The Platinum Reunion

by T V Hartwell

  Jake sat quietly for a few moments, wiping his tears away, and allowing Amanda’s words to sink in. “I love you, Amanda,” he finally said. “I will always love you, no matter what.” Jake reached over in a tentative way to hug Amanda, touching her back lightly at first with his left hand.

  Amanda immediately reached over with both arms to embrace him back, assuredly, wrapping her arms tightly around his torso and then pressing the side of her forehead to his. At that point, Jake held on to her more tightly too with both his arms.

  “I will always love you too, Jake. I want you to be happy,” she said, and then they held on to one another for a few moments.

  Amanda lifted her head from Jake’s, kissed him on the nose, and then let go of him. “Thank you for coming to see me on your trip to New York. I know you must be really busy, so I guess I should get going.”

  “Well…the truth about that is, I only came here to see you. I’m not here on a business trip.”

  “Oh,” Amanda said with a chuckle. “I feel like I know everything there is to know now.”

  “I kind of feel like I shouldn’t have come. That I shouldn’t have told you about what our parents did.”

  “Why?”

  “Because part of my intention was to try to win you back in the process—you know, over time—but you’ve helped me to accept that the door on our relationship is closing or has already closed and that I should move on. Now you have all of this drama with your dad to deal with.”

  “Jake, I’m glad you told me the truth. I needed to know. And thank you for not taking advantage of the situation in my moment of weakness when I bared my heart and asked you to make love to me.” Amanda slapped her hands to her face and shook her head at herself, feeling embarrassed.

  “When you woke up, I was kind of scared that you’d ask me again.”

  Amanda removed her hands from her face and glanced at Jake, curious. “Why? You can’t get it up for me anymore?”

  Jake chuckled and grinned broadly. “No, no…that’s not it at all. I just wasn’t ready to go there yet. You know, with me and Kirby still being an open question and—”

  “I get it. No need to explain. Go back home and get your man already, Jake. Jesus!” Amanda said sassily as she hopped off the bed.

  Jake just smiled at her.

  Chapter Forty-Three

  “I am through with Jake, Myla, and I mean it this time.”

  “Oh my God, Kirby. Every time you call me it’s a different story. Last week you were head over heels in love with the boy again and now you’re saying you’re through? Here we go again. What’s it going to be, boo? Make up your mind.”

  “I’ve made up my mind. It’s over…for real this time.”

  “What happened? You said you two had kissed and made up last week.”

  “Yeah, well, that was before he told me last Saturday or early Sunday, actually, that we shouldn’t continue to have sex anymore, for the time being, because I want and expect too much and he doesn’t want to hurt me. And mind you, that was while we were in the middle of doing the nasty on that same night.”

  “So you mean you guys finally went all the way?”

  “Hell, no. He’s still acting all skittish and shit because I told him how I felt about him as we were in the middle of doing it, and then he tells me we should wait because I’m too serious and he doesn’t want to hurt me and shit since he’s not ready to commit to being in a relationship. He says he needs more time to think about it.”

  “Think about what?”

  “Everything, I guess. This dude tells me he loves me and can’t get rid of me and trusts me more than anyone in his life but then tells me that we shouldn’t continue to do anything sexual until he figures out what he wants. He needs more time and space to figure shit out.”

  “Oh please. This guy is such a drama queen. If he loves you and you love him, what else does he want?”

  “I have no fucking idea. This fool is still craning for his ex-girlfriend Amanda. He thinks he can convince her to take his wishy-washy ass back or something.”

  “How do you know that?”

  “This guy went to New York to see her.”

  “What? Oh my God. This is getting ridiculous.”

  “He’s there right now. I texted him this morning, you know, just to check in, trying to keep the flame burning, and he tells me he’s in New York because he needed to meet with her about something.”

  “Meet with her about what?”

