Her Soldier of Fortune

by Michelle Major

  The horses fell into a rhythm, and Nate played the part of tour guide, pointing out landmarks on the ranch and explaining the history of the area to Bianca and EJ.

  The boy settled back against his chest, making Nate’s heart twist. Even Bianca seemed to relax, becoming somewhat of an expert on tugging Daisy’s reins when the horse tried to stop and eat grass.

  “How much farther?” EJ asked when his stomach rumbled loudly.

  Nate chuckled and pointed to the west of the trail. “The pond and windmill are just over that rise. Only about ten minutes longer until we break for lunch. Maybe we should have had a snack before we started.”

  “I can wait ten minutes,” EJ told him. “Come on, Mommy.”

  Those words had become the boy’s refrain during the ride. He continually turned and looked around Nate’s arm to ensure Bianca and Daisy were keeping up with them.

  “I’m with you,” she called back. Nate saw her press her thighs against Daisy’s side when the horse slowed.

  “If we teach her to shoot a gun, your mom could be a regular Annie Oakley on that horse,” he said to EJ when Cinnamon started down the trail again.

  “I don’t know Annie Oakley,” EJ told him.

  Nate chuckled. “I’ll introduce you.”

  “Do you love her?”

  “Annie Oakley?” Nate flexed his fingers against the fabric of his jeans. “She’s dead now and I only knew her through her reputation, of course. Grayson was a bigger fan when we were younger. She was a famous sharpshooter but an excellent horsewoman, as well. Annie Oakley could—”

  “I mean Mommy,” EJ interrupted.

  Nate sucked in a breath, jerking back on the reins enough to make Cinnamon pin his ears for a moment. He glanced behind him, but Bianca only smiled and waved, looking almost relaxed in the saddle.

  Clearly she hadn’t heard EJ’s question.

  “What do you mean, buddy?” he asked, keeping his voice light. Were his feelings for Bianca that obvious?

  “You said a man takes care of the women he loves. Since we came to visit, you’ve been taking care of Mommy.” EJ tipped up his head to look at Nate. “Is it because you love her?”

  Oh, hell. That question was as loaded as one of Annie Oakley’s Wild West Show pistols. Of course he didn’t love Bianca. Not like EJ was talking about. Nate didn’t even know if he was capable of that kind of love. The situation was...

  “It’s complicated.”

  EJ blinked, his gaze remaining focused on Nate’s face. “What’s comp-ki-lated?”

  “Well, your mom and I are friends. I care about her and about you. Your uncle Eddie was my best friend. So we’ve all got some shared history. We’re like family.”

  “Uncle Eddie was family,” EJ countered, “but you’re not really.”

  “True,” Nate admitted, wondering how the hell he was going to get himself out of this conversation. “Let’s put it this way—the way I was raised, a man looks out for women, especially those he’s friends with—”

  “And loves,” EJ interrupted.

  “Or that he considers a friend,” Nate clarified, feeling sweat bead between his shoulder blades. “But all women really... You have to be a gentleman with all women. Does that make sense?”

  “Kind of.”

  That was a start since Nate felt like he was babbling nonsense at the moment.

  “So you don’t love Mommy, but you’ll take care of her because she’s a girl?”

  “Well, I’m not sure I’d put it that way.”

  “How would you put it?”

  Nate shifted in the saddle. Lord save him from boys with a one-track mind. “I guess I’d say—”

  Bianca’s high-pitched scream cut off his words. He yanked on the reins, turning Cinnamon just in time to see Daisy veer off the well-worn path. The horse galloped across the field like she was being chased by the devil himself, Bianca bouncing precariously in the saddle as she screamed Nate’s name.

  Cinnamon jerked hard just as EJ yelled, “Snake!”

  The boy lurched to one side, and Nate pulled him in tight at the same time he dug his heels into the horse’s flank.

  Cinnamon came up on his hind legs again as a Western diamondback curled in a defensive coil on the trail in front of them and the telltale rattling sound reverberated through the air. After a quick glance to where Bianca and Daisy hurtled across the field, Nate backed Cinnamon off the trail and out of danger. As soon as they were clear of the snake, Nate readjusted EJ in front of him.

