Worth Something More

by Suze Robinson

  Me: good to hear. I want to see it once you move everything in.

  KATE’S NAME FLASHES on the screen, and I answer the phone after the first ring. She’s called me every night for the last week, and I’ve been waiting for her voice like I do every night.

  “Hey, Lincoln.” She’s smiling on the other side of the phone, and the longing only intensifies when I see her. I’ve hardly made it two weeks without her this time. I don’t know how I made it seven years the last time. “How was work today?”

  She always asks me that first. I want to tell her it’s miserable like everything else, but I don’t. “Great. I finished up the presentation for Galaxy Six so Orthorn Games can show it at E3 this year. You settle in your new apartment?”

  “I have!” She reverses the screen, and I already miss her face, but I know what she’s doing. I’m getting the tour. “This living room is perfect. I got this new couch over here.” She walks into the kitchen next. “You’d love the kitchen. Look at this brand-new stove. Don’t worry. it’ll stay clean. It’s not like I’ll be using it.”

  That’s right because she only cooks for me and I’m not there.

  “It looks great, sweetheart.”

  She turns the screen back to her face, and the corner of her mouth tips up. She puts her hand beside her lips and whispers, “And this is my bedroom. And that’s my bed.”

  I laugh because of the look she sends me. Something we do when the other sounds a bit sad or down about our distance and we make the other laugh or smile. Something to remind each other that this time, like before, that even distance can’t keep us apart.

  Kate crawls into her bed and gets comfortable then brings the phone back up to her face. “I miss you,” she admits, and it makes the longing in my heart grow.

  KATE: I LOCATED THE chai lattes on the sixth floor.

  Me: keep them in your cup this time. I’m the only one who gets to see you without a shirt now.

  Kate: yes sir.

  Kate: omg I still can’t believe I did that.

  Me: I’m not put out Kate, I definitely liked what I saw.

  ME: REALLY KATE?

  Kate: I got my package today too! Thank you so much. I love my new shirt and book.

  She sends me an attached photo selfie of her wearing the shirt and holding the book, a beautiful smile on her face.

  Me: don’t change the subject or distract me with that sexy face. You expect me to read this?

  Kate: I’m diversifying your reading list...

  “JUST CALL HER, DAD you’re going crazy over there,” Lily demands from the spot on the couch next to me. Kate is two hours behind me now, so I usually have to wait for her to get off work and her to make the calls at night. She’s always called by this point most nights, so I’m getting a bit impatient.

  “She’s running late. I’m sure she will call when she gets home,” I tell Lily, but I’m not sure how much more of this I can take.

  “You’re making the right choice, Dad.”

  I hug my daughter and tuck her under my arm. I start to say more but my phone buzzes from where I have it resting on my leg. I didn’t want to miss Kate’s call tonight. I need to hear her voice.

  Lily lifts the phone and answers before I have the chance. “Oh, thank God, you finally called. He’s getting grumpy over here.”

  I hear Kate chuckling on the other side of the line. “Hello, Lily, it’s good to hear from you. I hope you are having a wonderful day. How’s married life treating you?”

  “It’s wonderful.” Lily sighs. “Oh my God, by the way, did you hear about her?” I haven’t a clue what my daughter is talking about but Kate must with the way she emphasized the word her.

  “I heard!” Kate screeches in the phone. “He took her on a date last night. Can you believe it? I’ll be honest, I’m a bit worried until we meet her and make sure it’s Jake she’s interested in, not the rock star publicity it could bring.”

  I’ve been waiting to talk on the phone with Kate all day, and my daughter has hijacked my phone. “I agree, but I’m going to give the phone to Dad now and head out before he kills me. Love you, Kate, hope to see you soon!”

  Kate is speechless as Lily passes the phone over and I press it to my ear. “Hey, sweetheart, hope you had a good day.”

  ME: ALRIGHT I’LL ADMIT it was a good story. I see there’s a bit of a hopeless romantic in you?

  Kate: maybe a bit... but also the guy was sweet. The date was nice, nothing like the date you took me on though.