  “I don’t know. When I last saw him, he said something had gone down recently that involved her and their families but he didn’t elaborate. I mean, there is some pretty heavy shit that’s taken place involving her family and their breakup that I know about, but I honestly don’t know why he’d want to revisit any of that at this point. It’s water under the bridge. Amanda doesn’t want him anymore.”

  “Isn’t she dating that big celebrity producer you worked for way back when?”

  “Exactly!”

  “They make a better-looking couple anyway.”

  “Thank you! Jake’s hella jealous though. He can’t stand them being together.”

  “Why should he even care?”

  “Because he’s confused and lost. I swear, I don’t know why I’m still putting up with this shit and waiting for this boy to come around.”

  “This is bullshit. He’s making out with you and telling you that he loves you and can’t live without you and then flies to New York to see his ex? Jake is such a tease. It’s like he takes you to the brink and then pulls back when it gets too uncomfortable for him, and then he accuses you of being too serious and wanting too much from him? What does he expect? You’re human, for God’s sake. Not a damn robot without any feelings or emotions. You’re not a toy or some doll that he can manipulate and just turn on and turn off at will for his pleasure. Like I’ve told you before, Kirby, and I know you don’t like me telling you this, but I think you’re Jake’s crutch. You make it possible for him to live out his gay romance fantasy without having to make a commitment. Meanwhile you’re sittin’ at home crying while he’s out looking for the next girl he can con into marrying him, or maybe he’ll convince Amanda to take him back. Who knows? Regardless, you’re being played, Kirby, and it’s high time for you to put a stop to it once and for all.”

  “I am going to put a stop to it as soon as he gets back. I can guarantee it. I’ve had enough.”

  ***

  The next day, following his phone conversation with Myla, Kirby received a text from Jake.

  At JFK waiting to board my flight. I need to see you as soon as I get back to LA. I have something really important to tell you.

  “I bet you do,” Kirby said to himself cynically, thinking that Jake had likely succeeded in convincing Amanda to take him back. Jake wanted to meet to tell him that it was over between them and that he’d made a commitment once again to be with Amanda and not him. But this time, Kirby was determined to not let Jake have the last word.

  I have something to tell you too, Kirby texted back.

  Oh yeah? Did your pilot get picked up? Jake wrote back, guessing.

  No. It’s not about that.

  Okay. Now I’m really curious. Don’t know if I can wait.

  I prefer to tell you in person.

  My flight’s supposed to land at LAX at 1 pm so I’ll be free the rest of the day. Not planning to go back into the office until tomorrow.

  Kirby didn’t reply back immediately. He stopped to think about where he wanted to confront Jake. At first he thought of a bar or restaurant, but both ideas seemed too convivial for the occasion. He didn’t want to have a drink, meal, or good laugh with Jake. He wanted to tell him off and slam the metaphorical door in his face. However, before Kirby could make up his mind, Jake quickly sent him another text with a suggestion of his own.

  Want to come over to my place?

  Kirby hesitated at first, but saying no would’ve seemed weird, he thought, since going over to Jake’s place and vice ver
sa would otherwise be the normal and routine thing to do. To avoid creating unnecessary drama and suspense, Kirby decided to accept the invitation.

  What time?

  Whenever is good for you.

  Have an appointment at 4. I can come afterward around 6.

  Perfect. See you then.

  Chapter Forty-Four

  As Kirby drove to Jake’s apartment, he rehearsed what he wanted to say to him over and over again in his head. Kirby was pumped and all riled up at first. He wanted to feed off that energy to assail Jake for continuing to toy with him and his emotions. He felt used, manipulated, even abused. Like Myla had said, Jake had taken him to the brink yet again, then pulled back. It was cruel to continue stringing him along like that, offering false hope. And to add insult to injury, Jake had flown all the way to New York to see Amanda. Kirby was convinced that they were getting back together, and Jake’s purpose in wanting to meet with him was to tell him so. Even if Jake were to suggest that he and Kirby remain friends, Kirby knew that wouldn’t be possible, at least not for him. He was too in love with Jake and they had too much history of being more than simply friends—all of the expressions of love, the passion, the intimacy, the unguarded emotions, the intense closeness. They had been lovers as much as they had been friends. Both went hand in hand. There could be no other way of being, no other path for them. A purely platonic relationship would not work. Kirby had come to accept this. He had lost and Jake’s demons—self-loathing and fear of being outwardly gay—had won.

