Being Emerald

by Sylvia Ryan

  * * * *

  A couple of days later, Rock was on his feet for the first time in a week.

  A week after that, he left the truck stop, planning a short day trip to the armored trucks to see if the attackers had left the gas additive. Since they didn’t know what it was, he figured they might not have taken it.

  He left Laila behind on this trek, figuring the truck stop was safer than going back to the trucks. Awake for almost a week now, he had waited for Laila to tell him the news he thought he’d heard during his delirious haze. That she was pregnant. Yet, it hadn’t come. He knew his woman, and after day one without a disclosure, he suspected she deliberately held back the information. After that, it only took a little while for him to figure out why she didn’t want him to know. She still held on to the hope he wouldn’t return her to New Atlanta, and knew he would if she were pregnant.

  Any lingering doubts he’d had about his decision to return her to the city were settled anyway. She’d been attacked by an animal, and her festering wounds didn’t appear to be healing. She was already in more danger than he could accept, especially after the tremendous strain of being pregnant and caring for him while he’d been sick. He wouldn’t add to that by dragging her through dangerous country, taxing her physically, when she needed to rest and care for herself and their child.

  The hike took hours, and he realized he wasn’t close to full strength when he was forced to rest several times during the journey. When he finally reached the abandoned vehicles, he approached them slowly. But after a minute, it was obvious the area was deserted.

  As expected, all the plastic jugs containing the milky gas additive were left untouched. He circled the perimeter of the two trucks, which were in surprisingly good shape considering the explosion and collision.

  The art and artifacts were gone.

  Sydney’s burnt corpse still sat in the passenger seat of the lead truck. He stood stock still for several more minutes, sensing his surroundings and listening for the sounds of humans. When he was satisfied, he walked to the cargo hold of the rear truck, retrieved a shovel and began to dig a grave by the side of the road for her.

  With only the sound of the shovel slicing through dirt and the hot sun beating on his shoulders, Rock silently acknowledged the fact they’d be back on the road again that day. They would have to say goodbye soon. The thought of it made his chest tighten in apprehension of what came next. The emptiness of separation and what it meant emotionally for two people as enmeshed as they were would be difficult to endure. It was a loneliness so complete, Rock thought he’d rather die than feel it again. He would do almost anything to prevent Laila from having to experience it. Anything but risk her life, and in Onyx, there were a thousand and one paths that all led to the same dark place where death waited.

  She needed a doctor’s care, checkups and ultrasounds, fresh healthy food, vitamins and calm security Onyx didn’t provide. By the time Rock had finished burying Sydney, he’d acknowledged he had to be strong for them both.

  An hour later, Rock parked his newly acquired little blue car on the side of the road and headed toward where Laila stood outside the truck stop. She wore her black mission outfit and Kevlar, looking fucking hot, as always. Her smile was radiant as her gaze met his. “It was there, huh?”

  He nodded. “Ready?” he barked, his voice gruff.

  She nodded, her smile faltering. “Is everything okay?”

  “No, baby, everything is far from okay.” He took a deep breath and continued with a kinder tone. “We’re going to be saying goodbye to each other in less than twenty-four hours, Laila. Nothing’s going to be okay for a long time.”

  He took her hand and walked with her toward their new car.

  “But—”

  “No buts, peanut.” He tucked her into the passenger seat. “Don’t make this harder than it’s going to be already.” He slammed the door in her face and slowly walked around the back of the car. His heartbeat throbbed in his throat while his emotions ran riot. His blood pressure rose as his anger grew to epic proportions. This whole damn situation had no right answers, only shades of danger.

  As soon as his ass met the driver’s seat, he met her watery gaze. “It’s always been the plan. And now, with the baby, you have a lot of things to take care of.”

  “You know I might be pregnant?”

  He smiled at her. “Yeah, baby. I know.”

