Do Shinpads Come in Pink?

by Helena Pielichaty

“We need to go outside,” he decided after I’d almost blasted the TV off its wall bracket.

  “OK. I’ll find a rug.”

  “A rug?”

  “Well, I’m not lying on the dirty car-park floor.”

  “Why do you need to lie down?”

  “For when I’m doing my routine. I’m well up for one of those things Billy does when he rolls the ball along his whole body.”

  “Even I can’t do that.”

  “Maybe I’m more supple than you. I used to do ballet, you know.”

  “When is this for again?”

  “Next week.”

  “No chance.”

  I felt the blood drain from my face. “I have to.”

  “Forget the rug,” Ashley said.

  In the car park he made me work on my keepy-uppies for almost TWO hours. He wanted me to repeat them and repeat them so that I broke my personal best every time. “I’m sooo bored,” I told him when I’d finally reached five in a row. “And I ache all over.”

  “Fine. Let’s pack it in, then.”

  I groaned. “No. I can’t.”

  “Look, once you’ve cracked this you’ll be laughing. Keepy-uppies are all about control. Brazilian players do them all the time as part of their game. Here, check this out.”

  Glad of the breather, I watched a YouTube clip on his iPhone of two players heading the ball to one another a few times before they switched to these whizzy leg things. They’re hard to describe because the players were doing them so fast. Basically you start by balancing the ball on your foot, then flip it into the air. Then, while it’s in the air, you orbit your leg around it and catch it again on your foot. To do that once would be impressive; to do it loads and loads in a row – impress–ive!

  “I like those,” I said.

  “That’s called ‘Around the World’.” He tucked away his mobile and demonstrated. “You just kick the ball lightly in the air then revolve your whole leg round it clockwise or anticlockwise in a complete orbit before it falls.”

  “You make it look so easy.”

  “I do, don’t I?” He grinned and then checked his watch. “I’ve got to go.”

  “Must you?”

  “Yep. Meeting my mates.”

  “Can’t you come tomorrow?”

  “Nope. Dad’s taking me out.”

  “Will you come if he bails on you again?”

  As soon as I said it I knew I’d boobed. Ashley’s face turned – well – ashen. “He won’t bail.”

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean…”

  He stuffed his ball back in his bag. I felt awful. “Ash, I’m really sorry. I say such totally stupid things sometimes. I do it all the time. I get it from my mum…”

  “Not your daddy, then?” he sneered.

  I felt my stomach clench. “The only thing I get from that loser is my school fees and that’s only because Mum took him to court.”

  Now Ashley seemed more curious than annoyed. “Wow! That must have been some divorce.”

  I stared at the ground. “Hardly. They’d have to have been married to get divorced and as he was already married to someone else that would have been tricky…”

  “Nice guy.”

  I broke off. I hadn’t even mentioned the two other kids he had. His real daughters (who were totally minging if their pictures on Facebook were anything to go by). My throat felt tight. I looked up and tried to smile. “I can’t believe I told you that! Nobody else knows any of that. Not even my best friend.”

  “I won’t say anything.”

  “Good. ’Cos if you do I’d have to kill you.”

  “You can’t kill me. If you kill me you’ll never learn how to freestyle.”

  “Dur! Obviously I’ll kill you after you’ve taught me.”

  He laughed and checked his watch again. “I suppose another hour wouldn’t hurt.”

  “Yay!”

  I tried. I really tried but five keepy-uppies in a row was my max, despite doing what Ashley had instructed and keeping my eye on the ball all the time and concentrating hard. I was so disappointed I was almost in tears. Five keepy-uppies would be over in five seconds. Some performance that would be.

  “This means a lot to you, doesn’t it?” he said.

  I nodded, too scared to speak in case I started blubbing.

  “Look, what if I came too? You know, helped you out a bit on the night? I could do all the hard moves and you could do the keepy-uppies and maybe even a couple of Around the Worlds in between?”

  I was sooooooooo tempted but I shook my head. It would only complicate things. “Thanks, but I don’t think that would work.”

  “In that case you’d better hang on to this, Nettie.” He handed me his football. Sweet!

