Bittersweet Memories

by Cecelia Dowdy

  Karen helped Dianne fix dinner. Soon they’d grilled the meat and served up burgers and chips for everyone. Steve took Dianne’s hand. “I’ll bless the table before we eat,” he announced. Everyone bowed their heads and joined hands. Steve’s strong voice soon filled the kitchen. “Lord, thank You for this wonderful day and for the blessing of having friends like Keith and Karen. And, Lord, please be with Dianne. Let your Holy Spirit protect her as we get closer to the time of our baby’s birth. Amen.”

  “Amen,” everybody mumbled.

  Steve clapped his hands. “Now I’m ready to eat!”

  Karen delighted in the fabulous fare and the friendly conversation at the table. Before she knew it, it was almost nine o’clock, and Keith suggested they head home. Both Dianne and Steve pulled Karen into a hug.

  Dianne gave Karen a wide smile. “I want you to come back and visit us again. I had a good time today.”

  “Thanks, Dianne. I had a good time, too. Maybe I can ride over when Keith comes back to visit.”

  Shaking Keith’s hand, Steve said, “Listen, buddy, don’t keep Karen all to yourself anymore. Be sure to bring her by sometime after the baby is born.”

  Keith chuckled as he wrapped Steve up in a bear hug, saying, “We’ll come back to visit soon.”

  While Keith drove away from the house, Karen waved to his friends standing in the driveway.

  ❧

  As he pulled into his driveway late that night, Keith glanced at Karen, savoring the wonderful day they’d had together. A sense of contentment had filled his soul when he’d introduced her to Steve and Dianne. Keith loved spending time with Karen, and since they’d met his feelings had deepened. Perhaps now is the time. . . .

  They exited the car and he looked up, amazed at the brilliant stars in the heavens. The stars twinkled a bit brighter this evening. They stood in front of his car, observing the sky.

  “It’s so pretty tonight,” Karen said.

  “Yes, it is.”

  “I had a great time. I especially loved meeting Steve and Dianne.”

  Saying a silent prayer, he pulled Karen into his arms. “Maybe we can drive down another time and visit again. I’m sure Dianne would like you to see her baby.”

  He released her, taking her hands.

  “Keith—”

  “Karen—”

  She chuckled, and their eyes met. Keith spoke first. “I guess both of us have something to say.”

  “Why don’t you go first?”

  Grinning, he squeezed her fingers, wanting to share his feelings. “Well, I—”

  “Karen!”

  Doris Brown’s voice carried across the yard, and Keith winced. Talk about bad timing.

  “Mom, what is it?”

  As Doris hurried over to Keith’s driveway, he dropped Karen’s hands then stepped away, his euphoric mood shattered.

  Doris approached Karen. “Honey, there’s an important phone message for you.”

  Karen grabbed her mother’s arm. “Did something happen to Monica or Anna?”

  Doris shook her head. “No, nothing like that. But Monica phoned about ten minutes ago. Karen. . . She says Lionel turned himself in to the police last week. He’s already had a hearing and. . .he’s in jail.”

  “Are you sure?” asked Karen.

  Ms. Doris nodded. “Monica claims they won’t issue bail for him since he disappeared before his first hearing.” She touched her daughter’s face. “You might want to call Monica back.”

  Karen broke away from her mother and hurried over to her house.

  Keith couldn’t help himself. He had to find out if Karen still had feelings for Lionel. He followed the two women into Ms. Doris’s home.

  Twelve

  Karen rushed to the telephone and punched in Monica’s phone number. Monica answered on the first ring.

  “Monica, it’s Karen. What’s happened? Lionel turned himself in?”

  “Yes. Both he and Michelle. Last week—”

  “Last week? Why didn’t you call me then?”

  “I wasn’t sure if I should. I know he hurt you a lot, and Anna and I struggled with telling you. . . .”

  Karen rolled her eyes. “Monica, I’m a big girl now. You and Anna don’t have to protect me. So. . .where has Lionel been all this time?”

