The Wedding Pearls

by Carolyn Brown

  “Why can’t I, like, sit in the front seat? I hate riding in the backseat,” Melody said.

  “Do you upchuck when you ride in the back?” Ivy asked.

  “No, I just don’t like it,” Melody answered.

  “Then suck it up, buttercup!” Ivy popped her on the fanny as she passed on her way to the other side of the car. “Your job is to take care of me and Blister. It’s not a vacation for you.”

  Tessa scooted across the wide leather bench seat to sit between Lola and Branch. “So the oxygen tank is Blister,” she said. “Does the car have a name, too?”

  “Oh, yes,” Lola answered as she buckled her seat belt.

  Frankie reached up and touched Lola on the shoulder. “I can hear you. Haven’t you learned anything in your forty-eight years, girl? I have the hearing of a bat and the memory of an elephant and I’ve got eyes in the back of my head. Don’t never try to put anything over on me. This baby girl is named Mollybedamned.”

  Tessa dug between the seats and found the end of the belt. “As in first name Molly, second name Bee, and last name Damned?”

  “No, as in all one name,” Frankie said.

  “It comes from an old western movie we watched years ago. You probably never heard of it,” Ivy said. “Hey, Frankie, we need to watch that on this trip.”

  Melody mumbled something.

  Ivy nudged her on the shoulder. “Girl, you’d better enjoy the sunshine and wind blowing in your face and remember that you could be spending eight hours a day in detention hall lookin’ at the back of a cubicle. It will do you good to watch The Brothers O’Toole with us one evening, so don’t you be bitchin’ about it.”

  Melody threw her head back against the seat and pretended to snore.

  Frankie winked at Ivy. “She won’t have time for movies. She’ll be doing schoolwork every single night, won’t she?”

  “Okay, ladies, Mollybedamned is raring at the bit to get this trip started. Let’s leave with a bang!” Branch settled into the driver’s seat and put the car in gear.

  Both old ladies in the back threw up their hands and screamed, “Hell, yeah!” at the top of their lungs.

  “I don’t hear you,” Branch singsonged.

  They got louder.

  He shot a grin toward Lola. “Mollybedamned says she hears the backseat crowd, but she isn’t leaving until the front seat shows some enthusiasm.”

  Lola nudged Tessa and threw up both arms. Tessa did the same and started yelling at the top of her lungs. Sweet Jesus! It felt good to scream and yell out the tension from her body. The fact that it was in fun made it even better. Finally the Caddy pulled forward with three generations of women yelling at the top of their lungs, their arms waving in the air.

  Things had finally settled down when they crossed the cattle guard, but when they reached Boomtown, a police escort took them down Main Street with the high school band following behind, playing “Waltz Across Texas.” Folks came out of the businesses to wave and throw confetti at the Caddy as Branch drove all of five miles an hour down the short street.

  “Holy smoke,” Tessa said.

  “It wasn’t hard to arrange. The band practices every morning anyway and the policeman is a friend,” Lola said just loud enough for Tessa’s ears.

  “Pretty impressive,” Branch said out the side of his sexy mouth.

  “Why are you driving? I thought you were a lawyer.” Tessa’s shoulder and hip pressed tightly against Branch’s and the temperature in the convertible was a hell of a lot hotter than what the sign on the bank declared that morning at nine fifteen when they left town.

  “Branch is a damn fine lawyer and as long as he’s behind that wheel, he’s billing me for his hours,” Frankie said from the backseat. “And he’d damn sure better not cheat me a single minute or I’ll move my business.”

  “Yes, ma’am.” Branch looked in the rearview and winked.

  Tessa had ridden first class in airplanes that didn’t offer the comfort that the old Caddy did. If only there weren’t that stormy upheaval in her hormones because of Branch, she might look forward to this trip a lot more.

  “Music. It’s not a party without music,” Frankie said. “Tessa, turn on the radio. It’s set to the country music station I like. When we get out of Beaumont range, you’ll have to find another one.”

  Tessa turned the dial to hear Willie Nelson’s rough voice singing “On the Road Again.”

