by Quinn, Vera
“We have kept everything else going without any problems. The protection runs have gone on without a hitch along with all our businesses in town. Everything is in the black.” Sanity our treasurer speaks up. I think about Dra and look at my watch. He’s over an hour late. I get up from my chair and walk to the door and open it. I look around and I see the prospect, who’s guarding the door to church, standing against the wall. His name is Rictor and he looks like he might weigh a buck fifty soaking wet. He gets his work done and he’s always ready to do more.
“Rictor, go knock on Kim’s door and if Dra is in there tell him to get his ass to church, now.” I don’t wait for the kid to say anything before I shut the door. I hope Dra isn’t there and he’s home, but I’m not holding my breath. I walk back to the chair and sit down. “Should we take Dra’s VP patch, or does he face punishment? I haven’t done my job and stayed on top of things so if you want my patch and want me to stand down then I’ll accept your decision,” I tell my brothers. I don’t know if I could change anything that I’ve done up to this point. Since I’ve heard that I have a son, my mind has been on one thing and that has been to fight to be in his life. Where does he think I’ve been all his life? Will he forgive me for not being there? They’re the same questions that have gone through my head since I learned about Cage.
“That’s plain horse shit and you know it. You have every right to think that your brothers would cover your ass while you fight for the right to be in your son’s life. Dra is the one that dropped the ball, again. You need to quit protecting Dra and let him stand on his own two feet. He knows the rules we have about wives and club girls. Your dad and I made those rules and they were made for everyone. No brother can flagrantly cheat on their wife in our club, and that’s exactly what he’s doing. He was supposed to step up and take your slack as your VP. He’s not even doing his own duties. I say punishment, a fine, and a probation period, and if he doesn’t straighten up, then take his VP patch. If all that doesn’t work then take his colors. That’s the way the law is written and that is what we are supposed to live by.” Scout bangs his fist on the table. I’ve never heard Scout talk this strongly against any brother.
“I second the motion.” This comes from Brass.
“Show of hands that are for,” I say and everyone’s hands come up, even Whistler and Bandy’s, Dra’s closest friends.
“I am abstaining from the punishment. Gunny can take my place. Raven, Brass, and Scout are the other three.” Four brothers are required for punishment. The door opens and Dra walks in. He looks like he slept in his clothes and the smell of stale liquor and cheap perfume are pouring from him. He keeps his head down but I’m not having it. “Dra, it’s nice of you to join us over an hour late. Since you weren’t here, you were brought up on a vote. You are to pay a two thousand dollar fine for not showing up for church.” Dra looks up at me and I see his bloodshot eyes and shake my head. “You are also on probation for six months and you get a punishment by four for breaking the cheating rule of the club. Punishment is right after the meeting but before that, we’ll talk. If you’re caught breaking any other rules, your VP patch will be taken and then your colors and cut—unanimous vote.” Dra stands from his chair and pushes it against the wall.
“What the hell are you talking about? Has Maddie been crying to you with her complaints of me never being home? My homelife is none of anyone’s business but mine so stay out of it.” Dra seems on edge as he should be. He knows he’s been caught, and if we know what’s going on than Maddie does too because she is no fool. I get up from my chair and walk up to my brother.
“You stink of alcohol and fucking all night, Brother. You weren’t at home with your family so that means that you must be breaking the club rules. I haven’t spoken to Maddie, so no, she hasn’t said a word about your betrayal to her and your family. At least one of you is loyal to your family, our family. The vote was taken, and you will take your punishment, pay the fine, and straighten your act up or you will be out.” I get in Dra’s face, but the stench is almost more than I can stomach.
“You’ve wanted Maddie since I brought her to Sunshine, so take her. Being married is not my thing and the crying from Lucas is more than a man should be asked to withstand. She’ll be the perfect mother to your bastard son.” I don’t even think about it. I hit Dra in his gut, and he goes down hard against the table. I step back and wipe my hand down my face. I reach down and grab Dra by the front of his shirt and jerk him up.
