Second Chance

by L. Divine

  “Anything important?” Jeremy asks.

  “Not at all,” I say as he opens my door and takes my hand. On the sidewalk, I smooth my clothes out and step onto the sand, letting my toes sift through the warm grains. The sun lifts my spirit, and I know this is where I’m supposed to be.

  “You look like me when the first wave hits me in the morning,” he says. “There’s nothing like the smell of the ocean to make you feel alive. Am I right?” he asks, taking a deep breath. He puts his arm around my shoulder and leads me to the shoreline. The bright afternoon sun shimmers against the dark blue water. I feel sorry for people who never experience the beach.

  “I’ve got the blanket, the water, and you. What more do I need?” Jeremy asks.

  I experience a brief moment of panic. Running back to the car, I say, “I forgot something.”

  “I was wondering what was in that basket, Little Red Riding Hood,” he says, trailing behind me.

  “I shouldn’t even give it to you now, making fun of my little basket,” I say, pushing him away from me, pretending to be hurt.

  “Is that what they’re calling the cookies nowadays,” he asks, tackling me like he’s Chance. I never feel like this when Chance touches me, though.

  “Get off me, punk, and open the door,” I say, pushing him toward the car. I climb in and grab the basket out of the backseat.

  “Nice,” he says as I climb back out of the car.

  “You better be referring to my basket of treats.” As I fix my clothes, Jeremy grabs me from behind while closing the door.

  “So, what you got for me?” he asks, nudging his chin into the groove in between my right shoulder and neck. Oh, God, I’m so nervous. I just know he’s going to kiss me today. I purposely didn’t eat anything but Starbursts all afternoon so my mouth would be sweet whenever he did try. I hope we get it right the first time. I remember my first kiss with KJ was cool, but sloppy. I had to teach him to tone it down a bit.

  “I made these for you last night. Now, please forgive their decrepit appearance. But, they should be quite tasty; it’s my mama’s recipe.” I fold back the yellow and orange cloths covering the cupcakes.

  “Well, if they taste as good as they smell, I’m a very lucky man. I got a fine girl and she can cook, a double treat,” he says, taking a cupcake from the basket and shoving the entire thing into his mouth.

  “Careful. You don’t want to choke,” I say, looking at him devour the cupcake whole.

  “These are awesome,” he exclaims, grabbing another cupcake from the basket and greedily consuming it. “What are they? Like blueberry and lemon with cinnamon or something,” he says, carefully inspecting the next one before indulging.

  “Exactly,” I agree, not wanting to give up all of Mama’s ingredients. I’m just glad he likes them. Now I have to wait to see if they work. By the time we reach the water, half the cupcakes are gone. This boy can eat.

  “Hey, you want to walk or sit?” he asks, taking a break from his munchies.

  “Sitting is good,” I say, leading him to an empty spot in the sand. There are people everywhere, and finding a good spot is hard. He takes the blanket and smoothes it out before sitting down, pulling me with him. I land perfectly in his lap and stay there, for fear of moving the wrong way.

  “Make yourself and the cupcakes comfortable,” he says, lying back on the blanket and waiting for me to claim my space. I lie next to him so we can spoon and place the cupcakes in front of me. Mickey calls this little move blocking. I call it the ultimate protection. I always had my purse or sweater or something on my lap when I was out with KJ. Ain’t no slipping of the hand on my watch.

  “Where are the cupcakes?” Jeremy asks.

  “They’re right here,” I answer, guiding his hand to the basket. He takes another and devours it before putting his arm back around my waist, pulling me in close to him. Now, how’s he going to initiate our first kiss like this? I guess I’ll just have to wait and see. After we lie for a while, I stop tripping about the cupcakes and the kiss and just let the sound of the waves crashing against the shore chill me out. I’ve never done this before, especially not on a school day. This is what it must be like to live here. It’s a completely different world from the one I’m used to.

  “Are you sleep?” Jeremy asks, reaching over my waist for the basket.

  “No. Are you full?” I ask, flattered that he likes my baking so much.

