Her Heart's Desire

by Merritt, Allison

  “You'll make yourself ill, then we'll both be in trouble. I've no wish to kill you.” She stroked his jaw. Compared to her height, the horse was a giant. How she'd ever get back on him by herself remained to be seen. She'd need a rock or tree stump to get herself in the saddle again. What she longed for most was a fire.

  When the horse had settled enough to get a drink, she kneeled at his side on the river bank. Slushy snow came nearly to the tops of her shoes. The hem of her dress was caked with mud and grime.

  The horse shook its head when it finished drinking. Idunna led it from the river to a flat spot. Whether there was danger of anyone finding her or not, she needed a fire and a few hours' rest.

  She hobbled the horse and left him to search for anything edible beneath the snow or the few remaining withered leaves left on the trees. After a struggle, she managed to strike a spark from the flint onto a few scraps of tree bark and wisps of grass. The tiny flame lapped at the kindling and grew, though it was no roaring fire. Idunna rubbed her red hands together in front of it.

  How had they come to this? Hella fighting in Ofan, Eoghann and Ealasaid in their old home, and her, so far from anything she knew, on her own in a strange land. Gods, get us all safely back to Solstad. She bowed her head and closed her heavy eyelids.

  Her courage, small as it was, came from knowing Eoghann waited for her return and that Hella and Birgir would suffer devastation if anything happened to Ealasaid.

  She opened her eyes and grimaced as snow began to fall. “We'll make it, won't we, Vaskr?”

  The horse barely twitched an ear toward her. Perhaps calling him brave would help see her through.

  She added a few sticks to the fire, then hugged her knees tight to her body and leaned against the bluff wall. The rippling sounds of water soothed her, although her skin prickled with the cold. An hour. Just an hour of rest and I'll go again. Vaskr will appreciate the leisure time.

  * * * *

  An hour's rest was little to go on, but the men who fought under Hella's banners scarcely rested while on the march. Good, strong Norsemen would never admit to weakness. She came from hardy stock and managed to ignore most of the little pains that plagued her. As dark fell again, she thought she caught a whiff of smoke. The river wound through a stand of trees that forced her to dismount and led Vaskr. Every step brought her closer, yet she'd never felt so far from any place. Out here in the wild, she might be lost forever.

  Follow the river, Aethelred urged. It might have been better if she'd simply taken a small boat and let it carry her. Brambles and limbs yanked at her clothes. Wearing either of her hoods became impossible and the branches tugged her hair. Almost as though the forest didn't want her to get to Dawerk.

  Vaskr drew up, ears raised and body tense. He trembled as he blew out a breath.

  Somewhere north of them, a wolf howled.

  The fine hairs on Idunna's skin rose. “Oh no.” Judoc had said hardly any remained, but she'd heard men talking of a few that attacked the sheep. They might find a lone human and a horse easy prey. She tapped Vaskr on the neck with the reins. “Come on. We shouldn't linger.”

  She doubled her steps and the horse followed along, but his ears twitched and he looked around as though expecting a visitor. When the trees gave way to rolling snow with only a few bushes, she breathed with relief. At least if something came for them, she might see it, instead of suffering an unpleasant surprise.

  With a struggle, she made her way onto Vaskr's back. “Go!” She nudged him with her heels.

  He broke into a run that nearly unseated her. Idunna stripped one of her mittens away and it was lost to the wind, but she was able to tangle her hand in Vasker's dark mane. She leaned over his neck and prayed he wasn't leading a wolf on a deadly chase. Worried he would wear himself out, she tried to pull the reins, to slow him, but he refused.

  Perhaps taking the swiftest horse in Suibhne hadn't been her best idea. The wind whipped her hair about her face and made her eyes burn. Several minutes passed before Vaskr slowed his pace. Heart in her throat, Idunna murmured to him.

  “There now. Was it so frightening in there? What upset you so, silly horse?”

  He snorted and panted while he danced in a circle.

  Idunna bit her lip. She had no way to light a torch to guide the way. The moon would have to do. “Rest a moment, Vaskr. You have hardly lived up to your name this night, but I won't hold it against you. For all I know, you carried us away from real danger.”

  She waited until he seemed calmer before turning back to the river. They had gained a little ground with his flight. Thank the gods he hadn't hurt himself as he fled in terror. And that she'd managed to hang on.

