Money Bags

by Leanne Davidson

  Oh, so simple! I have the answers in two minutes flat.

  That’s three down and two to go!

  I am just about finished when Mum comes in again.

  ‘Mischief’s making a racket at the front door,’ she informs me. ‘Just thought you’d like to know.’

  I sigh. ‘Oh all right, I’ll go and see what’s bothering her.’

  I quickly write the answers to the third puzzle, then I head off to do my dog-checking duties. I am just about at the front door, when I notice something poking underneath it. I bend down and pull out two pieces of thin cardboard, and a shiver of excitement races through me as I realise what they are: the remaining two puzzles!

  ‘Oh Ted, you’re the best,’ I say out loud.

  ‘Are you talking to me?’ asks Mum.

  ‘No, just thinking aloud,’ I tell her.

  Then I open the front door to find Mischief standing there, wagging her tail.

  ‘So that’s what all the racket was,’ I say as I give her a quick scratch behind the ears. ‘You were just letting me know that Ted was here.’

  Now he’s nowhere in sight, so I race back inside and up to my room, the remaining puzzles clutched tightly in my hand.

  Then I’m into them!

  I love these sorts of puzzles. I am so good at them! But I’m not going to boast. I’m not like that.

  It looks like there are six clues, so it’s logical I would have to find six words. I can think of a couple of words for the first clue, but only one of them uses the letters in cyberspace. The second clue is a bit harder, so I write the letters on small bits of paper and push them around a bit to see how many words I can make.

  Ha! Too easy! In a matter of minutes I’m done. Then it’s on to the lucky last!

  Hmmm. A tricky one. But not too tricky for The Brainster! I write down the word PUZZLE and immediately substitute the ZZ for the DD to give me PUDDLE. Okay. Now for the third step. Where to put the A? Of course! Swap it for the U to make PADDLE … Oh, this is just too easy for words!

  In next to no time at all I have all five puzzles completed. I fill in my details and stick it all in an envelope, then I race out and give it to Mum.

  ‘Hey Mum, could you post this when you collect the mail for work tomorrow?’

  ‘Don’t tell me you’re suddenly into letter writing?’ she asks.

  ‘It’s not a letter.’

  ‘Oh, then it must be something secret?’ pipes up Dad, as he pulls his head away from the telly long enough to give me one of those annoying ‘nod-nod, wink-wink’ looks of his. ‘Maybe I should censor it first.’

  ‘Very funny, Dad. If you must know it’s just some competition.’

  ‘Oh, okay,’ he says, suddenly losing interest, and goes back to whatever it was he was watching.

  ‘Don’t tell me, the Puzzle Palace competition, right?’ says Mum.

  I nod.

  ‘You’ll post it for me won’t you? You won’t forget?’

  ‘I won’t forget,’ says Mum. ‘It will be the first thing I do when I leave the house in the morning.’

  ‘Thanks Mum,’ I say happily. ‘You’re the best.’ And I wrap her in a hug. I’m feeling generous.

  Now there’s only one thing left to do ...

  Wait.

  CHAPTER 12

  I am pretending I am Ken Cooper, the compere of Money Bags. Ted is the contestant. He is busy taking deep breaths and psyching himself up. He gets a bit carried away sometimes.

  ‘Are you ready, Ted?’

  Ted nods. He is very focused.

  ‘Okay, let’s practise Fired up Finger first.’

  He nods again.

  ‘You’ve got to answer these as fast as you can,’ I remind him.

  ‘Could we just get on with it?’ he sighs.

  So I do.

  ‘The symbol for the number ten is:

  a) I b) C

  c) X d) V.’

  Ted looks at me as if I’m stupid. He’s just wasted a good five seconds by doing that. I shake my head.

  ‘Who doesn’t know that?’ says Ted. ‘It’s “c” of course.’

  ‘Actually, no Ted, it’s not “C”; “C” is the symbol for one hundred, not ten.’

  Ted rolls his eyes. ‘I didn’t mean that “C”, Brain. I meant the a-b-c-d kind of “c”. The symbol for the number 10 is “c”, as in X.’

  ‘Oh, right. Try to be a bit clearer next time, would you? In that case you’re one hundred per cent correct.’