  “Never,” he says, moving the basket to the corner of the blanket above my head while carefully repositioning his body over mine, pinning me down on the blanket. Okay, I know he’s going to kiss me now. He looks into my eyes and puts his forehead on mine. “I think you’re beautiful,” he says, kissing the tip of my nose, then my lips ever so lightly. Finally. I return the kiss, matching his lips move for move. I’m so glad we came to the beach today. We kiss for what seems like hours before his cell phone vibrates in his pants.

  “You’d better get that,” I utter, breaking our embrace. “Besides, I think we’d better go before we lose track of time,” I say, catching my breath. Damn, he’s a good kisser. I almost forgot where I was. As if I said nothing and his phone never went off, Jeremy kisses me again, this time more intense than the first. And I welcome round two. There’s no need to teach this boy a thing; he’s got it down. Right on cue, his phone vibrates again, once more interrupting our flow.

  “What,” he says into the phone without looking to see who it is. “Oh, sorry, Mom,” he apologizes, smiling at me while rolling onto his back. He reaches above his head and grabs the water bottle sitting in the sand and hands it to me. I take a sip, ’cause Lord knows I’m thirsty, and pass it back to him. He takes a swig while listening to his mother through the phone and grabs another cupcake from the basket.

  “Mom, I’m still at the school. Can we talk about this when I get home?” he says, putting the cupcake up to my lips for a bite. I shake my head indicating it’s all his, and he places it into his mouth. I guess even rich White boys have to lie to their parents when they’re on lockdown.

  “Mom, I’ll be home in a little while, all right? Don’t worry. I have a feeling everything’s going to work out just fine,” he says, hanging up the phone and guiding me up by my chin to his lips for round three.

  “I think that was fate telling us it’s time to go,” I say in between kisses. His mom calling didn’t even faze him. Now, if my mama called, I would’ve already been halfway to the car. But Jeremy’s just got it like that, I guess.

  “Yeah, my mom’s worried about tomorrow,” he says. “She thinks I’m going to have to go to North P.V. if I get kicked out of South Bay.” North P.V. is a continuation school in Palos Verdes where all the bad-ass rich kids end up after every other high school gives up on them. They basically play football and chill all day, waiting for graduation and trust funds to kick in.

  “You’re not that bad off, are you?” I ask, realizing I don’t know much about Jeremy’s past at all. Maybe he’s been in this kind of trouble before and this is the last straw. What then? Damn, I hope those cupcakes kick in soon.

  “Nah, not at all. My mom just thinks the sins of the older brothers shall fall upon the younger one,” he says. “Besides, I’m not scared. This is just what I need,” he says, pulling me up into his arms. We lie there, holding each other while looking at the day begin to fade. Unfortunately, it’s time for both of us to go home.

  When Jeremy drops me off at the bus stop in front of Miracle Market, Bryan’s just getting off work. As usual, he’s got his backpack on his shoulder and a spliff behind his ear.

  “What’s up, little J,” he says, putting his arms around my shoulders, slightly knocking me off balance.

  “What’s up is you smell like pickles and pig’s feet. What the hell,” I exclaim, pushing him off me and into the street. His stench is messing up my Jeremy high.

  “Damn, girl. I see why you can’t keep no man; you’re too mean,” he says, falling back into step with me on the sidewalk.

  “W
ell, you can ask Jeremy about that one,” I say, claiming my new love. Nothing’s going to keep us from making this new relationship as solid as gold. Nothing.

  “Ooh, Jeremy. Did the White boy win?” Bryan says. KJ and Bryan play ball at Compton High together sometimes, and I know brothas can get to talking.

  “Yes, if there was ever any real competition,” I say.

  “Are you sure you’re over the brotha?” Bryan asks. “KJ’s cool. Don’t be so quick to cut him loose, Jayd.”

  “So quick? He cheated on me, Bryan. I didn’t cut anybody loose. He let himself go.” Why do dogs always stick together?

  “Why you getting so snappy? I’m just saying niggas make mistakes, that’s all. Besides, what do you really know about this Jeremy dude, other than he’s White and a drug dealer?” he asks, waiting for my response.

  “KJ told you about that?” I ask, not knowing why I’m so surprised. “It’s not as bad as it sounds,” I say.

