by E. L. Todd
Just like last time, Coen had his shirt off.
She stared at him, her mouth gaping open.
“Can never get enough, huh?” he said with a laugh.
She composed herself. “It’s just distracting.”
“Not as distracting as you.”
“What?”
“You know how hard it is to train someone while having a boner the whole time?”
“You see girls in tights and a sports bra all the time. You should be used to it.”
He laughed. “I’m definitely not used to your hot bod. You are ridiculously sexy.”
She looked down at herself. “You don’t think I’m too—muscular?”
He stepped toward her and looked down at her body. “Definitely not. I like that you’re muscular. I hate chicks that are too skinny and they purposely only drink water and eat saltines to stay that way.” He grabbed her thigh. “You’re strong, Sydney. That’s hot.” He lightly hit her stomach with the back of his palm. “I love it.” He leaned over and looked around her. “Don’t even get me started on your ass.”
She blushed. “I always thought I was too big.”
“Hell no. You’re perfect, baby. A dime.”
“What’s a dime?”
“You’ve never been called that before?”
“No.”
“It’s slang for saying you’re a perfect ten.”
“Oh.”
“Actually, you’re a quarter.”
“Well, thanks.”
“Anytime,” he said as he grabbed the remote and looked at her. When he crossed his arms over his chest, she knew he was being serious. “So, are you going to tell me?”
“Huh?”
“Who are you afraid of?”
She looked away. “No one.”
He stepped in front of her, leaning down to be in her line of sight. “How can I help you if I don’t know what you need?”
“Just train me to fight.”
“You already know how. Help me help you. Now tell me.”
“I already said no.”
He sighed. “You’re pissing me off.”
“The feeling is mutual.”
“Will you ever tell me?”
“No.”
“Is it Aaron?”
“Of course not.”
“An ex-boyfriend?”
“No.”
“Tell me!”
“No!” She tightened her gloves on her hands. “It just makes me feel better knowing I can defend myself if I ever need to. I can sleep at night knowing I’m not completely defenseless. That’s all you need to know.”
“So no one is threatening you in the present time?”
She was quiet for a moment. “No.”
He breathed a sigh of relief. “Okay.”
She said nothing.
“If you’re ever scared, you can always call me. You know that, right?”
She nodded. “Yes.”
“Even if it’s just to talk.”
“I know that too.”
“Okay.” He pressed the button on the remote. “Let’s begin.”
10
“I’m going to train you with weapons,” he said.
“Weapons?” she asked, frightened. “Why?”
“Well, whoever it is you’re afraid of might attack you with a weapon. What would you do then?”
“Run.”
“And what if you can’t?”
She felt her heart accelerate. “I—I don’t know.”
“I thought not.” He walked away and grabbed a bat from the corner. He spun it in his wrist while he looked at her.
She immediately stepped back, her vision blurring. The snap of the wood as it collided against her ribs rang in her ears. The way it thudded against the ground as it landed on the tile flooded her mind. The blood stains were etched into her memory. Sweat dripped from her forehead and formed on her palms. She stared at the bat and felt her stomach jump in her throat.
He stared at her, watching her every move. His jaw was clenched tight and there was anger in his eyes. “You’ve been attacked with a bat before.”
She said nothing.
He looked away and closed his eyes, breathing through the pain in his heart. His arms shook with uncontrollable ferocity. “Who did that to you?”
She ignored him as she stared at the bat. She didn’t want him to know how scared she was, but she couldn’t hide her fear. The weapon represented more than just pain.
“Sydney, you should tell the police.”
“Just stop it, okay?” she snapped.
He sighed. “Let’s begin.”
She stepped back with her hands raised. “No. Stop.”
He froze. “Why?”
“I just—no.”
He gripped the bat. “What if it happens again, Sydney? What will you do?”
“I don’t know.”
He marched to her then stopped before her. She avoided his gaze, staring at his chest. “This will happen. I refuse not to help you.”
“I don’t want to use a bat.”
“Too bad. You will overcome this.”
“I can’t.”
“Be strong, Sydney. I will sleep better knowing that you can defeat me. Do this for me.”
“I’m scared.”
“I won’t hurt you. I promise.”
She started breathing heavily, feeling her chest rise and fall with every breath. “You won’t?”
“Never.”
“Okay.”
He kissed her on the forehead. “Thank you.”
She nodded.
Coen stepped back. “Let’s start.”
Coen chased her while he swung the bat, teaching her to miss his strikes and avoid his blows. He never hit her, always deflecting his blows before they touched her skin. He knew she was frightened by the look in her eyes, but she trusted him more. Whatever happened to her was enough to make her appear weak, something he had never seen before.
