by E. L. Todd
He sighed. “She can’t control her emotions like I can.”
“Because she’s drunk,” she snapped. “Why did you even marry her?”
“I love her, that’s why.”
“Well, you shouldn’t.”
“It seems like you can’t control your emotions either.”
She said nothing.
“Are you by the railroad tracks?”
“I’m not coming home,” she snapped.
“That’s fine. I’ll come get you.”
“No.”
“See you soon.” He hung up.
Her father hardly ever lost his temper or got mad. He somehow always calmed her down even when she didn’t want to feel calm. His abilities were supernatural at times. Sydney hugged her jacket tighter around her and searched for headlights in the distance, knowing her father would be there soon. The faint sound of the train horn sounded in the distance. She continued to look for the station wagon he drove, the hideous car that he refused to get rid of.
If Sydney had to choose which parent she liked more, it would be her father in a heartbeat. Her mom was catty and mean, superficial and blatantly stupid. Her only good quality was her features. That’s it. She suspected her father must have fallen under her spell and ignored all of her shortcomings. Sydney was thankful that she received the perfect genetics from both of them; her mother’s looks and her father’s brains. She did have some physical similarities to her father. They both had the same brown hair and startling green eyes.
The fog was heavy but she could distinguish an approaching car driving down the road. The train was speeding by on its way through the city. Sydney knew she had a few extra minutes to herself because the crossing rails would fall down in just a second, trapping her father on the other side of the road. Her father’s car continued to drive, not slowing down. The bars never fell.
She sat up in her seat and honked the horn as loud as she could. “Stop!”
The train honked its horn but it was too late. It collided with the station wagon just as it passed through the gate, crushing and sending it into the air.
Sydney tried to wake up but she couldn’t. She hated reliving this dream over and over. It was more painful every time. She screamed but her own voice fell on deaf ears. She was trapped in her own nightmares.
Suddenly, her stepfather chased her through the house with a bat. He always beat her for random reasons. Sometimes, he was just drunk and wanted to hit her. Other times, she said the wrong thing. His son would sit by and watch as she ran into the closet and held the door closed, hoping he would stop waiting for her and just collapse in a drunken stupor or fall asleep. Her mother never even attempted to help her. She turned a blind eye.
When her stepfather slammed the bat into the door, pushing the wood in, she screamed. The sound of her voice finally startled her from sleep. She sat up and gripped the blanket, sweat drenched on her skin. Crying hysterically, she reached for her phone and called Coen without thinking.
“You miss me?” he asked with a smile in his voice.
She kept crying, holding herself tightly. “It’s all my fault. I—I deserve this.”
His tone immediately changed. “Are you okay?”
“No.”
“Are you hurt?”
She spoke, but her words were incoherent through her sobbing. She rocked herself back and forth, trying to get rid of the vision in her mind. Her father’s crash was etched on the back of her eyelids. She still felt like her stepfather was trying to catch her.
“I’m coming. Stay on the phone with me.”
She nodded even though he couldn’t see her. She cried, trying to stifle her tears with her palm.
Coen slammed the car door shut and started the engine. “I’m almost there,” he said quietly.
She said nothing.
“You’re going to be okay.”
She sniffed.
When he pulled up outside, he left the car and ran to the door. She hung up without saying goodbye then walked to the entryway. When she unlocked the door, he burst in and wrapped his arms around her.
Sydney immediately felt better once she could collapse against him. He held her tightly to his chest, running his fingers through her hair. She continued to cry, unable to stop. Coen grabbed her keys from the counter then guided her outside.
She was too upset to ask where they were going. She remembered walking to the crashed car, seeing her father’s eyes wide open. He was dead before the ambulance could get there. If she hadn’t been a brat, it never would have happened. Her father died because of her stupidity.
Coen helped her inside the car and put on her safety belt. She stared straight ahead without thinking about anything but the loss of her father. He turned on the engine then left the driveway, driving down the deserted streets of the city. Her cries trickled down but a few tears still fell. His arm was secured around her shoulders, reminding her that she was safe.
When they pulled up to the aquarium, she finally found her voice. “What are we doing here?”
He grabbed the keys then picked her up in his arms, carrying her to the back entrance. When he reached the door, he picked up the right key and got it open. Sydney didn’t understand what they were doing there, but she followed his lead.
When they walked inside, he grabbed her hand and led her to the outside pool. The door was unlocked so they just walked in.
Sydney stopped when she saw the dolphin pool. “Why did you bring me here?”
Coen kneeled at the edge and tapped the water ten times. “So you could talk to Rose.”
Her heart squeezed again but not from pain. It was the sweetest thing anyone had ever done for her.
He held his hand out to her. “Come on.”
She walked to him and sat at the edge of the pool. Rose popped up a moment later, squealing happily. Sydney rubbed her head while the tears fell down her face. Rose became quiet when she realized her friend was sad. She rubbed her head against Sydney’s hand.
