Bittersweet Memories

by Cecelia Dowdy

  Keith closed his eyes for a few seconds, silently praying that there was truth to John’s words.

  Fourteen

  As Monica pulled into the parking lot of the police station, Karen began wringing her hands, her heart beating a mile a minute. “I feel so angry and nervous right now.”

  Anna folded her arms in front of her. “Humph. Maybe the Lord is telling you that you don’t need to be seeing that no-good man.”

  Monica glared at Anna. “Anna, Karen has already made up her mind. What she needs now is our support.” The three women unbuckled their seat belts, but before they got out of the car, Monica made a suggestion. “Don’t you think we need to ask God for some help this afternoon?”

  Karen sighed, giving Monica a small smile. “Thanks, Monica. I’m so nervous that I didn’t even think about praying.”

  The three women joined hands and bowed their heads. Monica then prayed, “Lord, please be with Karen as she visits Lionel this afternoon. Please let Your Holy Spirit guide her and protect her during this difficult time. Amen.”

  “Amen,” both Karen and Anna responded.

  The three women exited the vehicle and entered the police station. When they approached, the female worker sitting behind the desk pushed her glasses up on her nose, giving them a bored look. “Can I help you?”

  Karen nodded. “We’re here to see Lionel Adams.”

  The woman glanced at the threesome. “The inmate can only have one visitor at a time.”

  Monica pulled Karen into a hug. “We’ll be waiting out here for you, praying while you’re back there, okay?”

  Karen nodded, gazing at her two best friends. “Thanks.” After checking Karen’s ID and searching her purse, the attendant led Karen into a room with three tables. Each table had two chairs. Karen clutched her hands together, silently praying, her heart beating faster. The female attendant left, and seconds later, the door squeaked open. Karen turned to see a police officer leading Lionel into the room.

  She gasped at Lionel, hardly recognizing him with his hair, now longer and being worn in dreadlocks, full mustache, and beard. His scruffy, haggard appearance was a stark contrast to the neat, immaculate, clean-shaven man she used to date.

  Surprise tingeing his dark brown eyes, he said, “Karen! I didn’t think you’d come to visit me.”

  She remained speechless as Lionel sat in the chair.

  The officer said, “You’ve got twenty minutes.”

  Karen nodded toward the retreating officer then turned toward Lionel. “I can’t believe it,” she said softly.

  “Can’t believe what?”

  She sighed. “You look terrible.” She shook her head, not wanting to waste any of her precious twenty minutes asking questions about his drastically altered appearance. “Lionel, I’ve come for some answers. First off, why did you steal the money? And why did you date me while you had feelings for Michelle?”

  Lionel frowned, rubbing his eyes. “The church owes me.”

  “What?”

  “I said the church owes me. God owes me.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  He folded his arms in front of him, his expression angry. “You know I mentioned to you that while I was growing up, my mom got involved with a weird church?”

  Karen nodded. “What’s that got to do with your embezzling church funds?”

  He sighed. “What I didn’t tell you was that my mother gave those church people everything! Everything! They said all members needed to support each other.” He stared at the wall, his voice becoming rough. “Soon there was nothing left to give. My mom got sick, and they didn’t do anything to help her. Instead of finding a doctor, they said we could just pray over her and make her better. They said the money belonged to the church, and we didn’t need to be wasting it on a doctor.”

  Karen swallowed, shocked. “Then what happened?” she asked softly.

  Tears slid from Lionel’s dark brown eyes as he continued to speak. “She got worse and then she died. God died that day for me, too.”

  Karen sniffled, her eyes welling with tears. She took Lionel’s hand. “Lionel, that doesn’t sound like a church. That sounds like a cult.”

  He waved her comment away. “Church, cult, religion. It’s all the same.”

  Karen shook her head, sending up a silent prayer for Lionel’s soul. “No, it’s not all the same. You can’t blame God because your mom got mixed up with the wrong religion.” She squeezed his hand. “Why didn’t you tell me all this before?”

