After only a couple of nights in the dive of a motel, I moved into the Company of Sinners clubhouse. The top floor was dotted with various rooms, a couple of which were kitted out with beds in case the “mood” took anyone at the many parties and gatherings held in the place. The room I was using was run-down but clean and a massive improvement on the motel. At least here there were people to talk to. Colt had convinced me that this was the safest place for me to stay temporarily in case Loki’s Legion had gotten word that I was back but that I would have to move on and soon. Maybe I should have been afraid, but I wasn’t.
My main concern was getting to Rosa and making sure she was okay. Colt assured me that he was trying to arrange for me to go see her but that it could take time; things had to be put in place to divert the Legion’s attention away from what we were doing. How the fuck did they get so damned powerful?
I was lying in bed staring at the ceiling as images of Kelly rolled through my mind—they always did when I was alone. I reached for the bottle of perfume that smelled like her and took a long inhale of the familiar fragrance. God, I miss her. When the hell will I stop feeling this way? Someone knocked on my door, snatching me back to reality.
Reluctantly I placed the bottle back in the drawer. “Yeah, what do you want?” I shouted. The feeling of being trapped inside this crumbling old building wasn’t encouraging a good mood in me, and I was deliberately making sure everyone knew it. The door opened and someone belched loudly as he poked his head around it.
I lifted my head and met Six’s wide, stupid grin. I shook my head. “God, you’re disgusting.”
He acted all coy. “Aww, shucks, you’re just saying that.” He bounded across the room like a puppy and flopped down on the edge of the bed. “Come on, dude. I got something for you.”
I sighed and rubbed my hands over my face, wondering what the fuck was so exciting. “What is it?”
“Nah. You gotta come see. Not telling.”
“How old are you, six?” Right then he was living up to his name.
He laughed and bounced the mattress up and down. “Come on, come on, come on.”
I rolled my eyes as I climbed up off the bed. “Well, seeing as you won’t let me catch a fucking break, you’d better show me. And it’d better be fucking good.”
He slapped me on the back and dashed out of the door with me following sulkily behind. We walked down the stairs, out the side door, and across the gravel to a garage at the back of the lot.
Six stopped and rubbed his hands together. “Man, you are gonna love me.”
He pulled open the metal door and walked over to a tarp in the middle of the dimly lit space. Yanking off the sheeting with a flourish, he yelled, “Ta daaaa!”
And I came face-to-face with a motorcycle.
My motorcycle.
Shiny black paint work with my name and the Cosmic logo emblazoned across the tank in silver. Memories came flooding back to me all at once like a massive physical impact and I staggered back. Images of speeding along open roads with a grin pulling at my face. Watching rocky mountain ranges whiz past me as I accelerated without fear, adrenaline pumping through my veins. Standing over the bike, cloth in hand, as I polished it lovingly with immense pride. A sense of freedom like nothing I could remember experiencing since all this shit happened. I wanted it all back. I wanted to feel that way again. I wanted to feel normal again.
Fuck me.
I just wanted to feel.
An overwhelming mixture of emotions gripped me and a sob left my throat. I covered my mouth with embarrassment twisting my insides. Sadness, elation, anger, and regret bubbled to the surface all at once as I dropped to my knees before the one thing that represented good things in my life. It was an unexpected reaction to an inanimate object, and as I knelt there and closed my eyes, I was overtaken by the urge to get on the bike and get away. Far away. Since the majority of my memory had returned, I’d discovered that I had far too many ghosts in my past and way too many misdemeanours to answer for; I was sure I’d never find any peace. But if I could just get on my bike…
Six gripped my shoulder. “Hey, Cain. I’m sorry, buddy. I… I thought it’d make you happy. I never imagined it’d damn near kill you to see your bike again. Are you okay?”
I sniffed and wiped my eyes roughly. “Yeah… yeah, I’m fine. Fuck… just a little overwhelmed, I guess. It’s been a long time.” Once I had gathered myself, I stood and straddled the metal body of the bike. It was as if the beast had been built just for me. It was a strange feeling to be so connected to the hunk of black metal, but apart from Kelly, it was the only thing that made me feel human again. I glanced at Six with a grin turning up my lips.