  “No more running. Not until we're nearly back to Suibhne, all right, boy?” She patted his shoulder.

  The hours passed slowly as Vaskr picked a path along the bank. Idunna tried to watch for danger, but her eyelids drooped the farther she rode. Her fingers and nose were so cold, they ached. When I reach Suibhne again, I'll sit by the fire and sleep for a sennight.

  Dawn came again, pearly gray. Dark smoke rose against it. Dawerk was within reach, at last. She managed to straighten, stretching her stiff back.

  “Good boy. Good, brave horse.”

  When she rode into the village, few people lingered outside. They watched her with wary eyes.

  She drew Vaskr to a stop in front of a pair of men. “I need the healer.”

  One of them pointed. “Three houses down.”

  “Many thanks.” Her voice was rough from the cold.

  When she reached the sturdy wooden building, she slid down from Vaskr's back. Her legs trembled as she touched the frozen earth. Stiff and shivering, she knocked on the door, then waited, hugging herself.

  The door opened, revealing a middle-aged woman. “Who are ye?” Her green eyes roamed over Idunna's dirty clothing.

  “I need vervain. I have money.” She fumbled with the pouch of coins tied inside her cloak. “Vervain and a few other herbs. My friend is ill.”

  “Ye do nae look so well yerself.” The woman stepped back and opened the door wider. “Enter.”

  The pungent scent of dried herbs hung in the air. Warmth enveloped Idunna the moment the healer closed the door. She coughed at the changed in temperature. “Can you help me?”

  “Aye, I have the vervain. What else do ye need?” She gestured for Idunna to follow her to a hearth. “Come sit. Ye appear worn. Warm yerself by the fire.”

  “I can't linger. My friend needs medicine quickly.” Her teeth chattered. “The ride is long.”

  “So it seems. Yer horse is exhausted even if ye claim ye're not.” The woman studied her. “Ye're a Dane.”

  Idunna nodded as she sank onto a stool near the fire. “From Jutland, though I came to Northumbria with my first husband a few years ago.”

  “Ye passed through a while ago with the man who carried the big sword. With another woman and a boy. I remember ye.” The woman added a big stick of wood to the fire. “I'm Maigread. So ye've come from far away to occupy Suibhne.”

  Idunna pinched her lips together.

  “The man had the look of a Kentigern about him. Cairbre, he threw some powerfully handsome offspring.” Maigread went to a shelf on the wall and began removing pots. “Rumor has them all dead.”

  Idunna stared at the fire.

  “Not one for gossip. Very well.” Maigread scooped herbs into small leather pouches. “Vervain. Horse-heal. Valerian. Coltsfoot. All good for most of the illnesses plaguing us this time of year. Is there anything else ye need?”

  Idunna shook her head. “I think that will do.”

  On the floor, ice melted from her skirt into small puddles. Her hands warmed and ached more fiercely. She hated to leave the fireside.

  “Have something tae eat and a warm drink. Do nae rush back intae winter's grip without minding yer own needs first.”

  Her stomach grumbled loudly. “I shouldn't.”

  “Ye're no good on the road if ye freeze.�
�� Maigread took a bowl from the shelf, then dipped stew from a pot near the fire. She shoved the bowl at Idunna. “Here. I cannae stand tae see a pitiful creature suffer.”

  “I'm not pitiful.” Insulted, Idunna curled her hands. “Pity does not become a Norsewoman.”

  “Swallow yer pride with a spoonful of stew.” Maigread huffed a strand of hair away from her face. “Take it, girl.”

  She grabbed the bowl. “Thank you,” she muttered.

  Maigread prepared tea in a metal cup. “The Kentigern is yer husband, I'm guessing.”

  Idunna swallowed a spoonful of stew. “Aye.”

  “Handsome man.” Maigread's mouth twisted into a smile. “Tell him that he and his kin are welcome here any time. No matter what ye need, we are with ye.”

  Stunned, Idunna almost choked on her stew.

  “His mother was my eldest sister, Isolde. Cairbre swept her off her feet when she was a lass. Took her to Suibhne, gave her all she wanted, which included a swarm of little ones, and made her a happy woman. Till she died in childbirth.” Maigread twisted a lock of dark blonde hair around her finger. “Poor Isolde. Nae that Cairbre met a gentle end either. In a way, I'm glad she did nae see the destruction of her home and loved ones.”