  “Damn, Jayd, you can’t be that naïve. Everybody at South Bay knew but you, apparently,” he says, making me feel like a little kid. He’s right. I can be very naïve sometimes. But, not about Jeremy or KJ, at least not anymore.

  “You know what, Bryan? You’re right. I can be naïve sometimes. Like when I first went out with KJ and everybody told me he was a dog. A fine dog, but a dog nonetheless. And, I was naïve for thinking that he really loved me when he was doing nothing more than trying to get the cookies. And, I was also naïve when he tried to get me to forgive him for getting me into that mess with Trecee. But, no more. I’m done listening to everybody tell me what to do and with whom,” I say, silencing Bryan. “Besides, you’re supposed to be my uncle. What happened to whipping a dude’s ass if he hurts me?” I ask, half-serious. My uncles, dad, or any other man I can think of has never gone to head for me, over nothing.

  “Whatever, Jayd. You act like you don’t know how niggas are, and I’m not buying that. You live in a house full of them. So, you ain’t got nobody to blame but yourself.”

  “Are you serious? How do you ever get girls to go out with you?” He’s getting on my nerves and ruining my whole vibe, making the walk home seem longer than usual.

  “Girls appreciate my honesty,” he says, patting himself on the chest and smiling big, like he deserves a medal or something. When we get home, the rest of my uncles are hangin’ out on the front porch, drinking forties, smoking blunts, and talking loud to the neighbors hangin’ with them. Mama must be gone. Bryan sits down and joins the session while I go around the back and into the house to call Nellie. I can’t wait to tell her about my first kiss with Jeremy.

  “Hello,” Nellie says. “Who is this?”

  “What’s up, girl. It’s Jayd,” I say, like she didn’t check her Caller ID.

  “What’s up, Miss Jackson? Or, should I say, Mrs. Weiner?” she says, being cute.

  “Not yet, not yet. What’s up?”

  “Nothing. Me and Mickey are still here getting our nails done.” Only ballers can afford to get their nails done at the mall. I’m glad I got a new man to distract me from how broke I am when I’m around my girls. “What’s up with you? Where did you and Jeremy end up going?”

  “Ask her how was it,” Mickey yells from the background.

  “Shut up, Mickey, and stop being ghetto before they kick our little chocolate asses out of here,” Nellie says, sounding embarrassed. How the two of them became friends, I’ll never know.

  “Tell that nosey heffa that all we did was kiss, and it was the bomb,” I say, barely able to contain my excitement. I don’t want my uncles to hear me, especially not Bryan.

  “Oh, Jayd. I’m so happy for you,” Nellie says, sounding genuine yet a little apprehensive.

  “What, Nellie?” I say, bracing myself for her criticism. “What do you have to say?”

  “Nothing, except that maybe you want to move slowly with this one, Jayd. I mean, damn. It’s only the beginning of school, and already you’ve almost been in a fight, got two dudes jocking, and one of them is going to jail,” Nellie says, sounding way too dramatic for me.

  “Nellie, get over it,” I say, feeling tired. “You always act like somebody’s mama.” I have to admit I’m a little hurt my girl isn’t completely excited about me and Jeremy getting closer.

  “Just be careful, Jayd. That’s all I’m saying. But, I am happy that everything seems to be working out for the two of you,” Nellie says, trying to save face.

  “Whatever, girl. I’ll talk to you later,” I say, hanging up the phone. People can piss me off sometimes, ya know. I should’ve just kept my happiness to myself since I seem to be the only one genuinely happy about me and my new man. Speaking of which, I need to look real cute for him tomorrow. Hopefully, I’ll be able to see him before his hearing. I think I’ll wear my pretty, bright yellow sundress and white sandals. He needs as much joy in his life as he can get, and so do I.

  9

  Habeas Corpus

  “Nowadays everybody wanna talk like they got somethin’ to say/but nothin’ comes out when they move their lips; just a bunch of gibberish.”

  —EMINEM

  As I walk up the hill from my last bus stop for the morning, it’s oddly quiet. Twenty minutes earlier than my normal arrival time, my usual spectators aren’t out yet. The fresh salt air is rejuvenating and helps cool the sweat generating on my forehead from my uphill hike to school. Finally, a peaceful morning’s walk in the South Bay. Good, because I need to focus on the day’s looming drama. I already sent a text message to Nellie, asking her to meet me in the quad when she and Mickey arrive. I hope I can catch a few minutes alone to talk to Jeremy before they get there.

