Could This Be Love?

by Lee Kilraine

  Whatever dawning reality had registered on her face, Sijan must have put his own interpretation to it. He jerked a hand over his short hair. “You know, Ty kept telling me I was moving too fast and didn’t know enough about you. I hate when Ty is right.”

  “Wait. What?” Avery swung out of bed, pulling the sheet with her, covering her body protectively from Sijan’s accusing eyes. “You aren’t even going to listen to what I have to say? You’ve already decided I’m guilty?”

  Sijan was ruthlessly tugging his clothes back on. “What gets me is I’ve been in Hollywood among the best and I don’t think I’ve seen a better performance.”

  If he only knew how ironic that was. But his reminder of her time in Hollywood—the last time someone had used her, abandoned her, tossed her away—was enough to calm the tears that a minute ago had threatened to erupt. This lonely, solitary space was familiar. She knew this feeling. Her head cleared and her heart cooled. “You think everything that happened between us was a performance?”

  “Oscar winning.” Sijan’s gray gaze sliced to her face. “And I bought the whole act.”

  Avery drew herself up sharply. Damn her eternal optimist. It was only in the movies where the hero instinctively knew the truth of his lover. “Well, that is the obvious conclusion, isn’t it?” She walked over to the hotel door and opened it wide.

  Pia stood there frozen with Avery’s cell phone to her ear. Her gaze took in the scene and she quietly said, “Av, Michelle’s on the phone for you.”

  Avery stared at Pia for a moment. She released a heavy sigh and held her hand out for the phone.

  “Hello, Michelle. You saw my photograph in the paper?” Avery’s gaze slid over to Sijan. “Yes, I did meet Sijan Cates, the movie star. Michelle, now isn’t a good time. Can I call you back? What? Have Tansy call you? Sure. Wait. Has she had your number for the last two years? She has? Right. Good to know. Bye, Michelle.”

  “I’m so sorry, Avery,” Pia whispered.

  Avery gave one jerky nod to Pia and looked over at Sijan. “I guess a movie star like you can’t be too careful. But, luckily, you dodged a bullet this time, Sijan. You’re too smart for my schemes. You caught me before I could get pregnant with your child and force you to pay me millions in child support.”

  Sijan stood frozen in his spot, his gaze narrowing on Avery. Pia walked in and grabbed Sijan’s arm, leading him out the door. “Bye, Mr. Movie Star. Have a nice life. And I don’t care how many millions of dollars you get in the rest of your movies. You just walked away from the best deal of your life.”

  Avery swung the door shut behind him, too numb inside to cry. Pulling the sheet tighter around her, she walked over to the closet and dresser to grab underwear and clothes. “Is Tansy still asleep in your room?”

  Pia nodded. “Avery, I’m sorry.”

  “It’s not your fault.” She shook her head, slipping on her panties and bra. She pulled on yoga pants and a T-shirt. “It’s my own dumb fault. You even warned me about Tansy for years, but did I listen to you? No, sir, I didn’t.

  “Not that it matters, because apparently, I’ll believe anything. Stupid, gullible me. Why do I keep making the same mistakes?”

  Pia walked over to stand in front of Avery, grabbing her hands in hers. “You’re not stupid. Or gullible. Okay, you are a little gullible, but it’s because you see the best in people.”

  “Well, that’s pretty stupid of me, isn’t it?” As the numbness wore off, pain rushed in like a storm-tossed tide. Avery sucked in a breath as her body started shaking. “It hurts so badly, Pia. I really should learn. First, I tried so hard to fit into Michelle and Bob’s family. I tried to be the perfect child. It broke my heart when they asked me to move out, but I swear, if they walked through the door right now, I’d still want them to love me. How pitiful is that?”

  “That is not pitiful. It’s normal. Every child wants to be loved, Av. And dammit, every child deserves to be loved. Your foster parents are the pitiful ones. Do not get me started on your ‘family.’”

  “So I get my scared little self on a Greyhound bus to Hollywood and proceed to make the same stupid mistakes by trusting the wrong people.” Pressure built up in her chest and her eyes stung.

