Beacon (Phoebe Reede: The Untold Story Book 6)

by Michelle Irwin

  “I know I ain’t Phoebe, but I hope ya believe me when I say everythin’ will be okay. Things will get better.”

  She giggle-sobbed. “A few months ago, I would’ve thought those words would’ve been impossible to hear from you.”

  “A few months ago, I mightn’ta seen the good things. You helped with that.”

  “How?”

  “You made me open my eyes and see what was in front of me.”

  She spun around so that she was facin’ me and we were nose to nose. The action made some of her hair fall back over her face. “Sometimes the good things right in front of us are the hardest things to notice.”

  I brushed the hair from her face. “Yeah. Look at you and Phoebe.”

  She closed her eyes and hummed in agreement. Her wet lashes curled against her cheeks and I was compelled to wipe away her tears. Flutters grew in my stomach when she opened her eyes again, her emerald irises shinin’ at me. She smiled at me, the corners of her lips curlin’ up ever so slight, causin’ the flutters to increase and my breath to catch. Her breathin’ eased off, and she closed her eyes.

  I kissed her forehead. “Goodnight, beautiful.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE: WATCH OVER ME

  I FELT LIKE I’d slept for a week. A better rest than I had in a long time.

  Tucked against my front was a warm and comfortable body. I wrapped my arm tighter across her chest and drew her into me, stealing all the precious seconds I could before a night terror or flashback would take hold of her and steal her from my arms.

  Instead of a scream though, the motion was rewarded by a soft moan and a pert ass pressin’ back against my groin. My lips found her neck, and I kissed upward toward her ear. If my wife was in the mood for some fun, I wasn’t gonna say no.

  “Good mornin’, darlin’,” I murmured, burying my face in her hair before suckin’ her earlobe between my teeth as my palm found one of her breasts.

  “Oh God.”

  The voice wasn’t Phoebe’s and the breast in my hand was different to the ones I was used to. Realization dawned and with it came the flood of understandin’ and the pain of losin’ Phoebe hit me all over again.

  “Goddammit!” I muttered, movin’ my hands and rollin’ away from her body. “I’m sorry, Angel. For a moment, I forgot.”

  She followed me, rollin’ until her hand was on my chest. “That must have been nice.”

  I gave a dark chuckle. “Yeah. ’Scept now I gotta face it all over ag’in.”

  She dropped her head onto my shoulder. “Yeah. That’s the hardest bit.”

  I brushed my hand over her hair as she took a few deep breaths to calm herself again. “I’ve gotta get up now, sweetness.”

  “Yeah. Me too.” She rolled away from me.

  My gaze followed her as she rolled from the bed. Even first thing in the mornin’ after a night of tears, she was still beautiful. Her hair was tousled, and I could recall the feel of it against my chest as I’d held her. An emotion I wasn’t willing to name or acknowledge built in my chest and sent tingles down to the pit of my stomach.

  “Angel.” Her name was out before I could stop myself sayin’ it.

  “Yeah?”

  I turned away so I wouldn’t have to meet her gaze when I realized I had nothin’ specific I needed to say to her—just the desire to have her stay in the room a few moments more. As I did, I caught a glimpse of Phoebe’s urn. My breath rushed from my body, tearin’ from my lungs as though I was lost in the vacuum of space.

  What was I doin’? How could I do this to her? How could I let a single thought of Angel take up residence in my head as anythin’ more than a friend?

  “What is it, Beau?”

  I stood and brushed my fingers over the turquoise container that held the remains of my love. Closin’ my eyes, I tried to imagine the curve of the glass was Phoebe’s cheek and said a silent apology for the thoughts I’d had about her friend. Angel was grievin’, and I had taken it as an opportunity to let my gaze wander.

  “Nothin’, sweetness. I was just thinkin’ . . . Ya know what, never mind.”

  “Are you okay?” Her hand came to rest on my shoulder, and I flinched away from the warm contact.

  “Just peachy.”

  She rested her cheek on my back, and I held my breath before it became too much, and I had to get away.

  “I need to hop in the shower. Are ya all right to check on the girls?”

