Family Baggage

by Monica McInerney

  ‘Penny, you can’t be serious about this. You have to tell her the truth.’

  ‘I don’t. And I need you to promise that you won’t tell her. I’m not going to tell Neil or the children, either. They don’t need to know.’

  Gloria had never seen Penny like this. ‘You can’t just invent a car crash.’

  ‘I’m not inventing it.’ Penny spoke in a firm voice. ‘It happened. They were driving through the mountains outside Cork and bad weather came in. There are mountains outside Cork, aren’t there? Perhaps I’d better just say Ireland for the time being. The road was winding. They must have lost control of the car and tipped over the cliff edge.’

  Glora could hardly believe she was having this conversation. ‘You can’t just make something up like that, Penny. You can’t. It won’t change anything, anyway. They’re still dead, aren’t they? How can you think this will make it easier for her to cope?’

  ‘It’ll be easier than the truth at least. Can you think of another possibility? A plane crash? A train accident? No, I think you’re right. A car crash. It’s ordinary enough.’

  ‘What do you mean I’m right? No, Penny, you can’t make this my idea. You need to hold off. Think about it some more.’

  ‘There’s no time. What I tell her when I pick her up from the school camp tonight is how it will be. I know it’s the right decision, Gloria. I really do. I feel it in my heart.’

  ‘But what if she comes to you when she’s older and says she needs to know more about her parents? What will you tell her then?’

  ‘That they loved her. I’ll talk about what they were like, the sort of people they were. That’s what she’ll want to hear. What she’ll need to hear.’

  ‘I think you’re making a big mistake.’

  ‘I know I’m not. And I need you to promise me you won’t tell her, Gloria. That you won’t tell anyone.’

  ‘She’ll find out some other way. You can’t keep something like this a secret.’

  ‘How will she find out? It happened on the other side of the world. I told you, there isn’t a big family waiting for her to join them and wanting to tell her the truth. Gloria, that’s why Rose asked me to be Lara’s guardian. She didn’t know other people here and there wasn’t other family who could take her. She always said how lucky she thought I was. And how lucky it was that we were on the same ship to Australia. That it was meant to be that we were friends. And she was right. We are lucky. We should share that luck.’

  Gloria couldn’t think of anything to say to that. Since she had known her, Penny had always had the belief that things were destined, meant to happen.

  ‘I’m telling you, Gloria, because I need to, tonight at least. But I want you to promise me that you’ll always keep it to yourself. You mustn’t even tell Kevin.’

  ‘I can’t make a promise like that.’

  ‘You have to. If we’re to keep working together, to be friends, I need to know I can trust you. It’ll be too difficult for Lara otherwise, not to mention the rest of the family. I don’t know for sure, but my feeling is that Lara will be living with us from now on. It’s the only possible outcome. I want her to feel welcome. And loved. And secure. I need to know that you won’t do anything to endanger that.’

  Gloria felt she was seeing Penny for the first time. She was like a different woman. Driven. A thought flashed into Gloria’s head. From one of their conversations, during the long, quiet times in the travel agency’s earliest days. Penny had confessed she’d longed to have another child, two boys and two girls, but it had never happened. ‘You’re glad about this, Penny, aren’t you? Glad to get Lara? Your second daughter?’

  Gloria saw a flicker of something in her friend’s eyes, but then Penny’s chin rose. ‘Of course I’m not glad. How could I be glad that something so terrible happened? What I’m trying to do is make the best of it. The best for Lara and what I know Rose would have wanted to happen. Please, Gloria. I’m asking for a promise.’

  Gloria hesitated, then nodded. ‘I promise. I think it’s wrong, but I promise.’

  She’d known for twenty-four years and kept her promise. As she watched Lara settle in to the family, go to the local schools and start working for Turner Travel, she’d reluctantly admitted to herself that Penny had been right. It had made it easier for Lara. Gloria and Penny had rarely spoken about it. One of the few times they did was at a school play, sitting in the audience, watching Harriet and Lara on stage. Lara was considered one of the Turners now. A woman went past. ‘You must be so proud of your girls, Penny.’