  Pia’s eyes welled with tears, too. “I should have gotten you out of there sooner. They were eating you alive there, Avery. That one’s on me. Okay, I couldn’t have saved you from Mr. Asshole Producer, but I should have pushed you harder to press charges.”

  “You helped me pick up the pieces. Meeting you in that dive coffee shop was the best luck ever.” Avery squeezed Pia’s hand, then let go to swipe at a tear tracking down her cheek. “No, I should have known better than to let myself get into that situation, but he took me under his wing and said I could trust him.”

  “That’s what sexual predators do. Christ, Av, we’ve gone over this before. You were barely seventeen and a naive virgin at that. And you know I think he put something in your drink.”

  Avery shuddered at the memory. “Then four years and lots of therapy sessions later, when I finally think I’m healed enough to risk again, I make the colossal mistake of trusting Ferret Face. You did try to talk me out of that one, but noooooo, I believed it when he said he loved me.”

  “Yeah, I’ll grant you Dirk was a mistake, but honestly, the guy had me fooled too. He was definitely an asshole, but an asshole who could act, damn him.”

  “And that brings me to Tansy.” Avery walked over and threw herself back on the bed with a groan. “If she told the truth, she certainly didn’t tell all of it. I thought she needed bone marrow, and it’s possible she needs baby booties instead. I get that she’s scared, but doesn’t she know she didn’t need to lie to me? I can’t believe all this time she knew where Michelle and Bob were. Why would she keep that from me? For two years?”

  Pia lay down next to her, staring at the ceiling. “Yeah, that was cold. But, Av, this one is on you. Not only did I try to warn you something was off, but I’ve been trying to tell you ever since she washed up in your life two years ago.”

  “I know.” Avery turned her head to look at Pia. “I don’t think she loves me like a sister.”

  Pia looked at Avery. “I’m sorry.”

  “You know what hurts even more than Tansy?” Avery whispered as the tears started to flow again. “That Michelle and Bob, my parents, knew Tansy was staying with me for two years, and they never called me. Not once. Not even on my birthday.”

  Pia pulled Avery into her shoulder and let her cry her big stupid heart out. When she finally had no more tears to shed, she sat up, wiping her eyes on the edge of her T-shirt. “I’m an idiot. Why am I crying when I should be celebrating? It’s looking highly probable that Tansy doesn’t need a bone marrow transplant. That’s a good thing, right?”

  “Yes, it is,” Pia said. “Which is why it’s sad I’m going to have to kill her for hurting you.”

  Avery laughed. “Yeah, you and me both. You know what this calls for, Pia?”

  “A really good alibi?”

  “No, silly. It’s time to hit the mini fridge. This is the perfect time to get drunk, and have a girls’ night in.”

  “You got it, kid.”

  Avery opened the refrigerator to select their poison. “The bad news is there is no French champagne. The good news is we have a nice variety of mini bottles of cheap wine, liquor, and beer, so we’ll get a good buzz with a nice headache chaser.”

  “Anything is better than sober in situations like these,” Pia said, standing to help gather their libations. Together, they dumped all of the miniature bottles from the fridge onto the bed and climbed on.

  Grabbing two bottles and tossing one to Pia, Avery twisted off the top, then raised the bottle in the air and said, “Tomorrow cannot come soon enough. I am way past ready to leave this town. To tomorrow and a fresh start.” Avery chugged down the mini bottle of really young Chablis, then tossed the bottle over her shoulder.

  Pia paused with the bottle raised to her mouth, th
en drank it down and tossed her bottle to the side. She wiped her mouth delicately before saying, “Yeah, Av, about that. We’re stuck here a few more days. Remember, we’re in the middle of filming Petey’s commercials and then yesterday we agreed to take head shots of our new applicants in the area.”

  “Oh, darn it. I totally forgot about the head shots.” Avery reached for the next bottle quickly. “Aren’t I the efficient planner? Cheers.”

  Pia drank too. “Hey, if we work twelve hours tomorrow and Petey cooperates, we could wrap this up in two days. Totally doable. Especially since we don’t have to worry about the paparazzi. They rushed out late last night when that young actress was found unconscious in her bathtub.”

  “Oh, God, I didn’t hear about that. That’s so sad. Way sadder than my crap, which helps put things in perspective, doesn’t it?” Avery rubbed her hand on her chest, trying to ease the tightness. “Hollywood can be a dangerous place for young actors.”