The hour went by and he trained her to confiscate the weapon from his hands, hurting him in the process. After she felt more proficient in the task, she started to calm down. At first, she wouldn’t even touch the bat, avoiding it at all costs. When she finally got her hands on it, she held it in her grasp for a long time, saying nothing.
When they were finished, he put the bat into the cupboard. As soon as it was out of sight, she relaxed.
“Are you going to tell me now?” he asked. “Or am I wasting my time?”
She avoided his gaze and said nothing.
He turned off the music and cleaned up the area. “You did a great job today.”
“Thank you,” she said quietly.
He put on his shirt then walked with her to the door. “You might be sore tomorrow.”
“Probably.”
They walked outside then headed to his car. He opened the door and allowed her to get in first before he walked to his side.
“Wanna get some ice cream?” he asked as he placed his arm around her shoulders.
“I can’t. I’m meeting Henry.”
He nodded. “Do you know what you’re going to say?”
“No,” she said quietly.
“Good luck.”
“Thanks.”
“Are you going to tell him about me?”
“If he takes it well.”
“I can tell you right now that he won’t.”
“I know.” She wrapped her arm around his waist and leaned her head on his shoulder as he drove back to school. They didn’t speak on the drive back. She was comfortable just holding him next to her, feeling safe. She never felt that way with anyone, that someone could protect her. It was the first time she wanted that.
When he parked the car, he looked at her. “I hate to say goodbye.”
She pulled away and pressed her forehead against his. “Thank you for everything.”
He kissed her on the forehead. “You don’t need to thank me.”
“But I do.”
“You’re the one do
ing all the work. I’m just guiding you.”
“You do a lot more than that.”
“You were strong when you came to me. I like making you stronger.”
“Thank you.”
“I really wish you would tell me.”
“I wish you would stop asking me.”
His eyes turned dark. “Do you not trust me?”
“Of course I do. I just don’t want to talk about it.”
“Fine.”
“Please don’t be angry with me.”
“I’m not.”
“It seems like you are.”
“I’m frustrated.”
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay.” He grabbed her face and looked into her eyes. “I’ll stop asking you.”
“Thank you.”
“But I’m here to listen whenever you’re ready.”
“I know,” she said with a smile.
“Well, I guess this is it,” he said sadly.
“Yeah.”
He kissed her on the lips gently then pulled away. “I have to make it short. Otherwise, I’ll take you in the backseat and never let you go.”
“That doesn’t sound so bad.”
“Don’t tempt me,” he said as he rubbed his nose against hers. “Come on.” He opened the door then helped her out. When he walked her to the Jeep, he kissed her on the head. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Why did you come to me at lunch today?” she blurted.
He smiled. “Is that okay?”
“Yeah. But I wanted to keep this a secret.”
“Did I make it obvious?”
“I don’t think so.”
“Well, I want to spend time with you even if it’s just as your friend.”
“I like spending time with you too.”
“Plus, I don’t want your friends to be totally shocked when they find out about us. At least this way, it will actually make sense.”
“I suppose.”
He kissed her again. “Goodnight, baby.”
She smiled. “Goodnight.”
He walked away and climbed back into his car. When she got inside her Jeep, she turned on the engine and drove home. She turned on the radio and thought about Coen, kissing his lips and running her fingers through his hair. That hour spent making out in the library was too short. She could do that all day.
When she pulled into her driveway, she saw Henry’s car parked in front of the house. Her heart fell. She forgot about the death blow she was about to unleash. He was sitting on the front porch and stood up when she opened the car door. He was wearing jeans and sandals, and a thin shirt that showed the contours of his body. The time he spent at the gym every morning before school kept him firm and toned underneath his clothes.
“Hey,” she said as he wrapped his arms around her, holding her to his chest. The touch definitely wasn’t friendly.
He pulled away and glanced down to her body, seeing her breasts pushed up in her sports bra. She felt the heat of his gaze. “You look...sweaty.”
“Yeah. I was just at the gym.” She wasn’t sure why she said that. It was pretty obvious.
“How was it?”
“It was okay.” She walked to the front door and he walked beside her, his shoulder pressed against hers.
“What are you making for dinner?”
“What do you want?”
“I like everything you make.”
She unlocked the door and they walked inside. Henry sat on the couch and Sydney immediately pulled on a sweater to hide her stomach and chest. She should have brought one to begin with. She didn’t feel uncomfortable when Coen stared at her with obvious lust, but she didn’t like the look from Henry. She felt like she was encouraging his obsession with her.
When she returned to the living room, she sat beside him.
He stared at her intently, a wide smile on his face. He was practically glowing with his own light. The happiness leaked out of his pores when he was with her. His glee was evident. “So what do you want to do? Watch a movie? Go for a swim?”