  “I’m not sure. But he’s back and in jail. He hasn’t had his trial yet, only the hearing.”

  “I have to see him. Is he allowed to have visitors?”

  “As far as I know, yes.” A baby’s cry carried over the wire. Monica sighed wearily then said, “Karen, I have to go. Mica is hungry. You might want to think and pray about seeing Lionel again. Make sure this is what you want to do. . . . Your mother told me you’re involved with somebody else now—”

  “No. I—I am not.”

  “But she said—”

  “I don’t care what she said. It’s not true. Keith and I are. . .just friends, that’s all.” Karen clutched the receiver, her thoughts reeling. The baby cried again.

  “Listen, I’ve really gotta go. Call me later if you want to talk.” With that, Monica hung up the phone.

  Karen continued holding the receiver then turned toward her mother. “I’m going to Ocean City tomorrow.”

  “I can’t believe it! You’re going down there to see him?” Keith’s deep voice thundered through the kitchen.

  Karen dropped the phone, turning toward him in surprise. “What are you doing here?”

  “I followed you. I—I had to know. . .”

  Her mother touched her arm. “Honey, are you sure this is what you want to do?”

  Karen huffed, staring at her mother’s face etched with concern. And at Keith, whose lips were set in a hard line and eyes sparkled with anger. Didn’t they understand why she needed to do this?

  “I’m going to Ocean City tomorrow, and that’s final. I’ll just call the salon and ask Deidre and Sheronda to cover for me.”

  Keith folded his arms in front of his chest. “I don’t think you should go.”

  Karen glared at him. “And I don’t think you should be telling me what to do.”

  His mouth dropped open. An instant later he turned on his heels and strode from the kitchen, the screen door banging shut behind him.

  Karen watched him storm back to his house. “What’s his problem?”

  Her mother sat at the table. “Honey, don’t you realize that Keith is falling for you?”

  She grunted. “Mom, you’re letting your imagination run wild.”

  “Why do you say that?”

  She shrugged. “Well, Keith and I have a good time together, but that’s all it is. Besides, right now he’s focusing on finding the right divinity school and fixing his relationship with his brother. On top of that, he’s already told me he doesn’t date.” She kept the fact of Keith’s promiscuous past to herself, not sure it was hers to share.

  “Karen, you just went on a date with Keith—today.”

  “Today’s outing was not a date! He just wanted somebody to ride with him to Lanham to see the college. And frankly, Mom, I don’t want to talk about this right now. My mind is on. . .other things.”

  “There’s nothing more you can do tonight about tomorrow’s visit to Lionel. But you can come here, sit down, and tell me what you two did today.” She patted the empty chair beside her.

  Resigned, Karen sighed and plopped down. “Mom, really, I don’t want—”

  “Just talk to me. It’ll keep your mind off other things, help calm your nerves.”

  “Yeah, okay, whatever.” Karen took another deep, calming breath. “When I was watering your flowers this morning, Keith came over and asked me to go to the Bible college with him.” She shrugged. “I didn’t have any plans, so I went. You got the note I left you, right?”

  “Yes. So what did the two of you do?”

  Karen struggled to sort her scrambling thoughts. Lord, give me peace and patience. “It was no big deal. We went to the campus and Keith interviewed with the dean. Afterward,
he picked up this special lunch he’d ordered, and we ate it in the park.” Fiddling with the salt and pepper shakers on the table, she continued to tell about her day. “I met Keith’s college roommate Steve and his wife, Dianne. They’re so much fun, and they’re friendly, too. I’d like to visit them again sometime after Dianne has her baby. . . .” She gazed at her mother. “We ate dinner with Steve and Dianne; then we drove home. And that’s all there was to it.”

  Her mother smiled. “Karen, Keith has feelings for you, but you’re just having a hard time seeing that. I mean, you go on this road trip together for the day, and then he introduces you to his friends. It’s obvious he likes being with you and was anxious for you to meet Steve and Dianne.”

  Karen shook her head. “Mom, he just wanted to have some company today, that’s all.” She thought back to her and Keith’s previous conversations. “He just wants to be there for me like a friend, to help me get over Lionel.”