  Chapter 24

  They stopped less than a mile away from the gates of New Atlanta. Rock joined Laila next to the cook fire and began to say the words that had probably taken him all day to think up. She knew they’d be coming. Pain and dread poured off him, and just an hour before, she’d sensed his resolve and the shoring up of his Rock wall. “Tomorrow—”

  “No,” she snapped. She put her hands over her ears. “I don’t want to hear it, Rock.” He pulled her hands away from her ears with firm grips on her wrists.

  “Laila.” He framed her face with his hands. “Please, peanut. This is hard enough. I need you to be strong for a while longer. Then you can lean on me the rest of your life. I promise.” He pressed a soft kiss to her lips. “Come on.” He took her by the hand, sat and then lay down on his bedroll, pulling Laila with him. Side by side they lay, looking up at the stars like they had so many times before.

  She was a grown woman who could make her own choices. She ripped her gaze from the universe of stars above her and lifted herself on an elbow. “I’m not going back. You can’t force me.”

  He didn’t meet her gaze, just sighed with a slight smile on his face. “Cute.” He jerked her toward him with the arm she’d propped herself up on, and she landed with a thud on his chest.

  “You will go back into the city, and I’ll set up a home for us.”

  “Please, Rock, no. I’m begging you. Don’t leave me there without you.” Tears swam in her vision and then overflowed the containment of her eyelids. The chasm of emptiness his absence would leave in her life loomed. “I’ll do anything. Just name it. I’ll crawl to you, Rock. Just please don’t leave me.”

  He pulled her fully on top of him until they lay belly to belly. “Shh, baby.” His strong arms wrapped over her.

  “It hurts, Rock.”

  “I know.”

  The pain. Oh my God. She gasped. It was a vast, vicious despair, ripping at her chest, hollowing it. Her heart broke as she memorized the feel of the soft cotton of his shirt under her cheek and the sound of his heart beating so close to her ear. So awesomely familiar, yet the finality of the moment was agonizing.

  “I’ll be back. Just give me a few months to find us a safe place to stay and I’ll be back for you. I promise.”

  She lifted herself to meet his gaze and stared down at his face. His eyes were honest, and his emotions pure. He rolled to his side, taking her down from her perch over him until they lay face to face with their legs entwined. The night was clear and crisp. The fire warmed her back and cast flickering shadows into the woods behind him.

  “I’m going to miss you,” she said, squeezing the words out through her tight throat. For long moments, her lungs remained empty of air, her heart aching within her chest. A part of her was dying. She choked in a sob, tears welling again in her eyes.

  “No, baby. Please don’t.” His voice was deep and hoarse. “You’ll be safe there. You’ll be able to see a doctor, get vitamins, eat fresh food, rest.” He brushed her hair from her face. “If I don’t come back for you within six months, I’m not coming at all.”

  “Six—”

  He put his index finger to her lips, stopping her words.

  Laila’s entire body groaned.

  His eyes were endless black as he inspected her features. He was memorizing them, so he could keep her with him for a very long time. She sucked in another sob.

  “Laila,” he whispered. “I love you.”

  Then his eyes gentled and he dipped his head, wiping her tears away with his lips. He kissed her softly, sli
ding his tongue against her lips, a gentle request to let him in.

  She tasted her tears. Squeezing her eyes shut, she tried to block out the flashes—empty house, failed career, and lonely heart that awaited her. Another sob escaped as she opened her mouth to him. He gave her the gentlest kiss she’d ever known. He swallowed down the agony expelled with every one of her sobbing breaths, gobbling up all he could take and easing her a little bit.

  She broke away. “What are you doing?”

  They were both breathless.

  “Is it working?”

  Her jaw fell open. “Yes.”

  He was swallowing, absorbing her pain. His actions moved her more deeply than any words he could ever utter.

  When, finally, the tears slowed, she nuzzled the soft cotton covering his chest and the hum of different emotions rose to the surface. Her fears fled and she reveled in the tenderness and safety of his embrace. The comforting weight of his fingers spanned the width of her back. His cock was hard, digging into her belly.