  “Hope you like country music, because that’s what we’ll be listening to for the next month,” Lola said as she nudged Tessa on the shoulder.

  “Love it,” Tessa said.

  Branch kept time to the music by tapping his thumbs on the steering wheel. Ivy and Frankie sang along at the top of their lungs with every song for the next half hour. Tessa couldn’t see Melody, but she’d bet the girl was either texting her little friends or else about to succumb to a case of acute boreditis, a disease that affected lots of teenagers and got them in trouble. Lola leaned her head back on the leather seat and snored.

  Tessa folded her hands in her lap and pinched the inside of her wrist. It hurt like hell, so this was not a dream. She was really riding between her biological mother whom she’d met only three days ago and the sexiest man in the universe, who could be engaged or in a committed relationship.

  If someone had told her last week at this time she would be riding in a vintage Caddy, listening to songs that were popular when the car rolled out of the factory, she would have had them committed, and yet the red spot on her wrist said that it was true.

  “You asleep?” Branch asked.

  She shook her head.

  “What do you think of Mollybedamned?”

  “I want to own her. Never rode in anything like this,” she said.

  “Want to take on her upkeep, too? She gets about eight miles to the gallon.” Branch flashed her one of those brilliant smiles and her pulse quickened.

  “Anything this beautiful deserves to be high maintenance,” she told him.

  Branch lowered his voice to a sexy drawl. “Are you high maintenance, Miz Tess?”

  “High maintenance and awkwardness do not make good bed partners,” she answered and then wished she could shove the words back in her mouth when she got a sudden visual of Branch tangled up in pure white sheets on a nice big king-size bed.

  “You telling me that you didn’t fall into my arms on purpose?” he teased.

  “That’s right.” She nodded.

  “Well, hell! I thought I was finally getting to be as irresistible as my older brother.” He chuckled.

  “You mean there are two of you?” she stammered.

  “There’s only one of me, but I have two brothers, making three of us. It’s my oldest brother who’s always been the pretty boy. I’m the ugly duckling,” he answered.

  She crossed her arms over her chest. It didn’t help much, especially when his leg brushed against hers. It was definitely going to be a long, long month, and she didn’t see a bit of boreditis in it for her.

  “I bet you use that line a lot. Does it work?” she asked.

  One side of his mouth turned up in a crooked smile. “Sometimes.”

  Ivy poked him on the shoulder. “I’m dying for a cigarette and so is Frankie. Pull over at the next wide spot in the road. And Miss Priss back here is beginning to wiggle, so I reckon she could find a bush and cop a squat.”

  “I’m not peeing on the ground. God, Aunt Ivy! What if something, like, bit me?”

  “Might be easier to scratch a bug bite on your ass than put up with an exploded bladder or wet underwear if you pee your pants. I saw those things you call underbritches. Lord, girl, there’s not enough material in them thong things to flag down a train,” Ivy said.

  “There’s a roadside rest up ahead. That will do fine.” Ivy pointed to a sign advertising the place a quarter of a mile ahead.

  Branch tapped the brakes and came to a stop at a place barely big enough to pull the big red car off the highway. “It’s not much of a pl
ace.”

  “Hey, it’s got a picnic table and one of them portable pot things. It will do fine. I’m dying for a cigarette and a Dr Pepper. And would you look at that, Melody.” Frankie pointed at a faded green portable toilet. “You don’t have to worry about bugs. No self-respecting bug would live in a place that smells that bad.”

  “It beats a bush,” Melody said.

  “Are we there?” Lola yawned.

  “Not by a long shot. We’re stopping for smokes and cokes. Might as well get out and stretch your legs,” Frankie said.

  “Not this time. Maybe in an hour. I’m going back to sleep,” Lola said.

  Ivy took the oxygen tubes from around her ears, turned off the tank, and hustled from the car to the concrete table. She’d left a perfectly comfortable seat in the car and yet she sighed in relief as she sat down on the concrete bench and propped her back against the table. She pulled two cigarettes from her purse and handed Frankie one before she lit hers. “Ahhh, this is the life. Good company. Nice warm day. No hurries. No worries. A good nicotine and Dr Pepper fix. Yes, ma’am, I’m loving this retirement party.”