He cringed. “The problem is you can’t really take the bike out. Not yet. But… when Colt takes you to Rosa, you can ride it then.”
I nodded. “That’s okay. I can deal with that.” The Legion was some bad shit. I didn’t have to like it, but I got it. “So long as I get to ride eventually and I get to see Rosa.”
“Colt will make it happen, my friend. Trust him. He just wants to protect you.”
Six left me alone to get reacquainted with my bike and I spent the rest of day working on it. I polished it, changed the oil, stripped the carb, cleaned it up, and put it all back together again. It was somehow cathartic and the afternoon flew by. I hadn’t been hounded by thoughts of Kelly or memories of Melody at all, and I managed to convince myself that it wasn’t denial. It was just me moving on.
Well, I convinced myself for a short while at least.
I was washing up in the kitchen behind the bar and drifting off into a daydream about Kelly. I imagined her sitting in her office looking out the window. Would she be wondering about me too? Every time she entered my mind, I got a sinking feeling in the pit of stomach. I shook my head, determined to set the daydream loose, when Delilah appeared beside me. I turned to find her watching me closely, her head leaning on the door frame and a small smile playing on her lips.
“Hey, Delilah. What’s up?”
She blinked as if coming out of a trance. “Oh… nothing. I was just wondering if you were going to stick around for the party tonight.”
I shrugged. “What party?”
“Colt invited some of the other Cosmic charters here with their old ladies. The men are going to discuss the shit with the Legion and come up with a way forward, and then we’re having a cookout.”
Old ladies. An image of Kelly wearing Daisy Dukes and thigh-high boots entered my head and made me smile. She’d never wear shit like that. I chuckled to myself, forgetting I wasn’t alone. I glanced over at Delilah, whose gaze was still fixed on me. “Sounds good. I’ll be there.”
She chewed on her lip and smiled, her eyes bright and her cheeks pink. “Great. I was hoping you’d say that. I was worried you’d be hanging out in your room.”
I smiled and gave her a wink. “Nah. I’ll be there. Can’t stay cooped up in there forever, huh?”
“Cool.” She paused as if she was going to say more but then skipped out of the room, leaving me to finish up.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Kelly
Days became weeks, and for the first time in what felt like forever, I was dealing with an interesting case again. A young woman called Gina. I had been assigned to help Gina after she had refused to work with a male psychologist, Magnus, one of my peers with whom, incidentally, Cain also had refused to work. But the cloud of paranoia hanging over her made her mistrust everyone—including those who were trying get the bottom of her problems.
Especially men.
Our sessions were emotionally fraught as she tried to deal with the demons in her mind whilst adjusting to life in hospital. A place she didn’t want to be and didn’t feel would help her. She was a very closed person, and I was struggling to get to her to open up to me. Eventually we had our first breakthrough. She finally had begun to look me in the eyes and smile. She told me that I was easy to talk to and that I didn’t come across as judgy ev
en though it was partly my job to be so. We even laughed a little. But it was the day after our breakthrough that would change my life forever.
It was around two months after Cain had gone and I was still going through the phase of relating everything in time to accumulative hours, days and weeks since he had departed for the USA. And yes, I suppose I was in some kind of grieving process but the only person I could confide in was Esme.
I was due in to one of my sessions with Gina and I was refreshing my memory by reading the notes from our last session. She had confided in me about some of her darkest nightmares where people were conspiring against her, but I had drifted off to a conversation Esme and I had been having the night before. I’ll admit that it was unprofessional of me to bring my personal thoughts into work continuously, but let’s face it, it was far from the worst thing I’d done at work in connection with Cain.
“So you haven’t heard anything at all from Cain?” Esme asked before taking a gulp of her red wine. We were in Johnny Foxes eating dinner, and I had been staring at my plate.
I shook my head as I wondered where he was and what he was doing. Had he moved onto the next woman? I hoped not. But hope was a waste of time.