  “I have to have you tonight.”

  She nodded, still nuzzling her cheek into him.

  “I’m going to love on you enough to last you a while.” His fingertips slipped under the hem of her shirt. Rough skin rasped against the smooth skin on her back. They continued upward and tugged the shirt she wore over her head, flinging it aside. A moment later, he’d unhooked her bra and it joined her T-shirt on the forest floor.

  His palms cupped her ass and squeezed. She moaned, grinding her lower half into his erection. The vibe between them was solemn as he sat, taking her vertical with him, and rolled her over until her back met the bedroll. He hovered above her, searching her eyes, reading her as easily as he always did.

  Laila tried to give him a smile of reassurance, but he shook his head. “Don’t. There’s never been any pretending between us. Now’s not the time to start.” His gaze traveled from her face to her bared chest, and her nipples responded to his inspection. The genuine smile it brought to his face made her belly flutter and her heartache. Tomorrow was hours away. They still had tonight. She wouldn’t let her grief spoil these precious moments.

  He inched farther back until his hands had access to the button and fly of her pants. With deliberate care, he stripped them from her and then stood. She stared up at his strikingly gaunt form as he rid himself of his own clothes. The firelight danced an orange glow against his bared skin. “Spread your legs. I want to see what’s mine.” His voice was gruff, growly.

  She let her knees fall open and he knelt between them. Spreading her lower lips apart, he dipped his head and touched the tip of his tongue to her clit. She jumped as a jolt of pleasure raced through her.

  One side of his mouth quirked in a sinful grin. Dipping his head again, he captured her clit between his teeth. Subtle pain and a flare of pleasure washed over her with his small bite. Laila sighed. Closing her eyes, she let the outside world fall away.

  She groaned at the finger he pushed inside her, and its rhythmic pace joined the beautiful music he played with her flesh. She angled her head so she could watch him. His hot, bright gaze traveled over her as she writhed under his tender treatment. She tensed with the rapidly building pleasure. “Rock, stop. I’m going to come.”

  He released the suction on her clit with a pop. “That’s the idea, peanut.” The gleam in his eye and slightly evil smile caused her to giggle.

  He paused, his expression turning serious. “I haven’t seen you look this happy in weeks.”

  “In this moment, I’m the happiest and saddest I can ever remember being.”

  He crawled up her body, bracing a forearm on either side of her head and hovered again, letting only part of his weight press against her. They were face to face, their breaths intermingling. The blunt head of his cock nestled at her opening and a slight cant of his hips was all it took to enter her.

  “Having you all to myself is the only thing that’s made me happy since you slipped your hand into mine in that hallway.”

  “Since then, huh?”

  He smiled. “Since then.”

  He advanced and retreated. The long slow strokes into her clasping core brought her close. His gaze never left her, and they connected, really connected, for the first time in many weeks. It was the most natural thing in the world to join with him again on so intimate a level.

  “You are mine.” The advance of his penetration had been languid as he’d said the words.

  “Yes.”

  “When we’re apart, you are still mine.” He punctuated the statement with another surge into her.

  “Yes,” she whispered as tears fell from the corner of her eyes into her hairline. But these were not tears of pain, they were an acknowledgement of the beautiful words she’d longed to hear for those weeks when she’d been so emotionally separated from him.

  He dipped his head with the next thrust and kissed her eyes, kissed the wet trails left by her tears. “You will not doubt it.”

  She met his gaze. “I won’t doubt it.”

  He shoved into her and shifted his weight, grabbing a fistful of hair at the back of her head and baring her neck to him. “If you doubt, you’re defying me and denying the special connection we have.” He bit her neck, and then said, his moist lips still touching the tender spot. “Don’t fucking doubt me, ever.” He lifted his head. His eyes darkened, and his expression turned hard. “You dishonor what we have if you doubt. When you walk away from me tomorrow there will be no more of it left. Don’t let it return. Promise me.”