  All that evening and the whole of Sunday I practised and practised. I attempted Around the World a few times but I could not get the hang of it. The hardest part wasn’t getting my leg to orbit the ball, it was stopping the ball bouncing away after my leg had finished the orbiting. I was uber gutted. I would have loved at least one of those in my act. It was such a neat trick. I sighed. I needed more time.

  12

  Is Lying to Your Friends Ever Acceptable?

  An Amy Minter True Life Dilemma

  “What do you mean you can’t go to after-school club after today?” Mum asked.

  “I just can’t. Not this week. I need to come home straight from school.”

  “So you’re telling me I have to close the shop early to pick you up?”

  “I can always walk.”

  That was never going to happen. Mum thinks there’s a weirdo on every corner. I’m not even allowed to go to the botanical gardens without four Alsatians and an armed guard. She tutted and said she’d “sort something out”.

  I’d put Mum in a fix but that was nothing compared to how the committee reacted. “So basically you’re not taking part in the song. Is that what you’re saying?” Eve fumed when I told them that I wouldn’t be at after-school club for the rest of the week.

  “No! I know all the words. And you’ve shown me the steps. It’s not rocket science, is it?”

  Eve’s eyes almost shot out of her head. “Not what? Oh, you take the biscuit, you do, Minter.” She turned on her heel and stormed towards the baking table, which was kind of appropriate when you think about it.

  “Why aren’t you coming, really?” Holly asked.

  I shrugged. I couldn’t think of a good enough reason so I thought of a flippant one instead. “What can I say? The new series of Project Catwalk starts tomorrow. You know me. I can’t possibly miss that.”

  You want to know the worst thing? Even though that was the lamest excuse ever, she didn’t bat an eyelid. She really thought I’d put a TV fashion show before the Parrs. “Oh, right,” she said.

  Gemma just sat there, a deep, deep frown on her face.

  Gemma waited until school the next day to collar me. “You’ve totally lost interest in the presentation evening, haven’t you?”

  I shuffled in my seat. “No. It’s not that…”

  “I guessed you would. You haven’t been the same since all the plans for the Jump-leads and things fell through. Now there’s not much organizing to do, you’re bored. It figures. You’ve never liked football. I guess I should be grateful you held on this long,” Gemma said.

  What? And what again? Right, I thought, this has gone far enough. I’d have to tell her the truth. “Gemma…”

  Before I had chance to explain she pulled me towards her and gave me this massive hug. “Don’t worry. After Saturday, it will all be over and you can forget I ever forced you to wear a pair of smelly shinpads or made you get your hair wet in the rain or…”

  “But, Gemma…” I tried to pull away but she just hugged me harder.

  “Thank you for being there when I really needed you. I’d never have gone back for that last match if it wasn’t for you and I’d definitely not be going for trials at the centre of excellence.”

  “You’re going for tria
ls at the centre of excellence?” I gasped.

  She finally let go of me and blushed. “I didn’t want to say anything in case it didn’t happen, but I had a letter this morning inviting me to attend.”

  “Wow! That’s amazing!”

  “Don’t tell anyone. I’ll only get wound up if people make a fuss. I’m nervous enough already and they’re not until June.”

  I clapped my hand on her back. “Don’t worry, girlfriend. I’ll get you through this.”

  She smiled. “I know you will. You get me through everything. That’s why I need you to promise you’ll come to the final dress rehearsal at Eve’s on Saturday morning? Please? And you’ll do the song at the presentation evening? No matter how lame you think it is?”

  “Of course I’ll be there. Just try and stop me.”

  “Thank you,” she sniffed and was back on the hugging thing.

  13

  When Disaster Strikes

  An Amy Minter True Life Story

  I now had another reason to get my freestyle routine perfect. I wanted Gemma to feel as proud of me as I was of her. I made use of the extra time and practised soooo hard all week. By Friday my legs ached like mad and my floorboards needed revarnishing but it was worth it. I didn’t have a long routine, but I knew I had enough to show that I wasn’t a total waste of space with a football.

  I grabbed Gemma’s arm as we headed for lunch on Friday. “I can’t wait for tomorrow. What time are we meeting at Eve’s?”