  Melody made a beeline for the toilet and closed the door behind her. No way was Tessa going in that thing. If there was a spider, even a tiny one hiding in the corner, she’d panic and in her awkwardness most likely tilt the thing over trying to get out.

  Branch held the door for Tessa to slide out the driver’s side, then he opened the trunk and took out a Dr Pepper from a red cooler and another from a blue one. “Ivy does not share these things with anyone, no matter who they are, and she gets cranky if she doesn’t have one at ten, two, and four.”

  “Just like the bottle says.” Tessa nodded. “But she shares her cigarettes.”

  “Yes, she does. Watch her pull that flask from her purse and add a little kick to her Dr Pepper. At least that’s what she calls it.” He grinned. “She shares other things as well, but not her stash of Dr Pepper.”

  Tessa leaned against the fin on the back fender and kept an eye on the old girls and the green outdoor bathroom at the same time. Ivy stuck the cigarette between her lips, twisted the coke cap off, removed the cigarette, and took a swig. Then she pulled a bright-silver flask from her purse and poured a healthy shot into the bottle and offered it to Frankie, who’d already taken enough out of her bottle to give room for a little kick.

  The idea of whiskey or vodka or moonshine in Dr Pepper was enough to gag a maggot. Add that to the horrible scent that wafted across the warm morning breeze when Melody opened the toilet door and it was enough to make Tessa want to curl up in the trunk and close the lid tightly.

  “You survived. It’s a miracle,” Ivy told Melody.

  “They must’ve, like, cleaned it this morning. It smelled like roses and I only had to kill one spider and have a stare-down with, like, one old rattlesnake. Piece of cake. Can I have a bottle of peach tea, please, Branch?” Melody said.

  He took one from the cooler and handed it to her. “Your lies are almost convincing.”

  “I’ve decided they aren’t going to get the best of me, at least not anymore today,” she said. “Truth is, I held my breath and never peed so fast in my life. Got a whiff of it after I shut the door and it’s still in my nose. I’m hoping the tea will help.”

  “You’re learning,” Branch drawled.

  Half an hour later, they were back in the car and Blister was furnishing oxygen for Ivy. Mollybedamned hummed along smoothly and Lola continued to snore.

  “I swear to God this is a wonderful trip,” Ivy said with a long sweet sigh.

  “Wait until we’re out in West Texas where there’s nothing but scorpions, dirt, and sky,” Branch said.

  “It’s the moonshine talking right now. Your old ass is going to be draggin’ by the time we get to Jefferson,” Frankie told Ivy.

  “I bet yours is draggin’ worse than mine,” Ivy popped right back. “And besides, we get to stay two nights in that hotel so I’ll be all ready for the next leg of the journey. Melody will probably be real disappointed that we’re not staying in the one downtown that’s haunted.”

  Melody shivered. “For real? Like with ghosts and chains and howling? No, I don’t want to stay in that place.”

  Frankie giggled like a little girl. “Yes, ma’am. Me and Lester stayed there one time and I heard footsteps in the hall, someone beating on the walls and moaning. I could have sworn I heard chains rattling against the old wooden floors. Scared a whole year off my life. I hear that the ghosts have figured out a way to get out of that hotel, especially at this time of year, and sometimes they go visiting different ones in town. You might get to hear them in the place where we are going to stay.”

  “Mama, stop trying to scare that child,” Lola said without opening her eyes.

  “Go back to sleep, Lola. I swear, ever since my daughter was a little girl she never could stay awake in a car, but she hears in her sleep and smarts off without waking up. We tried letting her help us drive down to Corpus Christi one time when she was sixteen. Damn near ran off the road and barely missed sideswiping a police car while she was at it. He made her do a Breathalyzer test and almost took us all into jail.”

  “You shouldn’t have let me get behind the wheel,” Lola mumbled but she smiled.

  “I’m not a child,” Melody protested. “And I’m, like, not afraid of ghosts. Like, I know how to protect myself.”

