Jaded By Desire (Lust, Desire, and Love Trilogy Book 2)

by Cox, Desiree A.

  Chapter 19

  Mom came in the room and extended her arm toward me to hand me my cell-phone. I didn’t even realize she had my phone.

  “Hello?” I said hesitantly, while my eyes stayed fixed on Mom.

  “Baby, are you okay? Your mom told me what happened. What’s going on?”

  A sudden flash of panic raced through me, causing my heartbeat to race. “What did she tell you?”

  “She told me you were in the hospital. That you had gone into labor while visiting her.” Jeff cleared his throat. “I’m so happy you were over at her house. I couldn’t imagine what might have happened if you had been home alone, or at the store, or driving with Abby.”

  I was relieved to know Mom hadn’t blabbed about our conversation. I didn’t want to get into that right now. “I’m okay. The doctors said the baby is fine, too. I was given some medication to take from now until I’m two weeks from my delivery date. It’s supposed to keep me from going into labor again.”

  After a few more minutes on the phone, I had convinced Jeff that we were fine and I’d be home the next day.

  I only wished my mom hadn’t told me about Blake and Jeff. It was eating at me to know what kind of relationship they had. Were they seriously involved or was it just a hook up?

  The way she latched onto him at her house, I’d say she still had feelings for him. I wondered if that was why she had been at his house when he proposed. How many times had she been there? Did they have sex in the same bed Jeff and I shared now? Did he cuddle up to her, like he had done with me?

  “Nikki,” Mom called.

  “Uh, sorry. Did you ask me something?”

  “Jim and I are going to leave and take Abby home. I’ll come back later if you like.”

  ‘No, that’s okay. I’ll be all right. You guys get some sleep. I’m sorry to be so much trouble. I’ll see you tomorrow morning when I can get out of here.”

  Mom leaned down and kissed my forehead. “You aren’t any trouble, dear, you can’t control contractions. You get some sleep too. I’ll be here early. I love you, sweetie.”

  “I love you too, Mom.”

  After they left, I flipped through the channels on TV. It seemed so weird not to watch Nickelodeon or Cartoon Network with Abby snuggled up against me.

  Then I remembered, Sunday was Father’s Day. Even though Jeff wasn’t officially a father yet, he was a father-to-be. Sky would have Abby, of course, and I had to think of something for Jeff.

  ****

  We began Father’s Day with breakfast in bed. I begged him to have sex with me, but he insisted that we shouldn’t. I had told Jeff the day before that the doctors had said to be careful; maybe I’d have been better off not saying anything. When we finally got out of the bed, I told him I needed him to get something out of my trunk. I walked down with him because I wanted to see his face.

  When he lifted the trunk open, he had such a toothy grin on his face. He looked at me and laughed. “I have to work today?”

  “I’ll help you, but I couldn’t carry it in the house by myself.”

  “I don’t even know if I have tools for this.”

  “I bought those too. The salesman told me what we’d need and took me to find them.” I put a hand on my hip, my big round belly jutting out in front of me. “No more excuses, mister. Get that crib out of there.”

  Jeff held me by my nape and pulled my mouth to his, his lips hovering over and grazing mine gently. “I love you, girl.”

  “I love you too.”

  Jeff

  I didn’t want anything for Father’s Day. Knowing that Nikki was carrying my son was all I needed. I have to admit, she surprised me with the crib. I had planned on us shopping in a few weeks to get everything we’d need for the nursery.

  And she had bought tools.

  I was half tempted to call Connor or Hunter to come over and put the crib together for me, but I figured it might be more entertaining to let Nikki help me.

  “Babe, grab that bag and let’s go set this up.”

  I pulled the crib out and balanced it on my shoulder. It wasn’t a heavy box, it was just awkwardly sized.

  Nikki walked past me to open the door.

  “Do you think we’ll need anything else or do I have all the tools we’ll need?”

  “We’ll find out in a few minutes, sweetheart.”

  “I have another question. Should we put the crib in our bedroom? At least for the first couple of months while I’m on leave?”