  “Nobody knows now except you and Michelle.”

  She dropped his hand, feeling as if she were going to faint. Trying to quell the anger and sorrow welling up within her, she closed her eyes and said a silent prayer, asking for God’s guidance. When she felt a bit calmer, she opened her eyes. “Lionel, when did you start dating Michelle? Were you—are you—having an affair with her?”

  He wiped his wet eyes, and seconds later, he’d regained his composure. “Yes, I am. Remember when I went to a finance seminar downtown about a year ago?”

  Karen frowned, recalling the event. “Yes, what about it?”

  “That’s where I first met Michelle. I was attracted to her and we started talking. That’s when we exchanged phone numbers and I started seeing her. Remember when I told you I was working late on the weekends and in the evenings?”

  “Yes.” Karen’s heart skipped a beat.

  “Well, I wasn’t always working. I’d be with Michelle sometimes.” He continued to glance at Karen, propping his chin in his hand. “As I got to know her better, I finally told her about my religious background and how I was angry about my mother’s death. After we’d had sex one night, she told me that her family had been mixed up with a strange religion, too.”

  Karen’s mind was spinning. She checked her watch, aware of the seconds ticking away. “Why did you start going to church in the first place if—if you’re not a Christian?”

  “I joined because I planned on stealing from the church eventually.” He lowered his voice. “I’ve stolen from a church before, but it wasn’t for this amount of money. They never prosecuted me because they never found out about what I’d done.”

  “How could they not know?”

  He sighed. “There are ways to hide those kinds of crimes. When I told Michelle about what I needed to do, and that the assistant treasurer position was open, I had her apply. And they hired her. She wanted to help me steal the funds, but when she saw the amount of money they had in the church, she didn’t want to pilfer the small amounts that I was taking.” He folded his arms in front of his chest. “She convinced me to steal a much larger amount. I told her it was harder to cover your tracks when you steal thousands of dollars like that, but she told me we could pull it off.”

  Karen’s mouth dropped open. “And you believed her?”

  “Yes. We figured we’d steal the funds and then resign from our jobs a few months later.”

  “Then what? Find another church to steal from?”

  He shrugged. “Probably.”

  “Are you even sorry for what you’ve done?”

  He sighed. “Like I said, the church owes me. Do you realize how much money my mother gave to the one we used to belong to? They think prayers and God could cure my mama, but she’s dead now. These churches owe me for my pain and suffering!”

  “Oh, Lionel. Don’t be angry at God. You need to give Him a chance—”

  “Don’t talk to me about God! I don’t want to hear it,” he said slowly.

  “What about Michelle? Did she turn herself in, too? Where have the two of you been all this time?” She rushed to ask her questions because time was running short.

  “I’m almost ashamed to tell you, but since I’ve put you through so much, I believe you have a right to know.”

  “Know what?”

  “When I discovered the church had found out about our crime, Michelle contacted her brother in Washington state. He’s an ex-con. He told us we could stay with him until w
e figured out what we were going to do. Since I’ve been over in Washington for the last few months, I’ve had time to think. I found out about the warrant for my arrest, and. . .” His face hardened as he turned to gaze at the wall; then he looked back at her. “Karen, even though Michelle and I had lots of money in Washington, we were arguing all the time. And then when I started thinking things would be worse for me if I got caught, I got scared. So I turned myself in. So did Michelle.” He shook his head. “I’m still scared about going to prison, but I did what I had to do.”

  The guard spoke from behind the closed door. “You got two more minutes.”

  The next words rushed from Karen’s mouth. “Did you care about me?”

  His brown eyes glistened. “Karen, I did have feelings for you.”

  “Then why, Lionel? Why did you turn to someone else?”

  He looked down at the table. “I had an affair with Michelle because I knew you wouldn’t have a sexual relationship with me because of your religious beliefs. But while I was hiding out with Michelle, I still thought about you.”