  ‘Oh, I am.’ Penny exchanged pleasantries and then turned to Gloria and spoke in a quiet voice. ‘You see? It’s made her ordinary, Gloria. One of us. If people had known the truth, she would never have been able to fit in. People would always have talked about her in a terrible way.’

  ‘It was still wrong. You were changing her history.’

  ‘No, I was protecting a little girl.’

  ‘You can’t protect her forever. She’ll find out.’

  ‘How? You promised me you wouldn’t say anything.’

  ‘She’ll go looking one day.’

  ‘She won’t, Gloria. I just know she won’t. She won’t need to.’

  ‘You were wrong, Penny.’ Gloria said the words aloud, staring out across the water. ‘I wish you had been right, but I think you were wrong. She has gone looking.’

  Her heart went out to Lara. Please, God, let her not have found out, not like this, alone on the other side of the world. There was nothing she could have done to stop her though, she realised. She had to let it happen. Let it unfold, whether she liked it or not.

  She got up and wrapped her arms around herself, cold despite the sunshine. Slowly, she walked up the beach and headed for home.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

  Nina called out into the hallway. ‘Austin, do you want more coffee?’

  ‘More?’ he called back from the bathroom. ‘Have you got shares in a coffee bean plantation?’

  ‘No, just an addictive personality. Caffeine, nicotine, and don’t start me on Ovaltine.’

  ‘Don’t you have to go into work today?’ Austin said, as he came into the room, freshly showered. He felt good, ready for action, optimistic, even. He’d expected to sleep badly on the sofa bed, or at least lie awake for hours. But he’d fallen asleep immediately.

  ‘Not today. Not unless I get an emergency call that some filing needs doing somewhere.’

  He and Nina fell into easy conversation again. Lara was still their main topic, but they kept veering off into side routes. What it was like living in Bath. How long he’d been a drummer. Some of the temping jobs she’d done. Whether he felt more at home in England or Australia.

  She laughed easily. He found himself telling orchestra tales, spurred on by her questions.

  ‘You can’t all be well-behaved all the time, surely?’ she’d asked.

  He’d confessed that, no, they weren’t. Musicians were terrible practical jokers. He told her about the time the cornet player discovered someone had put water into his instrument. When he picked it up and played, water sprayed out left, right and centre. Or the time the women in the first violin section turned the page on their score mid-opera to reveal some extremely explicit gay porn. The whole wind section had cracked up laughing. Only one had continued playing, to the conductor’s disgust.

  As she laughed, he saw again how sparkly her brown eyes were. Like a child’s, he thought. He’d always noticed that with his niece Molly, how clear her eyes were. Innocent, he supposed. Untouched by life’s hard knocks yet.

  ‘So, Austin, do you have a girlfriend?’

  Her sudden change of subject threw him, but he didn’t show it. ‘No, I don’t.’

  ‘A good-looking man like you? I’m not trying to flatter you, I’m stating a fact. I like your hair long like that, by the way. It suits you. But still no girlfriend?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘Surely someone fancies you or you fancy someone?’

&
nbsp; ‘You sound like my sisters. They’re constantly trying to marry me off.’

  ‘You don’t want to settle down?’

  ‘I just haven’t found the right girl.’

  ‘I would have thought you’d come up with something more original than that.’

  ‘I’m too young to settle down.’

  ‘You’re not too young. What are you? My age? Thirty-five?’

  ‘Thirty-eight.’

  ‘See, not too young at all. Better excuse, please.’

  ‘Too many fish in the sea?’

  ‘Oh, I see,’ she grinned. ‘You’re a field player. A Don Juan.’

  ‘A what?’

  ‘A ladies’ man. Of course you are, with those looks. And do you have much success?’

  ‘I have my moments.’

  ‘And is it enough?’

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘If you can play the field like that, is it enough for you mentally? Emotionally? Because you strike me as a clever man underneath all the front. Thoughtful, too. You wouldn’t be here looking for Lara if you weren’t a caring person.’