“I bet he’ll get in touch after he sorts things out over there, honey.” She was trying to reassure me, but nothing was really helping to fill the Cain-shaped hole inside of me.
“I doubt it. Why would he get in touch?” I lifted my gaze, hoping to see anything but pity in my friend’s eyes. But like I said, hope was a waste of time.
Her eyes were filled with pity. “He loved you, Kelly. You loved him. Surely that counts for something?”
I laughed without the faintest hint of humour. “It means nothing, Ez. He and I were never meant to be. We were doomed from the start. It’s just as well that he left or I could have lost everything.”
She placed her cutlery down and glared at me disbelievingly. “Oh, and you haven’t lost everything anyway?”
Someone hammered on my office door, making me jump and dragging me back to reality. I placed Gina’s notes down and went to open the door. Gina stood there, wild-eyed, staring at me.
I smiled, trying to make her feel at ease. “Oh, hi, Gina. You’re a little early.”
“I need to speak to you now.” Her voice was calm and unwavering despite her appearance.
I nodded. “Okay. Come on in. We can start now.” I turned and began to walk over to my couch. The door slammed and before I could turn, I felt a thud on the back on my head, the force of which knocked me to my knees. A searing throb vibrated from the point of impact all the way down my spine, and I was overcome with nausea.
I cried out in agony.
Her voice bellowed out as a hoarse banshee screech. “It was you! You told them! You bitch!” She began to hit me again with whatever it was that she held in her hand, and I fell forward, covering the back of my head with one hand and trying to reach for my personal alarm with the other.
Where the hell is everyone?
My vision became blurry as I tried to make sense of what she was shouting at me. But the pain shooting down my neck was far too intense. I tried to scream for help but instead a sob fell from my mouth as another blow came and I felt the bones in my fingers crunch.
“G-Gina stop… please… stop.” My voice came out as a weak and mousy croak.
Although petite, she loomed over me where I cowered, wielding what looked to be a large document stapler. “No! You bitch! You deserve to die! I knew you were just like them! You’re on their side!”
Another blow, this time to the side of my face. I cried out again as a sharp, head-splitting sting shot through my cheekbone and up the side of my skull.
Another thwack followed by a stabbing pain, and I tasted the metallic tang of blood.
Finally managing to grip my personal alarm, I pushed the button with every ounce of determination to survive that I could muster.
She hit me again. And again.
Then nothing.
Cain
Later on after I had showered and changed, I could hear lots of voices down in the main room, and I made my way there to check on what was happening. As I descended the stairs, I could see men of all ages laughing and drinking beer with their women draped all over them or around them.
“Here he is!” Colt’s voice boomed out louder than the ACDC track playing in the background.
A loud cheer rang out around the room, and when I hit the last step, I was engulfed in a group hug. People slapped me on the back and told me how much they’d missed me. Some looked familiar but others were people I was sure I’d never even met. It was a strange feeling supposedly to have been missed by people I couldn’t yet put names to, and I tried to ignore the unease in my gut.
“Cain, I don’t know how many of these folks you will remember, but these are the members of your extended family. This is the main man from the Denver charter. Cain, Ike here has been looking out for Rosa since she was moved out of here.”
Ike grabbed my hand firmly and shook it. So this guy knows the whereabouts of my kid sister, huh? My heart rate increased and the moisture in my mouth suddenly evaporated. “Where is she? Is she okay?”
“Don’t be panicking, son. Rosa is very safe. She’s not in Denver right now. But you have nothing to worry about. She’s with people who can protect her.”
Why was no one willing to tell me anything? I couldn’t shake the feeling that these people who called themselves my family were hiding way too much from me. I narrowed my eyes and felt my nostrils flare. “And where is that exactly?”
Ike chuckled and I wanted to punch him. “Safe is all you need to know, son.”
I matched the man in height and I got closer until my nose was almost touching his. My jaw was clenched. “I’m not your fucking son, old man. Now tell me where the hell my sister is!”