“What the hell is your problem, Dra? I thought you and Maddie were happy. You fought to get Maddie and B back. You’re slacking on your responsibilities to the club, and you’re breaking the rules that this club was founded on and rubbing it in everyone’s face. I thought you were picking up my slack while I’m fighting to get in my son’s life. I thought you of all people would understand what I’m going through. What is your problem?” None of the other brothers have said a word. Dra stands up straighter and looks at me.
“You’re the president, not me, remember? You got that position because I was trying to protect the club and had to pretend to be dead. I’m the oldest son so the position should be mine, but no, I’m following your orders. That’s what the brothers wanted, right?” Dra looks around at the room. No one says a word for a minute.
“Look at yourself Dra and you’ll get the answer to that question. Not a brother here would want you in charge. You can’t make your mind up about anything and stick with it. How are we supposed to follow you or trust your decisions?” Scout speaks up. “You go off half-cocked and do what you want and then expect us to back you. The rules in this club have been in place for years, and all of us know that you’ve been breaking them. No one is telling you to stay married. Get a damn divorce, people do it every day, but if we don’t enforce club rules then why have them? Get your head out of your ass and be a damn man.” Once Scout has finished talking, I sit back down in my chair. I look at Dra and he hasn’t said a word. I look closer at his face and then his eyes. There’s no way that my brother would let someone talk down to him the way Scout just did without saying something. Dra’s eyes are sunken in his face. It’s then I notice the sores on his face and that he’s lost weight. I also see his hands trembling. Dra is on something. I know if I confront him on it that he will just deny it.
“The rules that you old timers put into place don’t fit anymore. What I do on my time is my business? Who I fuck is my business? I’ll take the damn punishment but then it’s done. If you want my VP patch, then you can have it, but my cut stays on my back. I was born a Troubled Fathom and I will die one. No one will take that away from me,” Dra says with a determined voice. Dra is breaking more rules than any of us thought and it needs to be dealt with now.
“Raven and Brass put Dra on lockdown until Doc can get here.” Dra has just been standing by the table, but he moves toward me. Raven has him pinned against the wall with his forearm against Dra’s throat before anyone else can react. Dra fights against Raven but Dra is no match for Raven.
“What the hell, Krill?” Dra sputters out.
“I’m sorry, Brother, I should have paid better attention, and I might have seen the signs earlier. What have you been taking? What drugs have you put in your body?” Dra laughs. All the brothers look toward Dra and Raven.
“You think I’m going to lie to you about it? Yes, I’ve been doing some coke to party, but that’s only been going on for a few weeks. I need that woman out of my house and out of my life. It’s the only way I’m going to get my sanity back. Have you ever tried fucking your woman with a squalling kid? We should have never had another kid. I never knew how lucky I was that Maddie took off with Betsy when she was a baby and I didn’t have to deal with it. The first night I went to Kim’s room with Banger, I was fully aware of what was going to happen when I went there, and I wasn’t drunk or on any drugs. It’s the best decision I ever made. Trust me, the divorce is going to happen. I just need that bitch and her two brats out of my house.” I can’t believe the vile things
coming out of Dra’s mouth. The one thing I do know is that Banger was in on whatever has been going on and that means he will never get his cut. Every prospect is explained the rules in our club, and Banger should have come to me or one of the brothers if he knew Dra was doing wrong or having problems.
“Whistler, lock Banger down until I get back. I need to talk to Maddie.” I bang the gavel. “This meeting is over. I’ll be back as soon as I talk to Maddie. Scout, have Maudi send Kim packing. She is banned from the clubhouse for life.” The club girls know their place and they know what lines not to step over and Kim has ignored that. It’s time to see a woman I have let down.
Chapter Two
Maddie
Lucas is finally asleep, and B is in her room playing. I have been trying to pack our bags while holding my crying son. The poor child has had the colic since he was born. Lucas’s incessant crying started in the hospital and the doctor has tried him on every type of formula to try and help. This week we are trying a hypoallergenic lactose-free formula that seems to help, fingers crossed. I have gotten more sleep this week than I have the last three months since Lucas was born.