  The news rocked Karen’s world, and she struggled to keep her feelings in check. “Do you love her?”

  “Who, Michelle?”

  She nodded.

  He sighed. “Not really. The only reason I ran away with her was because, well, when the church found out about what we’d done, I was scared.”

  “Lionel, be honest with me when you answer this next question. Did you ever love me?”

  “Yes,” he whispered.

  “Are you serious?”

  “Yes, I loved you and I thought we’d have a decent life together.”

  She narrowed her eyes. “But you’re not a believer. Plus, what about stealing from the church? How would we have had a marriage if you were a thief?”

  “Karen, I didn’t think I’d get caught. I didn’t think you’d ever find out about my deceit.”

  She removed the engagement ring from her purse. “I think it’s only fair that I sell your engagement ring and give the money back to the church.” She squeezed her palm hard, enclosing the ring within her hand. Tears rushed to her eyes, and she blinked the moisture away.

  The officer stepped into the room. “Time’s up!”

  Karen stood and walked out of the room.

  ❧

  Karen rushed into the lobby, wiping her eyes. Monica and Anna rose as one, pulling her into their arms. Anna gave Karen a few tissues as they made their way to Monica’s vehicle.

  “Are you okay?” asked Monica.

  Karen shook her head. “No, I’m not okay. Monica, I know you want to get back to Mica, but could we stop for coffee for a few minutes? I really need to talk to you guys alone right now.”

  “No problem,” Monica responded.

  Soon they were sitting in Starbucks, drinking steaming cups of coffee. Karen cradled her mug, trying to stop her hands from shaking.

  Anna finally broke the silence. “What did Lionel say?”

  Karen took a deep breath then told them what Lionel had said about his mother’s religion and her death.

  Monica gasped. “That sounds like a cult to me.”

  Karen nodded. “That’s what I told him. He just sounded so angry and bitter. Because of all that’s happened, this is going to be hard for me to do, but I’m going to continue to pray that Lionel finds Jesus.”

  “Amen to that,” mumbled Monica. “What else did he say?”

  Karen then told them about his meeting Michelle and getting her on board as the assistant treasurer.

  Anna sipped her coffee before speaking. “So Michelle joined the church, too, just to steal money?”

  Karen shrugged. “Apparently. I only had twenty minutes to talk to Lionel, so the information he gave me was kind of sketchy.”

  After Karen finished relating the rest of her conversation with Lionel, Anna asked, “Do you think he was really telling you the truth about loving you?”

  “I don’t know. I guess. Everything he said is like this huge knot in my head. I need to think about it, sort everything out. I guess I should praise God for allowing me to find these things out about Lionel before we were ever married. It’s a blessing that the church discovered his crime.”

  Monica touched her hand. “Now that you’ve visited him, do you think you can put this whole thing behind you?”

  “I already put it behind me for the most part.” She spoke of how she’d come forward at her mother’s church, asking God to help her with the pain and bitterness she harbored against Lionel. “Since Lionel turned himself in, I felt the Lord leading me to come and see him and get some answers.”

  Anna placed her cup on the table. “And now you have all your answers. Do you think you’ll be going back to visit Lionel?”

  Karen shook her head. “No. I just wanted to speak with him one last time.” She glanced at her watch. “I know Keith wanted to get back to Annapolis today. He rearranged all of his clients so that he could bring me down here today.”

  Anna gasped. “Oh my goodness. We’ve been so busy discussing your meeting with Lionel that you haven’t even told us about that cute man who drove you down here! What’s his name again? Keith?”

  Karen nodded. “Yes, Keith Baxter. He’s a good friend of mine.”

  Monica asked, “Is he the man your mom was telling me you were involved with?”

  “We’re not involved.”

  As Anna threw her head back, laughing, her body bumped the table, causing Karen’s coffee cup to topple. The hot coffee splashed onto the table and Karen’s clothes.

  Karen jumped up. “Ouch!”

  Anna hurried for napkins to mop up the spill. “I’m sorry, Karen.”