  “Ten-ish.”

  “Cool. I’ll be there.”

  “You’d better be. We can show you the changes.”

  “Changes?”

  “To the song. We twiddled with the end a bit yesterday to make it more upbeat. Don’t worry; it isn’t difficult. In fact, it’s right up your street.”

  “Intriguing. And are we still having lunch in town together afterwards?”

  “Yep.”

  “And your dad is still OK to drop me off at home?”

  “Yep.”

  “Great. Holly’s picking me up at three for the presentation evening, so I’ll see you at the club at about quarter to four,” I said as we joined the lunch queue. I squinted at the menu. “OK. Chicken casserole or lasagne and don’t say lasagne. I’m sure they used polystyrene instead of pasta last time.”

  Gemma laughed and collected the cutlery and beakers. “Oh, by the way, you know when you bring the presents?”

  “The presents?”

  “Yeah, dummy, the presents for Hannah and Katie. We drew lots and Dylan and Nika are going to hand them over, so if you sneak them into the back of the bar as soon as you arrive, they’ll collect them from there. Are they heavy? Will you need help?”

  “Um…”

  “What did you get, anyway? You haven’t even told me yet. I bet it’s something brilliant.”

  When I didn’t answer she peered at me. “Are you OK? You look pale?”

  Pale? Is that all? My heart had stopped and all I looked was pale? The presents! I hadn’t bought the presents! How I managed to keep myself together until Mum picked me up at the end of the day I don’t know but once she did I totally broke down. That scene in the gazebo with Megan? Nothing. Not even close to what I was doing now. “Don’t cry, baby, don’t cry. We’ll think of something,” Mum promised as she drove through town.

  “The p … presents. I can’t be-be-lieve I didn’t buy the presents!” I howled.

  “What if I pull in here?” Mum asked as we passed the main shopping arcade.

  “Noooooooooooo. Those shops are totally naff.”

  “How about the Butter Market? There’s a lovely florist’s…”

  “Nooooo! It’s got to be something special…”

  “Where, then?”

  “We’ll ha-ha-have t-to go to B-Buh-Birmingham.”

  “Birmingham is two hours away. The shops will be shut by the time we get there.”

  “Not if you drive really fast.”

  Mum got irritated then and told me to stop being silly. I got irritated back and told her I wasn’t. The thing was, if we didn’t get them tonight, when would we? I had a rehearsal all morning and I daren’t back out of that. The only other opportunity I’d have was about an hour at lunchtime and I would be with Gemma then. I could just see her face when I told her what I was doing. After all the fuss I’d made about choosing the perfect gift she’d never forgive me even if I did a hundred keepy-uppies later on. I pleaded with Mum again. “Wh … what about Leicester? Leicester’s only an hour.”

  Mum ignored me and turned down Penrith Street. “Why are we going down here?” I wailed. “There aren’t any gift shops down here!”

  “Because I said I’d call in at Shane’s.”

  That made me bawl even harder. Here I was in the middle of a crisis and she was calling in at her boyfriend’s. “Mum! What part of I HAVE to buy presents don’t you understand?”

  She ignored me (her only child B.T.W.) and drew up outside a row of dull-looking shops, yanked on the handbrake, checked her lipstick in the mirror and then passed me another tissue. “Wipe your eyes, babe. Shane’ll think we’ve had a bereavement.”

  I snatched the tissue from her hand. “I don’t care what he thinks. I need to go shopping!”

  “What you need is to be more organized.”

  That made me so mad; I got out of the passenger door and slammed it so hard one of the boxes of T-shirts on the back seat slid into my headrest. “Me? You’re the one who’s not organized or these things wouldn’t still be here, would they?”

  “F.Y.I. I am organized, honey. I gave the courier until today to collect. He’s missed his deadline, so these are going to Oxfam first thing tomorrow.”

  “You might as well take me with them.”

  “La-la-la…” Mum sang as I followed her into the printer’s.

  “This is such a waste of time,” I sobbed, my chest heaving painfully in and out. “You don’t love me at all.”