Coen sat beside her and said nothing.
The waves could be heard crashing against the shore down below. The lights from the pool flickered across the wall, lighting their faces and the water in the pool.
“I had a dream,” she said quietly. She lowered her legs into the pool and the dolphin rested its head on her thighs. Rose looked up at Sydney, her mouth slightly opened. “My dad—he died.” Coen didn’t move but he was hanging on every word she said. “I saw the crash again. It was my fault he was there. If I wasn’t throwing a tantrum, he wouldn’t have been there at all. The train wouldn’t have hit him.”
Coen moved closer to her, pressing his shoulder against hers.
“My parents were fighting and I took off, sneaking out. When my dad found out I was gone, he came after me. When he crossed the railroad tracks, the crossing bars didn’t drop. He was in such a hurry to get to me that he didn’t even notice the train.” She took a deep breath and the tears started to fall again.
Coen wrapped his arm around her shoulder. “Baby, it’s not your fault.”
“Yes, it is!”
He fell silent.
“It’s completely my fault. He’s dead because of me. Dead.”
He rubbed his hand down her back. “Is today the anniversary of his passing?”
She was quiet for a moment. “Yes.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t stay with you like you asked. I would have if you had told me that.”
“I don’t want to be needy.”
He grabbed her face and directed her gaze on him. “You aren’t needy. And even if you are, I love it when you need me. You can ask me for anything and I will do everything in my power to make it happen. I love it when you lean on me, ask me to hold you, confide in me. I want you to be needy. I know you’ve never been that way in your whole life, choosing to stand on your own two feet and work out your own problems, but everything is different now. We split the load—always.”
“Really?”
“Yes. Don’t be afraid
to ask me for things. I will always be there for you. If I had known what today was, I would have been there for you. All you have to do is ask.”
“Okay.”
He kissed her forehead. “I would like to be what Rose is to you. Your best friend.”
Henry was always her best friend but she realized that was changing—it should change. “You are my best friend.”
“Good. Thank you for telling me about your dad. I know that was difficult for you.”
She nodded.
“My mom cheated on my dad when I was in high school. They were legally separated for two years before they got back together. It was a difficult time for me and my brother. We stayed with my dad while she lived alone. We weren’t even allowed to see her.”
She stared at him, speechless. “I—I’m sorry.”
“They got back together so it’s okay. But it will never be the same. That trust is gone.”
“Thank you for telling me that.”
“And I used to have a sister.”
The depression in his voice frightened her. He sounded upset before, but his voice had fallen to a lower level. “You had a sister?”
He nodded. “She died.”
“How?”
“She was a lot older than me. When I was in high school, she was already in college. She had a boyfriend that my parents liked. When my sister and her boyfriend took me out to ice cream, they got into a fight. He had a horrible temper and he started hitting her, beating her. I did everything I could protect her, got a few broken ribs and a skull fracture, but in the end I couldn’t save her. I was too small and had no idea how to fight.”
She had no idea what to say. That sudden revelation was too horrible to even imagine.
“That’s why I started learning martial arts. No one will ever touch the people I love, not while I’m living.”
“I’m sorry,” she said as she grabbed his hand.
He nodded and blinked his eyes. If he had tears, he fought them. “I’ve become a different person since it happened. I’m mean, harsh, and sarcastic all the time. It took me a long time to deal with it, to move on from what happened. During that time, I did a lot of things I regret, was darker than I meant to be. That’s where my reputation stems from even though no one knows what happened.”
“What happened to the boyfriend?”
“He’s in jail for life.”
She nodded, not knowing what else to say.
“I’ve never told anyone before. You’re the first.”
“I feel honored.”
“And I’m honored that you told me something so private about you.”
“Well, you are my best friend.”
He stared at her for a long time without saying anything. She knew he was waiting for her to reveal her other secret, the one he was desperate to know, but she wasn’t ready for that. He sighed when he realized she wasn’t going to confide in him. “I know you are going to be angry for me asking this, but I have to.” He paused. “Does Henry know about your dad?”
“No,” she said quickly.
His eyes widened. “So, I’m the first person you told?”
She nodded.
“That means a lot to me.” He grabbed her hand and squeezed it. “It really does.”
“You mean so much to me, Coen.”
“And you mean everything to me.”
Rose slid back in the pool then started flapping her fins together, screeching as she danced. The sight made Sydney laugh. Coen watched the light return to her face. He was always interested in animals but he never connected to them in the way she did. They seemed to communicate with her on a different level.
“Thank you for bringing me here.”
“I knew you needed your friend.”
“She can be your friend too.”
Rose clapped her fins and screeched.
“I would like that,” he said with a smile.
Sydney pulled her legs out of the water then stood up. “I’m ready to go home.”
“Okay. I’m tired.”
“Me too.”
“And please let me sleep with you.”
“I expected nothing less.”