  The boy let out a hiccupping breath. “Mommy,” he whispered, his tone clearly terrified.

  “We’re going to get her, buddy. Are you ready?”

  “Yes,” EJ answered, his voice shaky.

  “Then hold on tight.”

  Chapter Twelve

  Bianca did her best to hold tight to the reins, as Nate had instructed, even though it felt like her teeth were going to rattle right out of her head.

  “Whoa, Daisy,” she shouted, doubtful the horse could even hear over the pounding of hooves. She wanted to turn around and see how close Nate was. Every moment she expected to see him gaining on her, but it felt like Daisy could outrun even a Triple Crown winner at the pace she was going.

  She tried to remember the exact instructions Nate had given her for stopping a horse. She’d dropped one of the reins, which was flapping wildly next to Daisy’s head, probably only adding to the horse’s panic. The snake had come out of nowhere, or at least that’s how it had felt to Bianca.

  Daisy lost her footing for a second, and Bianca grabbed hold of the saddle horn, squeezing her eyes tightly shut, expecting to end up thrown or crushed under the animal’s massive weight. But the horse righted herself again and kept running.

  Pull back on the reins and down, she remembered what Nate had told her. Not up because that will make the horse rear. Bianca yanked on the rein, and Daisy changed direction but didn’t seem to slow.

  “Whoa,” Bianca shouted, trying to make her voice deep and commanding instead of terrified. Terrified wasn’t going to help her in this situation. She leaned forward and reached for the loose rein, then yelped as she almost lost her balance and toppled off Daisy’s back.

  Where was Nate? Why wasn’t he coming to rescue her?

  Maybe something had happened with EJ. Maybe the snake had spooked Cinnamon, too. The thought gave her a burst of adrenaline that had nothing to do with her own fear and everything to do with worry over her son. She was going to have to rescue herself.

  She leaned forward again, wrapping her right hand around Daisy’s sweaty neck as she stretched out her left. Her fingers grazed the rein but couldn’t quite grab hold, so she reached farther and...

  Nate’s big hand closed around the rein.

  “Hand me the other one,” he shouted, and she quickly straightened and passed it over Daisy’s neck. Her breath caught in her throat at the sight of EJ tucked against Nate’s chest, his big eyes wide and his cheeks wet with tears as he stared at her.

  “Whoa,” Nate repeated the command over and over as he galloped next to the horse.

  Immediately she felt a shift in Daisy, a slowing in the pounding of hooves and the merciless jostling. She held tight to the horn until the two horses had come to a stop in the middle of the grassy field.

  “Mommy,” EJ cried.

  Nate dismounted then pulled EJ off Cinnamon’s back and into his arms.

  “I’m fine,” she said, her voice trembling.

  As soon as EJ was safely on the ground, Nate reached for Bianca. She accepted the help because her body was shaking so badly she would have ended up in a puddle on the ground otherwise.

  “We didn’t talk about snakes,” she whispered as his arm tightened around her shoulder and he pulled her close.

  EJ launched himself at her, wrapping his arms around her legs. Nate b
ent and picked him up, and they stood in a group hug without speaking for several minutes. Nate’s breathing was ragged, and EJ whimpered softly, but eventually she could feel them each begin to calm. It was as if they silently pulled strength from holding each other.

  Bianca’s brain felt jumbled in her head, but she knew she had to pull it together for her son’s sake. That’s what moms did, after all.

  “What an adventure,” she said softly and kissed the top of EJ’s head, using the pads of her thumbs to wipe the tears from his cheeks. “Did you even know Daisy could run so fast?”

  The boy gave a soft laugh. “I didn’t think Cinnamon was going to catch her.”

  “I knew you and Nate would manage,” she said, then took him from Nate. The boy wrapped his arms tightly around her neck. His skinny legs clamped her waist.

  “It’s not because he loves you,” EJ said against her ear. “He takes care of all of his friends.”

