Second Chance

by L. Divine

  “I’ve waited this long, Jayd. I’m not going anywhere,” he says, smiling at me with his perfect teeth on full display. He can certainly change up quickly, but I’m glad he doesn’t seem angry anymore. “But, I’m also not going to ask again. The ball’s in your court now,” he says, handing me our history textbook. “Now get to reading,” he orders playfully. I turn to chapter three and start reading.

  “You know, the last guy I was with liked to play games, and I’m just no good at it,” I say, playing with my braids.

  “I’m not playing any games here, Jayd. That’s your thing.” Oh, no he didn’t just go there. Who does he think he is, sassing me like that?

  “Jeremy, may I borrow a pencil,” interrupts this wannabe White girl who pretends not to be whatever ethnicity she is. I usually don’t get jealous about girls talking to Jeremy, but this broad’s energy is hella loud and all over my man.

  “Sure, Tania. How’ve you been?” How’ve you been? Is he reminiscing with an ex-lover right in my face? Damn, I know he has a past, but this chick? And she’s in class with us too. What the hell?

  “I’ve been good, Jeremy. How about you?” she asks, flipping her heavy-ass, blow-dried straight, honey golden brown #3 hair over her shoulder, just like a White girl.

  “Ah, you know how it is. Everything’s chill as usual,” he says, sitting up in his chair, fully engaged in this broad’s conversation.

  “Chill? Well, how are you handling, you know, that whole ugly drug bust thing,” she says, whispering like the whole class doesn’t already know Jeremy was busted and acquitted, I might add.

  “Everything’s cool. Thanks for your concern,” he says.

  “Thanks for the pencil. And let me know if there’s anything I can do for you in return,” she says, while biting the tip of the pencil. When she turns to walk back to her desk on the other side of the room, the switch in her hips is obviously for Jeremy’s benefit.

  “What the hell was that?” I ask. I’m trying not to sound too jealous, but, damn, why didn’t she just lay the cookies in his lap? That would have been more subtle.

  “What was what?” Jeremy asks, laying back in his chair.

  “That. Tania, the pencil, all of that. How come you didn’t tell me your ex was in class with us?”

  Jeremy puts his head down on the desk and starts laughing. “Just a second ago you weren’t sure you wanted to be my girl, and now you’re jealous. You can’t have it both ways, Jayd.”

  “Something funny, Mr. Weiner?” Mrs. Peterson asks from her desk. The otherwise uninterested class looks up from their work and at us, hoping for drama.

  “Yeah, actually, there is. Did you know that Jayd’s an excellent chess player?” Jeremy answers, being a smart-ass, amusing the rest of the class. They may think he’s funny, but I don’t.

  “Very funny, Jeremy. Now, get back to work, everyone,” Mrs. Peterson says, returning to her stack of papers.

  “Jayd, I’m no good at this kind of shit. All I know is I like you. And, if you like me, then we should be together. But, like I said before, there’s no pressure from my end. Take your time.”

  Yeah, but how long will he wait? I don’t want to lose him to Tania or anyone else. If he’s a good guy, he’ll wait. But even the best guys won’t wait forever, especially not when there’s a flock of females waiting to take my place. Just look at what happened with KJ. I’ve got to make up my mind, and fast. But, I’m just not sure which way to go. We’ll just have to talk about this more at lunch.

  14

  Men’s Stuff

  “If you wanna do right, all day woman/You gotta be a do right, all night man.”

  —ARETHA FRANKLIN

  Before meeting up with Jeremy and his crew for a rare on-campus lunch, I decide to stop by South Central to say what’s up to my girls. When I arrive, Nellie and Mickey are already sitting on a bench, chatting it up. I sit down next to Nellie and join the conversation.

  “Hey, girls,” I say. “What’s up with y’all?”

  “Well, good morning, Miss Jayd,” Nellie says snidely. “How’s your morning going so far?”

  “I think what Nellie means to say is: Where the hell you been, girl?” Mickey asks. “It seems like we haven’t seen you in days,” Mickey says in between sips of Diet Coke.

  “That’s because we haven’t. She’s been spending all her time with her new man.” It’s not like Nellie to be jealous, but I swear that’s what I’m feeling from her now.

