The Right to a Bear's Arms (A BBW Shifter Romance) (Wolf Rock Shifters)

by Carina Wilder

  Kyla and Maddox sat Zoe down on the ground for a chat while the children worked with other adults.

  “As I work with them,” Kyla told Zoe, “I watch them for special abilities. These sometimes manifest before the shifting does. And they can be even more frightening, like the ability to see as I do. One kid, a few years ago, could camouflage himself. It was amazing. When we’d play hide and seek he’d literally disappear. It took ages to find him because he didn’t know what he’d done. He was terrified when we did finally come upo him. But all these skills are important to develop, and even more than that, we need to get the kids understanding that it’s not that there’s something wrong with them. It’s that they have gifts.”

  “And so I’ll be doing that sort of thing? Figuring them out?” asked Zoe, a little frightened at the prospect.

  “My plan is to set you up with children who’ve been assessed as having anxiety.”

  “So the ones who are like me,” laughed Zoe.

  “Yeah, actually. Because you’ll understand what they need. The kids you’ll work with already know their abilities but are frightened or unsure of what to do with them. The common thing about all kids is that they tend to want to be like their friends and siblings, so sometimes they try and hide their skills away, like they’re ashamed. We want you to help them to understand that there’s nothing wrong with them.”

  “But how can I help? I hide away more than anyone does,” she said, meaning it in more ways than one.

  “Like we’ve said before,” said Maddox, “just access the memories of your childhood and imagine what would have helped you, Zoe. Think about how to make these kids feel loved and supported. If you need to, think about what you didn’t have. And give it to them. You are a guardian. You have experience. You can help.”

  “I’ll do my best.”

  “I know you will,” said Kyla. This gave Zoe confidence. If anyone could see the future, it was her.

  They walked over to a little boy who was sitting alone on the grass in a clearing. Kyla looked at Zoe and nodded, as if to say, “Go for it.’

  Zoe approached the boy and said quietly, “Do you mind if I sit with you?”

  The little boy, who was blond and blue-eyed, said, “I suppose not.”

  Zoe sat down on the grass, her knees pulled up under her chin.

  “What are you doing here, all alone?” she asked.

  “Just sitting.”

  “Were you thinking?”

  “Yeah.”

  “About what?”

  “You.”

  Zoe gasped and then laughed. This was a strange response.

  “Why were you thinking about me?”

  “Because you’re sad that a bad man wants to hurt you.”

  “Oh my God,” she said quietly. “How do you know that?”

  “Because I can feel it. I can feel your fear.” He looked up at her, his large eyes calm and gentle. “I saw you talking to the teachers and I knew that you were scared. I could sense it from over here.”

  “Can you feel what everyone around you feels?”

  “Most of the time. It’s strange, I know,” he said, pulling a piece of grass out of the ground and peeling it apart.

  “Do you feel it too? I mean, if a person is sad, do you feel sad?”

  “I suppose. I feel sad for them,” he said. “I want to help but sometimes I can’t.”

  “And how does that make you feel?” Zoe suddenly felt like a highly underqualified therapist.

  “Helpless, I guess. I don’t like when people are sad.” he said.

  “I know what it’s like to feel helpless. I feel like that a lot.”

  “Do you?”

  “Yeah. I do.”

  “But you don’t right now.”

  “No, right now I feel a little hopeful, actually. And I hope that I can be helpful. I hope you don’t feel all alone.”

  “I don’t, not right now. What’s your name?”

  “Zoe. What’s yours?”

  “Conner.”

  “Conner, what’s your animal going to be when you’re older?”

  “I’m a wolf. That is, I’m going to be one soon. I’m nine. My mom says that probably in a couple of years I’ll change for the first time.”

  “A wolf and a protector. That’s a good combination, like Tristan,” she said.

  “But you don’t want protection. You’d rather not have it.” He looked at her again. There was a sincerity in his face that made Zoe want to cry; he was so innocent and yet so wise.

  “It’s complicated. I don’t want to rely on people. And I don’t want them controlling my life.”

  “But protection comes in all sorts of ways. You need to be protected, Zoe. You need people, to help you to stop hurting.”

  “Well, this is ironic,” she laughed.

  “What does that mean?”

  “It means it’s a little surprising that I was coming here to help you, and you’re helping me.”

  “I am?” He smiled now, a mouth full of missing teeth lighting up his face.

  “Yes, of course you are.”

  “I never helped anyone. I always stay away from people because I’m worried that I’ll scare them.”

  “Now, how could a handsome little boy like you scare anyone?”

  “Because I’m different.”

  “We’re all of us different, Conner,” said Zoe. “We’re like snowflakes. No two are the same. But that’s okay, you know. Shifters are special.”

  “What makes you different?” he asked.

  “You don’t know?’

  “No, I mostly feel emotions coming off of people. I don’t read your mind or anything like that.”

  “But you knew a man wanted to hurt me. How did you know that?”

  “I don’t know. I guess I felt that you were afraid of someone.”