Ike glanced angrily over at Colt, who laughed and gripped my shoulder a little too tightly. “He’s been through a lot, Ike. Don’t mind him. He means no harm.”
Ike responded through gritted teeth. “Well you’d better get him out of my fucking face before I mean him some harm.”
Six appeared at the front of the gathered group and yanked me away. “Come on, bro. Let’s go get you some beer and pussy, huh?” I allowed him to put his arm around my shoulders and lead me away. When we were out of ear shot he whispered, “You can’t talk to Ike that way, man.”
I stopped to face my closest ally. “He has Rosa, and I want to know where the fuck she is. She’s my sister. Why won’t anyone tell me?”
He pulled me toward the bar and shoved me against a stool. I reluctantly sat as Six ordered me a neat whiskey from Delilah.
He turned back to me with a look of concern. “Look, Cain. The reason he’s not telling you is to protect you from yourself. He knows that if he tells you, you’ll go shooting off up there to get her, and by doing that, you’ll alert the Legion to where she is and that you’re back. You’d be putting us all in danger. We told them you’re dead. If they find out we lied, there’ll be all-out war.”
Delilah placed the glass full of amber liquid before me, and I grabbed it and downed it in one gulp. “Fuck. I can’t rest, Six. I need to see her. The flashbacks are scaring the shit out of me, and I’m terrified she’s suffering some kind of physical abuse or mental trauma or… or what the fuck ever. My head is torturing me with visions of her screaming and crying. And I’ve missed her eighteenth fucking birthday.” That particular realisation hit me like a ten-ton truck and I dropped my head into my hands. “Awww fuck, shit fuck!”
“Look, she was given a great celebration. Don’t worry. And seeing you will be all the gift she needs.”
I lowered my voice. “Does… does she know I’m okay?”
Six shook his head. “No, man. It was decided that it was best not to tell her. Not until you go up there anyway.” Shit. So she’s somewhere with strangers and she doesn’t even know I’m alive? Fuck. She could be grieving my death without any need. Th
e poor kid. My heart broke a little more.
I heaved a deep sigh and glanced into the centre of the room where the party had kicked up a notch. Scantily clad women I didn’t know gyrated around rubbing their tits in the men’s faces as Alice in Chains’ “Them Bones” blared from the wall mounted speakers.
“There’s something more going on here, isn’t there, buddy?” Six’s eyes were filled with concern.
I shook my head. “Nothing I can do anything about.”
“Come on, man. Me and you… we were partners in crime. Told each other everything before you left. Well… almost everything. I mean I’m a guy and I don’t do all that advice shit, but… well… you know… if you got something going on, maybe you should get it off your chest, huh?”
I sighed long and deep. “I met someone. In Scotland.”
“No shit, really?”
I glanced to my left and Delilah was behind the bar but hovering around us like a puppy waiting for scraps. I turned my attention back to my friend. “Yeah. Before I remembered about Melody. The funny thing was it turns out she looks just like Melody. Long auburn hair, same soulful green eyes, and fucking curves to die for. I… Awww fuck, Six, I fell for her. Hard. I’m fucking in love with her and she’s thousands of miles away. And do you know what really fucking gets to me? I would’ve married her. I’ve never felt that way about anyone. Not even Melody. I loved Melody, I remember that feeling. But with Kelly…”
His eyes narrowed. “Didn’t she wanna come back here with you?”
I smiled at the impossible thought. “She couldn’t. The shit would’ve really hit the fan.”
Six nodded knowingly. “Married?”
I took a long pull of my drink. “Kelly was my psychologist.”
His eyes widened so much I thought they were going to pop clean out of his head. “No fucking way. Oh, man. Did you… you know…” He leaned in conspiratorially and grinned. “Did you fuck her?”
Although I knew he meant no harm by it, I had to rein myself in when I heard him talk about her like that. Instead of punching him I closed my eyes briefly and willed my temper to calm. “Six, I loved her. I love her. So… we didn’t just fuck, okay?”
Bad Company: Company of Sinners MC #1 Page 23