  I turned slowly to look at her. She had no idea how beautiful she was. “That might not be a bad idea. But we have to move him out and into his own room before you go back to work.” I heard the words leave my mouth, but I didn’t even believe myself. Abby was in the room closest to ours. At best, if the baby moved, he’d be in the room with Abby.

  “Come on, we have a job to do.” I began walking down to our bedroom.

  “You have work to do.” I heard her mutter as she walked behind me. “It’s your gift.”

  I pretended like I didn’t hear her. I’m pretty sure she had intended for me to hear her comments. We walked into the bedroom, and I set the box down in the middle of the room. I had to get the box cutter, but first, I had something else to do. “You can set the bag on top of the box for now.”

  I sat on the edge of the bed. “Come over here, baby, I think I pulled a muscle.”

  “Oh, no.” She walked over, and I pulled her so she was standing between my legs. “Can you massage it for me, please?”

  “Sure.” Her magical fingers felt so good on my shoulders and neck. I wrapped my arms around her and squeezed my legs closed around hers. Her scent was intoxicating. She had a faint smell of my favorite lotion, mingled with her own beautiful musk. I could see the slight perspiration glistening on her skin on her exposed chest and neck. A tingle shot through me from my stomach to my nuts.

  “Does that feel good?”

  “It feels great, baby.” I had her locked in. She couldn’t get away no matter what she tried. “So I heard you say this was all for me to do.” It was at that time I could feel her tense and panic beginning to set in.

  She laughed. “Yeah.”

  “That wasn’t very nice of you, Mrs. Carrington.”

  “It wasn't meant to be mean, I was merely stating a fact.”

  “Oh, really?”

  “Yeah, really.” She started trying to wiggle free of my hold.

  “Where are you trying to go, baby doll?” She was laughing pretty hard. She had such an infectious chuckle and occasional snort.

  “You can let me go.”

  “Oh, I could, but I’m not going to. I’m going to make you pay for being a smartass.”

  I began tickling her. “"Stop!” she managed to squeak out between her giggles. “Jeff!” She tried prying my fingers from her ribs.

  “Are you going to help me?”

  She was wiggling and her arms were gripping my fingers while I tickled her relentlessly. "Answer me, baby. Are you going to help?"

  She was laughing so hard she was gasping for breath. “I can go all night if you don’t answer.”

  She screamed out forced words between her whoops and giggles. “I’m gonna pee.”

  “Then answer me.” I leaned my head against her tummy. That made it impossible for her to have the leverage to work on my fingers.

  “Yes!” she screamed wildly. "Yes, I’ll help.”

  I held her tight to me. “That’s all I wanted, a little cooperation.” I laughed. Her hands slithered through my hair. I wrapped my arms around her, pulling her in to me, pressing her against me.

  I slid my hands up her arms, grabbing her hair in each of my hands, and coaxed her down so our mouths met. She rested her butt on my leg, and I pulled her closer, tasting her lips with my tongue before consuming her. I wanted to eat her up.

  She broke our kiss to plead. “Please, Jeff. I want you so bad.”

  “We aren’t supposed to do anything that might affect you or the baby.”
/>   “I know my body. And I know what I want. Right now, I want you more than I want to breathe.”

  There was no way I could resist her after hearing her say that. I pulled her mouth back down on mine. My hands worked furiously to raise her shirt over her head, and then tossed it on the floor.

  “You have to promise me, if this bothers you in any way, that you’ll tell me.”

  “I promise.” She pulled my mouth back to hers and wrapped her arms around my neck.

  Chapter 20

  “Baby doll, we need to talk. I don’t know what’s going on with you, but it has to be dealt with right now.”

  Jeff had been away the entire week, and had come in the house upset. I had a feeling he would. Each night we talked, I felt like I was on an emotional rollercoaster. I had worked so hard on Father’s Day weekend not to let the thoughts of Blake ruin our time together, especially after being hospitalized. But every day this past week, I sat at my desk with my thoughts flooded with images of her, images of her wrapping Jeff in her tentacles, and, even worse, thoughts of them together in bed. That didn’t make for too many pleasant conversations in the evenings.