  ‘Der,’ says Ted. ‘I suppose I should be thankful that Ken Cooper is the compere of Money Bags, and not you!’

  ‘Ha. Ha. Very funny. Now I know some of the questions might sound ridiculously easy,’ I tell him, ‘but the idea is to answer them as quickly as possible.’

  ‘Sorry, I forgot.’

  ‘Okay, let’s try again.

  Which of the following is not a vegetable? Is it:

  a) Potato b) Tomato

  c) Squash d) Carrot?’

  The seconds tick by. Ted is concentrating hard.

  ‘I remember Mum saying something about a fruit that people always think is a vegetable,’ he says thoughtfully.

  I look at my watch. Thirty seconds have passed already.

  ‘I know. It’s “b”: a tomato. Yes, that’s it!’

  ‘Well, at least you got the answer right. But you took way too long, Ted. You’ve got to be quicker or you’ll never make it through to the Money Bags round.’

  ‘Okay Brain, I’ll be quicker. I promise.’

  This is not going well. And it’s not even the real thing. How is Ted going to be on the night? When he has to go on national television? In front of a million people? I’d better not remind him. I think I’ll just stick to the questions. Actually, I might just throw in a few easy ones to build up his confidence.

  ‘What is the soft, usually edible, part within the shell of a nut or the stone of a fruit? Is it the:

  a) kennel b) canal

  c) kernel d) kettle?’

  Ted’s eyes sparkle, as if some giant light bulb has just been turned on in his head.

  ‘It’s “c”,’ he says, grinning broadly.

  ‘That’s right. See, it’s not so hard when you put your mind to it.

  Now, which of the following is the odd one out:

  a) cat b) dog

  c) horse d) shoe?’

  ‘That’s easy, Brain,’ he says. ‘It’s “d”.’

  ‘Great. Now let’s go for the hat-trick.

  What is the zodiac sign that represents the twins:

  a) Leo b) Gemini

  c) Taurus c) Pisces?’

  Ted smiles confidently. ‘It’s “b”. I’m a Gemini, remember?’

  Bumdrats! I forgot about that.

  Ted sighs. It is a good sigh. A relieved sigh.

  ‘See I told you it would be okay,’ he says happily. ‘I’ve got this Fired up Finger down pat. If I get questions like these on Money Bags I’m going to scoop the pool, not to mention the Money Bag, which could be as much as ten thousand dollars, and all for myself.’

  My ears prick up at that.

  ‘The winning contestant can win that much?’

  ‘Cool, huh? Just imagine. People would be talking about me for years to come. They might even make me a life member of the school. Wouldn’t that be something!’

  Hmmm. A life member of the school. Well, it’s not exactly something I’d be rushing out to tell anyone. But it’s good to see Ted so happy; it is, really.

  ‘I don’t know why I was so worried about all this,’ he says confidently. ‘As usual you were right, Brain. I can see that now.’

  I try to hide my concern. Oh boy, what have I done? I’ve given Ted false hope, that’s what!

  Well … I suppose it’s better than no hope at all.

  Isn’t it?

  CHAPTER 13

  So how goes it?’ asks Crofty, scoffing down a sandwich as he makes his way towards us.

  Ted smiles triumphantly.

  ‘Brain has
been helping me out with Money Bags,’ he says proudly. ‘I reckon I’m going to cream the competition, the way I’m going.’

  ‘Settle down now, Ted,’ I tell him. ‘You’ve done really well today, yes, but it’s only Monday and there’s still a long way to go.’

  ‘What? Still a long way to go?,’ shrieks Ted, a look of horror suddenly washing over him. ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘You didn’t think that answering a few practice questions was going to be the end of it, did you?’

  ‘Well …’

  ‘Ted, Ted, Ted. When you’re up there on stage with all those lights on you, and cameras stuck in your face, you have to be prepared. And I don’t just mean for the questions. As you know, there’s more to it than that. Much more.’

  ‘And let me guess, you know just how to prepare him,’ smirks Crofty.

  ‘Of course,’ I tell him.

  ‘I suppose it could be worse,’ says Crofty. ‘It could be me on the receiving end of your help.’

  ‘Very funny,’ grumbles Ted.

