Bittersweet Memories

by Cecelia Dowdy

  She nodded, looking forward to spending some time alone with Keith. Soon, they sat on his porch, relaxing in lawn chairs. A gentle breeze blew and Karen tilted her head, relishing the wind kissing her skin.

  He continued talking about Melanie. “You know, Melanie was apprehensive about helping at first. But since she came on board, we’ve managed to increase the youth membership. In fact, it was her idea to have dinner after the service.”

  “Can the church afford to feed the teens each week?”

  “The way they eat? No.”

  She laughed. “So who pays for the pizza every Friday?”

  “I do.”

  “Wow,” Karen said, again briefly wondering about Keith’s financial situation. But there was a more pressing subject she wanted to broach. So she asked the question that had been burning in her mind since she’d met Melanie. “Keith. . .are—are the two of you dating?”

  He jerked back. “Who, me and Melanie?”

  Karen nodded.

  “Of course not. Why do you ask?”

  “Well, you keep singing her praises, s–so I just wondered. . .”

  He grinned. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you were jealous.”

  Karen’s mouth dropped open. “Jealous! Huh! No, this has nothing to do with jealousy. You just keep talking about how great Melanie is, so I—I assumed. . . Well, never mind what I assumed.” Feeling heat flare in her cheeks, Karen looked away for a few minutes, but her curiosity about Melanie soon got the better of her. She turned back to face Keith. “So. . .Melanie joined the church after you did?”

  “Yeah, I ran into her downtown one day. I hadn’t talked to her since my father’s funeral, and I told her about the new church I’d joined.”

  “She came to your father’s funeral?”

  “Yeah, Melanie and I go way back. I’ve known her since I was a kid. We went to the same private school.”

  “I think she has feelings for you. You should have seen the way she was looking at you during Devo.”

  Keith scoffed. “Melanie’s not interested in me. She’s over that now.”

  Karen’s heart skipped a beat. “What do you mean?”

  “I took her to the prom in high school, and we used to hang out as friends. When I was about to go to college, she told me she’d always wished we could be more than friends. To tell you the truth, I was surprised she wanted to have anything to do with me romantically, considering my reputation.”

  “What reputation?”

  He hesitated then said, “Well, I didn’t have the best of reputations in high school. Anyway, I told her I’d always thought of her as a sister. My dad and her parents were so close, the idea of her being a girlfriend never entered my mind.”

  “What did she say when you told her how you felt?”

  “She started crying. It was rough. I felt bad, but I thought she needed to know the truth.”

  “So after that, you two kept in touch?”

  “Yeah, when we went to college, we talked on the phone once in a while. But the boyfriend-girlfriend thing was never brought up again, so I figured it wasn’t an issue anymore.”

  “Was she a Christian back in high school?”

  “No, she told me she got saved in college.”

  “I think she likes you.”

  Keith huffed. “You’re a woman, so I’m surprised you didn’t notice.”

  “Notice what?” Karen threw her hands up in the air, exasperated.

  “Melanie’s engagement ring.”

  Karen touched her finger, which no longer sported Lionel’s ring. Bittersweet memories of her fiancé fluttered through her mind, but she pushed the recollections aside, focusing on their conversation. “Melanie’s engaged?”

  “She’s been engaged for a few months. She’s marrying a businessman named Duane. He owns a chain of restaurants in Maryland.”

  “Really? Which one?”

  “The Blue Crab Grille.”

  “Wow. That’s one of the most famous chains in Maryland. And Melanie is engaged to the owner?”

  Keith nodded.

  “Have you met him?”

  “Yes. He seems to be a decent Christian man, and Melanie seems happy with him, most of the time, at least.”

  She mentally sighed with relief, knowing Keith was not involved with Melanie.

  “I think it’s kind of funny that you thought I was dating Melanie.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I don’t date.” His deep voice rang with a note of finality.

  Karen’s heart sank. “You don’t date? How come?”