  “Eoghann doesn't know about you. Doesn't know he has other relatives.” Idunna dropped her spoon back into the bowl. Her stomach twisted. He'd searched so long for a place to belong. If not for Diarmaid, perhaps her husband might have found caring family in Dawerk.

  “Ye must bring him when ye've time. Promise?” Maigread smiled wistfully. “Perhaps after the weather turns for the better. I've nae seen him since he was a wee thing. Artair, Diarmaid, Keavy, the twins. It was so long ago.”

  Idunna didn't have the heart to admit the others were dead or missing. “I'm sure he would enjoy a visit.”

  “I'll pack ye some food. Eat up. Ye need the strength tae make it back tae him.” Maigread turned away and busied herself with laying out a cheese cloth.

  Idunna cleaned her bowl, then drained the tea. Exhaustion plagued her, begged her to close her eyes and rest in front of the fire a while.

  “Go on, then. Ye cannae ride if ye cannae stay awake.” Maigread nudged Idunna. She offered a blanket. “Lie down before the fire and take some rest. Surely an hour or two will nae hurt yer mission. Ye came by the river, did ye nae?”

  Idunna managed a nod.

  “It saved ye some time. Now rest.”

  Forgive me, Ealasaid. Please hold on. Idunna took the blanket. She stood still as Maigread removed her cloak. She stretched out and no more than tucked her arm beneath her head than she drifted off.

  Chapter Sixteen

  “Up, girl. I've fed yer horse. He's saddled and ready tae go.” Maigread shook Idunna's shoulder. “Ye have a long ride ahead of ye.”

  Groggy and sore, Idunna bit back a groan as she sat up. “How long did I sleep?”

  “Three hours. Ye needed it. There's still plenty of daylight. I would stop again at nightfall if I were ye. Find some shelter out of the wind if ye are able.” Maigread offered Idunna's cloak. “Do nae push yerself tae hard or ye'll ne'er make it.”

  She draped the cloak around herself. “What do I owe you?”

  “Not a thing. As I said, there will always be help for the Kentigerns at Maigread's home. I am happy tae see one of the boys return.”

  “Ealasaid is here too. The youngest Kentigern.” Idunna pinned her cloak closed. “She's married to the Dane king of Solstad.”

  Maigread's green eyes widened. “Truly?”

  “The herbs are for her.”

  “Well, then. Ye must ride to save nae only yer friend, but your sister as well. May the gods grant ye speed and strength, lass.” Maigread smiled. “I hope ye arrive safely.”

  She walked Idunna out to the horse.

  Idunna mounted Vaskr, then waved at Maigread. She turned the horse, gave him a nudge, and they trotted away from the tidy, warm home. The midday sun broke through the clouds and the air seemed a bit less chilly.

  “Take us back to Solstad, Vaskr. With care, but as fast as you can.”

  Some of her worry passed. She had the herbs, a little food, and half her journey completed. All she had to do was get back to her husband and Ealasaid.

  Idunna stopped once for nearly an hour in a thick stand of trees that blocked the wind as the sun set. Far away, wolves called to one another, but the horse didn't seem bothered by them, so she didn't fret. When they got underway again, they walked together through trees, dodging the branches and crunching through snow by their old tracks.

  She shared bread with Vaskr as they trekked. Filled with comfort because she'd found a new friend and had good news to share with Eoghann, she almost didn't mind the cold on this leg of the journey. She touched the pouch with the herbs repeatedly. Ealasaid would recover. Perhaps by the time she arrived, Hella might have arrived as well. Ealasaid needed him as badly as any remedy.

  She mounted Vaskr again and rode through the night, drowsing because he seemed to know the way. Even as she dozed, she heard the river moving, slow and steady as it made its way toward the sea.

  At daybreak, the bay of hounds made her sit up straight. Suibhne, already? But the sound didn't come from ahead. The chilling howls came from behind her. In the otherwise silent expanse of land, there shouldn't have been anyone out hunting.

  Vaskr snorted and paused.

  She flicked the reins. “Go, horse. Onward!”

  He needed little urging. Though he'd been walking, he broke into a run. The hounds grew louder.