  “Well, that’s a little like reading a mind. Conner, you should work on this. You should let yourself breathe and sit back and see how much you can learn from people. You know, that’s what Kyla does and she’s very good at it.”

  “Really?”

  “Really.”

  “But I still don’t know what makes you different,” he said.”

  “Well, I can change. Into almost anything.”

  “Really? Wow,” he said, elongating the “ow” sound with the breathy voice of a stunned child. Zoe wanted to laugh at how excited he became at the thought of her abilities.

  “You know, I was scared of this ability, all my life. I never felt right.”

  “But you feel better now,” he said. “You’re starting to like it.”

  “Yeah, I’m getting there.”

  “You’re starting to see that it’s a privilege to have this gift…” Conner’s voice changed in that moment, growing distant. There was a wisdom and a maturity in it now, as though he was speaking through someone else. “…and to appreciate how special it makes you.” With that he began to pull the blade of grass apart again, seeming to revert to the boy he’d been a moment earlier.

  “Yes, you’re right,” said Zoe. “And I hope I can help you to see how special you are. You know, you have what we call empathy. Most people have it a little, but it’s rare to feel it as much as you do. You just need to learn to use it. You can help your pack with it, you know, when you’re older.”

  “How do I do that?”

  “It’s very important to be able to read others, so that you know what’s coming. And you can do that. You can tell if they’re good or bad. You can warn people.”

  “I never thought about it like that.”

  “It’s your super-power. You’re Empathy Man.”

  Conner laughed now, his face lighting up again. “Empathy Man,” he giggled.

  “But don’t let it hurt you. Don’t let it make you sad. The world is full of unhappy people, but never let them bring you down.”

  As the words came out of her mouth, Zoe knew that she hadn’t believed them for most of her life. She’d allowed the ugliness of Drake
’s personality hurt her, and her own negative thoughts about what her parents must have been like. She didn’t embrace the good around her. She hadn’t fully appreciated the couple who’d adopted her, even.

  “You know, Conner, you’ve taught me a lot this morning,” she said, smiling. “And I’m grateful.”

  “I have? Good,” he said. “You’ve taught me, too. You’re maybe the best teacher I ever had.”

  Zoe wanted to cry again, but instead she let out a joyous laugh.

  “Listen, I have to go talk to someone now,” she said, “But I’ve really liked talking to you. Can we talk again later?”

  “Yeah. I think I’m going to go play with the other kids,” Conner said, getting up and running off as though nothing had happened.

  Zoe sat still for a moment and a voice behind her said, “That wasn’t so bad, was it?”

  She turned to see Maddox, who was grinning.

  “No. It was great, actually.”

  “You’re good at this, you know. Kyla had a feeling about you, and she was right, of course.”

  “I would never have thought I’d be good at talking to kids. But that was…that was special.”

  “Stick around, Zoe. You’ve got a job if you want it.”

  “Really? That was my interview?”

  “Sure. And you got through with flying colours.”

  She stood up now. “Thanks, Maddox, for doing this for me.”

  “Don’t thank me. Thank my wonderful mate.”

  “I will.”

  Zoe spent the rest of the afternoon walking around and talking to other children. One young girl who seemed lost had recurring dreams about being in dark places, unable to tell what sort of animal she was as she stalked around in various bodies.

  “You sound like me,” Zoe told her. The little girl’s face had lit up to think that there was someone else in the world, a grown woman, who had once been equally confused. “Don’t worry,” Zoe continued. “You’ll find your way and the darkness will fade. It’s doing that for me, but it takes time.”

  The day gave her a sense of accomplishment the likes of which she’d never experienced in her entire life. Somehow, after years of feeling confused by her body and her role in the world, she had a purpose.

  When she had a break at one point to eat, she found herself walking through the woods, thinking about Colson.

  On paper he was perfect, or at least pretty great. He was kind and generous, intelligent and seemed genuinely fond of her. But Zoe recalled when she’d first met Drake. He’d swept her off her feet with his charming nature and his seeming interest in her personality. True, she occupied someone else’s body, but it seemed that what had impressed the man was her mind. And yet he’d turned out to be horrible.

  As she thought about him, Zoe found herself becoming angry. A year of her life had been spent, wasted, on such a waste of a person. How had she not seen what he was from the start? And what if Colson was just the same sort of man (Have little Conner read him)?

  “Maybe,” she thought, “What I need is just to be alone for a good, long time. As in forever.” She thought of what Kyla had said about vulnerability and letting others in, but she simply wasn’t ready. She felt as though her insides were scarred.

  When the day had finished and Zoe had spent time with no fewer than seven children, each of whom struck her as wonderful, special and lovable in the ways she’d always hoped to be as a child, she headed towards her woods and her tree. She had enough food there to last a few days and from her home base she’d be able to prowl around in her panther form and get to know the woods better. A solitary pursuit, but one which would keep her concealed, at least.

  When she arrived and climbed up to the platform that Colson had begun building, she found that it had grown somewhat, to the point where it looked as though the plan was to extend it fully around the tree’s tall trunk. Clearly the bear had returned while she was out.