  When I’d get off the phone, I felt bad that I had been so snippy with him or had made some ridiculous excuse that I had to go.

  “I really don’t want to talk about it.”

  “That’s just too fucking bad. I don’t have the patience to keep going through this shit. When I call you, I can’t wait to hear your voice. I want to talk to you. And when I come home, our house is supposed to be a place to relax, but I can’t when I never know what I’m walking into with you.” He crossed his arms and his lips thinned. “So out with it, right now.”

  I gulped. I didn’t want to argue or fight. I was tired and would’ve loved nothing more than to take a nap. “Well, I --” I shifted my weight from one foot to the other. “I can’t help but wonder what’s between you and Blake.”

  He laughed. Not the reaction I had thought I’d get. “There’s nothing between us, end of story.”

  I could feel my heartbeat in my throat. This wasn’t going to be easy. “How long have you known her?”

  “About four or five years.”

  “She’s beautiful, Jeff. You mean you’ve never found her attractiveness too much to overlook?”

  “Sweetheart, there is nothing between us.”

  Fuck, he’s not going to tell me. I’m going to be forced to just ask and probably piss him off. I inhaled deeply and felt a sinking feeling washing over me. “Have you fucked her?”

  “Are you fucking kidding me? What the fuck would make you ask me that bullshit question?”

  My eyes prickled, and my breaths were forced in and out of my lungs. I felt unsteady. Unsure if I’d be able to continue to stand, I pulled out a chair and sat down. My tears were overflowing and spilling down my face. My chest was tight. I was at a loss; he was prepared to stand his lying ass ground and deny it until he died. He couldn’t possibly think I was this dumb.

  “Why were you two in that room, and why were her hands on you? You didn’t even flinch.” I couldn’t bear asking the question burning in my head. I had too many other questions I wanted answers for and didn’t want to ask that one just to have him storm off before I could get any answers.

  “I don't know why she is so touchy-feely, but she’s like that with everyone. We were talking about work. She had just found out she’s being moved to another department.”

  My nose burned. “I didn’t like her hugging on you when we got there, either.” I dropped my eyes to the floor.

  “Baby, I’m yours. I love you. Do you hear me? I don't know what is going on with you. Has this pregnancy got you that fucking insecure?” He walked over to me, placed a finger beneath my chin then lifted my face until our eyes met. “I fucking love you, woman. No one else.”

  My tears continued to stream, and I tried to control my sobs, but I couldn’t.

  “But,” I croaked out. I didn’t even recognize my own voice. “Fuck.”

  “Just say it, Nikki. I don’t want to holler at you, but I’m not sure how much more of this I can tolerate.” He backed away from me. “When this conversation ends today, this shit needs to be over.”

  My face heated and my pulse raced. Without any further deliberation, I blurted out the question that was at the crux of my angst. “Answer my question then. Have you fucked her? Ever?”

  Jeff’s silence and restlessness was the answer I didn’t want. I felt sick. God knows I wanted him to say no, but I could tell that wasn’t the answer.

  “Oh my god, you did, didn’t you?”

  He dropped his hands to his sides, fidgeting with his pockets, and his gaze shifted away from me. “It’s not what you think.”

  “How the hell do you know what I think? Oh my god! Oh my fucking God! Jesus, Jeff, why?”

  “Nikki,” He looked at me with a sadness in his eyes I had never seen before, “I swear, I never cheated on you.”

  My body heaved as the sobs shook me to my core. My ears felt congested, my vision was blurred by tears, and my entire body felt weak. If I hadn’t been sitting, I might have collapsed. Jeff knelt in front of me.

  “Baby, it was before us.” He wrapped his arms around me, and pulled me into him, holding me tight. “I’m not going to get into it or discuss it, because it was years ago and only happened once. You have to know, from the time I told you I wanted to see you, there was only you.”