  “Okay, Nellie. What now? I thought we’d already discussed your problems with Jeremy. But, because you’re such a good friend,” I say as I place my arm around her shoulders, trying to lighten the mood, “we can do it again, if it’ll make you feel better.”

  “My problem is not with Jeremy; it’s with you. How dare you not chill with your girls at lunch sometimes,” Nellie says, putting her arm around my waist, letting me know she’s not jealous and only missing me. I sure am glad, because the last thing I need is one of my girls turning on me right now.

  “Well, you know you two are always welcome to join us off campus for lunch. You just can’t take the whole damn crew with you,” I say, gesturing with my free arm around the quad. Just as I do this, KJ comes over to finish where we left off yesterday, I assume. I hope he doesn’t touch me again. It weakens my defenses against his player games.

  “Well, well, well. If it isn’t Miss Jayd Jackson,” KJ says, grabbing my free hand.

  “Hey, KJ,” my girls chime in.

  “Hey, y’all. Did your girl Jayd here tell you that we’re picking out a reunion song?”

  “KJ, don’t tell lies to my girls; they know the real deal,” I say, pushing him away, guilty about letting him hold my hand a minute too long. “Look, y’all can always come and hang with us. I’m about to go over there now. Are you two coming or not?” I say to my girls, ignoring KJ.

  “Well, I’m not too comfortable being around all those White boys. It’s bad for a sistah’s reputation, you know what I’m saying, Jayd?” Mickey says, telling the truth. If word gets around Compton that Mickey’s hanging out with surfer boys, other girls on the block might think she’s getting soft. And that’s not good for her reputation as a hard-core gangster’s girl, indeed.

  “Yeah, Jayd, and my reputation is solid as not hanging around dudes who sell drugs,” Nellie says, unrelenting in her judgment of Jeremy as the biggest drug cartel leader she’s ever known. I guess she’s never really met Mickey’s man. Or, if she has, it’s different to her because he’s Black and from the hood.

  “I won’t be ignored, Jayd,” KJ says, stepping in front of me, blocking my escape route.

  “I’m not ignoring you, KJ,” I say, mapping out a new path through the quad. “I just don’t have anything to say to you. When will you give up on us? I have moved on, KJ, and you need to do the same.” My patience is wearing thin. “Well, since no one’s interested in going to hang out on the other side of the quad, I’m out,” I say, eyeing my girls, moving KJ out of my way and walking toward Jeremy and his friends, who are on the other side, completely oblivious to what’s going on over here. The only time the White side pays any attention to us is if they think a riot’s about to go down.

  “Not so fast, Jayd,” KJ says, grabbing my left hand and turning me around to face him. “We’re not finished. Now, I’ve played this little game with you long enough because you’ve played so many with me,” he says, sounding like he’s about to say something really profound, which would be new for KJ. “But, enough’s enough. I deserve another chance, Jayd. And if I’m going to be replaced by somebody,” he says, pulling me in close to him, forcing me to smell the Lucky cologne, “it’s not going to be some drug-dealing, surfer boy.” KJ’s really upset, and I’m angry too, but still I can’t help but notice how nice he looks today. He’s wearing a Steelers jersey with some baggy jeans—Levi’s, I assume. I love the way his clothes hang off his muscular frame. I must admit, there’s just something about a Black man with a nice body who smells good that
really gets a girl going.

  “You’ve got to stop this, right now, Jayd. People are really talking about y’all, and not in a good way,” KJ says, releasing me from his tight embrace. Nellie, Mickey, and everyone else within earshot are now staring at us, waiting to see what’ll happen next.

  “If you haven’t noticed by now, KJ, I don’t really give a damn what you or anyone else at this school think of me and who I date,” I say, not wanting to make more of a scene than we already have. But, I agree. Enough is enough.

  “You need to care, Jayd, because you don’t know what you’re getting yourself into,” he says, hinting at I don’t know what.

  “Is there something you want to say to me, KJ?” I say, offering him a chance to fess up if there’s anything to tell.