  Zoe sat down, her face in her hands, trying to discern if she was angry, flattered, or both. Here was a man who wanted her, and even after her rejections had been persistent in his generosity. Not only that, but he had taken on the role of a sort of guardian or protector. Much as it pissed her off to have a man think she needed looking after, it gave her a sort of inner peace to feel that someone in the world was thinking about her.

  As she sat still, her eyes covered by her hands, she felt as though the large cat within her was all but purring. Her muscles relaxed; her mind seemed to clear, if only temporarily.

  It had been a good day.

  Nine

  The days went by as the first had; from Monday to Friday, first thing in the mornings Zoe raced over to the wolves’ cabin to shower, proceeded to the school to teach and returned home to find that the house in the trees had altered in some way during the day and the delicious scent of a man with the spirit of a bear had remained in the air. On occasion Zoe would find a flower sitting waiting for her arrival; sometimes Colson had left behind some chocolate or homemade cookies for her. Each time she received one of his gifts, she felt herself melt a little bit, the fortress strategically constructed around her heart losing its indomitable strength. But she told herself that it was no good; she was no good in a relationship.

  Still, the cookies were delicious. That was something, at least.

  The wolf pack seemed to have adopted Zoe. Perhaps it was because Kyla, who was a senior member of the group, had befriended her. Whatever the case, the wolves had accepted Zoe as one of their own, as they seemed to have done for Maddox the year before. She felt at home in their cabin, though ultimately she preferred the solitude and height of her tree. Also, there was the fact that the more she stayed at her own home base, the more chance there was of running into a certain bear shifter. Though Zoe felt that they should remain friends, she thought of him often and wished, against her will, that she could see more of him.

  After the morning showers, Zoe headed for the “school,” which was slowly becoming a series of small structures in the woods. There was very little classwork and only rarely did she or the other teachers instruct the children formally. Most of the time they’d head into the woods in groups. Zoe and Maddox each performed demonstrations of their abilities; each showing the children how to shift while discussing the attributes of the creatures they changed into.

  “An eagle,” Zoe told them, “can fly and see long distances. But if you’re wanting to head into the woods their large wingspans make them impractical.” With that, she changed and demonstrated the problem by flapping in between two trees which grew close together. Her wings clipped each of them and she was forced to land near one of the changing stations. She came out, fully clothed, and said, “And so always remember where you’re strongest.”

  One little girl raised her hand and said, “But you can be anything. What do we do if we can’t do that?”

  Zoe crouched down next to her. “You can be anything. Maybe not any animal, but anything you want. You can be the president of the United States one day.”

  The little girl laughed.

  “The thing is,” said Zoe, standing again, “to remember that you are humans who shift. So you have all the skills a person has and the instincts and the talents of your inner animal. Never feel like you have to hide your abilities or keep them all inside.”

  When Zoe went for her lunch break that day, she heard banging in the woods and wandered over to see how the buildings were progressing. A wooden frame was being erected for a small cabin that would act as a classroom, and she walked around it, looking at its sturdy structure.

  “Hey, Zoe,” a voice said from behind her.

  She turned to see Colson, a hammer in his hand.

  “Oh my God,” she said. “I had no idea you were here. I should’ve smelled you.” When she sniffed the air, she wondered how she could have missed his musky scent, which made her muscles go weak now. God, he smelled best when he’d been sweating. She knew that already from his scent in the air when she’d return home in th
e evenings. She was always grateful that he didn’t wait around for her because the smell aroused her, and she wasn’t entirely sure how long she’d be able to resist telling him how much she wanted to kiss him, to taste him, to put her hands on him and sink her teeth into his flesh.

  “Sorry to startle you,” he said, smiling. For a moment she wondered if he was reading her thoughts.

  “That’s okay. I just didn’t know it would be you. It seems like between fixing cars and building me a mansion in a tree, you’d be too busy to do something like this.

  “Someone came around the garage asking if anyone was particularly good at building and I couldn’t resist an opportunity to help the kids,” he said, stepping forwards, his tanned chest shiny with perspiration. “Or the chance to see you.”

  Zoe raised a hand, palm forward, and realized that she was about to lay it on his chest. Or rather, it was about to lay itself, since she seemed to have no control over it. But she pulled back just as she made contact with his hot skin, which created a pulse of throbbing nerve endings between her legs.

  “What the hell am I doing?” she wondered. At the very least it would be inappropriate to touch Colson in this environment.

  “I…it’s good to see you, too,” she stammered.

  “Do you like the way your treehouse is coming along?”

  “I do. Of course I do. I can’t believe you’re doing that for me, Colson. I really can’t.”

  “It’s what someone does for their…”

  “Their what?”

  “Friend,” he said, his face serious as he looked into her eyes.

  “Friend. Well, that’s good. I’m glad to know we’re friends,” said Zoe, turning away. “I should get back now…”

  She felt her right hand being pulled back now, his own grasping it gently.

  “Zoe…” he said.