She was analyzing him again, testing her ability to spot a lie. He could see the attorney sharpness in her eyes.
“God, no. You’re nothing like her.”
“You don’t think I’m easy?”
He brushed his fingers across her cheek. “Grace, you are not even in the same galaxy as easy.”
She laughed, because she no doubt heard all the implications of that statement. “Now, that’s true.”
“Yes. I care about you. A lot.”
After a moment, she said, “Right now you do. But you’ve been very clear that you don’t hold on to people, relationships. You don’t settle down. Fun in the moment, forgettable afterward.”
“That’s only part of the story. I didn’t tell you the other part of that safe little equation: how damned lonely it is. How disconnected I feel. But I think you know that.”
His own shadows crept closer, like an incoming fog that would blot out everything.
She studied him with her heart in her eyes, until she closed it off. Shut it away. “Sometimes you feel that way,” she said. “But flying free is worth those moments. That’s what you tell yourself when the loneliness hits.”
“True.” Looking into Grace’s eyes, into the pain and conflict he saw there, it felt like a lie. “I don’t know if it is.”
“Sure, it is. Then you don’t suffer that knife-in-the-gut disappointment. I totally get that.”
“Because you tell yourself the same thing during those lonely moments.”
“Tell me more. Lies, truths. Test me. Because I can’t tell with you.”
“I’ve never enjoyed making love to a woman the way I do you.”
The impact of the statement flashed briefly in her eyes before she shut it down. “But you forget a woman once you move on. So how would you know?”
“I wish I hadn’t said that. It’s not like I totally forget; I just don’t get attached. I’ve never wanted more. Until you. I did get attached to you.”
She chewed her lower lip, the way he was twisted up reflected in her eyes, too. “Tell me something about yourself, something that doesn’t involve me. I can’t take any more of that.”
“I have an apartment in Marietta, Georgia. It’s nice. I hired someone to decorate it. But for some reason I don’t want to be there. I’ll find some event to go to after being there a day or so.”
“More.”
“I also own the building.”
She blinked at that. “The whole building?”
“Twenty-eight units. Bought it out of foreclosure, spent a year fixing it up. I have someone managing it for me.”
“And you’re twenty-six years old?”
“Yes. I can show you my driver’s license.”
He started to pull his wallet out again, but she stilled his arm. “I believe you. More.”
“I really did go to the Beach Shack that first time we met to chill out, nothing more.” He leaned closer. “I approached you just to make you smile, though I was open to possibilities.” He gave her a quick grin. “I did not kiss you out of pity. I did verify that the kiss we shared on the beach was as fantastic as I imagined, and I’ve confirmed it with each one since. And I’m falling in love with you.”
The last statement had rolled out all on its own, taking him by surprise.
He put his hands on her upper arms and held her there, because he felt shock shudder through her. He felt the same, and he had to swallow hard before asking, “Am I telling the truth, Grace?”
Her mouth opened, her eyes glued to his. “Do you know what love is, Tanner?”
“No,” he admitted. “All I know is that I’ve never felt this way about anyone. Honestly, I didn’t even mean to say that. It just sort of came out. I know how it twists you up inside. I know because I feel it, too.”
She reached up and touched the tips of her fingers to his lips, as though she could absorb his words, feel them the way a blind person reads Braille. He could see it so clearly in her eyes, how badly she wanted to believe him. He didn’t want to be like that college schmuck and ask her to go on a figurative hike with him. To haul all over the country and be his cheerleader. He wasn’t sure he could settle here, either, and live under the scrutiny of a small town. If he was going to make a commitment, he needed to be very, very sure, because he would not hurt her. What he knew was that this thing between them was special. She was special. And he needed to figure out what to do about it.
Finally she said, “I thought I loved someone once. And I was wrong, terribly wrong.”
She started to lower her hand, but he kissed her fingertips, drew them down his throat to his heart. “And you were terribly hurt. That wasn’t love. You do know love, though. You loved your father enough to fight for him for fifteen years. You loved your daughter enough to give her up not once but twice, because it was the right thing to do.” He flattened his hand over hers at the thought of the kind of commitment this woman was capable of making. The commitment he craved. “I’m not sure I even deserve that kind of devotion.”
She pulled away, stumbled back a step. “I have to go, Tanner. I can’t do this. It hurts too much, makes me too crazy.”
She walked away, and, as hard as it was, he let her go. He needed to give her time. And himself, too. Because right now he wanted it all with her. Right now. And with Grace it needed to be forever.
Did he have forever in him?
Chapter 12
Grace managed the first two days of the week without contact with Tanner exceptionally well. All right, not exceptionally well. Moderately.
All right¸ she sucked at it. Her head ached and her stomach caved in on itself as though she hadn’t eaten in four days. Which she barely had, come to think of it. Knowing he was at the track, and that she wasn’t seeing him, was like having perfect weather and being stuck indoors unable to take advantage of it. Only worse. A lot worse.
She kept running his statements through her mind. Mostly the last one: I’m falling in love with you.