  A loud bark interrupted them. “Oh, I forgot to let Suzie out.” He opened the screen door and the dog raced out, holding a leash in her mouth, her brown eyes pleading with Keith.

  “I haven’t taken Suzie out for a walk in days. I think she wants some exercise.” He removed the leash from her mouth. “Want to come along?”

  She chuckled, amused. “I could use the exercise, too.”

  “Great.” He attached the leash to the dog’s collar, and seconds later, they headed out of his gate. Streetlights shone on the sidewalk as they strolled through the neighborhood.

  Karen was still curious about Keith’s previous comment. “So why don’t you date?” she asked, somewhat breathless as she tried to keep up with Keith and Suzie’s rapid pace. “Do—do you think you guys could slow down? Wha–what are we racing to? A fire?”

  Keith smiled as Suzie dragged him toward a hydrant. “Well, maybe not a fire exactly.” He pulled back on the leash. “Okay, Suzie, come on. Let’s slow down.” Once they’d reached an easier gait, he said, “The reason I don’t date is because I’m not very good at relationships.”

  “You mean you’ve dated a lot in the past?”

  They rounded a corner and passed another couple out walking their dog. Suzie greeted her fellow canine with a bark. “Suzie, be quiet.” Keith continued, “I don’t know if you’d call it dating. You see, I didn’t accept Christ until I was almost out of grad school. My brother and I went to the same school as undergrads and, well, we had some pretty wild times.”

  “Are you talking about drinking, parties, stuff like that?”

  “Yes, pretty much. I’m ashamed to say this, but when I was in high school and college, I slept with so many women that I can’t even remember them all. Looking back at how irresponsible I was, I’m just glad I had enough sense to wear protection.”

  “You did all of this before you were saved?”

  Suzie stopped at a large tree, sniffing the trunk. “Yes. You know, Karen, even though I was doing all of those things, I wasn’t happy. My roommate, Steve, was a Christian, and he—”

  “You and Kyle didn’t share a dorm room?”

  He shook his head. “No. We weren’t roommates.” He glanced at Suzie. “Anyway, Steve invited me to Bible study. I’d never really read the Bible much before, and I didn’t think I would understand it.” Suzie abandoned the tree, and they continued their stroll. “But once I’d started studying the Word, I found what was missing in my life.” He paused a few seconds before continuing. “Remember the woman I told you about, the one who raised me and my brother?”

  “Ms. Sonya?”

  “Yes. She tried to share her faith with me and Kyle several times throughout the years, but we never listened. She asked my dad if we could go to church with her, and Kyle never wanted to go, but I went with her at least once a month.”

  “But. . .it didn’t stick?”

  “No, it didn’t. I’m sorry to say I never even listened to the sermons. I mostly used church as another social outlet. I was so busy paying attention to the pretty women all dressed up that I didn’t hear a word the pastor said. Once I got my driver’s license, I had more freedom to go the places I wanted to go, so I stopped going to church with her.” He shook his head. “Ms. Sonya would fuss at us about our behavior. But after a while her lectures became like so much background noise.”

  “Your dad didn’t know about your being gon
e all the time?”

  “At the time, I didn’t think he cared or even noticed.”

  Karen thought about his words for a while. “Since you never listened to Ms. Sonya about God, what prompted you to listen to your roommate?”

  Keith sighed. “While I was in college, Ms. Sonya was in a car accident. At first, the doctors didn’t think she was going to make it. She was in the hospital for weeks. During that time, I realized life could be cut short so suddenly, and I really wanted her to get better. I’d never been so depressed. When my roommate asked what was wrong, I told him about Ms. Sonya’s accident and that I felt bad about never listening to what she said about God.” Keith squeezed the leash as they continued to walk. “Steve said it was never too late to start studying God’s Word, and that’s when I started going to the Bible study on campus.”

  “Wow, it looks like you really went through a lot.”