They left the aquarium hand in hand. When they returned to her shack under the trees, they both lay in bed and said nothing. Coen ran his fingers through her hair while she looked into his eyes, taking solace in his presence. She hoped he would chase the nightmares away, holding her tightly in his arms.
Sydney cupped his cheek and pressed her face close to his, listening to him breathe.
“Go to sleep, baby. I’ll be your dream catcher.”
She closed her eyes then fell sleep. She dreamt of swimming with dolphins in the open sea with Coen swimming alongside her. Her lungs didn’t restrict with pain and there were no tears in her eyes. The tension around her heart and shoulders was absent as Coen caressed her skin softly. There was no pain or fear. She was safe and nothing could hurt her, not when Coen was watching over her.
15
“How was your night?” Sydney asked as she drank her coffee.
“It was okay,” Henry said quietly. “I studied.”
Their relationship was still awkward. Sydney tried not to think about it but the tension was still in the air. She wanted to go back to how they were but she knew they couldn’t. Everything was different now.
“What did you do?” he asked, looking out the window. He hardly ever looked at her anymore.
“I...I just stayed home.”
“When I went to work, it said you used your key to get inside at three in the morning. What were you doing there?”
“Oh—I left my books in my locker.”
“Why did you need them?”
“My wallet was in the bag.”
“Oh. I could have gotten them for you in the morning.”
“Well, it’s already done now.”
He nodded.
Lillian, a girl from Sydney’s English class, walked by their booth. “Good morning,” she said with a smile.
“Hey.” Sydney waved. “We just need some grub before we go to school.”
She patted her stomach. “Me too. Are you going to Liz’s party tonight?”
“Yeah. Are you?”
“I’ll be there.” She looked at Henry. “Hello.”
“Hey,” he said with a nod.
“Well, I’ll see you guys later.” She walked away and sat down in a booth across the restaurant. Lillian was tall and thin with blonde hair that reached her shoulders. She was very pretty. Guys were usually tailing her everywhere she went.
“She’s cute,” Sydney said as she ate her waffle.
Henry looked out the window and said nothing.
“I don’t think she’s seeing anyone.”
He still said nothing.
“Maybe you should talk to her. I know she thinks you’re cute.”
“I’m in love with you,” he blurted, finally looking at her. She flinched as his heated gaze landed on her. “And you’re just making this worse. I know how to pick up chicks and I know how to get laid. I’ll do it when I’m ready.”
“I’m sorry,” she said quietly.
He pushed his plate away, no longer hungry.
She sighed. “We are never going to be back to what we were, huh?”
“We will,” he said as he looked at her. “I...I just need some time.”
“Okay.”
“Have you ever wanted something so bad you would kill for it? You would do anything at all to make it happen? That’s how I feel about you. I know you said you don’t feel the same way, but I can’t change these feelings instantly. They are there and will be there for a while. I don’t know what to do.”
“Maybe we should stop seeing each other.”
He shook his head. “You’re my best friend. I can’t do that.”
“Just for a short time.”
“No.”
“Start dating.”
“That wouldn’t be fair to them. I’d be using them to get ov
er you, the girl of my dreams.”
She looked at her coffee, avoiding his gaze. The intensity of his emotions startled her. She knew he had feelings for her but she didn’t realize how much he loved her. “You haven’t been with anyone in two years?”
“No,” he said quietly. “I fucked a few girls because I was horny. I thought about you the entire time.”
His vulgarity was shocking. He had never spoken to her like that before. She never suspected he would sleep around.
“I haven’t been with anyone for a year. After a while, it got too hard. I felt like I was cheating on you or something.”
She said nothing, unsure what to say.
“I would do anything just to have one chance with you.” He looked at her hopefully. “We have nothing to lose. Our relationship is already totally screwed up and you understand the depth of my feelings. We may as well give it a shot. You aren’t seeing anyone and neither am I. We don’t even have to tell anyone.”
“I already said no, Henry.”
He rested his elbows on the table. “Why?”
“I’m just not attracted to you in that way.”
“Let me kiss you and see what happens.”
“Henry, the last thing I want to do is hurt you, but you keep making me do it. This is making me uncomfortable and I want you to stop asking me. Please.”
He stared at her for a moment then reached across the table, touching her hand. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.”
“It’s okay.”
“I’ll stop. I don’t want to chase you away. I would rather have some of you than none of you.”
“What if we can’t work this out?”
“There’s nothing to work out. You don’t love me and I love you. That’s the end of the story.”
“But what if you never move on?”
“I will eventually. Don’t worry about that.”
She nodded her head. “I just don’t want our relationship to change.”
“It won’t. I’ll move on and find someone else so when you—do get a boyfriend—I won’t be—totally miserable.”
He could barely finish his sentence because he was so distraught over the idea of her seeing someone else. How could she ever tell him about Coen? It would kill him. He said their relationship would never change but it would. He would disappear and never speak to her again.