He hadn’t said it to lure her into bed. Hell, he hadn’t had to say anything, since she’d practically thrown herself at him. Embarrassing. In fact, she believed that he hadn’t meant to say it at all. He’d looked as surprised as she’d felt. And, of course, she’d come back at him with her doubts. Not over whether he meant them but whether he even knew what falling in love was.
She was pretty sure she was falling for him, too. What she’d felt for Patrick didn’t compare with what she felt for Tanner. Not even close.
It was only later that something he said hit her hard: that he wasn’t sure he deserved the devotion she’d given to Mollie and her father. It resonated with her, like a thrumming ache. He did deserve devotion. But he couldn’t stay, didn’t know how to stay. That’s what she needed to focus on.
She knew that time would temper these crazy feelings, for both of them. Though by Thursday, still no fading. In fact, the ache had grown worse.
She stopped by Janine’s desk on her way out. “I’m going over to the sheriff’s office for Matt Percy’s pre-arraignment hearing, and I’ll head home from there. Have you had any luck with that research project?” She didn’t want to seem too anxious, but she was.
Janine pulled up a document on her computer. “It’s been slow going. A lot of them left town, but I’m on the case. Only one has an arrest.”
Grace wilted. “Who?”
“Bob Shafton, the guy who was arrested for stalking his ex.”
“What did he do?”
“Battery, bar fight, six months ago in Tallahassee.”
Grace wasn’t sure whether to feel relieved or not. Though not another stalking episode, it was still a criminal act. “Okay, thanks. Have a good one.”
She walked into the sheriff’s office fifteen minutes later, ready as always to face down the boneheaded man himself. His empire was crumbling, though. First the charges against Raleigh West had exposed Sullivan’s blinders when it came to justice. Even one of his own deputies had anonymously revealed to the repo
rter digging into the story that Sullivan had personal reasons for nailing Raleigh. Yet he’d tolerated one deputy’s insufferable behavior until a superior witnessed an incident and fired the man.
Then Sullivan’s own son had admitted to, if not rape, then inappropriate sexual behavior. The sheriff had been overheard by a journalist telling his son to shut up and not reveal anything when every word he said had been broadcast over the car dealership’s PA system.
Grace would have enjoyed the justice of all that if she hadn’t been the one who’d gotten the charges against Blake Sullivan dropped. She hadn’t liked Blake, but she’d believed his innocence. He’d been nothing close to innocent—a big fat fail on her part.
Gemma had been the victim of that particular charge. Grace was grateful that Gemma had forgiven her for the role she’d played in what had to have been the hardest time of her life.
She went up to Deputy Tom Green, one of the good guys, who treated her with respect. “Afternoon. I’m here for Matthew Percy.” She flashed her bar card, though it was just a formality.
“Thought you might be repping him,” Tom said, setting the form she was supposed to sign on the desk and filling in his part.
“Why did you think that?” she asked, curious.
“Sounds like the kind of underdog case you’d take, is all.”
“Stop shoving me,” a young man’s voice growled from behind her.
“I didn’t shove you,” another voice said. “You just tripped, punk.”
Grace turned to find a deputy escorting—and that was a loose interpretation—a teenage boy, bare-chested with too-big jeans and ratty shoes. His shoulder was scraped up, his back bleeding.
The boy, his blond hair tousled, looked at her for a second with eyes devoid of hope. Their gazes met and held, and she felt something click between them. She saw Tanner the boy on his BMX bike.
The deputy placed his hand on that scraped-up back and gave the kid a push. “Stop gawking.”
He hadn’t been gawking; he’d been pleading for help. Or had he? Was she taking the underdog thing too far? Sheesh, she apparently had a reputation for it.
They disappeared into the back, where suspects were booked.
“The parade never ends,” Tom said with a shake of his head. “Kid’s been in here before, and I’m sure he’ll be here again. Some of them are just born to trouble.”
“Do you really believe that, Tom? That there’s simply no hope for people who have a rough start?”
His eyes widened when she’d pinned him down like that. “Well, no. I suppose I shouldn’t condemn them all. It ups the odds, though.”
“Lots of people start life with little foundation and terrible parents and forge bright futures despite it. Look at Raleigh West. And a man I recently met, who started out in foster care and has also made something of his life.”
“Would that be the guy I saw you with at the park last Sunday?”
She rolled her eyes—small-town fishbowl syndrome strikes again. “Yep.” She looked the form over, ignoring the weight of his unspoken nosiness. Wait for it. One. Two.
“Never saw him before. Is he new in town?”
And three.
“He’s in town to help Pax set up a drift program at the track.”
“A drift program? What’s that?”
“That’s where the cars skid—I mean slide—sideways, kind of out of control and yet controlled. I know, I thought it was weird, too, but it’s actually pretty cool when you watch it. Tanner and Pax were out on the track drifting tandem, and it was like they were car-dancing. Have you heard about the event they’re having at the track tomorrow? You should check it out. There will be activities for kids, drifting competitions, and it benefits two different nonprofits.”
“You going?”
“I…I don’t know. Maybe.” The twin parts of her were at war over that simple question. “I might be helping out.”
He leaned on the counter and propped up his round chin on his upturned hand. “So, you like this guy? I mean, like him?” Tom had expressed interest in her a few years ago, but she’d made it clear that she wasn’t interested in dating anyone. He probably thought she was a man-hater. A ballbuster.