She placed her hands in her lap and squeezed them, taking a deep breath. “I wanted to talk to you about something.”
The light of happiness disappeared. “What’s wrong?” he said as he moved closer to her. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine, Henry.”
“Then what is it?”
She said nothing for a long time. It was harder than she thought it would be. She wished she could just ignore the situation and hope he’d get over his feelings on his own, but if he felt this way for two years, something needed to be said. She had to end his dream about them getting together if he was ever going to move on. As much as she hated it, she knew it had to be done. “I...I know about your feelings.”
He shifted his weight, clearly uncomfortable. “Wha—what do you mean?”
“I know how you feel about me, Henry.”
He swallowed the lump in his throat then looked away. “You do?” he whispered.
“Yeah.”
He was quiet for a long time. “When did you find out?”
“The other day.”
“What gave me away?”
“I just finally realized it. The way you look at me, the way you smile at me.”
He sighed. “Well, I love being around you.”
“And I love being around you.”
He nodded. “I know.”
It became awkward. The silence stretched between them for minutes.
“Do you feel the same way?”
She closed her eyes. “Henry—”
“I got it.” He looked away and stared at the floor, trying to hide the obvious despair on his face. It was like the world had ended for him. Eternal night shined in his eyes, blocking out the sun and the light.
She grabbed his hand. “You’re my best friend. I love you.”
He squeezed it without looking at her. “I love you too.”
“But I don’t feel that way about you. I’m sorry.”
He breathed heavily but said nothing. He stood up then walked out the front door, closing it behind him. She stared at the wall for a long time before she followed him. He wasn’t outside when she stepped onto the dirt, but his car was still there. She knew where he was. She walked to the beach then sat down beside him. He wiped his tears away, staring straight ahead.
Seeing him cry made her cry. “Henry,” she said as she wrapped her arms around him. “I’m so sorry.”
He hugged her tightly, burying his face in her neck.
“I love you so much. I hate hurting you.”
“It’s okay,” he said as he ran his hand down her back.
“I don’t want to lose you,” she whispered.
“Don’t ever worry about that. You can’t.”
“I’m so sorry, Henry.”
He hushed her. “It’s okay.”
When she pulled away, she saw the red line around his eyes. His eyes were still glossy with tears. She pressed her face against his and closed her eyes, trying to comfort him in any way that she could.
He pulled her into his lap and kept his face close to hers. “Give me a chance.”
“What?”
“Go on a date with me. Just once.”
“But...I don’t feel that way about you.”
“Because I’ve always been a friend to you. Let me take you out. We’ll do the whole thing. Try seeing me as more than just a friend. I would treat you right, love you, and take care of you.”
“Henry, I—”
“Please. Why not? We have nothing to lose. If you still don’t feel anything, then we can forget about it and go back to being friends. Just give me a chance.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Why? What’s wrong with me?”
“Not a single thing, Henry.”
“Then why not?”
“I already told you I don’t feel that way about you.”
“I think you would if you let me take you out.”
“Please don�
�t make this harder for me.”
He was quiet for a moment. “I wish I went for you to begin with instead of being your friend. Perhaps things would be different. But I’m not going to make that same mistake twice. If I want something, I need to seize it.”
She said nothing.
“Can you just think about it?”
She already turned him down so many times. She couldn’t do it anymore. “Okay.”
“Thank you,” he said as he hugged her.
She leaned on his shoulder and they watched the waves crash against the shore.
“I don’t think you’ll regret it,” he said.
She tightened her jacket around her shoulders.
“You haven’t been with anyone since Aaron and I know why.” She sat up and looked at him. His eyes were still moist, but she saw the determination in them as well. His love was a beacon of light that shined brighter than the stars overhead. “Because you know you’re supposed to be with me.”
11
“Is everything going to change?” she asked as they walked to her front door.
“I hope not,” he said as he placed his hands in his pockets.
“I’m so scared that I’m going to lose you.”
He grabbed her arms. “That won’t happen—not ever.”
“Maybe you need some space right now. Are you going to be okay seeing me every day?”
“We’ll see what happens after we have our date.”
“I said I would think about it. I didn’t agree to it.”
He wrapped his arms around her waist and held her close. “If you want me to get on my knees and beg, I will.” His soft words hung heavy in the air. “Just give me this. If it doesn’t work out, I can move on. But not knowing what we could have been will kill me. Please.”
“But I don’t feel that way for you, Henry. I’ve said it so many times.”
“And you might change your mind. I’ve said that many times.” He released his hold on her. “We’ll discuss it tomorrow.” He looked down at the ground and avoided her gaze.
“Henry, I’m sorry things couldn’t be different.”
“I believe you.”