  I couldn’t stop thinking about Jeremy all night. I wonder what happened when he got home. Does his mother yell at him like Mama and my mom do when I’ve disappointed them? What kind of punishment does he get? I’m sure it’s not a skillet upside the head or a shoe thrown from across the room, like the boys at Mama’s house get when they’re severely out of line.

  I thought a lot about what Bryan said too. I should know better than to trust dudes with my feelings. These Negroes around here don’t respect me or Mama as women or cherish us the way a woman should be. So, why should I expect any different from KJ or any other dude, for that matter? Well, I like to believe everyone’s not raised the same and also that dudes can learn, change, and grow the hell up.

  I got up a half hour earlier this morning to say a prayer for Jeremy. I can’t believe Misty snitched on him. If he doesn’t get out of this, I’ll have to say a special prayer of a different kind for her. When I get to the quad, Nellie and Mickey are already there waiting on me. I guess they decided to get here early too.

  “Jayd, did you talk to your man last night?” Nellie asks, reminding me that I need to call him again. I’ve been trying to get through to his cell all morning, but to no avail. I’m sure his folks have got him on lockdown with their attorneys before the big hearing.

  “No, I didn’t get a chance to last night. And his phone’s been off all morning,” I say as I push send again on my cell, readjusting my position on the cold quad bench.

  “Leave a message, or not.” Jeremy’s message is so boring. I’m going to have to spice it up when we’re officially a couple. No need to leave another message. I’ve already left five.

  “He’s still not answering.” I feel totally helpless.

  “Maybe you should skip first period and hang around the office to see what’s going on for yourself,” Mickey suggests.

  “Jayd, the boy isn’t worth you having an unexcused absence on your record, and you know that. This is what I’m saying, Mickey. Sometimes you’re a bad influence on Jayd’s impressionable, young mind,” Nellie says to Mickey, patting me on the head like a puppy.

  “What the hell has gotten into everybody lately?” I say, slapping Nellie’s hand away from my head. “You seem to think you know more than me about life all of a sudden, Miss Nellie. And, the last I recall, you haven’t had a man in a lo
ng, long time.”

  “Well, well, well. I see someone had her Red Bull this morning,” Mickey says, trying to add some comic relief to the situation. But, neither I nor Nellie is laughing.

  “Damn, Jayd. I’m just watching your back, like a good friend is supposed to do. And, like a good friend, I’m going to walk away now and let you cool off,” she says, picking up her bag from the ground and leaving the quad area, going into the main hall.

  “Look, Jayd,” Mickey begins, grabbing her bag and standing up, ready to follow Nellie. “Bottom line is, if Jeremy’s your man and you want to support him, do it. That’s the most important thing. Because, when the shit gets rough, all y’all really got is each other.” Spoken like a true ride-or-die chick. That’s what I like about Mickey; she’s loyal to the ones she loves. “I’ll check you later, and good luck to your man,” she says as she walks toward the main hall. She’s right. I do have to find a way to support Jeremy.

  As the bell rings for first period and people start running to their lockers and exchanging vital beginning-of-the-day information, I remember my Spanish book is in my locker. But, instead of going to go get it now, I think I’ll wait until first period starts. I bet I can get a hall pass from Mr. Donald, avoiding an unexcused absence while still supporting my man.

  Since I changed my outfit at the last minute this morning, I forgot to bring a jacket, and it’s still chilly from the morning mist. But I know it’s going to be at least ninety degrees by lunch. Even though my pink shirt is off the shoulders, it has long sleeves, so at least my arms will be warm because this miniskirt sure isn’t providing me with any coverage. As I walk away from the quad and toward class, I notice Chance coming my way.

  “Hey, girl, you look a little cold,” Chance says, taking off his jacket and covering my body with it. “Worried about your boy, huh?” he asks.

  “Yeah. I must be in another world if I forgot to wear sweats under my skirt and a sweater this morning,” I say, putting my arms through his oversized jacket. It smells so good, like leather and Polo for men. “Thank you.”