  “I just did. You need to pick your company a little more wisely, Jayd. Anyone who cares about you will tell you the same thing: this dude’s bad news. And, you’re only going to get hurt in the end.” This is the most sincere I’ve ever heard KJ talk to me. Well, except whenever he was trying to get in my pants or under my skirt. And I do have to admit he’s right. Everybody’s telling me pretty much the same thing, except for Mickey, that is. But she’s really not all that excited about the two of us getting together, either.

  “You mean, like I did at the end of our relationship, KJ? Or, did you conveniently forget you just broke my heart a few weeks ago?” I say.

  “Good point,” Nellie says. She, Mickey, Shae, and Tony across the way are watching us go back and forth like they’re watching Venus and Serena on the tennis court. Everyone else has moved on to getting their lunch.

  “You’re right, Jayd. I did hurt you, and I’m sorry. If I could do it all over again, I would never let you go,” he says, taking my left hand into his right, casting the player’s web. Luckily, I know a spider when I see one. And, no matter how cute he may be, I know his bite is lethal.

  “Your player bullshit doesn’t work on me anymore, KJ,” I say. I must admit, though, the thought of hugging KJ is very appealing. I would love it if we could just be friends, but I think that’s the farthest thing from his mind. The way he’s looking at me now makes me think if I were to drop the cookies in his lap at this very moment, he would take it and run. Well, too bad second chances only happen in the movies. The pain from our breakup is still too fresh on my mind.

  “It’s not bullshit, Jayd,” KJ says. “What can I do or say to make you believe me?”

  “You can give me some space and let me go, KJ.” Before KJ releases my hand, Misty sees us from the lunch line and heads our way. Shit, just what I need—more drama.

  “I don’t need this right now, KJ. If you’re really and truly sincere about changing your ways, then maybe we can be friends. I’m willing to talk about that. But not right now. I’m late for a lunch date, and your girl’s headed this way,” I say as he finally releases me and looks in Misty’s direction. I give my girls the peace sign and grab my backpack from the ground.

  “I wish you’d stop calling her that. She’s not my girl. And, for the record, the only girl I’m interested in right now is you,” he says. But I’m already running off to meet Jeremy and his friends. Talking to my girls will do me no good. I guess I’m going to have to wait until I get home to deal with these issues.

  When I get home, Mama’s out back, working. There’s a small patch of grass in between her spirit room and the fence separating our yard from the neighbor’s behind us on Dwight Street. This is where Mama does all the gritty work: making and molding black soap and shea butter, planting her herbs and other essential ingredients, and other mysteries I’m not yet privy to.

  “Hey, baby. I didn’t hear you come through the gate. How was school?” Mama asks, looking up from her big, cast-iron pot filled with shea butter. Mama makes the best shea butter ever. I don’t know exactly what she puts in it, but it works wonders on my scars and dry feet. It also smells really good, like lavender and cedar.

  “Mama, KJ’s such a little punk. He makes my skin crawl,” I say, taking my backpack off and sitting down next to her on the grass, cleaning my hands in the bowl of cold water next to the iron pot. I take a small portion of the shea butter and begin to mold and shape it into a bar.

  “Oh, Lord. What’s the boy done now?” Mama asks, pouring more lavender oil into the pot. As Mama kneads the shea butter with her hands, I notice her skin is glistening from her work. No wonder she’s ageless; it’s a natural by-product of her work environment.

  “During lunch, he came over to me and started talking a bunch of crap. He acts like he didn’t just dump me last month for some other broad, never mind the fact she was crazy,” I say, pounding the butter harder than necessary.

  “It’s not the butter’s fault KJ’s a jackass, Jayd,” Mama says, gently stopping my hands with hers. “You know me and your daddy don’t always have the best relationship,” Mama says.

  “Yes, Mama, I’m well aware,” I say, returning to the gentle motions of molding the butter bar.

  “Well, smart-ass, you should also be well aware of the fact that I’m the one in control of our relationship. If I wanted to, I could get your daddy back in my good favor. I just don’t want him anymore,” she says as bluntly as if she were talking to Ms. Netta.

  “Mama, that’s my grandfather you’re talking about. And, that’s just way too much information,” I say, turning my head like I just saw something I wasn’t supposed to. If I could cover my ears, I would. But the shea butter is all over my hands.