  “Sadly true.” Pia’s gaze met hers, a frown creasing her face.

  “It’s okay, Pia. I didn’t end up like that poor girl because I had you to help me.”

  Pia sucked in a breath and nodded. “Hey, we can change hotels too, to lessen your chances of running into the movie star.”

  “Did you see his face? The last thing he wants to do is run into me.” Her face wobbled on the last word.

  “I’m sorry, Av. This one’s partly my fault.” Pia grabbed a mini bottle and chugged. “I encouraged you because, like an idiot, I thought he’d be good for you.”

  Avery peered at the drink selection. “Do I like Hennessy?” She opened it and took a swig, then shuddered. “I do not like Hennessy. The man was fan-friggin’-tastic in bed. It was when we finally got out that he was a jerk.” She chugged down the rest of the cognac. “But, this one’s on me, Pia. I knew I shouldn’t trust him. I told myself to keep it just about sex, but I let my guard down. No, it’s worse than that. I got greedy. I ignored every bad thing I’d already learned about men. And of all the people to decide to trust, how completely idiotic that I let myself get hurt—again—by some Hollywood star. Did we forget to eat dinner tonight?”

  “Well, I ate dinner after you and what’s-his-name left. So, you did not eat dinner. Why?”

  “Why? Well, I’m suddenly realizing we worked through and didn’t eat lunch either. And I am happily tipsy already.” Avery lay back on the bed. She turned toward Pia and asked softly, “Pia, what’s wrong with me that no one can love me?”

  Pia lay down beside her face-to-face. “I love you, Av.”

  “Except you. I don’t mean to take that for granted, I don’t. I don’t know what I’d have done without you all these years. But I meant a man. What’s wrong with me that no man can love me? I have a pathetic confession.” Avery slipped her hands, palms together, between her cheek and the mattress.

  “You can tell me anything, Av.”

  “For a few minutes tonight, I thought, ‘Why can’t this be love?’ Or at least the beginning of it, you know? And I decided that maybe it was time to open up to someone again. Maybe it would be okay to trust a man again.”

  Exhausted from the stress and alcohol, and two nearly perfect nights spent making love to the Sexiest Yet Most Paranoid and Accusatory Man Alive, Avery’s muscles relaxed into the mattress. Keeping her eyelids open required too much effort, so she drifted to sleep listening to Pia vow, “I’m going to kill him.”

  ***

  It was the pounding that woke Avery up. It took a minute to realize the painful pulse wasn’t only inside her head, which it was, but it was also someone pounding on the hotel room door. Ten guesses who it was. She wasn’t sure what she’d say to Tansy, but she had to stop the pounding somehow, so she went and opened the door.

  Tansy pushed into the room, stopping only when she saw Pia waking up in the bed and the collection of mostly empty mini bottles of alcohol strewn around it. “You had a party without me?”

  “We sure did, Tansy.” Avery sat back down on the bed. “You couldn’t have partied with us anyway.”

  “Well, why not?” Tansy’s lips turned pouty.

  “Pregnant women shouldn’t drink alcohol.”

  “Oh.” Tansy sat down on the nearest piece of furniture, which just happened to be the coffee table. Her butt sat right on the photo of Sijan and Avery. How symbolic.

  “Tansy, why don’t you tell me what’s going on.” Avery crossed her arms over her chest. “Do you have aplastic anemia? Yes or no?”

  “No,” Tansy sputtered and sniffed.

  A wave of relief swept through Avery leaving her light-headed. “Thank God.”

  “I’m pregnant. It turns out after two false negative tests, the third one was positive. The doctor called while you and Pia were working yesterday with the results. What I have is hyperemesis gravidarum.”

  Pia picked up her phone for a quick search. “That’s acute morning sickness. And explains the flu-like symptoms.”

  The way Tansy’s gaze kept avoiding her hinted there was more. “No more lies, Tansy. Is that everything?”

  “I didn’t lie exactly. It’s just that I didn’t tell you the whole truth.” Tansy shook her head, her eyes glistening with fresh tears. “The truth is I had a gut feeling all along that I was pregnant.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me? I would’ve helped you with that too. You don’t have to have a life-threatening disease for my help. You know that.”