  ‘Well you two have fun,’ says Crofty as he starts to leave. ‘Oh, and Ted. If your busy schedule allows, don’t forget this week’s footy tips. We’re heading into the home straight now.’

  ‘Don’t remind me,’ says Ted.

  ‘Right Ted, ready to start again?’

  ‘Oh Brain, give it a rest. I’m all questioned out. Look, I appreciate your help, I really do, but my head is not used to all this mental exercise.’

  ‘And that’s precisely why tomorrow I’m changing tack on the road to Money Bags success, Ted my man.’

  ‘Changing tack?’ says Ted worriedly. ‘What do you mean changing tack?’

  ‘Just meet me at Brooker Park tomorrow night. How’s 5.30 pm sound? Oh, and wear something comfortable.’

  ‘Great,’ sighs Ted, rolling his eyes. ‘Just what do you have planned, Brain?’

  ‘Don’t worry,’ I tell him. ‘You’ll find out soon enough.’

  CHAPTER 14

  ‘Jogging,’ shrieks Ted, horrified.

  ‘Well, yes Ted. There are numerous benefits derived from jogging regularly.’

  ‘What about the bad points, like it’s too hard?’

  ‘Oh nonsense! The psychological benefits of jogging far outweigh the physical demands. In fact, jogging is used to treat such things as clinical depression and other psychological disorders.’

  ‘It’s a wonder it doesn’t cause psychological disorders,’ moans Ted. ‘I don’t see how it could possibly help. Not even a little bit.’

  ‘Well Ted, for starters jogging builds confidence like few individual sports can. It provides a feeling of empowerment and freedom that comes from knowing your legs and body are strong and capable.’

  ‘Like I need running to tell me that.’

  ‘And jogging has also been shown to improve attitude, which is most appropriate in your case, don’t you think?’

  Ted doesn’t even answer. He just sighs.

  ‘Surely you’ve heard of the “runner’s high”, Ted?’

  ‘No, but I’m sure you’re going to tell me all about it.’

  ‘Well, exercise such as jogging releases endorphins that can give you a general sense of happiness and wellbeing. This is often referred to as the “runner’s high”.’

  ‘Right. Great. Now do you think we could just get this over and done with?’

  ‘Yes, we will Ted, but there is just one minor detail I forgot to mention.’

  ‘What?’ says Ted flatly.

  ‘Well, we walked to Brooker Park from home – that’s precisely seven minutes and 45 seconds – so the warm-up has effectively been taken care of.’

  ‘The warm-up?’

  ‘Of course. You need to warm up before any type of exercise. It prepares you both mentally and physically for the task ahead. Not only that, but it also reduces post-exercise stiffness.’

  ‘Naturally,’ says Ted dryly. ‘How could I have not known that?’

  ‘So that just leaves the other little thing.’

  ‘What other little thing?’

  ‘Stretches of course. The various drills we use in stretching warm up our muscles specifically for the movements that will be required of them in our chosen activity. That way, specific neuromuscular patterning will be switched on and a specific functional range of movement developed.’

  ‘Right,’ says Ted. ‘Whatever that means.’

  ‘Ted, I wish you would take this seriously.’

  ‘I am, Brain, but this is getting to be more stressful than going on Money Bags.’

  ‘As the old saying goes, Ted, there’s no gain without pain.’

  ‘Especially with a best mate like you around to make sure of it,’ groans Ted.

  ‘Lookout, here comes trouble,’ I sigh.

  It’s Mischief. She races towards us at full pelt, then leaps at Ted.

  ‘What’s she sniffing your pockets for?’ I ask him.

  ‘Oops,’ says Ted sheepishly. ‘I forgot I had these in here,’ and he pulls out several dog treats.

  ‘Dog treats? What are you doing with dog treats?’

  ‘I … er … well, they’re for emergencies. You know, in case a stray dog goes to attack us, or something. See, they’re coming in handy right now. Mischief knows I’ve got them and look how good she’s being.’

  I roll my eyes.

  ‘That may be, Ted, but we’re doing important training here, remember?’

  ‘Actually,’ says Ted, ‘you didn’t happen to bring her lead, did you, Brain? She could pull me along.’

  ‘No, Ted, I didn’t bring her lead. That would defeat the purpose.’

  Mischief doesn’t move a millimetre. She is too busy staring longingly at the dog treats in Ted’s hand.