  She swallowed down the lump in her throat. “I promise.”

  Rock tightened the grip on her hair and gave her the scary Rock stare he usually gave to other people. “Keep this promise, Laila. Neither of us will survive this if we’re not sure of each other.”

  Without blinking, she returned his bottomless stare. “I promise you.”

  “Good girl.”

  She groaned at the increasing force of his penetration, expecting her demanding lover to return after the promise was made. But tonight, there were no bonds, no toys or demands, just them, giving every ounce of love they had to each other, with the subtle awareness this might be the last time.

  Rock continued to pump slowly and maintained the connection of their gazes as he made tender love to her. His love, pure and powerful, was devastating.

  Laila wrapped her arms around him and held on tight, lifting her ass into his thrusts. She was close, but she held off her orgasm, locking herself down until they could come together.

  Then, with a growl, he wrapped a heavy arm underneath her and clutched her so close it took her breath away. He picked up his pace with deep, punishing thrusts. She held on, digging her nails into his back.

  “Come with me, baby.” He wrapped his other arm around her, supporting himself on his knees and clutching her like a rag doll. With one final thrust upward, Laila let go, shouting his name and then wailing her pleasure.

  They didn’t move for a long while after that. She couldn’t get any closer to a person than she was with Rock right then. Neither wanted the moment to end.

  Laila fell asleep with Rock still inside her.

  When she woke, he was gone. But she felt his eyes on her back as she got out of the little blue car and approached the gates of New Atlanta. It took all her strength to not turn around and run to him.

  She focused on the movement she saw at the gates, and relief flooded her when she saw a familiar face. Garrett stood in his guard uniform, rifle in hand, but pointed at the ground.

  His expression was grim as she stepped to within feet of him. “You shouldn’t have come back here,” he murmured before another guardsman stepped from the adjoining building and gripped her upper arm.

  Chapter 25

  Laila sat on the edge of her bed in her isolation cell. When he returned to New Atlanta, Garret had reported he’d left them behind because Rock was sick. She’d been quarantined fourteen days to assure she wasn’t returni
ng with the virus.

  She stared at the same white wall that kept her company during the worst two weeks of her life. The total disconnect from the man she’d shared her entire world with was made more devastating by the utter lack of stimulation those white walls provided. She’d become dependent on feeling his constant companionship. The loss of it was absolute, leaving an aching hollow feeling in her chest.

  The fourteen-day quarantine period was finished, and she looked forward to getting back to work. She stood as she heard the key in the outer lock, but the guardsman who was supposed to release her from her tiny prison handcuffed her instead. “What are you doing?”

  “General Morgan’s orders, Miss Lewis.”

  She was taken to an underground interrogation cell in the Peacekeeper’s Compound. Her panic exploded as the clang of the metal door closed her into one of the concrete cells, buried deep beneath the administration building. Morgan was a mole, keeping all his most important secrets underground. After some thought as to why she was there, her anxiety doubled. Journey must have been caught, because Garrett’s cover was obviously still intact and the only other person outside the Amber Zone who knew she worked for the Resistance was Journey. Rock would be devastated if he lost her to the Gov, too.

  Keys jangled against the metal door. When it opened, Morgan himself walked through. He was dressed in his military uniform and he stood ramrod straight, his gaze roaming over her in a disconcertingly interested way.

  He motioned to the table. “Sit.” He sat in the folding chair opposite to hers and placed a syringe on the table in front of him. He met her gaze pointedly. Cold dread slithered down her spine.

  “Good afternoon, Miss Lewis.”

  “Sir? I don’t understand what’s going on.”

  He dismissed her statement with a wave of his hand.

  “I’ve had two weeks to think about the conversation we’re about to have,” he said as his piercing blue eyes scanned her face, sizing her up. “As I mulled over scenarios and ideas, more questions rose to the surface.