I shouldn’t be doing this alone, but I’ll do whatever is necessary to keep my child healthy. I just can’t believe that Dra has all but abandoned us. I went to the clubhouse to see him one day when Maudi was with the children, and I caught Dra in his room with one of the club girls. He swears they were only talking about a problem the girl was having with one of the brothers, but I don’t believe a word of it. I guess if I had more time on my hands to worry about our relationship, I would be heartbroken, but I just don’t have the time.
I go about packing the last few things I am going to need for the long trip back home to Texas. I guess that tells it all. I have and always will feel like Texas is my home. Dra never made me feel secure enough to let my mind think of Colorado as my home. I say that but it’s not Dra’s job to make me feel secure. I refuse to be that woman anymore. I am responsible for myself. I am a grown woman with two children with the possibility of being pregnant again. How does that even happen? I can answer that question. I can’t say no to my husband’s irresistible hot body. I knew I wasn’t on birth control yet. Dra knew I wasn’t on birth control. Dra has a way of making me feel sexy and wanted and I can’t resist. Dra was supposed to wear a condom or pull out. The look on his face afterward told the whole story of how he regretted his actions, but he didn’t have to blame me. I think that’s where our troubles began.
My whole pregnancy, Dra treated me like a queen and pampered me. He was the caring man I fell in love with. The doting father to B I always dreamed he would be. He was helping more at the club while Krill was away, but he was home every night. Running my bathwater, helping with the housework, cooking me special dinners, reading to B every night, and then making love to me after she fell asleep.
I know when Lucas was born that it was a bit nerve-wracking, but that’s part of being a parent. Dra just couldn’t handle the crying and then B was sick. Dra felt neglected, but I had my hands full and by bedtime I was exhausted. Dra didn’t come home for two nights and when he did get here, he had hickeys all over his neck. He said the club girls were just playing around, but again, I didn’t believe him.
Dra started staying at the clubhouse more and he brought that prospect, Banger, home with him. That man creeped me out. Dra became demanding. He wanted dinner ready when he came in the door. He suggested I bleach my hair a lighter blond and I did. I hated it. He said it would make me look thinner until I dropped my baby weight. I spent the night crying along with Lucas after I had B in bed. My loving husband had become a demanding hurtful man right before my eyes. Dra decided I needed to sex-up the way I dressed and threw out my old clothes, replacing them with clothes I wouldn’t wear in public. I just wanted comfortable clothes. I was lazy, too fat and I nagged all the time, that is what Dra said about me anyway. I have heard it so much I began thinking that it was true. To tell the truth when Banger and Dra would finally leave the house at night to go to the clubhouse, it was a relief. It felt that way until the morning I went to wash Dra’s clothes and he had lipstick on the collar edge of one of his white t-shirts. I smelled the shirt and it smelled of a cheap perfume. My stomach sank. It was more proof of my husband’s infidelities. I thought Dra and I were going through a period in our marriage that would pass. I had read about babies with colic, and I knew the doctor would find a way to help but it would take time. I thought Dra and I would come out stronger on the other side. That’s me, always looking on the better side. I never dreamed Dra would stray. I just couldn’t bring myself to confront Dra about it. What do they say… ignorance is bliss? I never understood that saying. I thought surely, they have it wrong but now I know.
Last night was my breaking point when I had no room for denial left. I had fed B earlier; Dra has gotten to where he’s even snappy toward her and I wanted her out of the way of her dad’s harsh words. Lucas had gone to sleep, and I was getting dinner on the table when Dra and Banger came in the door.
“Where are you at, Maddie?” Dra yelled out. I put the last dish on the table, and I walked into the living room with my finger up to my lips in a motion so Dra would know to be quiet. “Is the boy asleep?” I shook my head yes. I looked from Dra to Banger. I could tell that Dra had been drinking from the glassy look in his eyes. I wanted to say something about him drinking and then driving but by the look on Dra’s face I knew to stay quiet. It would do no good to say anything today. “Where’s B?”