  My words were trapped behind the huge lump in my throat. Jeff held my face in his hands, tilted my head up, and gently kissed me. When I put my hands on him at his waist, his kiss deepened. He removed his hands from me, took mine, and pulled them to wrap around his core. He pressed against my belly as he moaned into my mouth.

  He broke the kiss and peered into my eyes, “I’d never do anything to hurt you. Not on purpose anyway.” A slight smile curled his lips, but his eyes still seemed sad.

  “You aren’t attracted to her anymore, not even a little?”

  Jeff stood. “Fuck no, not even a little.”

  “But all the trips, had she tried to come on to you?”

  “Yeah, she did. But I told her I wasn’t interested. I told her I loved you. I told her before I had even told you.”

  “Why did she come to your party?”

  “I have no fucking idea. She wasn’t invited there, just like she wasn’t invited to our wedding.” He crossed his arms. “I think she’s a kook. She’s fucking nuts. I didn’t want her trying to ruin shit for us.”

  I stood to get a glass of water. I’d kill to have a stiff drink right now. But I’d have to wait another month. Jeff's arm swooped me into him. “Know this, baby, there’s only one woman for me. And that woman is you.”

  I was pulled into him tight, our tongues colliding, drinking him in. Letting him quench my thirst.

  “Can we please be done with this topic?” Jeff asked as his lips lightly touched mine.

  “Yeah.” I had other questions, but I couldn’t drag up his past, especially not things that happened before us. If I did, that meant my past could be exposed as well. I had no other choice but to take him at his word and trust him.

  Jeff

  If I had fucked Blake once or fucked her five hundred times, it didn’t matter. The result would still be the same. Nikki still would have been pissed and wouldn’t have liked the answer. So that little tidbit of information would stay my secret. It didn’t matter how many times I had slept with her. I never fucked her while I was with Nikki; that was a fact, and that was what mattered.

  The truth was, my cock had found solace in Blake after breaking up with Gretchen. What I hadn’t realized was that I was trading in one nut job for another.

  Gretchen never seemed to enjoy sex. Being with her was like being with a dead fish. She just laid there. She didn’t like giving head, and she didn’t seem to enjoy getting fucked. She wanted to talk. Talk, talk, talk, talk, talk. I wanted her to shut the fuck up. It got to a point where I found no pleasure at all in
even being around her, so I cut her loose. Unfortunately, she didn’t accept the break-up. I couldn’t have been clearer, but she pretended like we were destined for a life together. When she walked in on me pounding Blake, she finally got the hint.

  Blake was the complete opposite of Gretchen. She loved sex and would do anything and everything to please me. I remember when she was hired as an administrative assistant, how she’d bat her long eyelashes at me behind those fucking school-teacher glasses. Every day, she found some way to interact with me on behalf of our mutual boss. My cock would perk up at the sound of her voice, but I fought the urge to act upon that impulse.

  Connor and several others had warned me not to shit where I ate, and to leave her alone. It was easier to walk away while I was still wasting time with Gretchen, but the moment we broke up, I couldn’t resist her any longer. I was going to take her out to dinner, but we never made it out of my car. She gave me a blow job right after I parked at the restaurant. I didn’t finish in her mouth, like I had wanted to. Instead I held out until I took her back to my place and fucked her brains out right in the foyer.

  I had forgotten to lock the front door. I didn’t think I needed to.

  Enter Gretchen, the psycho. She tried to cause a bit of a scene, but I didn’t stop fucking Blake, so Gretchen eventually stormed out.

  Blake liked to talk, but she was easy to shut up with my dick jammed down her throat. I loved the way her sexy, luscious, made-to-fuck body responded to me buried in her orifices. It didn’t matter if I was taking her mouth, her pussy, or her ass. She writhed and bucked beneath me like an insatiable beast. Then she lost her mind and told me she thought she loved me. That made me realize I had spent far too much time with her. I had to cut her loose. I didn’t love her; hell, I really didn’t even like her. I just liked to use her.

  It was about a month after I had cut all ties with her that she was promoted into the open position and would be part of my team. I’d have to travel with and train her. She saw it as a second opportunity. I saw it as a fucking nightmare.