  Bianca forced her knees not to buckle at the strange and oddly prescient comment. “But you love me,” she told him, “and we’re in this together. No silly snake is going to hurt me.”

  “Snakes are scary, Mommy. Not silly.”

  “You did good staying in the saddle.” Nate’s voice was hoarse and she saw his Adam’s apple bob as he swallowed. “We usually don’t see rattlers on the trail this time of year, or you hear them with enough distance to change direction. I’m sorry, Bianca. I was paying attention to EJ and not—”

  “I’m fine, Nate.” She reached for his arm, ignoring his slight flinch as she touched him.

  He took off his hat and wiped a sleeve across his forehead. “I’m not. I was scared out of my mind watching Daisy tear across the field with you on her back.”

  “So much for our beginner trail ride.”

  Nate’s mouth thinned.

  “This wasn’t your fault,” she told him. “If I had more experience riding, I could have handled Daisy’s reaction better.”

  “I should have seen the snake.”

  “You did.” EJ lifted his head from Bianca’s shoulder. “The snake scared Cinnamon, too, Mommy. He went up on his back legs. But Mr. Nate held on to me so I wouldn’t fall and then we came after you.”

  “You two rescued me,” she said, pressing her forehead to EJ’s.

  “It looked like you were doing a decent job taking care of yourself,” Nate told her.

  She found it easy to smile at him. “Was that before or after the part where I was holding on to a runaway horse for dear life?”

  His eyes were guarded and she couldn’t understand why he looked so miserable. Yes, Daisy getting spooked had been scary and could have ended badly, but it hadn’t. She was fine. EJ was fine.

  “I’m still hungry,” her son said, rubbing his stomach.

  Nate moved forward and pointed over her shoulder. “You took a shortcut.”

  She turned to see a metal-framed structure situated on a slight rise above the trees about a hundred yards away. The windmill’s fan turned in the breeze and the pond in front of it was surrounded by high grass. “We’re almost there.” She brushed EJ’s hair out of his eyes. “Do you want to walk or ride the rest of the way?”

  He thought about it for a moment, then said, “Ride. Will you ride, too, Mommy?”

  Her chest tightened as panic seeped under her skin, but she nodded. “Of course.”

  Nate lifted EJ out of her arms and up onto Cinnamon’s saddle. “Are you sure?” he asked.

  “I have a way better understanding for the term ‘get back on that horse,’” she told him.

  He tucked a strand of stray hair behind her ear. “So damn brave,” he murmured.

  Bianca had never felt brave, but maybe she needed to change her definition of bravery. She’d always thought of courage as reserved for people like her brother, who purposely put themselves in harm’s way to save others. Not someone like her, who spent far too much time scrambling for purchase on the endless mountain of life. Fear often motivated her. Truly it was her constant companion. Fear that she wouldn’t be able to provide for EJ. Fear that she’d turn into the screwup her mom had always made her believe she was. Fear that, in the end, she wasn’t lovable. She’d never be chosen.

  But every moment with Nate felt like he was making a choice and it was her. When she’d first arrived at the ranch, she’d thought his attention was a gift, but what if it was actually her due?

  Maybe she needed to start believing she deserved to be the one chosen. Maybe she had to start choosing herself.

  “You’re right,” she told him, earning a smile. “But I think I’ve depleted my stores of bravery for the morning.” She held up a trembling hand. “I’ll take calm and uneventful for the rest of the day.”

  He slid his hand into hers and kissed each one of her knuckles. “We can walk the horses over to the windmill.”

  She shook her head and turned to Daisy. Running a hand along the horse’s damp neck, she moved forward until she was directly in front of the animal. “No more freaking out,” she said gently, and gave Daisy a scratch between the eyes. The horse snuffled as if her breakneck run across the field was already forgotten.

  “Mommy, she’s a horse. She can’t understand you.”

  Bianca moved to Daisy’s side, placed her boot in the left stirrup and hoisted herself up and into the saddle. “She senses that I mean business.” She pointed at EJ and wiggled her eyebrows. “Just like you do when I tell you to take a bath.”