  “Well, I don’t know what else I can say to convince you. But that man is falling for you. And whether you realize it or not, I think you’re falling for him. ”

  Karen sighed, ignoring her mother’s observations, yet suddenly feeling ashamed for lashing out at Keith. “Maybe I overreacted earlier. Maybe I shouldn’t have yelled at him. It’s just that after that phone conversation with Monica. . .I can’t seem to think straight.” She glanced through the kitchen window, noting that the lights in Keith’s house were on. “Do you think I should go over and apologize?”

  Her mom shook her head. “No. Give him some time to cool off. Maybe you can talk to him in the morning. Both of you seem to be early risers.”

  Her mother stood and stretched. “Well, I’m going to get ready for bed. You should go to bed, too. You’ve got a big day tomorrow.” When her comment was met with silence, she squeezed her daughter’s shoulder. “Good night, pumpkin. Don’t stay up too late.”

  After her mom left the kitchen, Karen sighed, staring at the ceiling. The brief conversation she’d had with her mother about Keith made her temporarily forget about her planned mission: to go to Ocean City and visit Lionel Adams, desperate to find the answers to the questions that plagued her. She prayed, “Lord, please be with me. Give me wisdom and courage for tomorrow. And if there’s any sleep to be had tonight, please help me find it. Amen.”

  ❧

  The entire night, Karen tossed and turned as she mentally relived the horrid day when she’d found out about Lionel’s crime against their church. Between short, pleading prayers for direction and healing, snatches of bittersweet memories wove through her mind. . .the days Lionel courted her and asked her to marry him. How loving and caring he’d been when she’d grieved over her father’s death. His sweetness, tenderness. . .all the traits that had caused her to fall in love with him.

  When the rays of the early morning sun began to lighten her room, she sat up in bed, rubbing her eyes with a tired sigh. Fatigue washed through her body, but there wasn’t anything she could do about it now. She was too wired up to sleep, and she wondered if she was strong enough to drive the two and a half hours to Ocean City.

  She finally pulled herself out of bed then washed and got dressed. When she opened the door to the backyard, ready to water her mother’s flowers, she saw Keith standing on his porch, looking at her. He remained silent as he climbed down his steps and walked over to her house. His brown eyes had softened from the previous night, and his mouth drooped as he placed his hand on her shoulder. “Are you okay? You have circles under your eyes.”

  “I—I didn’t sleep very well,” Karen said, finding comfort in his touch.

  “I’m sorry for losing my temper last night,” he said.

  “I’m sorry for yelling at you, too.”

  “I was just trying to protect you from. . .” He squeezed her shoulder. “Karen, I—I don’t think you should visit Lionel.”

  She sighed. “Keith, this is something that I have to do.”

  “Why?” His voice softened and his eyes pleaded with her.

  “I have to try to put this whole thing behind me, and seeing Lionel will help me to do that.”

  “Is he allowed to have visitors?”

  “Monica says she thinks so.”

  He removed his hand from her shoulder, looking away. “When are you leaving?”

  “This morning.”

  “I don’t want you driving down there by yourself.” His authoritative tone surprised her. “You still look half asleep. Are you sure you’re up to the trip?”

  “I can make it down there just fine. If I get too tired, I’ll stop and rest.”

  “You sure are stubborn.” He hesitated then said, “Listen, can you wait a few hours before you leave? I’d like to come with you.” He glanced at his watch. “I have to fix somebody’s toilet early this morning; then I’ll have to call George, a colleague of mine. He can handle the rest of today’s jobs for me.”

  Her mouth dropped open. “I don’t want you rearranging your whole schedule because of me. You have a business to run.”

  He nodded. “That’s true, but I have to make sure you’re okay, too.”

  “I’m not your responsibility.”

  “I know you’re not, but. . .” He sighed, his eyes scanning the houses lining their street. “Karen, there’s something you should know.”

  She frowned. “What?”

  “Last night, before your mother interrupted us, I was going to tell you that I had a great time with you yesterday.”