  ‘Oh, for goodness sake, give me those,’ I say grumpily. And Ted does. ‘Here, Mischief, go and play fetch.’

  And I throw the dog treats as far as I can and watch Mischief take off after them.

  ‘Now we can finally get on with the important stuff, right Ted?’

  ‘Yeah,’ sighs Ted. ‘Right.’

  ‘Now, we’re going to exercise the gastrocnemius muscle first.’

  ‘Could we do another one?’ asks Ted. ‘I don’t think I’ve got one of those.’

  ‘Ted, the gastrocnemius muscle is the calf muscle.’

  ‘Well why didn’t you just say so?’

  ‘Right, with one foot take a large step. Then bend the front knee and put the back heel flat on the ground. Make sure both feet are pointed forward, and keep your back straight with your head slightly down.’

  ‘Anything else?’

  ‘The idea is to move slowly into the stretch,’ I tell him.

  ‘Yep. Right. Got that.’

  ‘And don’t forget to breathe, Ted. Relax while holding the stretch, and never bounce while you’re stretching.’

  ‘Boy, I never knew stretching had so many do’s and don’ts.’

  ‘Ted, are you focusing? Can you feel the stretch in the calf of the back leg?’

  ‘Actually, now you mention it …’

  ‘Good. Now we’re going to swap legs.’

  ‘Hey, this isn’t so bad,’ says Ted. ‘At least it’s something I can do for a change.’

  ‘Okay, now we’re going to move onto the high knee lift. This one is for the hip flexor and ankle strength.’

  Ted nods.

  ‘Now extend up onto your toes and lift each thigh to a position parallel with the ground as you start to move forwards.’

  ‘I hope no one is watching,’ whispers Ted. ‘We must look ridiculous.’

  ‘Focus, Ted, remember?’

  ‘Oh yes, right. Focus.’

  Before long we have stretched the hamstrings, quad-riceps, thighs and the hips and lower back, as well as mastering some simulated running arm action and leg drives, for which there is not even a miniscule show of appreciation from Ted.

  ‘Thank goodness that’s all over and done with,’ he grizzles when we’re finished. ‘I
wouldn’t want to be a runner if you paid me. Fancy having to go through that all the time.’

  ‘But it’s necessary,’ I remind him. ‘And believe me, your body will thank you for it later.’

  ‘Well, I’m feeling much better now, Brain. How about we just forget about the jogging part?’

  ‘Oh Ted, where’s your sense of adventure? Besides, I told you I’d help you prepare for Money Bags, and that’s exactly what I intend to do. We are best mates, remember.’

  ‘Yeah,’ sighs Ted. ‘Don’t remind me.’

  Mischief is back from her search and retrieve mission and bounding around us excitedly. We should have called her Nuisance. There are some days when that would suit her much better.

  Naturally, I ignore her. I am too busy focusing on Ted.

  ‘Slow down, Ted. It’s not a race you know.’

  ‘That stretching really helped, Brain. I’m feeling great.’

  ‘You have to pace yourself, Ted. If you go too fast too soon you’ll hit the proverbial brick wall.’

  ‘The proverbial brick wall? What’s …’

  Ted suddenly doubles over, clutching his side.

  I forget all about jogging and race over to him. He is moaning and groaning and carrying on.

  ‘Ted? Are you okay? Ted?’

  ‘Stitch,’ he manages between sucking in great breaths of air and rubbing his side.

  ‘But we’ve only just started. That’s precisely what happens when you go too fast and your body isn’t used to it.’

  ‘Oh well, I suppose we’ll just have to stop then.’

  ‘No way,’ I tell him. ‘We’ll just rest here until the pain is gone.’

  Ted looks mortified.

  ‘And then what?’

  ‘Just walk around and breathe in,’ I tell him. ‘Bend your waist and keep pressing your hand to where the stitch is. Then release the pressure on expiration. Hopefully the stitch will be gone in a minute or so.’

  ‘It’s still there,’ groans Ted after the minute or so has elapsed. ‘And now I’m starting to feel sick. My stomach must have been sloshing around too much.’

  ‘Why would your stomach be sloshing around too much?’

  ‘Um … from the big after-school snack I had,’ he says sheepishly.