  Me: I knew you were hopelessly romantic.

  Kate: whatever. You’re lucky I think you’re sexy or I’d end this conversation right now.

  Me: alright we can change the subject. What about that scene while they were in bed.

  Kate: You dirty talking with me now?

  Me: I am. Is it working?

  Chapter Forty-One

  Kate

  “So how are you settling in?” Max asks as he leans against my desk.

  I’ve been working with Monroe Games for a couple of weeks now, and I’ve settled into my role. I still don’t feel quite like I’m home yet even though I have a beautiful apartment, the dream job, and the best coworkers because I’ve been missing Lincoln like crazy.

  Still, I lie to my boss. “I’m doing great, thank you. It’s been crazy, but I’m figuring everything out. I love working here.” That last part isn’t a lie. I know career-wise, I’m exactly where I should be.

  “Well, I’m happy to hear it. So the team is going out tonight for drinks after work, I heard. Are you joining them?” Max smiles down at me. He’s a gorgeous man, but I don’t even feel a slight flutter with him. Nothing like the draw and need I have for Lincoln. Our time apart is getting harder and harder for me to handle. Every time we talk or I get something shipped in from him, I realize how much more I miss him this time. The last time apart pales in comparison to this. I fell in love this time.

  Lincoln texts and calls me daily. Sharing bits and pieces of our lives together while we are apart. He’ll send me photos of what he’s working on, or I’ll send him pictures of work and my life here. We are keeping the connection alive this time, which makes everything more difficult. Like I knew it would, but I can’t stand not having a piece of Lincoln with me wherever I was. He had that part of my heart that he kept with him anyway, so I wanted a part of him too.

  “I already made some plans tonight, but thank you for inviting me out.” I smile at Max and then gather my bags. I should attempt to get to know the new people in my life. I should go and join them after work, but the plans I have tonight are too important to change.

  “Well, as long as you’re enjoying yourself up here then it’s good. I’ll join you for a bit. I’m heading out too.”

  I follow Max down the long corridor toward the front exit, and we make small talk through the office. As much as I enjoy our conversation, I can’t shake the loneliness that’s settled in. I miss Lincoln. I want him beside me to share these conversations with. I haven’t heard from him all day, which is weird. This distance thing is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I’ve never questioned not hearing from a guy before. I’ve also never been in love.

  Once we make it outside, the cool summer breeze hits me, but it feels oppressive today. I need to shake this feeling. There will be times we don’t talk every day. I’m pinning for a guy who I’ll never have with me. He’ll always be where Lily is. That’s what he said to me once so I didn’t ask him to follow me here. He shouldn’t have to give up and move away from his daughter and change his life for me. Lily will always hold a larger piece of Lincoln’s heart than I will anyway, and I wouldn’t want that to change either. He was a better man giving up everything to be a father for her. She is twenty and married, so I admit the part of me that’s selfish wants that to be different and him to leave Chicago to be with me.

  I wave bye to Max and walk the short distance to my downtown apartment. The walk is beautiful. Every day, I try hard to take in the beauty around me and smile a
bout it. Two weeks after Lincoln left, I realized one thing. He took a chunk of my heart with him, so it’s harder to smile about things.

  With a quick wave to the neighbor relaxing on the steps—one I never took time to know—I take the stairs. I let the pain settle into my chest during the walk. This feeling is unknown to me. I’d never allowed myself to consider falling in love with someone. I guess it wasn’t something I had control of. It just happened. Not like I planned on putting more of my heart out there for Lincoln to take.

  Stepping into my quiet home only solidifies the feeling. I’m alone up here. I might be doing what I’ve always wanted, but I have no one to share it with. With a glance at my watch, I see it’s time for everyone to log online, so I grab my gaming equipment and a glass of red wine. Typical night these days. I love our gaming sessions so I wouldn’t change it. I’d rather get as much time as I can with Lincoln and our friends and kids than going out.