“Why do you say it like that, with that snarky grin?”
“I saw you two….”
Oh, please, do not say you saw us in the woods…
“Saw us?”
“When you were sitting on the bleachers at the girls’ game. The guy…?”
“Artemis Tanner.” She hadn’t allowed herself to say his name all week, to hardly think it, and it felt so damned good coming off her tongue now. “He’s a pro drift driver. I can’t remember the organization’s name, but he’s the top driver.”
“He was looking at you, man, like you were the stars and the moon. I was watching my niece’s game over on field four, and, well, as always you caught my eye. Then this Tanner guy sprawls out beside you all casual, and yet not casual at all. Dude was obviously into you.”
All of Tanner’s words rushed back, how he’d realized Mollie was her daughter because he knew all of Grace’s nuances, even down to the way she held her shoulders. “Yeah, well, he’s only in town for a little while.”
Tom studied her, not unkindly. “You’re into him, too. I wish you’d looked at me the way you did him. Damn, you sparkled, Grace. Never thought I’d see that. I don’t know what he did, but he got past your armadillo armor.”
She wanted to laugh at his analogy, which he’d also used when she finally set him straight about the possibility of dating her. And she cringed at the thought that someone had seen what she’d been trying to hide, even from herself. “Yeah, we do seem to have some kind of whacky chemistry.”
“It’s more than that.” His expression softened. “Is he a good guy?”
“Yes, I think so.” Though if he ran a car theft ring…“But, like I said, he’s only—”
“You hesitated.”
“Only because I don’t know him all that well.”
“Let me run him, Grace. You never know with these racing guys. I’ll just make sure he’s clean.”
“That’s all right, really. But I appreciate it.” She found her gaze wandering to the door where the kid had been shoved through, becoming surer that his expression had been a plea. “Tell me about that boy. What was he in here for last time?”
“Car theft. He’s got a tough life, no doubt about it. Dad out of the picture, mom took off when he was twelve. Been in and out of foster care, gets kicked out of each home after about a month for bad behavior.” He pecked at the keyboard. “Looks like he has bigger troubles now. Says here he punched his former foster father, though he claims it was self-defense. And he resisted arrest, though without violence. Kid thinks that because he’s a juvenile he can skate by. But lookee here: he turned eighteen two days ago.”
Grace’s chest filled with both dread and purpose. “Who’s repping him?”
“Don’t know, but, given his position, I imagine he’ll be assigned to one of the public defenders.”
“I’ll rep him.”
Tom blinked in surprise. “Grace, the kid has no funds. He’s got nothing.”
And no one. “That’s why I’m going to rep him.”
“I know that look, so I will refrain from even trying to convince you what a bad idea this is.”
“Thank you for refraining,” she said in a way that called him on doing exactly that.
He sighed, then glanced at the clock. “All right. He won’t be arraigned until tomorrow, given the time. I’ll notify you when it’s been set.”
“Tell the sheriff that I witnessed that young man getting shoved. He ought to consider that as he sets the arraignment time.”
“Noted, ma’am.” Tom leaned closer and whispered, “Word is that Sullivan isn’t going to run in November. I have a feeling a lot of things are going to change around here.”
“I’d vote for you.”
His square face broke into a smile. “Funny, I w
as thinking about it. Thanks.”
“Now, I’d like to talk to my client as soon as possible.” She couldn’t stand for him to feel hopeless for another minute.
“Have a seat. Oh, and Grace? I have to say, what this Tanner’s doing, well, it looks good on you.”
Good and bad, but she held in the words. Twenty minutes later, she was led into the visitation room. The kid had jail garb on now, and a ton of attitude—until he saw that it was her. Then confusion flitted across his face.
She held out her hand, just high enough that he’d have to stand to shake it. “Nick Cassidy, I’m Grace Parnell, your attorney.”
He eyed it suspiciously, then rose to take it. “You’re my court-appointed lawyer?”
“No. I’m private practice. And I’d like to represent you.”
“I don’t have any money.”
“I’m willing to take your case at no cost if you agree to certain terms.”
“Such as?” His suspicion broke her heart and resonated with her at the same time.
She sank to the chair, indicating that he should sit, too. “You have to be honest with me. No matter what you’ve done, I’ll look out for your best interests. But I need to be able to trust you.” Which was a huge deal in itself.
“Okay.”
“I’ll post your bail, but you have to promise to stay in town. And tell me where you’re living.”
He blew out a breath. “I can’t go anywhere. I have no car, no money, oh, and no place to live. But I’ll let you know which tree I’m sleeping under.”
She had to hide her smile. Armadillo armor. The kid had it in spades, and he’d earned it. “Let me work on that. Tell me what happened at your foster parents’ house.”
“I’d been discharged from the system. But I went back.”
“To see them?”
“No, to see Dakota. She lives there, too.”
Ah, Grace was beginning to see. “Is she also a foster kid?”
“She’s their daughter.”
Bingo. “And they weren’t too pleased that their daughter was seeing one of their foster kids?”
Falling Free ( Falling Fast #3) Page 18