  “Uh, yeah. I’ll be in the nursery if you need me.”

  The guilt wouldn’t leave me as I climbed under the stream of the shower. Nor when I was gettin’ dressed. It drove me outta the house with barely a goodbye.

  By the time I got to Emmanuel Racing, I had wondered how I was going to be able to look into Declan’s—Phoebe’s—eyes and not feel like I had betrayed my love. There was only one thing for it though. I took a deep breath and headed into the buildin’. I didn’t pause as I came near his office. Not even when Gina saw me and turned away with such care that it was evident it was a deliberate dismissal.

  When I found Declan, my throat closed over with emotions. His bloodshot eyes, rimmed with black bags, and scruffy hair suggested he’d had a hard night. My mind leaped to the worst possible conclusions, and my heart started to break.

  “Mornin’.” I nodded in greetin’.

  “Good morning to you too. You look like you slept well and are ready to get into it.”

  “I did, and I am. If ya don’t mind me sayin’ though, I can’t say the opposite is true. Are you all right?”

  He pursed his lips and hummed. “I feel like shit. I need a shower and a lot of sleep. But, yeah, I’m all right. At least, I’m pretty sure I will be. That we will be.”

  “So lunch went well?”

  “Lunch, dinner, and breakfast. She got Brock to look after the others, and we just went for a drive and talked.” He chuckled and looked a li’l more carefree. “We stayed out all night and then we went somewhere special this morning.”

  “I’m glad y’all are workin’ it out.”

  “Me too. I can’t believe I was being such a fuckhead not to see what I had in front of me. Thank you.”

  “I didn’t do nothin’ Phoebe wouldn’ta done.”

  His gaze cast downward. “Yeah. You’re right. She would’ve kicked my arse for ever hurting Lys. Not that I wouldn’t’ve deserved it. I’m going to do better now. For my family and yours.”

  I gave him a grin. “Glad ta hear it.”

  “Lys wants you, Angel, and the girls around on for a barbecue in a couple of weeks. I’ll be theretoo.”

  As much as I wanted to know that they’d be okay, I didn’t want to push the issue on whether he was likely to move back in with Alyssa soon. Instead, we got to work on him showin’ me what he wanted me to do. We spent a few hours together before he excused himself to go sleep.

  Once he was gone, I left his office to go talk to the staff. I wanted to figure out what everyone else thought of what was goin’ on and their suggestions to make improvements to the culture. Before long, I was sucked into the day and barely noticed the hours slippin’ away until they’d all disappeared.

  The next day was the same. I met Declan in his office, and he’d run me through different tasks before disappearing to spend some time with Alyssa and their kids. The time at Emmanuel Racing was actually a perfect distraction from the things goin’ on at home. With fewer hours at the house, there was less one-on-one time with Angel. She did book the flights for our trip though and started all the arrangements.

  On Friday, Declan didn’t come in at all. Instead, he just called the office first thing in the mornin’ to check in on where things were at. Between the two of us, we were handlin’ things better than he’d been handlin’ them on his own. I was learnin’ a load of new things about the business side of things. It was a great experience.

  Over the weekend, I tried to ignore the thoughts buildin’ each time I looked at Angel or watched how good she was with the girls. It meant I avoided bein’ a
lone with her as often as I could.

  The next week, the first week of October, went the same way as the previous Friday. Declan didn’t come in but called at least twice every day. Because that weekend was Bathurst, having everything ready for that was my biggest goal. Half the team left early in the week, and I oversaw the others. Thankfully, as per our agreement, Declan was the one headin’ down with the team. Still, I wanted to improve morale and have people fired up for the event.

  Although the team didn’t win, they put on a far better showin’ than they had for Sandown. Declan was overjoyed but didn’t return to the office with the rest of the team. Instead, he left me to start preparations for the Gold Coast 600. He put on a staff meal to celebrate the result with everyone else. With a smile now brimmin’ on his face, he was lookin’ healthier than he had in a while. I was only happy I could help out. When Declan rebuffed a drink offered by Gina durin’ the celebrations, I couldn’t fight the vindictive smile that worked its way onto my face.