  “Yeah. I’m just glad I finally made the right decision.”

  “So is that why you’re not close to your brother anymore? He doesn’t understand your Christianity?”

  He tensed. “I don’t want to talk about my brother right now.”

  “O–okay, sorry.” She paused then said, “But I still don’t understand what all of this has to do with your decision not to date.”

  “Well, I told you that I was very promiscuous.”

  “Yes?” She wasn’t sure what to say about that.

  “The attention I was able to get so easily from women. . .” He shook his head. “You know I got into some big trouble back then. . . . I broke up a lot of relationships. Once I even slept with a married woman. And I’m ashamed of that.”

  She attempted to reason with him. “But you’re a Christian now. Jesus has forgiven you.”

  “I know. But we should resist temptation. And I guess that’s what I’m doing.”

  “I don’t understand.”

  “When my college pastor studied the Word with me, he said new Christians needed to resist temptation, which for me meant avoiding women and romantic entanglements.”

  “When did you become a Christian?”

  “I was twenty-four at the time. I started going to church and reading the Bible when I was an undergrad, but I didn’t accept Christ until shortly before I received my MBA.”

  “You have an MBA?”

  “Don’t sound so surprised.”

  “But you’re a plumber.”

  “Tell me about it. My dad gave me grief about that for years. He said he didn’t pay for my college education to throw it away on a blue-collar job.”

  “Why did you want to be a plumber?”

  “I didn’t want to sit in an office all day. I love going to different houses, driving around, fixing things.”

  She changed the subject. “So you’ve been saved for six years? I’d hardly consider you a new Christian, and I don’t think God would mind if you found a nice Christian woman to settle down with.” They turned a corner, and he clutched the leash when Suzie saw another dog and tried to approach the animal.

  “Suzie, calm down.” The dog slowed and he continued speaking. “I don’t trust myself. What if I get involved with somebody and revert back to my old womanizing ways? What if I get married and I find I wouldn’t be a good husband? I don’t want anybody to get their feelings hurt, and I’m not sure if I’m strong enough to be committed.”

  She imagined Keith would make a kind, loving husband.

  “Since I’ve been involved with the church, I’ve found joy in ministering to the youth. I think the reason I have such affection for teens is because I remember what it’s like to be young and confused.” He looked at her. “Since I accepted Christ and cut out all romantic relationships, my life has been on track, and I don’t want to mess up.” He paused. “The Lord will probably change my mind, but right now I feel He’s calling me to stay single and to work toward getting my degree at divinity school.”

  They finished the rest of their walk in silence, both lost in their own thoughts.

  Eight

  Over the next month, Karen continued assisting Keith with the youth on Fridays. The girls liked her, and one night she gave a successful session on beauty tips. As Amanda and Karen grew closer together, Karen promised she’d help her find a job since the girl’s high school graduation and eighteenth birthday were just around the corner.

  Keith found himself enjoying spending time with Karen and seeing her interact with the youth. As he continued praying about his relationship with Kyle, he imagined seeing his twin again, boasting about the beautiful woman who was slowly capturing his heart.

  One day, Keith drove through Gambrills, Maryland, to see Ms. Sonya. He approached her home, pulling into the driveway. Before he could exit the car, Ms. Sonya opened the door of her house, rushing toward his vehicle.

  “Keith, it’s been a long time since you’ve visited.” Hearing her Jamaican accent filled him with pleasure. The petite woman’s hair was now partially gray, but her dark face was wrinkle-free. She pulled him into a hug.

  “It’s good to see you again,” he said once they ended their embrace.

  Seconds later, her husband, Terrance, joined them, his bald head shining in the late afternoon sun. “Keith, you haven’t been to see us in months. We wondered when you were going to drop by again.” The men shook hands.

  Sonya’s perceptive dark eyes pierced into Keith’s. “I can tell something heavy is on your mind. Come in. We were about to eat.”