  As Kirby drew closer to Jake’s place, the thought of ending their relationship for good made him sad. When he parked and stepped out of his car, Kirby didn’t know what he’d say now. He’d already forgotten what he’d rehearsed on the way over when he was feeling more agitated and riled up. He was filled with sadness now, and he didn’t know how his words would come out. All he knew was that he needed to be firm. His relationship with Jake absolutely had to come to an end. It was time for him to move on with his life.

  Jake opened the front door and greeted Kirby with a broad smile. “Hi.” He looked as handsome and tempting as always, barefoot and wearing a pair of white shorts and a long-sleeve gray T-shirt that revealed the outline of his lean, muscular frame through the light cotton fabric.

  “Hey,” Kirby said, taking notice of Jake from head to toe without lingering. He walked right past him and sat down on the sofa. “So how was New York?”

  “Eye-opening. I feel like I got the clarity that I needed on some things,” Jake said as he too sat down on the sofa on the other end from Kirby.

  Kirby wanted to get right down to business. He didn’t want this to be a long and drawn-out conversation. It was best to keep it short and to the point as much as possible. He wasn’t even interested in hearing what he thought Jake had to tell him about a presumed reunion with Amanda. He just wanted to get off his chest what he had to say. “I feel like I’ve gotten clarity on some things too.”

  “Clarity about what?”

  “About us,”

  “Okay,” Jake said, gazing at Kirby, a little stumped. He’d been looking forward to hearing what Kirby had to tell him, but he’d assumed that it might be related to some new professional or personal endeavor.

  “I might as well get right down to it,” Kirby said before pausing for a second. His heart was beating fast. He rubbed his face with his right hand and took a deep breath before continuing to speak. “The clarity for me is that I’ve put my heart on the line for you. I’ve told you how I feel. I’m in love you with, Jake. I told you that way back in August. And many times before that I told you that I loved you. Even though, in the past, I was telling you that as a friend or in the heat of the moment when we were being physical, it was always a deeper, emotional kind of love I felt for you. The kind of love you can only have for someone you feel romantically inclined about. Despite all of the tumult and separation we’ve experienced these past few months, I’m still in love with you…more than I’ve ever been. When we reconnected last week, I had so much hope that things between us would get back on track and then, even better, you shocked me when you said that you were in love with me. You finally said it. I was like, oh my God, he finally admitted it. We’re finally getting somewhere. Maybe we’ll end up together after all, like I’d been hoping for. But then you pulled back again, talking about how we shouldn’t continue to be sexual with another until you figure out what you really want because you don’t want to hurt me or disappoint me again. Well, I’m already hurt, Jake. I’m already disappointed, and I can’t do this anymore. My love alone is not enough to keep this relationship going. It seems like the more I pour my heart out to you and tell you how I feel, the more you resist and push me away. I can’t take it anymore, Jake. We both need to have our hearts in this or the relationship won’t work. And we can’t just be friends. We’ve never been that way. I know you’re attracted to me, and maybe you are in love with me, but the clarity for me is what you’ve shown and proven to me. And what you’ve shown and proven is that your heart is not in this. You may feel love for me, but you aren’t willing to give your heart to me fully and completely and likely never will. I realize that now. I’ve come to accept it….”

  “I am now,” Jake said calmly. However, Kirby talked over him, not hearing him.

  Kirby tried his best not to cry but couldn’t help it. A single tear streamed down his face as he continued to talk rapidly. It almost became an incoherent, emotional ramble.