  We are planning a six-man team tonight, so that means everyone should be online. I put my headset on and power up my gaming system, trying hard to let this heaviness on my heart go. I’m going to talk to my loved ones tonight and forget about my heartbreak for a few hours. I have Lincoln but not beside me—and I can handle this pain because I’ll see him again. I can make a long-distance relationship work.

  Jake logs in first and joins the weekly group party. “Hey, what’s up, Aunt Kate?”

  We fall into conversation about his recent tour and his new girlfriend as Jefferson, Rich, and Lily log on. We need Lincoln, and I’ll have everyone I care about with me tonight.

  “Dad isn’t going to make it tonight. Jessica, are you there, babe?”

  “Yeah, I’m here. I can’t believe you talked me into this.” Jessica’s sweet voice crackles over the headset, and my heart drops. Why isn’t Lincoln with us? Playing video games is our thing, to hang out with our loved ones, and it’s the only way I’ll hear his voice tonight.

  “That’s awesome! Hey, Jessica, welcome to marriage. You’ll be doing all kinds of shit you wouldn’t normally agree to,” Jefferson tells her, drawing a laugh from everyone. I don’t find it as funny as I might have. It must be nice to have someone there for you. Someone to talk you into playing video games because they can’t stand to not spend more time with you. Someone to make breakfast with every morning and cuddle next to at night.

  “Well, the rest of the perks are worth it, so I’ll give in,” Jessica jokes. The group starts laughing and agreeing about marriage perks. I still don’t add my input. I want all the fucking perks.

  “You better,” Lily says as she flirts with her wife. Their relationship is beautiful, but I mustn’t be in the mood for it because I have to loosen my jaw. I clenched it so hard.

  “So, Jake, where are you tonight? Are you meeting Madison? She has the most beautiful voice ever. I can’t believe you guys are dating.” Lily directs her attention his way. No one has even bothered opening a game yet.

  I grab my glass of wine, cross my legs, and settle in for a night of listening to perpetually happy people converse. I’ll listen to them catch up while I try to wrap my head around falling in love with the one man I can’t seem to keep with me. I’m going to make my heart okay with this long-distance relationship with Lincoln.

  “I’m in Missouri right now. Madison and I played a show in Kansas City. The crowd was wild but it fucking rocked. This tour is insane.” Jake breaks away from his headset for a moment. “Hey, guys, Madison wants to say hi. She’s watching us tonight because she’s never played a video game before.” There are some shuffling sounds and a soft chuckle from Jake’s headset.

  “Hi, guys,” her soft, melodic voice whispers over the headset. She’s earned a Grammy for that voice, reminding me a lot of Adele. Madison’s voice is stunning, don’t get me wrong, but I’ve tuned her out. I’m happy Jake has found someone, and I still hope it isn’t for career growth but that she loves my nephew.

  My thoughts have drifted elsewhere. Is Lincoln out on a date tonight? Are we a couple? I mean, I know we’re states away, but we shared something and parted ways as more than friends. We are in this long-distance relationship together. He’s tossed out signs during our texts that it’s only the two of us. He uses endearments with me, so I’m his girlfriend. He’s never told me he loves me, though. I hate being in love sometimes.

  “Where’s Lincoln?” I ask and interrupt Jefferson asking Madison about something because she stops mid-sentence.

  “Uh,” Lily sighs. “He texted me this morning. He had something he needed to do tonight and couldn’t make it online with us.”

  The group shares an awkward silence. I should try to play with them and let this heavy feeling go, but I can’t. I was looking forward to this all day. I don’t get all of Lincoln, but I have this.

  “Actually, I’m tired, guys. I’m going to head to bed.” Their laughter and fun night together isn’t working for me. They say goodbye, and I sign off before they can catch on to my disappointment. I turn off all the lights and wander into my bedroom.

  It’s going to be a restless night, but I still attempt to settle myself into my cold bed. Alone. I need to be able to handle this. It’s part of loving Lincoln and I wouldn’t change loving him even if this is the pain that comes with it.