  “He may be a grandfather to you, but he’s a man to me. And only one of many, I might add.”

  “Mama, I don’t know if I want to hear about all of this ...”

  “Jayd, what do you think? All of these children and grandchildren just appeared? No. We have to have relationships with men to get families here. But, men don’t necessarily have relationships back with women. I know this may be a little over your head right now, since you don’t want to see me as a woman,” Mama says while placing small bars of shea butter on wax paper, ready to individually wrap and label. “But you as the female have all the power in relationships. Think about this household, Jayd. You have lived in a house full of men all your life and you haven’t learned that yet?” Mama sounds just like Bryan. What am I not seeing about this whole male/female power trip?

  “So, what you’re saying is to be more forceful in the way I deal with KJ?” I ask, assuming she means to act more like she does with Daddy, Jay, and my uncles.

  “No, Jayd. I mean you need to be as sweet as honey to get what you want, and to get them to see that what you want is what they want too,” Mama says, retrieving a small, yellow pouch from her pocket. “This should help you be a little sweeter,” she says, sprinkling the yellow powder from the pouch onto my butter bar. Whatever it is gives off a sweet aroma.

  “What is that?” I ask. “It smells like night-blooming jasmine, honeysuckle, and Egyptian musk, and something else I can’t quite make out.”

  “Honey,” she says. “Put this on your body every morning after your shower until it’s gone. You and the object of your desire will be far more pliable. Now, I’m sure you have plenty of homework or something to do. I need to finish my work, chile.” I knew Mama would help me figure out what to do about KJ and Jeremy both pressuring me, each in his own way, to be their woman. I just need to be sweet, and the problem will solve itself. No more fighting with KJ or arguing with my girls or Jeremy. I’m taking the sweet road from now on. We’ll see if this sweet shea butter works on my attitude. And, after today’s little flirt fest with Tania, Jeremy needs to watch himself too. Both these dudes are working my nerves, and so are the haters, as usual.

  15

  That Green-Eyed Devil

  “Trying to crush my world with jealousy/And I’m about to catch a fit.”

  —MARY J. BLIGE

  Bryan actually beat me to the shower this morning, so I had to eat breakfast first, which is just not right. I need my morning shower to get me ready for the
new day’s drama as I watch the night’s layers of dreams and sweat go down the drain. How’s a sistah supposed to start her new day of sweetness off right if I don’t get in the bathroom before the Negroes in this house funk it up?

  “Bryan,” I say, tapping on the door. The water’s not that loud, so I know he can hear me.

  “I’m almost done, Queen Jayd,” he says. Why is he testing me? When he opens the door, I’m ready with hella attitude. Oh, no, I’m supposed to be sweet today. Got to be cool.

  “Well, if it isn’t little miss ‘I always go first in the mornings, ’” he says in a singsong voice, walking out the bathroom like a diva, wearing nothing but a raggedy blue towel around his waist. These men up in here can work a nerve.

  “What the hell, Bryan? Are you PM Sing or whatever the male equivalent is? You know I have to catch the bus. I don’t have time for your childish games,” I say, pushing him aside and stepping into the steamy bathroom.

  “You don’t own this house, Jayd. I’m saying that’s why you can’t keep a man. You have this attitude like you’re not only better than us, but you don’t need or respect us. And that isn’t attractive in a girl at all. Think about it,” he says, taking off his towel and smacking me with it hard before running into the boys’ room.

  “I hope you catch pneumonia, you little punk,” I yell, but not so loud that I’ll wake up everyone else. What the hell kind of day am I going to have if it starts out like this? Bryan reminds me of the gnome in The Lord of the Rings, Part Three. I never know which side he’s on, and he makes my skin crawl. But, I still have to love him. And there may be some truth to Bryan’s words. Am I too hard on these dudes? I’m taking my time dealing with both of them, and I can’t leave Jeremy hanging indefinitely if I’m going to be his girl all the way. I also have to make up my mind whether or not I’m going to be KJ’s friend; the sooner the better. Maybe today will be peaceful enough for me to think things through clearly.