  “Kirby!” Jake said as he reached over to grab and squeeze Kirby’s left arm, which was resting along the top of the sofa’s backrest.

  Kirby abruptly stopped talking. He could see that Jake was still and his piercing blue eyes were locked on him. Jake’s stare and touch sent a shiver through Kirby’s body, a shiver of love and desire that he was trying hard to suppress. “What?” Kirby asked weakly.

  “Did you hear me? I said that I am now. I’m ready to give my heart to you…completely.”

  “Don’t play with me, Jake. Don’t play with me, man. You always do this.” Kirby pulled his arm away and then folded both his arms across his chest.

  “I’m not playing, Kirby,” Jake said, trying to convince him by moving up closer to him and grabbing his arms to convey the sincerity of his intentions. But Kirby wasn’t having it.

  “No…no…no,” Kirby said, closing his eyes and shaking his head sternly. “No, Jake. Don’t do this. Don’t do this. You always do this. Stop playing, man,” Kirby said as he unfolded his arms curtly so Jake’s hands would fall off.

  “Kirby, I love you too, and I want to be with you too,” Jake said, pleading emotionally. “This is what I wanted to tell you.”

  “Jake, you always say you love me, and then you run away.”

  “I’m not running away anymore. The clarity for me is that I realize I can’t be without you. That there’s nobody that I’m more attracted to, closer to, more emotionally connected to; nobody that I’m more in love with than you; nobody that makes my soul sing more than you. I know it may sound corny, but it’s true. All this time, I’ve been afraid to accept my love for you because I’ve had this picture in my mind about what my life was supposed to look like. I’ve had these ideas about how my life should unfold in order to meet certain standards and expectations, to reach certain goals professionally, and to be accepted into certain circles, and to be liked by certain people. Having a wife and kids was like part of the natural order of things. They were part of this package I was putting together to represent who I was to the world, to control and dictate how the world should view me. This is what I was raised to think I had to do. You know my family. I mean…they’re not that stuffy. They’re good people, but they’ve lived a certain way for a long time and have a certain mindset about how things should be done, and they pass that mindset down from one generation to the next. You have to go to the right prep school, get into the right college and join the right fraternity, go to the right law school, become a partner at the right law firm, get into the
right country club, marry a girl from a good family, and so on. But I don’t fucking care about all that anymore, Kirby. I want you. Please…take me. I’ll give myself to you completely, the way you want. I love the way you make me feel. I love the way you love me. There’s nothing like it. There’s nothing that makes me feel so wanted, so desired, so lifted. I’ve been running away because it scared me at first. I was afraid that it would take me off my path, this mission I was on to control how my life should be and look. But I don’t care about all that anymore. I’ve thought about what it would be like to have a life with you as a couple in a committed relationship. I’ve thought about it a lot, and I’m ready to pursue it, to explore that with you. Although I must admit, this will all be new for me, and I can’t say that I’ll be the perfect partner for you, but I want to try. I want to give us a real chance to express this love we have for one another openly and honestly. Please, Kirby, take me,” Jake said, reaching to touch Kirby again.

  Kirby was taken aback and speechless at this outpouring. It wasn’t anything close to what he’d expected to hear and he wasn’t quite sure how to respond. Despite the emotion and earnestness with which Jake spoke, Kirby was still a little skeptical. “So why did you go to New York to see Amanda?”

  “There was some information I needed to share with her.”

  “Did you tell her that her father offered to pay you off so that you wouldn’t marry her?”

  “Yes, I did.”

  “Holy shit! You did? What did she say? Does she really have that mystery illness you refused to tell me about?”

  “I really don’t want to get into all of the details about that right now, but there’s no illness. It was all a hoax. The bottom line is, I love Amanda, okay? I care about her a ton, and a part of me wanted to get back with her, but I think that was mostly out of guilt for walking away from her the way I did. I wanted to make things up to her and make her happy, but she helped me to realize that I needed to focus on my own happiness. She basically got me to admit that between the two of you, I love you more.”