  He was enjoying this and not enjoying it, all at once. ‘You don’t mince your words, do you?’

  She smiled. ‘I’m sorry, I actually meant it as a compliment. And yes, before you say it, I am far too nosy. I always have been, especially about people’s love lives. It’s the Italian in me. And I suppose I always wondered what it would be like to play the field.’

  ‘You’re good-looking yourself. You could try it. Have you got a boyfriend?’

  ‘Alas, no, I haven’t.’

  They were flirting, he realised. He also realised he liked it. ‘Oh, poor Nina. Do you want me to give you some tips?’

  ‘Would you? Really? Oh yes please, great master.’

  He had just started, in a mock-serious voice – ‘First, identify your prey’ – when the phone rang. It was Brendan, Lara’s lecturer from the tourism college. He’d found something he wanted to show them.

  They met him in the same classroom they’d visited the night before. He’d asked them to come as quickly as possible, before the morning classes started. He looked like an absent-minded scientist, Austin thought. His hair was even more tousled than before. His glasses kept slipping, too.

  ‘I hope you don’t think I was being nosy,’ Brendan said, ‘but I was mulling it over last night. I tried that Internet history search on my own computer at home, and I discovered it saves everything you’ve looked at, every word you’ve searched for on a search engine, not only the website addresses.’

  They sat around Lara’s computer with him. He clicked, and then moved the mouse again until the Internet Explorer page was open on the screen. ‘You see, here’s the history that we looked at last night, the Irish sites, the cruise ship info pages, all of that. But here’s what I found on Lara’s search engine this morning. I don’t know, it might be helpful.’

  He clicked on the search engine web address, and then clicked again. A long list appeared on the screen of every word Lara had typed into the search engine. Amidst ones they expected to see – Willoughby, Patrick Shawcross, airlines, weather bureau, airport information – was a list of more disturbing words.

  Rose Dennis Robinson

  Car crash

  Ireland

  Australian

  British

  Police

  Two killed

  There was no mistaking it. She had been looking for information about her parents.

  ‘Did she find anything?’ Austin asked.

  ‘I don’t know. I thought I’d wait until you got here before I tried searching the same words again. The history shows the terms entered, but not what results came up. It didn’t feel right for me to look them up if you weren’t here.’

  Austin was grateful for his understanding. ‘Could you try now?’

  More clicks. He tried all the different combinations. Lots of random web pages came up, but nothing with any more information on Lara’s parents.

  ‘Of course, it was more than twenty years ago,’ Brendan said. ‘If it had been reported in any of the newspapers, and it probably was, it mightn’t show up here. They wouldn’t have had electronic editions back then. So if she was trying to find out more, she’d probably need to go to the offices themselves and check their archives.’

  Austin sat back in the chair. It was a help, but it didn’t narrow the search for her any more. ‘She could be anywhere, couldn’t she? Visiting every newspaper office in Ireland, asking to go through their back editions.’

  ‘She might have phoned around first.’ He pointed at the screen again. ‘See, she’d done a search on all the police stations in Ireland too. They’d have the information as well.’

  Nina was disappointed. ‘It’s like looking for a needle in a haystack, isn’t it? She could be anywhere in Ireland, staying in any hotel or B&B, walking miles and miles of roads trying to find the exact spot where her parents were killed.’ She sighed. ‘Then again, she could be sitting in a spa, having a facial at this moment, unaware of all this fuss.’

  ‘Not Lara. It’s more than that. It has to be something to do with her parents. If we could just figure out where she was, here or in Ireland, the next step would be easier. One island to search instead of two.’

  Brendan glanced at his watch. ‘I’m sorry to rush you, but I’ve got a class coming in a minute. You’re welcome to come back if you like.’

  Austin stood up, feeling flat, and pushed his chair back under the desk. ‘Thanks again, Brendan. You’ve been really helpful.’

  ‘Let me know if there’s anything else I can do, won’t you?’