  He stepped into their home and the scents of curried goat, fried plantains, and an assortment of other food met his nostrils. After they fixed their plates, Terrance blessed their meal. As they ate, Keith asked them about their two college-aged children, and Ms. Sonya and Terrance were more than happy to fill him in on all the details.

  After dinner, during which Keith downed two helpings of Ms. Sonya’s delicious fare, Terrance announced he was going into the den to watch the ball game. “You’re welcome to watch with me, Keith.”

  “How about I join you later? I wanted to talk to Ms. Sonya about something.”

  “Okay, but you’d better watch out. My team is going to beat yours!” He clapped Keith on the shoulder, and Keith reminisced about their good-natured rivalry since they were fans of opposing teams.

  Once Terrance took his exit, Sonya refilled their coffee cups before rejoining Keith at the table. “What’s bothering you?”

  Keith sipped his coffee, wondering how to start. “I’m worried about something.” He ran his fingers through his hair. “And I’ve been losing sleep over it.”

  “You know what the Lord says about worrying.”

  “I know, but I can’t seem to help it.”

  “Has Kyle contacted you?”

  Keith shook his head. “No, I haven’t heard from him.”

  “If nothing’s changed with your brother, what more is weighing you down?”

  “Remember I told you about Ms. Doris, my next-door neighbor?”

  “Yes, I remember. What about her?”

  “Well, she has a daughter.” Keith told her about Karen and how much he loved having her help with the teenagers. “I’d like to spend some time with her outside of the youth ministry.”

  “You want to date her?”

  “Yes, but I’m not sure if that’s a good idea.”

  “Why not? She’s not married, is she?”

  Keith scoffed. “No, but she came pretty close.” He told of Lionel’s deception and Karen’s renewed faith, then said, “Ms. Sonya, I told you about how wild I was in college. I’ve never had a steady girlfriend. Me being with one woman, I don’t know if that’ll work.”

  “Keith, stop worrying about it so much. You’ve really grown as a Christian. I think if things work out with Karen, you would be okay.”

  “I don’t know. . . . Sometimes I wonder if she still has feelings for Lionel. With all of my doubts, maybe the Lord is trying to tell me not to pursue this relationship.”

  She touched his arm. “Or maybe He’s tellin
g you to pursue her, but to take it slow.”

  Keith squeezed Ms. Sonya’s hand. “Maybe.”

  The two sat in silence for a while. Then Ms. Sonya asked about his divinity school search. He told her about the colleges he was considering. “There’s a place over in Lanham that looks interesting. I’d like to go there for their open house this summer.”

  “When are you thinking of enrolling?”

  “I’ll probably start applying soon. Hopefully I can begin classes somewhere next fall.”

  “Well, you should pray about that. And while you’re at it, you should be praying about your situation with Karen. You know, honey, if you never let her know how you feel, you might regret it. Let me ask you something.”

  “What?”

  “How would you feel if Karen started dating somebody else in your congregation?”

  He’d noticed some of the men admiring her during Sunday services. Aaron always mentioned how classy Karen looked when she stepped into church every week. “It would bother me a lot if I saw Karen with another man.”

  “Well, I think you know what you need to do.” Sonya cleared the table, telling him he should watch the game with Terrance and that they’d have dessert in the den.

  Feasting on banana pudding, Keith spent the remainder of the evening watching the ball game with Terrance, contemplating Sonya’s advice.

  Nine

  Clutching a box of party decorations, Karen stepped into the private dining room of the Rockfish Restaurant. “Giving Amanda a surprise party was a great idea,” said Karen, pulling a tablecloth out of the box.

  Keith stood on a chair, hanging blue and white streamers on the wall. Sunlight splashed through the wide windows, lending the place a festive feel. He stepped down from the chair. “I wish there was more I could do for her.”

  “I’m worried about her, too. Hopefully everything will work out.”

  “Yes, after asking around, I did find a couple who were willing to let Amanda stay with them at the end of the summer.”