  The knock at the door distracts me, and I get up from bed, wiping a rampant tear that fell. I’m not expecting anyone, and it’s late. I have no friends in Seattle, so I have no idea who could be knocking on the door at this hour.

  Pulling myself somewhat together, I open the door to greet my guest. Whoever found themselves at my front door tonight isn’t getting the Kate they should. But I’m hurt, and I’m in love. I don’t have to make sense to anyone.

  The moment my eyes connect with his though, everything in my world is right again.

  Chapter Forty-Two

  Lincoln

  The moment she opens the door, I realize I’m finally home. I’ve missed this woman so fucking much. It’s the first time I’ve smiled since I left her.

  Kate rushes forward and launches herself into my arms. Her legs wrap around my waist, and my hands bury in her hair. My lips connect with hers and all the heaviness I’ve felt the last few weeks lift away.

  “Sweetheart.” I try to break away enough to greet her, but she’s desperate, and I don’t want to fight her off. Her lips are salty and her cheeks are wet, though so I have to know why she’s been crying. “Why are you crying?”

  She tries to steal my lips in another kiss. As hard as it is for me to refuse her, I have to know.

  “Fine, I missed you. You didn’t call me all day, and then you missed our Thursday date,” she admits when I pull away again.

  “I’m sorry I didn’t call. All I was thinking about was getting here as quickly as possible.”

  She starts crying more, and I hate that I made her this upset. I was so focused on finishing up everything with work and home so I could have her in my arms. Then she surprises me and starts laughing.

  We are still standing halfway into her apartment, so I walk inside and kick the door shut behind me. I spin and have her pinned against the wall so I can kiss her harder. God, her laugh and smile make my heart beat faster.

  I love this woman so much, I can’t take not having her in my life every day. She stole my heart, and I can’t live without her anymore. It’s like a piece of me is missing when she’s gone.

  “I need you.” Her thoughts mirror mine and I capture her mouth in a breathtaking kiss. I let her know I’m here, and I’ve got her. We start pulling at each other’s clothes. I need to feel her everywhere.

  “I need you too,” I assure her then capture that sweet mouth I’ve been missing. I’m greedy and harsh as I press my lips to hers. But so is she as she presses back, burying her fingers into my hair and pulling at the strands.

  “You ready for me?” I whisper in her ear.

  Kate shifts her body in my arms, showing me how ready she is for me. I’m so happy she sleeps in only a shirt, one
of mine, I note, so it takes no time to slide her panties over. I unhook my pants and bury myself in her warmth.

  “God, yes, Lincoln.” Her hands grip tighter as I move inside her, slamming in and pressing her hard against the wall. “Fuck,” her soft voice pleads in my ear.

  I know I’m finally home. I’ve got everything I need right here in my arms. So I make sure Kate knows it too.

  She tightens around me and I lose myself in everything that is Kate. Her voice, her skin, her smell. It’s my world now. I pull her away from the wall, her legs still wrapped around my waist, and carry her to her bed. It takes me a few moments because even with her video chat I’m too distracted to find the right room. A few of her giggles later, I finally find her bedroom. I lay her down and disappear into the bathroom so I can grab something to clean her up with.

  After that, I settle in to bed with her next to me. I pull her soft body close to mine, placing her exactly where I’ve wanted her. Beside me.

  “I can’t believe you’re here.” Her warm breath brushes across my chest as she snuggles in. Three entire weeks without her in my arms and it was three weeks too long. “You just hopped on a plane and flew all this way to see me tonight.”

  Some of her tears still wet my chest, and I already regret the weeks apart. “Like I said, I missed you.” I couldn’t focus when I got back because Kate wasn’t there. She turns her head and kisses along my chest. I continue to play with her hair.

  “I missed you too.”

  Chapter Forty-Three

  Kate

  I must be dreaming, right? There’s no way Lincoln is standing in my little kitchen, cooking me breakfast. There’s no way he’s standing there in a pair of loose sleep pants with his brown hair all sleep rumpled and sexy as fuck.