  Karen waved her comment away. “That’s okay.”

  “Let me buy you another cup,” Anna offered.

  She shook her head. “I didn’t even really want that one.” After they had resettled into their seats, Karen told them about Keith. “He’s just a good friend who’s been there for me. We work together in the youth ministry at his church.”

  Anna said, “Well, you’re more than just friends if he’s rearranged his work schedule and driven you down here.”

  She shook her head. “No, we’re just. . .friends.” Her brow furrowed.

  “What are you thinking about?” asked Monica.

  “This morning, Keith tried to talk me out of visiting Lionel. Then he wanted to know if we could be more than just friends.”

  Anna folded her arms in front of her chest. “If you ask me, I think he’s already a better man for you than Lionel. I can tell that he likes you. Is he honest and trustworthy, and, even more importantly, is he a Christian?”

  Karen shifted in her chair, uncomfortable in her damp, coffee-stained pants. “Yes. He wants to be a preacher and is searching for a divinity school. He and his twin brother have had a falling out, but he’s working to heal the rift. You know, it’s funny. Initially, I didn’t think he was interested in me. But now, after our conversation this morning, I know that he’d like for us to date.”

  “Are you going to?” asked Monica.

  Karen shrugged. “I’ll have to think and pray about it. I do like him.” Karen was silent as she played with her empty coffee cup, still trying to digest all that she’d discovered about Lionel that day.

  ❧

  When they returned to Monica’s house, the new mother immediately scooped up her baby while Anna pulled Karen into a hug. “I have to go. You know you can call me if you need anything.”

  Karen returned her friend’s hug. “Thanks for coming with me today, Anna. It really meant a lot to me.”

  Monica was occupied with Mica as Keith rushed toward Karen, his eyes full of questions, questions she didn’t feel like answering. She touched his arm. “I’ll be right back.”

  She went upstairs and used the restroom. Afterward, she entered John and Monica’s guest bedroom, wanting to spend some time alone. Fatigue swept through her as she sat in the wooden chair by the desk. She wanted to change
into a fresh pair of pants since the huge coffee stain was still a little damp. Perhaps she could borrow Keith’s car and drive to Wal-Mart to purchase a new pair of pants before they drove home. She again thought about the conversation she’d had with Lionel, and a tear escaped from her eyes. While she was wiping the moisture away, a strong knock sounded on the door. Figuring it was Monica, she said, “Come in.”

  Her heart skipped a beat when Keith strolled through the door. The scent of his aftershave filled the small room with musky sweetness, and his warm caramel-colored eyes were full of concern. “Are you okay?”

  Remaining silent, she stood and walked to the window, where she lifted the bright yellow curtain and stared down at the street. Keith walked to the window and stood beside her. She blinked several times, refusing to look at him, hoping to hold any further tears at bay.

  “You’re crying. What did that. . . What did Lionel say to you?” he softly demanded.

  Karen dropped the curtain and plopped down onto the queen-sized bed. “He said lots of things.”

  He sat on the bed beside her, taking her hand. “Like what?”

  Taking a deep breath, she told him about her conversation with Lionel, eliminating his proclamation of love.

  “Karen, that’s terrible.”

  She nodded. “I know. I feel so bad for Lionel. I never realized he’d been through so much. I knew his mom had died when he was a child, but he never told me what really happened until today. At least now I know the reason why he stole from the church. He blames God and all religions for what happened to his mother. It’s wrong for him to think that way, but I’m glad he finally told me.”

  “Do you still have feelings for Lionel?”

  She squeezed his hand. “I feel bad for him, and I’ll pray for him to accept Jesus, but I—I don’t love him romantically.” She took a few moments to gather her thoughts. “I started to let my bitterness go the day I came forward at church. I did the best that I could without having Lionel around to talk to and find out what happened. I feel even better now that I’ve spoken to him.”

  Keith paused for a few minutes. “Do you think he still has feelings for you, even though he ran away with another woman?”