  Half an hour later we came back outside. “Feeling better now, Ames?” Mum asked.

  I nodded. “Yes, Mum.”

  “Not cross now?”

  “Not cross.” How could I be cross when Shane had come up with the perfect solution to my present problem? I won’t tell you any more now. All I will tell you is the man is a genius.

  14

  And Now the End Is Near…

  The day of the presentation finally arrived. I woke up feeling soooo nervous and soooo excited. I checked my final “to do” list. It wasn’t how I imagined it would look but here it is:

  1) Practise freestyle routine

  2) Last rehearsal at Eve’s

  3) Lunch with Gem/collect presents/get ready

  4) Get lift in with Hols

  5) Sneak presents into bar

  6) Hide A.’s ball somewhere accessible in function room 4 my bit

  7) Do my amazing routine

  8) Collapse from exhaustion

  The first thing on my list was pips. My keepy-uppies were so well practised I could do them in my sleep. I left Ashley’s ball and my trainers on my bed, made a few phone calls and headed for Eve’s.

  The rehearsal was tickety-boo too. Eve said something like, “Nice of you to show up,” when I arrived but I’d been expecting that so I just smiled serenely and gave her the massive box of chocolates I’d brought with me.

  “Bribery won’t work,” she huffed before tearing off the cellophane and taking a deep sniff of the top layer. Her eyebrows rose higher and higher. “OK, I lied!” she declared and swooped. Those caramels never stood a chance.

  The rehearsal was good fun. I’d forgotten how sweet Nika is and how witty Lucy can be and I wished I’d been at all of them. Still, I couldn’t be in two places at once and if sacrificing a couple of mornings with my team-mates was what it took to prove to them I wasn’t the football-lightweight they thought I was, then so be it.

  And I did still have it to prove. The song we were singing, “So Long, Farewell” from The Sound of Music had quite a
sad ending.

  “Aren’t we changing the ending?” I asked. “Gemma said you wanted something more upbeat?”

  Lucy nodded. “We did. And that’s where you come in.”

  “Me?”

  “We thought it would be funnier if, as we all trooped off, you stepped forward and said something like: ‘Oh, and don’t forget, the one thing a footballer needs is…’ Then you wait a second and go: ‘A really good moisturizer…’”

  I scowled. “And why would I say something as shallow as that?”

  Everyone cracked up. Gemma included. “Amy. It’s one of your quotes. We wanted something typically ‘you’ to finish off with. To make them smile.”

  I sniffed. What I had planned wouldn’t make them smile. It would blow them away.

  Next was lunch in town with Gemma and her dad, Kriss. “Can we go by Penrith Street first?” I asked Kriss. “I need to pick up the presents.”

  “A printer’s?” Gemma noted as she followed me in.

  “Yep. For all your printing needs. Business cards, invitations, letterheads, mugs, coasters…” I said, pointing to the different samples on display.

  “OK.”

  “And T-shirts, I hope,” I added, beaming at Carol, Shane’s assistant.

  She recognized me from yesterday and grinned. “I’ll just get Shane for you,” she said.

  “Shane?” Gemma asked.

  “Oh, just one of my many business contacts.”

  Two minutes later Shane arrived, carrying one large box with two small packages on top. “Here you go, Amy. Hot off the press.”

  I clapped. “Ohh. This is soooo brilliant.”

  “Would you like to see them now?”

  “Well, of course.”

  He set the packages aside and took the lid off the box. He pulled out the top XXL T-shirt and handed it over to me. Yes, you guessed it. The T-shirts from Mum’s car. Yesterday, between sobs, I’d spotted what Shane’s printing shop could do with T-shirts and hey presto! “Yay,” I said, holding the T-shirt up against me to show Gemma the team photo across the front. “How cool is this?”

  “Neat,” Gemma said.

  “All you have to do is email a picture and they print it on. There’s one for everyone, not just Hannah and Katie. I thought it would be a nice memento. And look…” I turned the T-shirt round so she could see the writing on the back. “Parrs Under 11s, Winners of the Nettie Honeyball Cup, coached by Hannah Preston and Katie Regan, LEGENDS.”