  ‘You couldn’t run a check on her name on every airline leaving the UK for Ireland by any chance?’ Austin said, only half-joking. ‘See if we could track her down that way?’

  Brendan gave a wry smile. ‘No, I couldn’t, sorry.’

  Austin was about to turn away when Brendan spoke again, in a low voice. ‘But a friend of mine could.’

  In St Ives, Harriet was getting ready to go down to breakfast. She wasn’t sure if she was feeling nervous or just confused. It was as if a spell had been cast over all of them the night before, she decided. The make-up and hair session with Miss Talbot and the others, the bus trip, the restaurant, the disco – the combination had acted like a potion. If Mrs Lamerton hadn’t knocked on the door when she did, Harriet didn’t know what would have happened. She corrected herself. Yes, she did actually. She would have kissed Patrick Shawcross for a lot longer and if those kisses had been as good as the first kiss, then she would have gone to bed with him. She would probably still be in bed with him now.

  Perhaps it was as well she hadn’t gone back to his room after leaving Mrs Lamerton. This morning she would see him, and it would be businesslike again and they would continue on the tour as if nothing had happened.

  It was an easy day today, driving from St Ives to Land’s End and then on to the Minack Theatre overlooking Porthcurno Bay. They were all dining in town together and then the rest of the evening was scheduled as free time for everyone. The group had been talking the night before about what they would do. Mr Fidock and Mr and Mrs Douglas had been investigating local pubs and had found a nautically themed one they wanted to try. Harriet was going to take the opportunity to make calls to confirm the next part of their tour. Go for a long walk. Do some reading, perhaps.

  Her phone rang. It was Austin, calling from Bath.

  ‘She’s definitely gone to Ireland, Harriet. She flew there three days ago. To Cork, in the south. She left Bristol on a nine p.m. flight, the same day she was supposed to meet you. On a one-way ticket and so far she hasn’t returned. Not that they’ve been able to tell by the bookings, anyway.’

  Harriet listened as Austin explained about Lara’s lecturer and his industry contacts. Lara had been cutting it fine. If their flight had been on time, they would have been arriving at nine-thirty. ‘But why would she go to Cork?’

  ‘It’s got to be about her
parents. Why else would she go there?’

  ‘Has she found out where the crash was? I only remember Mum and Dad saying it was in Ireland, but I never knew where.’

  ‘Nor did I. Maybe they knew, and maybe they told Lara years ago. Or she might have contacted the Irish police. I’ve checked the flights. There’s one leaving Bristol for Cork later today, we might be able to catch it.’

  ‘We?’

  ‘Nina’s as worried as we are. She’s coming with me. Harriet, I’d better go. I’ll ring you as soon as I have any more news.’

  Harriet finished getting ready. Austin’s call had brought her back to reality. That was her real life, the real world. Her family, Lara, Austin. Not what she had imagined was happening with Patrick. She had blown everything out of proportion.

  On her way downstairs she stopped at the landing and looked out through the big windows onto the beach. There was only one person out there, in a billowing raincoat, walking a dog. It was still drizzling and the waves were high, but not as rough as the previous day.

  The front door of the hotel opened. She knew it was him even before he appeared.

  He saw her immediately. His face broke into a smile. ‘Harriet.’

  She walked down the final few stairs. Her legs were suddenly unsteady. ‘Hello, Patrick.’

  ‘Did you manage to sort things out for Mrs Lamerton last night?’

  ‘I did.’ She swallowed. ‘Patrick, I’m sorry about—’

  ‘I’m not.’

  She fell quiet.

  ‘Harriet, I meant it last night. I mean it this morning. Something is happening. We both feel it.’ His face was serious. ‘Are you sorry about last night?’

  ‘No, I’m not. No.’

  ‘Are you sure?’

  ‘I’m sure.’

  ‘Can I see you this evening? After the group dinner in town?’

  ‘You’ve looked at the itinerary?’

  ‘I have, yes.’ A glint came to his eye. ‘You see? If I’d known you would kiss me so beautifully, I’d have been checking it long before now.’