  For the rest of the week, I tried to leverage the new enthusiasm around the office into somethin’ that resembled the old atmosphere.

  On Saturday, the girls woke up early and Angel got up at the same time as me to see to them.

  “Hey, stranger,” she said, knockin’ her shoulder against mine. “I feel like we haven’t talked much at all lately.”

  I bristled and moved away from her. “It’s been busy at Emmanuel Racing.”

  “I know. I was just saying it’s going to be nice to spend the day together, and with Phoebe’s family.”

  “Feefee.” Emma giggled as she spoke. “Feefeedada.”

  “Phoebe is your mama,” I said. “You should call her mama. Can you say that? Say, mama.”

  “Feefeedada.”

  “Dadadada,” Abby chimed in, bouncin’ against the side of the crib too.

  “Mama,” I repeated.

  “They’ll get there,” Angel said with obvious amusement. “They’re still only little.”

  “I know. I just don’t ever want anyone to forget Phoebe, or for the girls to not know her. She’s too important.” Closin’ my eyes, I pictured her, tryin’ to ignore the flash of green irises I saw first before the seafoam ones followed. “She’s their mama.”

  I lifted Emma into my arms and Angel balanced Abby on her hip.

  After feedin’ the girls and gettin’ them ready, we loaded into my car and headed over to Phoebe’s parent’s house.

  Alyssa met us at the door, drawin’ me into a hug before movin’ on to Angel.

  “You two are looking good,” she said. “How are you both going?”

  “I think the bigger question is how are you going?” Angel asked, brushing her hand over Alyssa’s shoulder.

  “Better. Thanks to Beau.”

  “I didn’t do nothin’.”

  “You did. You brought my husband back.” She hugged me again. “That’s two I owe you,” she whispered in my ear.

  “Ya don’t owe me nothin’. I did it all for Phoebe. It’s what she woulda wanted”

  “It is. She definitely wouldn’t have wanted Dec to fall apart over her. That’s what I’ve been trying to tell him.”

  “Sometimes it takes outside perspective.”

  She nodded. “Are you ready to head out back?”

  “Absolutely. I’m so excited to see everyone again.”

  Angel followed Alyssa, but as soon as they moved, my cell phone rang.

  “’Scuse me,” I said. Alyssa grabbed Emma off me and then led Angel away as I answered the call.

  “B-Beau, I-I-I need your help,” Cass said between sobs.

  “What is it?”

  “I-I need to g-get away for a while. Can-can I come stay with you? Just for a li’l while.”

  “Course, Cass. Whenever you want.”

  “I’m at the airport now. They can get me on a flight that will get there tomorrow night. Is that okay?”

  “Tomorrow night?” It was sooner than I expected.

  “T-that’s not too soon is it?”

  If she needed help, it didn’t really matter how soon it was. “Course not. Just send me your itinerary, and I’ll be there. Is Hope comin’ with ya?”

  “Yeah.” She sniffed, and her tears abated.

  “Is everything okay?”

  “No, it ain’t. I need ya, Beau. But it’ll be easier to talk to you about it in person.

  “Are ya sure you’re all right to get here on your own?”

  “Yeah. I’ll be okay gettin’ there. I just really need a friend for a while.”

  The fact that she thought of me that way warmed my heart. “I’ll always be that, Cass. I’ll be there tomorrow night.”

  “Thank ya, Beau,” she murmured before ending the call.

  I wondered whether I should call Joe or Mitch to find out what mighta happened with Cass, but decided it wasn’t my place to hunt down what was wrong, especially when I was gonna see Cass in a little over a day anyway. If it were anythin’ too bad she wouldn’t be visitin’ another country on her own.

  I headed ’round the house to the backyard, and my eyes were instantly drawn to Angel, entertainin’ Abby, Emma, and Georgia.

  Declan came up beside me and offered me a beer, which I took without question. “I haven’t really asked you how you’re finding things at work.”

  I gave him a rundown of the days that he didn’t know about, and the changes I wanted to implement, planning for the last endurance race, and ideas for the next year of racin’.

  “Sounds like you’ve got your finger on the pulse.”

  “I’m certainly tryin’.”