  “Gunther had just broken my heart by breaking up with me. And Rory was only my rebound guy, so I’ve been miserable thinking I was pregnant but not knowing who the father is.” Tansy glanced at Avery before darting her eyes away. “When the first two pregnancy tests were negative, and the doctor diagnosed aplastic anemia, I was relieved at first. Until I learned how bad it was, and then I was scared.”

  Avery could feel herself wavering. She knew what it was like to be scared. But honestly, after the way last night had unfolded, her heart having been crammed through a meat grinder, she was too scraped and raw to help anyone.

  “If you already knew you were pregnant, what’s with the pregnancy test kit in the bathroom?” Pia wasn’t wavering at all.

  “I didn’t want to believe it. And the first two tests were negative, so maybe it was the positive one that was wrong, right? I had to see it for myself.”

  “Why did you pretend not to know where Michelle and Bob were?” Avery sat waiting, even though it felt like her heart was exploding like a cantaloupe hitting concrete. “For two years? You knew I was looking for them.”

  “I didn’t tell you where Michelle and Bob were because I didn’t want to share you. You love me and baby me in a way Mom never has.” She sniffed, staring down at her hands before looking back up. “And I needed that. Av, I need your help.”

  Hearing that helped Avery stand firm. “I’m pretty upset with you right now. In fact, I’d like you to move out of our apartment in Greensboro while Pia and I wrap up here. You should head to Michelle and Bob’s and let them help you.”

  “Wh . . . what? Avery, you’ve never, not once, ever said no before.” Tansy’s back stiffened, and her tears stopped as easily as turning off a faucet.

  “That may be where I went wrong,” Avery said, moving over to the closet to grab some work clothes and then heading for the bathroom. “Tansy, Pia and I are going to work. You need to go. If your parents won’t help you, maybe you should try the baby’s father. I’ll call you in a week, okay? I’m busy screwing up my own life right now.”

  Chapter Twelve

  “Sijan, why the hell did you even show up on my job site this morning?” Tynan walked over and grabbed the hammer out of Sijan’s hand. “Dude, you just beat that two-by-four to death.”

  He looked up surprised to find his brothers Tynan and Quinn and Quinn’s fiancée, Delaney, standing staring at him. “When did y’all get here?”

  “About mid-murder I’d say.” Delaney stared at the former piece of wood now lying in splinters all around Sijan. “Movie busin
ess a little slow, Sijan? You decided to make toothpicks instead?”

  “Why didn’t you go to the gym and take it out on the punching bag?” Quinn asked. “You know we named it the 24/7 so people would know it’s open twenty-four hours a day.”

  “Too many people in the gym.” Sijan paced over to the sawhorses and back, then started looking for another tool to hit something with. “Where’s your nail gun?”

  “Whoa, bro. I don’t think so. Not until you calm down.” Tynan unplugged the nail gun from its power supply just to be sure. “I’m sensing trouble in paradise. What did the hot blonde do?”

  Quinn’s eyebrow rose. “You hooked up with my hot blonde?”

  Delaney elbowed Quinn, which made him grin. He wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her in for a kiss, tugging lightly on her honey-blond ponytail. “Kidding. You’ve been my hot blonde since high school. It just took me ten years to convince you.”

  “Quinn, cut that out. Sijan apparently has a problem and I can’t afford him taking it out on my building supplies all day. Back away from Delaney and help out.” Tynan walked over to Quinn’s truck and lowered the tailgate. He sat on it, making himself comfortable. “Okay, Si, tell Dr. Tynan everything.”

  Sijan expelled his breath, not even sure what was pissing him off the most. Was he more pissed about what Avery had done or about how damn disappointed he had been when he’d found out? “You know, I’m not sure I even want to talk about it. It’s done anyway. You were right, Ty. I didn’t know enough about Avery to get that involved that fast. It just came back to bite me on the ass, is all.”

  “Hello, Betty. Let me get this straight. You just met Avery three days ago, started a relationship, and now something happened that has you making toothpicks out of a two-by-four?” Delaney shook her head. “I may be the least knowledgeable person alive about relationships, but even I know that means it’s not done.”