  “I had a good time, too.”

  He sighed. “Well, I wanted to know if you’d be open to the idea of spending more time with me, out–outside of doing the youth ministry.” He paused. “I like you, Karen, and I. . .I care about you.” His voice turned gruff. “I can’t bear to see you get hurt. Please. Don’t go to see Lionel.”

  Karen’s heart skipped a beat. She didn’t know what to say.

  When she remained silent, he rushed on. “You don’t have to tell me what you think about my idea right now. I know you’ve got a lot on your mind. But once you have everything sorted out, I’d like you to think about what I’m asking you.”

  She nodded. “I will. I promise. But right now I have to go to Ocean City.” She paced the small yard in silence, gathering her thoughts as pansies, marigolds, and roses swayed in the warm breeze. Finally, she spoke. “I was engaged to Lionel. I was in love with him.”

  Keith winced.

  She hurried on. “I—I need to talk to him, find out why he proposed to me and then apparently had an affair with somebody else.”

  “He’s a loser, Karen. That’s why. Men do that all the time.” He stepped toward her, taking her hand.

  Warmth traveled up her arm from his touch.

  “Nobody knows better than I do how irresponsible some men can be. But, Karen, you and me. That’s something special. If you’ll just give me a chance, I guarantee I’ll do my best to treat you the way you deserve.”

  Mere inches separated them. Keith’s head leaned in closer to hers but then stopped. Staring into her eyes, he brushed his finger against her cheek, a gesture as sweet and endearing as a kiss.

  Karen took a few steps away, removing her hand from his. “I—I have to go.”

  “Let me ask you something. If Lionel had disappeared forever, not to be found, do you think you’d ever be able to put this whole thing behind you and move on?”

  She gritted her teeth. “That’s not a fair question.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because Lionel hasn’t disappeared. So that point is moot. But there’s one thing you haven’t even considered. Have you even thought about the fact that maybe God wants me to do this?”

  “What?”

  “Maybe God moved Lionel to turn himself in and allowed me to find out about it so that I can go confront him and get some answers.”

  “Maybe,” Keith mumbled, but the future pastor sounded doubtful.

  “Well, let me ask you something else.”

  “Go ahead. Ask me anythin
g you want.”

  “If you had a member of your church with my problem, how would you advise her?”

  He frowned, his brown eyes crinkled with confusion. “What do you mean?”

  She threw her hands up in the air. “I mean what I just said. Pretend you’re pastoring a church, and one of the members comes to you with this problem. Her fiancé has disappeared with the church’s funds. It’s rumored he’s had an affair with the assistant treasurer who’s also disappeared. He’s turned himself in and is now in custody. She wants to go and visit him. Would you advise this person not to see her ex-fiancé?”

  He turned away, running his fingers over his short hair. Finally turning back toward her, he said grimly, “I would tell her to pray about it and do as she felt led.”

  She touched his arm, wishing she could wipe the sullen expression from his beautiful face. “Keith, I’ve done that. I spent part of the night reminiscing about the time I’ve spent with Lionel, and another part seeking God’s will. I feel led to do this, Keith, but when you get angry and upset with me, I feel like you’re interfering with God’s plan for my life.”

  “I don’t mean to make you feel that way. If I do, then I’m sorry.”

  She nodded, accepting his apology.

  “Will you at least let me take you to Ocean City? I don’t think you should be going down there by yourself.” He glanced at his watch. “Just give me a couple of hours to get everything together with my clients, and then I’ll pick you up.”

  She was touched that Keith insisted on coming with her, even though he didn’t approve of her decision. “Okay, that’s fine. To tell you the truth, it’ll be nice having someone else do the driving,” she said, trying to stifle a yawn.

  He checked his watch again, and they agreed to meet in a few hours.

  Thirteen

  When Keith returned to his house, he called George, his friend in the business who handled his workload when he needed to take time off. Then he left to do the repair at his client’s house.

  Returning home, he was happy to see Karen sitting on his porch, waiting for him.