  “Are you going to be okay if I’m away next week?”

  “Wasn’t that kinda the point o’ trainin’ me?”

  “Yeah. I just wasn’t sure if you were comfortable with me leaving for a while. I’ll be available on my mobile if there’s an emergency.”

  “I’ll be fine. Where are ya goin’?”

  “Hawaii. Just for a few days. Lys and I are taking a second honeymoon. Well, technically a first considering the last one wasn’t really a proper honeymoon. We’ve never really had a holiday that didn’t revolve around Emmanuel Racing in some form.”

  “Are ya takin’ everyone else?”

  “Georgia and Nikki are going to stay with Ruby and Josh for a few days, but everyone else wanted to stay here on their own. I think they’ll be okay and Mum’s going to stop in and check on them from time to time while we’re away.”

  “Angel and I can stop ’round too if you’d like?”

  “That’d be great. I’m sorry for dumping all of this on you. I know it hasn’t been an easy time for you either.”

  I held up my hand to stop his praise. “I’m happy to do it. For Phoebe.”

  He gave a sad li’l nod. “For Phoebe.”

  Flynn came over and grabbed Dec. I waved hello to the other guests: Josh and Ruby, Curtis and Ruth, Veronica, and Kelly. After greetin’ them all, I found my way to Angel’s side. Before I could tell her about Cass, Beth came to sit beside me.

  “How are you going, Beau?”

  “I’m all right, li’l darlin’. How ’bout you?”

  She stared at her hands. “I miss her. I guess I never really expected her to be gone.”

  “Yeah. Same.”

  “Why don’t you come around and spend some time with the girls?” Angel asked her. “Trust me when I say that it helps to know that something great came from it all and that we have little pieces of Phoebe left.”

  “I might take you up on that offer. Maybe I can come camp in your spare room while Mum and Dad go to Hawaii. At least that means I can leave the boys at home on their own.”

  “That sounds like a—”

  “I don’t think that’ll be possible,” I said, cuttin’ Angel off.

  Angel spun her gaze to me. “What?”

  “I forgot to tell ya, but Cass is comin’ over from the States with Hope. She’ll be here tomorrow night.”

  Angel frowned at me.
>
  Beth glanced between us. “That’s okay, maybe I’ll come around after she’s gone.”

  “Cass is coming over here?” Angel asked. “And you didn’t think to ask me?”

  “Ask ya?”

  “Whether I was happy for her to stay with us.”

  I frowned in confusion. “But it’s my house.”

  She stared at me and her lips twisted. With a frown, she turned away. “Of course. So are you picking her up at the airport?”

  “I was gonna. Are you able to look after the girls so that we don’t all hafta squeeze into the car?”

  “Of course. It’s going to be much easier if you can meet her alone. Saves dragging the girls into it. I’m going to go find a drink.” She stood and brushed herself off before disappearing to speak to someone else.

  I turned back to the girls and Georgia and played with them with their toys. It was nice to spend time as part of a big family. It was somethin’ I would always be thankful for.

  WHEN WE got home, Angel said goodnight and disappeared straight into her room. She didn’t even help me get the girls ready for bed. I didn’t mind doin’ it myself, but it was unusual that she would disappear so quickly considerin’ it was usually one of her favorite times of the day.

  After dinner, baths, and a diaper change, I sat on the sofa with both the girls. Emma curled against my right side and Abby against my left as I read them a bedtime story. By the time I finished the fairy tale, they were both fast asleep. They looked so cute that I didn’t wanna move them to carry them to their crib.

  I wiggled enough to reach my cell phone and put on Phoebe’s playlist, turnin’ the sound down enough that it wouldn’t wake the girls. They’d both shifted, so their heads rested side by side in my lap. Emma’s bottom lip moved as if she was sucklin’ and Abby snored lightly. I brushed my fingers through their hair one at a time, just watchin’ over my two li’l miracles.

  Wrappin’ my arms over their backs, I rested my head on the back of the sofa and closed my eyes to let myself fall into memories of Phoebe.

  It was dark when I opened my eyes ag’in, and I tried to figure out what it was that woke me.