“I fed her earlier and she’s playing in her room.” I saw the look that Dra gave Banger. I guessed we were having a guest to eat again, so I went to the kitchen and got another plate and silverware.
“We ate at the clubhouse, but we came home to play?” I raised my eyebrow at Dra. Dra walked up to me, took me in his arms, and kissed me. I would have loved that if Banger hadn’t been in the room. I tasted the liquor on Dra, so I turned away from him to break the kiss. I didn’t like the taste of whiskey on Dra and I didn’t like the smell of perfume on him either. It wasn’t my brand.
I felt a hand on my shoulder, and I turned to look. Banger was there, and he grabbed me and tried to kiss me. I pushed him back and hit him. “Whoa, babe. I just thought you might want to play a little with the two of us. Banger doesn’t mind the extra weight you haven’t bothered to lose yet. We’ll make it good for you. Won’t we Banger?” I looked at Dra and waited for him to laugh or something. Surely, this was a joke? I backed away from them both. “Maddie, you know you’ll do anything to make me happy. You’ve said it many times and this will make me happy. In your fantasies haven’t you ever thought about having two men at once. This won’t change anything between us. You’re still my wife and next time we’ll bring Kim in.” That’s when it hit me. That’s what Dra was getting at. He wanted another woman with us. When had I ever given Dra the idea I wanted another man?
“Dra, this will never happen. I am married to you and you will be the only man touching me. There will be no other man or woman in our bed,” I said with a voice calmer than I was feeling. Dra and Banger both laughed.
“I told you Maddie wouldn’t be up for the things that Kim lets us do to her. Maddie is too strait-laced,” Banger said with a sneer. “I told you I should seduce her and bring her into it slowly.” I looked at the man who had just spoken.
“I can’t be seduced. I love my husband,” I said with conviction.
“But he doesn’t love you, now does he, Maddie? The best way to get one man out of your head is to get under another one.” I looked at Dra who wasn’t saying a word.
“Get out of my house and don’t come back.” I told Banger.
“It’s my house and if you can’t do this for me, then I want you and the kids out of my house. You have lied to me every time you’ve told me you would do anything for me and that you love me. I’ll get you a place in town, and once Lucas quits crying all the time then I’ll come for visits for my husbandly duties.” I stared at Dra and
I saw he was serious. What had happened to my husband? “Don’t try running to Krill either. He’s too tied up trying to get his own son back. Don’t try running to Texas, either. I will drag you back here. No one takes what’s mine and you and those two children are mine, and you will be until I say it is over. Let’s ride Banger. I know there’s a woman at the clubhouse that’s waiting on us with open arms.” Dra half laughed. “That’s something else you’ll get used to—sharing my me. I’ve been fucking Kim for almost a month now and she won’t be the last pussy I pound. If our little fuck got you pregnant, then you need to get an abortion because I don’t want any more screaming kids.” I couldn’t stand anymore. I slid to the floor and brought my knees to my chest and listened to Dra and Banger laugh their way out the front door. Dra slammed the door as he left, and I heard Lucas begin to cry. I automatically got up and went to my son. It’s like I was a robot without feelings until I picked my whimpering son up and took him to the rocking chair. I rocked and soothed him back to sleep with tears rolling down my face. I knew I’d never be the same again. The man I loved had just destroyed me.
That night will replay in my head many times with a thousand questions of what I had done to deserve any of this. I can’t think about any of this right now. I need to get things loaded and get out of here.
I take the bags, a few at a time, and put them into my SUV. I have already fed and bathed the children so they can sleep the night away while I drive. I will stop once we’re in another state and feed them both then. One thing about riding in the vehicle, it seems to sooth Lucas, so I am hopeful the long drive won’t be too hard on him. B has her movies and game to keep her distracted. With the stops I will need to make, I’m guessing a three-day trip. I’m not going to let anyone know I am on my way, it will cause too many questions that I don’t want to answer yet. I am set and going to get B from her room when I hear a knock on the front door. At least I know it isn’t Dra. I walk to the front door and open it. The last person I would have thought it would be is standing there looking lost.
