Airsha. And her babes. Gods, if something happened to any of them it would be my fault.
By the time I'd helped Bertil pack bread, oil and cold meat up for the lads, the Airluds had come inside. I could tell Calun was a lot less worried and I wasn't the only one to notice.
"The airlings?" Rama voiced what the rest of us were thinking.
Calun looked at me. He could communicate with them himself, but when either Airsha or I were present he relied on us to get his message across fast and accurately. 'Tell them Jaron reached her and they're safely on the ground, sheltering with the airlings.'
I relayed his message and Darkin and Rama visibly relaxed.
"Fool of a girl," Rama grumbled.
Airshin was the last to come in from the cold, brushing the first flakes of fresh snowfall from his coat. I'd noticed Darkin hadn't assigned him a task but he'd disappeared somewhere, nonetheless. He'd been doing that a lot in the last few days, disappearing when he was supposed to be working. If the lads had resented my special treatment as 'cousin' to the Airluds, they despised Airshin for the way he ludded it over them and did the least amount of work because he was the Goddess' twin.