  Idunna's mouth went dry. Suppose they weren't the dogs of a friend, but one of Ofbradh's loyal men, sent to track Ealasaid and Birgir? She crouched over Vaskr's neck and swatted him with the end of the reins.

  His stride lengthened. They tore over the broken snow in a gallop slightly slower than the night he'd fled in the darkness. A hound rushed up close, nipping at the horse's tail. Another joined it.

  Big dogs, much like the elkhounds Hella raised, with gleaming teeth and foaming mouths. Dogs with wildness in their eyes. She had nothing but a pair of knives, which were no use unless the animals were practically on top of her. Fearing the worst, she guided Vaskr toward the river’s edge.

  They crashed through a thin layer of ice. The water surged up to the horse's chest and enveloped Idunna to her thighs. She cried out as the cold shocked her. One of the dogs came in after them, then yelped at the icy temperature. It scrambled to reach the bank again.

  Vaskr floundered in the water, fighting the current and the ice.

  On land, the wet dog shook itself and the other growled as it paced.

  “Go, go, Vaskr.” Idunna's teeth chattered as the horse found purchase on the river bottom.

  He moved slowly, but pulled them through the water to the opposite bank. When he climbed out of the river, he shook himself, nearly unseating her.

  Miserable tears leaked from her eyes. In the air, her skirt froze quickly. She fought with numb fingers to touch the herb pouch pinned to her cloak. Satisfied it had survived, she leaned over the horse's neck.

  “I'm sorry. So sorry. Please keep going, brave horse.”

  The animal shivered, but when one of the dogs began barking, he took off again.

  * * * *

  Eoghann paced by the hut door as Hild bathed Ealasaid's forehead with cool water. His stomach turned. None of the herbs Hild had administered seemed to be helping his sister's malady. She murmured occasionally, asked for Birgir and Hella often, but she hadn't been lucid much.

  Idunna had been gone nearly two full days. If something had befallen her... He gritted his teeth. Allowing her to go alone had been foolish. She had no business riding from Suibhne to Dawerk. If he lost her, he would go mad.

  Someone pounded on the door. “Eoghann!”

  Aethelred's voice cut through Eoghann's turbulent thoughts. He threw the door open. “What is it?”

  “Yer wife.”

  Eoghann's heart leaped. “She's arrived?” />
  “Aye, but she's in poor shape.” Aethelred's face was grim beneath his beard. “Judoc spotted her first. She insisted he take care of the horse.”

  “Take me to her.” Eoghann, cloakless, stepped outside. “I need to see her.”

  The other man gestured for Eoghann to follow.

  On the edge of the village, supported by Judoc, Idunna, blue around the lips and covered in frost, took a few staggering steps.

  He ran to her, then swept her into his arms. Her clothing crackled as bits of ice fell away. “Idunna.”

  “Cloak,” she whispered. “Herbs. Not too late?”

  Her brown eyes, framed by lashes sparkling with frost, narrowed.

  “Ealasaid is alive. What happened to you?”

  She shook violently. “River. Hounds chased Vaskr.”

  Her hoarse voice frightened him as much as her appearance. He carried her to the hut. “Hild, make the fire higher.”

  The other woman gasped. “What happened?”

  “No matter. We must get her warm.” He set Idunna on her feet and began stripping away her clothing. Her skin had a blue tinge and he swore softly at the swollen, red tips of her fingers and the dark purple of her fingernails. Her toes looked the same. If winter's cold had killed her digits, she would loose them. The skin between her fingers was chaffed and split.

  “Poor, poor Idunna.”

  Hild stoked the fire. “You should get her beneath the blankets.”

  He yanked his jerkin over his head, then dropped his trousers. “Come, wife. I'll keep you warm.”

  “But—” Her teeth snapped together so hard, he barely made out the word.

  “Soon you won't notice the cold.” He guided her to the pallet he hadn't slept in since the night they'd made love.

  Idunna all but collapsed into the furs and blankets. “Herbs in my cloak.”

  “I'll get them,” Hild promised.

  “Quiet.” Eoghann lay beside Idunna. He flinched from the iciness of her skin as he drew her to him. He'd been out in cold weather before, marched in near blizzard conditions, but never experienced a body so frigid. Never tried to bring anyone back to a normal temperature from such a state. He pulled her to his chest and rubbed her arms. “You will feel better again in a while.”