  “How’s that?” Ivy asked.

  Melody crossed her arms over her chest. She probably didn’t weigh a hundred and ten pounds soaking wet with rocks in her pockets, but something about her expression said that Ivy and Frankie might have met their match if they cooked up something to scare her.

  “Well?” Ivy pressed.

  Melody raised her chin a notch. “I carry pepper spray.”

  Ivy pulled the flask from her purse and had a swig and then passed it across Melody to Frankie, who did the same.

  “Well, that’s good to know. But don’t you know that pepper spray turns ghosts into zombies?” Frankie said.

  “What’s in that bottle thing? Are y’all, like, high on something?” Melody changed the subject.

  “It’s medicine and you ain’t sick.”

  “I don’t like whiskey or vodka. I like daiquiris,” Melody said.

  “Well, you won’t be getting anything with liquor in it on this trip, and besides, this isn’t whiskey or vodka.” Ivy put the flask back in her purse. “It’ll be time to refill it when we get to the hotel, Frankie. Did you bring enough to last out the trip?”

  “Probably not, but what I got will make it halfway and by then maybe we can find someone who knows someone.” Frankie laughed.

  “Moonshine.” Branch leaned slightly and whispered in Tessa’s ear.

  Tessa nodded. Thank goodness Branch was driving or they’d wind up in a ditch for sure, with Lola falling asleep when she rode in a car, two old ladies sipping on moonshine and putting it in their Dr Peppers, and a petulant teenager who’d probably run the wheels right off Mollybedamned.

  At noon Frankie told Branch to take the next ramp because she had seen a burger shop advertised back down the road at that exit.

  “I’m starving for a big old double bacon cheeseburger, fries, and a chocolate shake,” Frankie said. “And we’ll get this straight right now. Branch is holding a credit card that I gave him this morning since it’s only right and proper for the man in the family to pay for the meals. This trip is my retirement party, and none of y’all are buying food or paying for rooms. If you want to shell out money for extra clothing or for souvenirs, that’s on your dime, but the trip itself is on me.”

  “That ain’t necessary. I got a chunk of plastic to pay for me and Melody,” Ivy protested loudly.

  “This is the trip of a lifetime and I’m payin’, especially since I get to call the shots on where we stay and where we eat. Conversation over,” Frankie said, her expression leaving no room for argument.

  “Thank you,” Tessa said.

  “D
itto,” Ivy chimed in and nudged Melody.

  “Thank you,” the girl said petulantly and went back to texting.

  “My pleasure, folks.” Frankie sighed with pure pleasure. “I can’t believe that Tessa is on the trip with me.”

  “Well, I can’t believe my great-niece is on the trip with me.” Ivy laughed.

  “Lucky, ain’t y’all,” Melody said.

  “Someday when you have kids or find one that you didn’t know you had, you’ll know how lucky you are,” Frankie said.

  “Speakin’ of kids, you remember the day Lola was born?” Ivy giggled.

  Tessa turned down the radio so she could hear. This was her biological history and she didn’t want to miss a single story, but Branch took the next exit and pulled into the burger place parking lot before Frankie could answer.

  Branch opened the door for Ivy and helped her get Blister out and rolling. Melody slid across the seat and stretched as far as her slender arms would reach, peeled off her sunglasses, and headed toward the entrance without waiting.

  “I got first dibs on the bathroom,” she threw over her shoulder. “Too bad y’all can’t keep up with me.”

  Branch shut the door and rounded the back side of the Caddy, opened both the back door and the front one, and held out a hand to Frankie.

  She took it and smiled up at him. “You don’t forget to use that logbook and write down the times. I’ll pay you them high-dollar billable hours while you drive and pay for your food and bed, but I ain’t payin’ you for nothing but driving.”

  “Yes, ma’am,” he said.

  “I need a cigarette so bad it’s terrible, but I need a bathroom worse. We’ll have to wait for our smokes until after we eat,” Ivy said when the rest of them caught up to her and Blister.

  That the old girl could walk that fast with bad lungs amazed Tessa almost as much as the fact that she still smoked.