  The boy giggled, and Nate mounted Cinnamon behind EJ, smiling as he settled EJ against his chest.

  “Let’s go find our lunch spot,” he said, “We all need a break after that.”

  * * *

  “He’s so happy here,” Bianca said as she watched EJ chase a grasshopper from the copse of trees where they’d had lunch all the way to the water’s edge.

  “It’s a good place for a boy to grow up.” Nate broke a cookie in half and handed her the larger piece.

  “Does terror burn off calories?” She plucked it out of his fingers, moaning softly as she took a bite. “Because I can’t get enough to eat right now.” She waved at EJ, then flopped onto her back on the wool blanket Nate had packed. “Thanks for bringing everything for lunch. This has been a wonderful afternoon.”

  Nate shook his head. “How can you say that after your scare with Daisy? I’m really sorry. I told you to trust me and then—”

  She placed a hand on his back. “Don’t you dare blame yourself, Nate Fortune. You didn’t put that snake on the trail.”

  “But if I’d been paying more attention, I would have seen it first. Just like with—” He placed his elbows on his knees and hung his head between his hands. “I would have protected you. I failed.”

  She sat upright again, scooting closer so her arm and leg brushed his. “Take off your shirt.”

  “What?” He darted a glance toward EJ before turning to her. “You want me to undress right now?”

  “Not really.” She gave him a playful nudge. “I mean, I wouldn’t complain, but I was really just trying to figure out if you were wearing your superhero cape underneath that denim shirt.”

  He snorted. “Not funny, Busy Bee.”

  “Neither is you making the situation today into something more. Yes, I was scared. Yes, something bad could have happened. But it didn’t. I’m fine.” She poked his rock-hard biceps. “Do you know why?”

  “Because you’re amazing,” he said softly.

  “Hardly,” she said with an eye roll. “But when Daisy was out of control, and I thought for sure I was going to be thrown or trampled, I heard your voice in my head. All those instructions you gave me as we started out on the ride.”

  “You had a few minutes of riding tips. I should have never let you—”

  “I’m a grown woman,” she interrupted. “I wouldn’t have climbed on that horse if I didn�
��t want to.”

  He blew out a long breath. “I was so damn scared you were going to be hurt.” He draped an arm around her shoulder and pulled her close.

  “That makes two of us.” She turned her face into his shirt and breathed him in, the scent of mint gum and the earth and laundry detergent. “Thank you for taking care of EJ. I was most worried about him.”

  “I had him,” Nate whispered.

  “I know.” Somehow the knowledge of that soothed her soul in a way she barely understood. She’d come so far from the morning she’d hightailed it out of San Antonio. She was stronger now. Strong enough to ask—

  “Did Eddie suffer?”

  Nate stiffened next to her, and suddenly it felt like she was snuggling up to a glacier. He was silent for so long, she didn’t think he would answer. Finally he said, “No. It was fast.”

  “Do you think he was scared?” She couldn’t imagine her strong, brave brother scared of anything, but she had enough distance and experience now to understand that Eddie hadn’t only been the bigger-than-life hero she’d worshipped as a girl. He’d been human.

  “We were all scared.” He hung his head again. “Hell, Bianca. Fear and adrenaline were our bread and butter over there. Eddie was one of the bravest men I knew. He saved at least a dozen men on that last mission.” He paused, then added, “He saved me. But don’t think for a minute he wasn’t soil-his-pants scared when it was going down.”

  “I associate being scared with weakness,” she admitted. “That’s how it always seemed to me. Eddie was strong. You’re strong.”

  “Not like your brother.”

  She shook her head then covered his hand, which was resting on his thigh, with hers. “Think of all you’ve been through.”

  “I can’t,” he said on a ragged breath. “When I think about it, I feel like I’m going to lose my mind. I don’t want to think. I don’t want to remember.”

  “But the nightmares... Talking about it might help.”

  A shudder passed through him and she squeezed his hand, leaning in closer. “You’re not alone,” she whispered.